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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 1:14:40 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I really need to do something about my car, it keeps breaking down. Since it looks like I am getting a new one, what can I do with my old car?

Leave it parked in a questionable area of town with the keys in it with a sign "for free" in the window...and then report it stollen to your insurance company. Remember to remove the radio and any other parts that you may be able to get money from by listing them on ebay...maximizes your cars value!

I discovered that i am holding on to some deep resentment towards my ex husband. I am worried holding on to it may cause me to develop an ulcer...what can i do?

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 621

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 1:41:29 PM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes
I discovered that i am holding on to some deep resentment towards my ex husband. I am worried holding on to it may cause me to develop an ulcer...what can i do?

Fix him up with a complete leach, drug addict stripper that will empty all his bank accounts and run up has charge cards. That will change those feelings, to something akin to pity.

Some guy parked this old broken down junker, with Pennsylvania license plates, on my lawn. It's missing the radio and CD player. How can I get rid of it?

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Post #: 622

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 2:34:21 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Some guy parked this old broken down junker, with Pennsylvania license plates, on my lawn. It's missing the radio and CD player. How can I get rid of it?

Give it to me! Wait.... nevermind.

I have to go get my kids for the weekend and I must see my ex-wife in the process. Any suggestions as to how I can minimize the stress?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 623

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 4:48:46 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Sure, wear an I-Pod or similar device, blast the music, smile and nod when she
speaks. When you return at the end of the weekend to return the kids, load
them up on candy and highly caffeinated soda.

I am getting really sleepy and want to take a nap. But the laundry needs to
be washed. What should I do?

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I have to go get my kids for the weekend and I must see my ex-wife in the process. Any suggestions as to how I can minimize the stress?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 624

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 4:54:05 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

Fill the bathtub with water and laundry detergent.....put on all the clothing that needs to be washed....and take a nice long nap in the tub...

i keep losing my keys....what should i do?

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 5/5/2006 4:56:17 PM >

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 625

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 5:01:48 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

Have ten copies made, keep one set in your pocket, another set leave in your ignition, hide another set under a prominent rock near your front door, leave another set in your front door knob, and put the others in assorted places where you will be sure to see them.

The kids next door just got back from their dads for the weekend, and they are running ape all over their backyard. I can not get any rest for the noise. What should I do?

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 626

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 5:11:38 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

take a blow gun...some darts dipped in the sedative of Your choice...and blow....their mother will thank You

i always forget to water my plants....what should i do

(in reply to HouseofBear)

Post #: 627

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 7:38:32 PM

quietkitten

Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline

run a hose from your tap to your plants and have it running all the time ... voila! well watered plants

I need to break up with my psychotic boyfriend.. what is the best way to tell him?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 628

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/5/2006 9:48:07 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I need to break up with my psychotic boyfriend.. what is the best way to tell him?

It is best to do this face to face. Preferably while he is drunk. Be sure to tell him every little vile thought and taunt him every chance you get. Maybe do it at a local gun shop, or a dark, secluded stone quarry.

It is hot in my apartment. I need to make it cooler. What can I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to quietkitten)

Post #: 629

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 1:02:52 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Go down to the grocery, get a few 10 pound bags of ice, one for every room,
then empty the ice on the floors. As it melts, take off your shoes and socks
and run through the puddles. Jump up and down to spread the ice around,
especially if you are on the second level or above in the building.

There is a quote that I remember but the name of the author escapes Me.
What should I do?

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
It is hot in my apartment. I need to make it cooler. What can I do?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 630

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 1:19:56 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

There is a quote that I remember but the name of the author escapes Me.
What should I do?

Vendaval

Add the word "A" to the begining of the quote and call it your own. Should you ever get called on it by the true author, remain firm...the quote is yours and they were the ones that copied an abridged version of your quote.

I found a great place to live but they don't allow pets...how might i be able to get away with having a dog there?

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 631

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 6:56:28 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I found a great place to live but they don't allow pets...how might i be able to get away with having a dog there?

Dress him in jeans and an oversized t-shirt and teach him to whine, "Mooooommm!" every few minutes. They'll think you have a teenager.

I've got bats in the window frames again. Any idea how I can get them out?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Post #: 632

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 10:34:22 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I've got bats in the window frames again. Any idea how I can get them out?

Set the window frames on fire. Bats won't like the heat and will leave promptly.

I need to get new shoes and I can't decide what kind to get. Any ideas?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 633

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 12:52:50 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I need to get new shoes and I can't decide what kind to get. Any ideas?

Get 1 shoe of each pair in the shoe store...your sure to have one that is not only stylish but comfortable. Helpful hint: make sure to buy equal amounts of left and right shoes.

My daughter is overly energized this weekend and has already worn me out...how can i continue to keep up with her for another day and a half?

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 634

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 2:27:35 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

shackles....those will slow her down.....

my lawn really needs to be mowed....and my lawnmower isn't working....what should i do...

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Post #: 635

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 3:22:15 PM

Takethiswaltz

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I always set the grass on fire when it needs to be mown.
Saves A LOT of time and energy.

I'm trying to quit smoking. To ease the cravings, I'm keeping a fresh pack of cigs and a clean ashtray in each room. So the cravings are not problematic, but I don't seem to be cutting down on the smoking.
What should I do?

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 636

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 7:30:44 PM

quietkitten

Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline

try lighting the filter end of the cigarette... one or two puffs and you will not feel like smoking for a while.

I need to lose 15 pounds before my high school reunion.... any tips?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Takethiswaltz)

Post #: 637

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 8:50:09 PM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

Have a friend that swears by colon cleansing...

My dog likes to shit on my pillow while I'm at work, I've tried everything, including corks, with no luck... Hints???

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to quietkitten)

Post #: 638

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 9:18:32 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My dog likes to shit on my pillow while I'm at work, I've tried everything, including corks, with no luck... Hints???

Keep a panther in your room chained to the bed. Bet the dog stops shitting on your pillow. Of course, he will shit somewhere else... and if he does... Krazy Glue

I have so many cookbooks and I am sure I don't need them all. How can I put them to good use without destroying them because I might want to look at them again.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to tade)

Post #: 639

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 10:22:36 PM

MistyMenthal

Posts: 413
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

Use them as book ends..

I have a Parrott who keeps saying Bush did it, Bush did it.
How can I cure him of this problem?

BLOW ME a KISS Misty

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 640

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