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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 11:04:16 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have a Parrott who keeps saying Bush did it, Bush did it. How can I cure him of this problem?


Have your parrott go hunting with Dick Cheney.



I have had an itch on my foot for a few days now, how can I stop it?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 641
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/6/2006 11:52:58 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		amputate that sucker!!

I need to make a change in my life it is getting too humdrum.. anybody have a good idea what I can do?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 642
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 6:24:55 AM   
rivenmoon


Posts: 330
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		Have your Dom tie you naked to the front door of the blind society. 

I have no idea whats going on in the world, any advice?

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 643
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 7:17:59 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I have no idea whats going on in the world, any advice?


Run for political office and, if elected, you'll be in the company of other like-minded individuals.

Need to get rid of snails from the garden but concerned about dogs eating the poison.

(in reply to rivenmoon)
Profile   Post #: 644
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 9:54:36 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Need to get rid of snails from the garden but concerned about dogs eating the poison.


Feed the dogs small amounts of the poison until they build up an immunity. Either that or feed the dogs snails for a while and let them loose in the garden.


I have a lot to do today and I am having a hard time getting started, any thoughts?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 645
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 12:50:13 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline 		When i have a lot to do, i like to make lists and put everything into either of two categories...must do and should do.  I then take the must do list and divide that into must do now and must do later.  I then take the must do now side and contemplate why i thought it so important i do that now.  I then challenge myself...what if i were to put the entire list in the trash can...by then, i feel like i have accomplished alot and i take a break :).

I want a boob lift but can't afford it...any suggestions?

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Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 646
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 12:56:37 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Do it yourself with a curved needle and quilting thread.. make sure to use crazy glue around the thread so the stitches don't break.


I have a group of blind stalkers who follow me everywhere (it just started happening yesterday) what can I do to make them less conspicuous?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 647
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 1:05:54 PM   
MasterandCommand


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/24/2004
Status: offline 		snails are repelled by salt... it will also kill them.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 648
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 5:15:18 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		Don't know about less conspicuous, but you should buy them matching jumpsuits and make them play salsa music wherever you go.

How do I get my car to stay clean?




_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to MasterandCommand)
Profile   Post #: 649
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 6:39:17 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tade

Don't know about less conspicuous, but you should buy them matching jumpsuits and make them play salsa music wherever you go.

How do I get my car to stay clean?


You tell a bunch five and six year olds that instead of playing in the backyard, they can go clean your car.

I'm going Abalone diving off the coast tomorrow, but I'm a little worried as there have been several ''Great White'' sightings in the last few days. What should I do?





_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to tade)
Profile   Post #: 650
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 8:24:22 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

I'm going Abalone diving off the coast tomorrow, but I'm a little worried as there have been several ''Great White'' sightings in the last few days. What should I do?


Get highly intoxicated...it thins the blood out making you less desirable to the sharks.

I'm suppose to have a temp job tomorrow but my g/f flaked and didn't give me the company name or address.  Her cell phone is turned off ...what should i do?

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 651
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 8:49:23 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Well, it coulda have been an interstate job. I'd start by getting a long distance phone book and calling every company in it.


Masters dog keeps hiding in the cupboard so I wont put her out in the backyard...Master thinks I'm mistreating her...what should I do? (this is a real scenario lol)



_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 652
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 9:27:30 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Masters dog keeps hiding in the cupboard so I wont put her out in the backyard...Master thinks I'm mistreating her...what should I do?


Boldly walk up to your master and scream in his face... "Well, you don't seem to mind when you are being sadistic toward me!" and then walk away.


I keep hearing a tapping noise outside of my window. Whenever I look outside nothing is there. Am I going crazy?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 653
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 9:33:08 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Coax her out with treats, leading from the cupboard to the backyard.
 
I am out of sugar for My tea and the store is closed.  What should
I do?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Masters dog keeps hiding in the cupboard so I wont put her out in the backyard...Master thinks I'm mistreating her...what should I do? (this is a real scenario lol)


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 654
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 9:43:33 PM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		Start a major boycott for that store until they agree to be open 24 hours... then You won't have to worry about not being able to get sugar for Your tea ;).

I need to do my laundry but i don't fee like it.. any ideas on how to make myself more motivated?

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 655
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/7/2006 9:43:40 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


I keep hearing a tapping noise outside of my window. Whenever I look outside nothing is there. Am I going crazy?


No it is just the invisible aliens.. don't worry, they are friendly. The usual alien greeting is running outside stark naked screaming "whoot, whoot, whoot!" at the top of your lungs.   

I have stopped taking my psych meds and I am afraid it is affecting me..... how do I know for sure??

< Message edited by quietkitten -- 5/7/2006 9:45:18 PM >

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 656
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/8/2006 1:49:16 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have stopped taking my psych meds and I am afraid it is affecting me..... how do I know for sure??


Look around. Do you see little pink men dancing a jig? Do you see large green men doing gymnastics? Do you see small, furry animals with large fangs gnawing on your legs? If you do, it isn't affecting you.


I don't want the Good News/Bad News thread to die. Is there something I can do to prevent that?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 657
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/8/2006 2:21:43 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Start posting quotes from current politicians.  That will enliven the
thread.
 
It is a beautiful sunny day and I want to go swimming.
But I can't find my bathing suit.  What should I do?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I don't want the Good News/Bad News thread to die. Is there something I can do to prevent that?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 658
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/8/2006 4:16:26 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Start posting quotes from current politicians.  That will enliven the
thread.
 
It is a beautiful sunny day and I want to go swimming.
But I can't find my bathing suit.  What should I do?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I don't want the Good News/Bad News thread to die. Is there something I can do to prevent that?



Stop at the nearest toy store and purchase some ''finger paints'' - Then paint yourself a bathing suit.

The sink in my bathroom is plugged. I've used draino, bleach, etc, and nothing seems to work. What should I do?


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 659
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/8/2006 4:23:08 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		Brush your teeth in the toilet.

I keep having these funny little weeds growing in my backyard. The kids next door used to come and pick them for free but the cops came and took them away. Now what do I do??

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 660
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