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Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 6:22:42 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline 		So, in light of all of the recent threads about professionals and lifestylers, a question comes to my mind. Please bear with me if this is too elementary of a question, but I have been pondering for a while now. I put it in "General" because I pose the question to both genders.

I consider myself to be a domme, and I prefer my relationships to have that dynamic. At the same time, I do not care to engage in any "public" activities, including munches, play parties, etc.

It seems that many here define "lifestyle" as living and breathing d/s. I don't mean that in a sarcastic or insulting way, but *for me*, along with having a d/s dynamic in my personal relationship, I also have a career, family, friends, etc. which take up some of my time, and which, by their nature, require a considerable amount of discretion and privacy.

So, in that vein, I *don't* define myself as a "lifestyle" domme. But is there a third category, or am I putting too fne a microscope on the whole issue? How do you define yourself, or your relationship, in the context of the "lifestyle"?


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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 6:26:22 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I define lifestyle as something others engage in where their entire life revolves around munches, parties, dungeons, demos, parties, etc.....they usually have a dungeon full of every toy known to man and then some, their friends all seem to be dom/mes and subs/slaves, they seem to have no social life that doesn't involve bdsm and they can't have a conversation with someone without having to elude to some kind of bdsm innuendo.


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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 6:31:56 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Just for the record, more than a few of us don't use the word.

Lifestyle: A manner of living that reflects a person's values and attitudes.

What I can tell you is that my authority dynamic is just not important enough to me to rank up there in terms of "lifestyle" things. I think one might reasonably say that I have an upper middle class lifestyle. That is to say, I go to the kinds of restaurants, movies, and events that people in the upper middle class would enjoy. I wear the kinds of clothes they would wear, etc. I very definitely do not have a BDSM lifestyle though. I own no leather pants. I don't go to BDSM clubs or events... usually. etc. etc.

The word is also used entirely differently to mean "not top/bottom". By that definition, I am a lifestyle master since Carol is obeys me even if we're not in the bedroom.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 6:37:13 PM   
SaschaMarie


Posts: 87
Joined: 6/5/2010
From: Houston, Tx
Status: offline 		To me it seems that lifestyle is a term used to describe a non-pro dom who likes BDSM in and out of the bedroom. I dont think you have to do ''public'' stuff to be a lifestyle dom.

-Sascha

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 6:38:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I do not consider myself a lifestyler....

I consider the lifestyle thing kinda like a social club with some agendas, like promoting safety, promoting acceptance sexual freedom, etc.... It is not as if there is no merit to these activities, there is... but it is kinda like joining the Sierra Club vs recycling and buying an economy car, both things promote the environment, but one is a private way of being an environmentalist, and the other is a public one with a social dimension.

I am a private person, I have no desire to go to public events either.

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 6:41:38 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		"lifestyle" is yet another one of those confuzzling terms that means 10 different things to 10 different people. when it comes to language i tend to be a literalist, so i would agree with the dictionary definition Jeff posted above. one's lifestyle is their way of life, based on who they are and what they believe. my Master and i live a D/s-M/s lifestyle because that is what best represents our natural personalities and inclinations, as well as our core beliefs and values on Male/female relationships.

we are not into kink, we are not into BDSM. more than half the time when i come across BDSM activities being discussed here, i haven't the foggiest idea what everyone is talking about, lol. we socialize every once in a while with like-minded folks...and every once in a great great while we will venture out to one of the "BDSM" type events just in case there are any other "weirdos" like us lurking there. ;)

one's erotic/sex life does not constitute a "lifestyle" imo...it is about the whole picture, the sum total of all the parts, the nitty gritty of everyday living.

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:04:00 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I define lifestyle as something others engage in where their entire life revolves around munches, parties, dungeons, demos, parties, etc.....they usually have a dungeon full of every toy known to man and then some, their friends all seem to be dom/mes and subs/slaves, they seem to have no social life that doesn't involve bdsm and they can't have a conversation with someone without having to elude to some kind of bdsm innuendo.



This is what I was getting at, Littlewonder. It *does* seem as those this has become the default definition, which does not comport AT ALL with my "lifestyle".
Thank you for the input.

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:07:02 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		My lifestyle is the style in which I live my life.  

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:07:37 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Just for the record, more than a few of us don't use the word.

Lifestyle: A manner of living that reflects a person's values and attitudes.

What I can tell you is that my authority dynamic is just not important enough to me to rank up there in terms of "lifestyle" things. I think one might reasonably say that I have an upper middle class lifestyle. That is to say, I go to the kinds of restaurants, movies, and events that people in the upper middle class would enjoy. I wear the kinds of clothes they would wear, etc. I very definitely do not have a BDSM lifestyle though. I own no leather pants. I don't go to BDSM clubs or events... usually. etc. etc.

Yes, I quite agree. My lifestyle could be defined similarly. And I feel that way, as I see that you do, regardless of whether the dynamic occurs in the bedroom or without.
Thanks, Jeff

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:11:13 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SaschaMarie

To me it seems that lifestyle is a term used to describe a non-pro dom who likes BDSM in and out of the bedroom. I dont think you have to do ''public'' stuff to be a lifestyle dom.

-Sascha

Hello Sascha:
Do you think that one who engages in BDSM in and out of the bedroom is automatically then defined as a "lifestyler"? Do you see the only distinction being pro or non-pro?
Thanks for your thoughts.

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:14:20 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Lifestyle = Too much style, not enough life.

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:15:46 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not consider myself a lifestyler....

I consider the lifestyle thing kinda like a social club with some agendas, like promoting safety, promoting acceptance sexual freedom, etc.... It is not as if there is no merit to these activities, there is... but it is kinda like joining the Sierra Club vs recycling and buying an economy car, both things promote the environment, but one is a private way of being an environmentalist, and the other is a public one with a social dimension.

I am a private person, I have no desire to go to public events either.

Hello Juliaoceania:
This is a great way to think of it. I had not thought of it in those terms, but I see exactly what you are saying, and I think it fits. It helps me to pin down how I define myself. A supporter, but not necessarily having the social or public agenda.
It's funny, there are probably as many definitions as there are people - of course everyone has their own way at looking at the things they do in their life. But it helps to have some consistency, at least for me.
Thanks for your thoughts!

(By the way, in another thread, you mentioned something about how you got your screen name? I have not been around that long, but it sounded like a good story, if you are of a mind to repeat it and I am not being too personal.)


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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:17:12 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Lifestyle = Too much style, not enough life.

Does that mean if I'm "stylin'", I'm not livin'? LOL

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:19:13 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

one's erotic/sex life does not constitute a "lifestyle" imo...it is about the whole picture, the sum total of all the parts, the nitty gritty of everyday living.

But have you noticed how many people use that defnition to describe themselves? Their sex life becomes their "lifestyle".
Thank you for your thoughts.

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Warmly,
LD

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:20:48 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

My lifestyle is the style in which I live my life.  

Of course, and I agree, but at the same time, does the d/s part of how you live your life overshadow the other parts?
Thanks for your thoughts.

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LD

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:23:30 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

f you are of a mind to repeat it and I am not being too personal.)


My first dominant gave me this screen name for political chatrooms...had a matching name. Julia is Winston's love interest in the book 1984, and she worked for pornosec. The book takes place in Oceania....occasionally someone emails me that they "get it"...

I asked my last dom if I should get a new name, he liked the way this one sounded....so he ordered me to keep it

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:28:26 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

My lifestyle is the style in which I live my life. 




Bingo!!!!!!!   

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:33:13 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Thank you for the story, Juliaoceania. It has been a long long time since I read 1984 - high school, I think. I had forgotten all that.

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:36:18 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Yes, but Rochsub2009, how do you reconcile your vanilla and d/s interests into that "lifestyle"? Or does that even matter?
Thanks!

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RE: Defining "Lifestyle" - 6/20/2010 7:39:07 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme
Their sex life becomes their "lifestyle".


I didn't have an argument really, until I came across this.

When I use the term lifestyle, it actually has very little to do with My sex life.  That would be like saying My marriage is defined by My sex life.  Neither of which is accurate.

Yet, when I go to work, I'm still a married woman.

When I socialize with friends, I'm still a married woman.

I could go on with paralleling the examples you gave in the original, but I think you understand where I'm going.  These other interactions that I have don't change the fact that I'm married.  They also don't change the fact that someone is collared to Me.  It doesn't change the way I live or the type of dynamics that I enjoy having in My life.  They don't change the activities that I enjoy and it doesn't mean that someone has to have a singular focus about it.


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