RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 2:23:24 PM)

A condom from a mens room 5 years old, a picture of an old lover that is now behind bars, the number to your parole officer, and a laminated card that says, "my credit score is 420."

I want to start a sperm bank.  How do I recruit donors, what do I pay them?



Shanghaid -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 5:22:12 PM)

Tell them a Hooters VIP card, expired drivers license, a probably-expired condom, bottle opener, cash, and a small glassine envelope of blow.

<puts wallet back in pocket>

My headaches seem to be getting worse after I drink. Do I have a tumor?



beargonewild -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 5:27:01 PM)

Keep drinking, eventually the headache will go away and you won't give a damn about any tumor!

I just advised someone to keep drinking. How can I tell if my advice worked?



ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 5:27:38 PM)

No, drinking only hurts the liver.  So as your head only hurts, I suggest drinking more, you're just fine.

I need to know the best way to find a discreet and reputable alcohol rehab facility for someone.  How can I tell the good from the bad?



earthycouple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 6:21:15 PM)

Drink yourself stupid then try em all.

How do I get my slave to work instead of post here all day?

*ahem* *S*



beargonewild -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 6:49:48 PM)

Hog tie your slave and put him in a cage in a dark corner for a week. That should cure him of his internet obssesion. If that fails, get yourself a new slave.

I have yet to find someone who is able to tame this wildness in me. Isn't there anyone who is able to do this?



nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 8:18:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

I have yet to find someone who is able to tame this wildness in me. Isn't there anyone who is able to do this?


Roseanne Barr, in leather cat suit and spiked heels, with a bull whip.......she would either tame the wildness, or would put you into a complete traumatic coma. Problem solved.


I just evoked a mental image that is scaring even myself. What should I do?



butchy14 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 8:39:52 PM)

Call a movie director and screen writer. Put it on the big screen and make lots of money from it while scarring the rest of the population. Just include all sex scenes.


I have to black marks on the floor from my Miss's heels, what is the best way to get them up in less than 10 minutes?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 9:13:14 PM)

Cover them with blood stains - just open up your wrists and let it flow.

What's the safest way to have anonymous sex?



wandersalone -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 10:16:46 PM)

Same way as everyone else...make a new profile on here and work that keyboard .... just put a condom over it first!!! taptaptap   tap tap tap   ohhhhhh yeah [:D]

How do I let someone know that I think they are boring without hurting their feelings?




HydroMaster -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/18/2007 10:22:39 PM)

Well first you call them a ....oh, you DON'T want to hurt there feelings?  In the case I have no clue.  Usually I just let the truth fly and let the pieces fall where they may.

I just discovered that I haven't had an angry rant in my journal for well over a month.  Where can I find something to complain about?



KMsAngel -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 12:17:06 AM)

go to an anger management course and say inflammatory remarks to the rest of the patients there. take notes, come back to your computer and go wild.

i was expecting my doctor to get cranky with me and she was nice in a caring way that scared me. how do i make myself feel better about this?



FleurduSang -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 1:40:15 AM)

Start stalking your doctor...I mean twenty-four...breakfast, lunch, dinner.  Make sure she sees you peering through her office window while she's munching on chips.  Then the kindness really won't matter.

I have to write a boring paper about Kant...how do I make it go smoothly?



Jacobthm -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 2:12:03 AM)

"
Grab a lead pipe and tell him to use it instead of his feet.

I just pulled of the freeway and coasted into a service station, because the temperature gauge on my instrument panel says it's nearly 300 degrees. What should I do?

Pull into the service station, right next to a gas pump, get a REALLY BIG KNIFE poke holes in your radiator, it'll piss green radiator fluid everywhere. Don't worry the green stuff is bad for your car. Buy a 1lb bag of sugar, uscrew the gas cap. Pour all the sugar into the gas tank. Car's need their CARBS! It's atkins friendly! Sit in your car, (still running) and hold the accelerator, blast showtunes and wait and chant "God is great" in arabic.

What's the best way to tell your vanilla girlfriend that you want some more spice in the relationship?



FleurduSang -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 10:53:04 AM)

Chuck a bunch of spices on her as you tie her down.

What is the best way to pack my stuff for moving?



nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 11:52:55 AM)

Pack your china and crystal first, as it is the most delicate; put it at the bottom of the crate, then set heavier objects on top to protect it.


I wish there was an easy, painless way to remove unwanted hair from legs and underarms.



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 1:37:57 PM)

Get a couple of shots of novocaine, a blow torch, and hairless skin grafts.

I need to figure out how to bribe a few of the people here on CM to move closer to me. Advice?



SirRober -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 3:12:36 PM)

Take out a loan and offer to move them at your expense. Barring that offer *gasp* favors *wink wink* and to have their first born..


My ring monkey is acting up what should I do.



SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 3:55:41 PM)

well, having no idea what a ring monkey is, i can only offer the following advice......

use the ring on the monkey for suspension play, and drip water on his head constantly, while shining a bright light in his eyes.........you might wanna use kevlar lined leather gloves for this tho......

i think i just told a guy to risk being mauled by a monkey, but then i wonder if its some strange piercing on him, and he will fall trying to do alone suspension play......how can i get over the guilt?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/19/2007 8:50:38 PM)

Offer yourself to him, to be used in any way he sees fit, no limits or safewords.

How do I get the image of a finger protruding from a guy's urethra out of my head?



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