Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Page: <<   < prev  32 33 [34] 35 36   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/8/2006 10:25:04 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I keep having these funny little weeds growing in my backyard. The kids next door used to come and pick them for free but the cops came and took them away. Now what do I do??


I would sue the police.


When I took out the trash tonight there were two cats humping in the dumpster. I didn't want to disturb them but I had to throw away my trash. Is there any way that I can figure out if the cats are dumpster diving BEFORE I walk a block to the dumpster?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to tade)
Profile   Post #: 661
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/8/2006 11:47:08 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Rig up a baby monitor and a walkie-talkie unit.  That way you can
listen to the cats, chat them up, and ask them if they want tuna
before or after spraying all over the wall.
 
The chain on my favorite necklace broke.  I bought another one
to replace it and that one gets tangled in my hair at the back of
my neck.  What should I do?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

When I took out the trash tonight there were two cats humping in the dumpster. I didn't want to disturb them but I had to throw away my trash. Is there any way that I can figure out if the cats are dumpster diving BEFORE I walk a block to the dumpster?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 662
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 12:55:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		The chain on my favorite necklace broke.  I bought another one
to replace it and that one gets tangled in my hair at the back of
my neck.  What should I do? 
 
Have the chain welded on permanently after you have shaved off all your hair. This problem needs to be addressed from every angle.



My teenager stayed out all night, what should I do?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 663
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 11:24:04 AM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		Get a new one...They're all over the place.

I think my garden gnomes are plotting against me. How do I get them onto my side?

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 664
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 2:07:30 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think my garden gnomes are plotting against me. How do I get them onto my side?


Hire them to protect you from the pink flamingos. Also, garden gnomes love media coverage so tell the local TV station all about this.


The deal for my next car fell through. What should I do now?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to tade)
Profile   Post #: 665
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 4:51:58 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Just find a car you like on the street, clearly if someone leaves their car laying around they don't want to keep it....

I want to buy a motorcycle, but have never driven one before.. what kind should I get? 


_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 666
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 5:05:41 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Get one of the huge ones, make sure it is all chrome and leather, then go test drive it on a long curvy mountain road.  Make sure you test to see how fast it can take the curves.

My sons dog will not quit yapping every time it hears a door bell, knock or phone (even if it is on television).  How do I train it to stop?

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 667
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 5:50:18 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		Hypnotize the dog to think He's Human.


My cat keeps loging on to my Computer and downloading
Cat Porno, What should I do?

Ant,

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 668
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 6:05:41 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Teach your dog to do the same.  Then they can become
territorial about the computer and fight with each other
like well, cats and dogs.
 
I really want to cook dinner but have 2 roommates
in the way down in the kitchen.  What should I do?
 
Vendaval
 


quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

My cat keeps loging on to my Computer and downloading
Cat Porno, What should I do?

Ant,


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 669
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 6:56:17 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		Tell them it is self service!

My boss is coming on to me and tells me I could
get a huge promotion if I just suck Him dry what Should I do?
quote:

Forever is not as long as you might think. Sometimes, it's just until she changes her mind again.
 

 Ant,

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 670
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 9:50:50 PM   
thegreymistress


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

Tell them it is self service!

My boss is coming on to me and tells me I could
get a huge promotion if I just suck Him dry what Should I do? 

 Ant,


Meet him at the office after inviting his wife to join, of course and bring along your sister and cousin to ensure he is sucked dry. While recording the whole thing on a porno site monitered by the police.....

My neighbors tree keeps dropping limbs and nuts on my lawn...what do I do?

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 671
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 11:01:21 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My neighbors tree keeps dropping limbs and nuts on my lawn...what do I do?


Throw human limbs and nuts on his lawn. When he confronts you about it ask him if he ever wondered where the human parts came from. Grin at him and then run after him with a chainsaw screaming, "I'll get you if it is the last thing I do!"


You know, I think that my phone might be tapped. I just have a feeling that someone is listening to everything I say on the phone. What can I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to thegreymistress)
Profile   Post #: 672
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/9/2006 11:56:59 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

My neighbors tree keeps dropping limbs and nuts on my lawn...what do I do?


Throw human limbs and nuts on his lawn. When he confronts you about it ask him if he ever wondered where the human parts came from. Grin at him and then run after him with a chainsaw screaming, "I'll get you if it is the last thing I do!"

(Spits ice water out of mouth)
ROFLMAO


You know, I think that my phone might be tapped. I just have a feeling that someone is listening to everything I say on the phone. What can I do?


Tap into your neighbor's phone linese by chiseling through
the walls.
 
The management put up notices about recent burlglaries in
my complex.  One of my roommates is a complete airhead
who leaves the apartment without her keys, leaves the lights
and heater on, the windows open and the door unlocked.
What the hell should I do?
 
Vendaval



_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 673
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/10/2006 12:24:11 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The management put up notices about recent burlglaries in
my complex.  One of my roommates is a complete airhead
who leaves the apartment without her keys, leaves the lights
and heater on, the windows open and the door unlocked.
What the hell should I do?


Leaving heaters and lights on is dangerous... it could start a fire. Tell your roomate that they should turn off all appliances before leaving the apartment.


I keep stubbing my toe on the end of my bed. I can't stand it anymore. Please help me.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 674
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/10/2006 12:28:57 PM   
thegreymistress


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I keep stubbing my toe on the end of my bed. I can't stand it anymore. Please help me.


Easy, cut off both feet and steal prosthetics out of the local drs office that way you can kick things for fun without any pain at all.

My heel broke off my dress shoes and I don't know what to do?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 675
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/10/2006 12:44:02 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My heel broke off my dress shoes and I don't know what to do?


Use my amputated feet to replace the heel.


I keep forgetting to send a fax to my doctor. I have the papers but I just don't remember to do it. Any suggestions?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to thegreymistress)
Profile   Post #: 676
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/10/2006 12:53:44 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Staple the fax to the edge of your shirt and wear it to work.
Be sure to have the information facing out so that curious
co-workers can read all your personal information.
 
I have way too much to get done today, Photoshop projects
for class and publicity for the next Rocky Horrror show.
What should I do?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I keep forgetting to send a fax to my doctor. I have the papers but I just don't remember to do it. Any suggestions?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 677
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/10/2006 8:35:39 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Combine the photoshop projects to use them for publicity for the Rocky Horror Show.  Make the pictures very graphic where your ultra conservative teacher will appreciate the fine nuances of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.


I want to come up with an inexpensive unique costume to wear to the Rocky Horror Picture show when it is put on next.  Any suggestions?

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 678
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/10/2006 8:45:30 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Go as a roll of toilet paper or piece of toast and hurl yourself into the screen.  That ought to go over pretty well.

I have heartburn.  Help me.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 679
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/10/2006 10:19:50 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have heartburn.  Help me.


Eat a lot of tomato based products, followed by hot peppers and top that off with shots of vinegar. It always works.


My Dad is getting a 35" flat screen TV. I want one too. What can I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 680
Page:   <<   < prev  32 33 [34] 35 36   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Page: <<   < prev  32 33 [34] 35 36   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109