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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:06:28 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't understand participating in something where you have no deep seated need or desire for it.

I can always tell when chatting with someone whether they are truly into this vs. those who think it is cool to say they are into it.

I also do not think it is weird to be into it for various reasons, be it sexual or D/s or both. I just find it annoying when someone says they are very into something, they know nothing at all about or have never participated. At least be honest, lack of experience is fine, lack of honesty is not.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:26:25 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		I find that to be a very interesting way of looking at the whole thing actually.  Of course I'm sure that there are people into it just for the 'shock value'.  Probably, for the most part younger people who are still experimenting to find out exactly who they are and what they are really into overall.  Just like really hardcore metal music actually, or explicit and graphic rap.  A lot of the target audience for those are in the 15-25 range.  Most will "grow out of it", but there are still, obviously, a number of people with whom it will strike a chord deep down and will stick with them indefinitely.  I really hate to use the whole idea of  "it's just a phase", but, for a good number of people, it truly is. 

Let's use, for example, when I first 'came out'.  I was a big, flaming sissy... for about 3 weeks.  Thank god that 'phase' passed.  I'm still gay, that's not going to change, but I'm not a Richard Simmons wannabe.  That's not who I am.  But, I had to try for a bit to find that out.  And, that seems to be a 'phase' that I would say nearly all gay males go through when they 'come out'.  As is the 'promiscuous phase', the 'uber butch phase' (it's adorable to see these tiny little wisps of guys who you're not actually sure their gender going through the uber butch phase).

In the end though, be it a 'phase' or who we really are, I guess it's something that everyone has to go through at some point, for some thing or another.  All part of growing and finding out / becoming who we really are.


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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:30:20 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir
Of course I'm sure that there are people into it just for the 'shock value'.  Probably, for the most part younger people who are still experimenting to find out exactly who they are and what they are really into overall.
I agree... sort of.

Yes, it'd only be a person still very unsure of themselves who would do something SOLELY for the purpose of "shock value". But by the same token, it is clear to me that very adult, very sensible, very mature, yada yada people within the BDSM community have a strong vested interest in being outsiders. I would call that "the prevalent mindset" in fact. Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to be an outlaw, that's fine by me. But I do have limited tolerance then for hearing them complain about acceptance in the very same sentences.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:37:15 AM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't understand participating in something where you have no deep seated need or desire for it.

Nor do I. but when its the "in" thing a lot people will participate just to be "trendy." S & M is apparently the "new black".


I also do not think it is weird to be into it for various reasons, be it sexual or D/s or both. I just find it annoying when someone says they are very into something, they know nothing at all about or have never participated. At least be honest, lack of experience is fine, lack of honesty is not.
 
I think we have all ran across this type; and its really bad if you connect with them and all of their "experience" came from watching bdsm porn movies.    Imagine someone expecting you to act like that.  

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:49:59 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I think the spate of mainstream kinky music/movies over the last few years has attracted a few to dip their toe into the water.

For myself, it was not something I wanted at all! I realised I was sub through talking with a friend, and my first thought was 'right, this is me single for the rest of my life!'. I couldn't even consider getting involved with a man into bdsm, never mind get involved in local clubs and munches. The taboo and the stigma scared the life out of me.

Fast forward a decade and I'm glad I plucked up the courage to take that first step :-) For me, it feels like this is where I belong. This is my sexuality and I embrace it wholeheartedly.

At my local munch I don't see anyone who doesn't seem to feel this is a life choice, not a style choice. Clubs and other large events are always going to draw the curious and the young 'n' kinky kids looking for a thrill. As one poster said, maybe this thrill is the first step into discovering they actually belong here.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:51:32 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		EDIT:  Nevermind.  I was rambling on about something not really truly on topic...

But back to the original poster, and bringing in the whole cookie and cake idea.  I'm 100% positive that there are people attracted to this because of the deviance.  Just as there are people who are only attracted to a cake because it's a chocolate cake.  They might not really like cake overall, but love chocolate.  Oh, but that's a chocolate cake...  Well.... okay, I'll eat that.

< Message edited by BKSir -- 6/21/2010 10:53:03 AM >

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:55:20 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		There are things that I'm so used to doing and not think twice about doing, that I hate encountering somebody who freaks out on me over shit I enjoy doing. There are a few things that seriously are no big deal to me, such a pricking somebody with a lancet and sucking on their blood. Hell, I'll even prick myself. No big deal. This is one of those activities I can take it or leave it, not seriously a big deal for me. However, when it comes to rough crazy sex, hair pulling and literally using somebody like fuck meat and talking dirty and grabing them around the throat and spanking ass.. if I ain't getting these basic itches scratched, well... it's pretty damn boring boring boring to me. Then again, this is all part of the package deal. Not every time I have sex that I wanting to play rough, there are times when I want to tease and play lightly. You know having somebody restained and being able to lightly trace my finger across their skin to the point it almost tickles. However, I tend to grow a little frustrated with somebody who is not very flexible, and that they make a big deal out of a lot of things that ain't much of a big deal to begin with.

But setting all the kink aside, there's the relationship aspects itself and day to day living, stuff that ain't about being a deviant. The reality of life factor. Stuff that fuck's somebodys fantasy of being kept 24/7 in a cage and pulled out and used. For me caging is optional, I can take it or leave it. However, I'm not caging enough to want to keep somebody all the time in a cage. That would bore me and wear on my own nerves after awhile. I tend to be a little more diverse and much more prefer higher levels of interaction. There's a big difference between letting the bars of the cage do the controling for me, or controling from direct interaction. All in all, caging is not a big deal for me, I can take it or leave it. Not on my must have list, sort of well optional for me. However, too much of it, well... I'm just not into it. Just like I'm not into having rough sex every time I have sex.

I personally don't have an issue with sticking somebody into a cage, it's really not that big of a deal to do. Would not think twice about it. I would be thinking twice about anybody who wants to live 24/7 in a cage.

None the less, caging is not a deal breaker for me, I can live with or without, just like I can regarding pricking somebody with lancets and sucking on their blood. Neither one is a big deal for me in my book. However, if I prick somebody with a lancet and I'm sucking on their blood, you betcha I would be enjoying it.

How to best express this, I have certain emotional needs from a relationship that are more important compared to sticking them with a lancent or shoving them into a cage.

I hope this posts makes sense to somebody.


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:56:14 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Actually BK... what I was saying was a bit different.

My general sense is that the BDSM community makes up out of whole cloth an awful lot of the persecution complex that goes on because they need to be different... outlaws.

Again, I just sat in a meeting where a whole bunch of folks... adult... mature... yada yada folks... talked about how persecuted they were by vanillas when they ordered meals for their slaves at a restaurant. They all swapped stories of snide remarks, raised eyebrows, deliberate attempts by the wait staff to bypass their authority, etc.

WTH? This is still considered reasonably normal vanilla good manners. Granted, it's a bit old-school insofar as manners go, but it's not off the radar here in the US.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 11:12:32 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Ah, okay, I see where you were going with that then.  Sorry.  I just woke up like an hour ago, so the brain hasn't entirely kicked in.  Hence me dropping the majority of that post. 

Yeah, it can be annoying, and I think that in a way, some of them have a bit of sense of entitlement going on deep down in their own psyche.

I never order dinner for my pet, unless I'm just going out to pick something up, and then I get something I know he likes anyway.  But, at the same time, if we're at the store, and one of us decides that he should be on a leash, he is.  I know that I'll probably get some odd stares, oh well.  So does the 480 lb. guy in daisy dukes and spandex shirt.  So does the 'normal vanilla 20something couple'.  To me, they're strange.  But, to each his/her own.  He's on the leash because that's how he would feel most comfortable then, or because he's been a bit of a shit and was wandering off too much and making me have to go look for him. I'm inherently lazy by the way, and don't want to keep walking around the whole damn store and who cares if people are staring or not.  However, there are times that, yes, he's going to be on a leash just FOR the looks, normally at festivals such as Pride, or local BDSM events / coffees / etc.  Those are few and far between though.  The looks don't matter to us, mainly because most often when we're out together, there is no one else in the world anyway.

As far as the whole idea of being in a cage 24/7 and the reality of such a thing.  Damn right that's different from reality.  No way he's going to be in a cage constantly.  Someone has to help me carry the damned groceries.


_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 11:14:28 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm going to be bold and post this, TPE is something I can take it or leave it. How well I click with somebody and the chemistry between me and somebody else, is way more important to me. Long as there is a base line in mutual attraction and interests including kinks. I have other needs besides kinks alone. This might sound sad, but I've encountered some extremely submissive women who did not cut it for me, because they were simply a little too dull or boring. I'm not saying that all extremely submissive woman are like this. The personality of who I am with makes a big difference. . I'd rather be hooked up with somebody that I'm really into, doing a fewer things compared to a TPE situation with somebody who bores the fuck out. lol... I don't know if this sincerely makes sense to anybody, the point I'm trying to make.

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Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 11:22:52 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		why wouldn't that make sense to everyone? I mean, really, being boring is a total hard limit, regardless of whether they can provide you with a means to enact your fetish.


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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 11:57:15 AM   
bliss4us09


Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
Status: offline 		I think there are always people who are attracted to the forbidden fruit - a story as old as Adam and Eve.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 12:06:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Certainly. If their parents did it, they wouldn't be interested at all. It's that adolescent need to rebel. You see it in the ones who boast about how dark/perverted/evil they are. Personally I find it boring as hell.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 2:35:11 PM   
DarwinsLilHelper


Posts: 92
Status: offline 		First of all...It's not a lifestyle. Anyone who's lifestyle, hopes, ambitions, aspirations and ultimately the legacy they leave behind is totally centered between their legs is sadly pathetic and probably has serious mental issues. To many sex obsessed little yutz's confuse what Camile Paglia would call "Sexual Persona" with their lifestyle over all.

What happened is. Around the end of the 1990's Windows 98 and Netscape made the internet available not just to geeks, but to every power trip sexual predator and trailer trash Barbie that could plop a $500 PC on the kitchen table amongst the overflowing ash trays, dirty diapers and smudged copies of Hustler and Penthouse.

Suddenly Sally Shut-in the 5'2 330 pound welfare scank who's divorced and lonely, because she was a shrieking, needy shrew and Billy the class bully who used to enjoy hurting little animals, but now can carry out his fucked up childhood fantasies on real life, low self esteem, human girls, could find each other from all the way across continents...Thanks to the power of the internet.

Now throw in thousands of disaffected 40 something D&D, first generation role playing gamers. Who's sex lives were drying up due to the ever decreasing numbers of Star Trek conventions. Looking for a new edgy sexuality, offering easily impressed women who didn't mind if your leather gear looked a bit Klingon or maybe little like it came from a Vampire game LARP.

Of course aging D&D'ers can't take a piss without a rule book citation. So it should be of no great surprise to anyone that the pimply faced fucks, soon sat down and started writing a BDSM sexuality rule book for this new internet community, that stretched from Brisbane to Barstow.. Most of it plagiarized from the GLBT community. Even the parts that bore no resemblance to the GLBT struggle for social acceptance got lumped into the NEW B,D&D,SM Third Edition Rules. While there probably is a Gay gene. present in maybe 5% of the gay community. It's rather doubtful there's a "I want to be fucked with a barbed wire wrapped dildo while having 18 gauge IV needles shoved though my clit or penis" gene.

There's an old saying in the GBLT community..."If your going to be a sexual pioneer you'd better learn to duck the arrows." Now a bunch of strait metrosexual sexual "kink of the month" fucks want to play like they've ever known what social stigma attached to your sexuality is.

In essence they want to pull a couple of the arrows out of my back, stick them though their sleeve, stick a finger in my blood, wipe a little of it on their face and claim they'r an edgy sexually repressed minority...Because no one thinks that same sex attraction is the same as a bully thats dick gets hard when their causing pain, or some strait, poly harem'er piece of shit, who wants everyone to be impressed, because he wants a couple of women to satisfy his lesbian porn fetish and preform sex acts his lilly white, strait ass could never preform with another man.

It's not surprising so many internet neo-BDSM'ers are raving liberal/communist lunatics. Even though it would seem that the philosophical roots of BDSM would be contrary to everything modern liberalism/communism stands for. There is nothing more vital to Modern American liberalism/communism than the philosophy of the professional victim. BDSM allows strait, white, liberal/communists to take on the victims status of racial minorities and gays...by simply purchasing a cheap flogger and a pair of cuffs on the internet...Pow...Instant oppressed minority status.

The OP shouldn't worry though. The internet Edgy BDSM Fad is already fading fast. It was from the beginning little more than Silicone Snake oil and the internet sexual tourists usually have an attention span measured only in months.







< Message edited by DarwinsLilHelper -- 6/21/2010 2:42:35 PM >

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 3:01:59 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		the only time i watch pop vids is when im in the gym and since im there around four times a week im getting to know most of the codswallop vids being pushed out there.  i call it codswallop because its totally unrepresentative of what Ds or Ms is - the one i hate the most right now is GaGa and Beyonce.  GaGa is supposed to be the sub, im supposing, behind bars, giving it large with her scrawny tits flashed at us - ew! - the ending is where she gets in the car and Beyonce says 'youve been a bad bad girl' - GaGa doenst look even remotely contrite.  - no surprise there

the point im making is that theyre hitting the deviance is hot and sexy and gonna sell us lots of cd's and wanging it out to a majority age group of younger folks and selling it as deviance with attitude.  they havent a clue what theyre buying into but because its the in thing right now they want it.  so yes, to youre answer - i would say so.

not saying thats bad, just those pop vids irritate me. 

as a minority group i feel misrepresented

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 3:06:23 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think a large portion of people are attracted to it because it's taboo. Take that away and I think you'll find that bdsm is actually a very teeny tiny portion of people.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 3:20:37 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

So what you do think? Are there people in the lifestyle who are only attracted to it only because it is considered deviant? Would removing the deviant aspect cause a large number of people to leave the scene?


Absolutely. On both counts.



Really? Let us become mainstream NOW!!!

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 3:32:30 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Fuck All, perhaps I should start dressing up like OZZY and label myself MASTER of DARKNESS... give myself a little Public Relations boost in how Edgy I appear to be. Ahhh fuck all, how much work does it take to convince somebody I'm evil enough to dump my vanilla milk shake all over thier naked body and lick it off with my tounge.

What's the big deal about the difference between hand-cuffs, rope, wrist restraints or duct tape... either way they still ain't gonna be moving their hands. Perhaps I'm too kind and thoughtful for owning heavy duty restaints with nice fur lining.

You mean, I have to get all dressed up in black and put on a big evil facade to do all this? (thinking about how black clothing and vanilla milk shakes don't jive together) and pre-frabricate a huge rule book to play by?

IDK, in part the deviance does matter to me, then again so do many other things. If somebody only wants to be involved with me for the sake of sexual deviance and that alone, well... it just ain't gonna cut for me. I really have better things to do with my time and life besides ending up being nothing more than a glorified fetish delivery tool.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 6/21/2010 3:35:01 PM >

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 4:41:30 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Who knows why people do what they do -  but for me, if it was socially acceptable to live the way i want, then i would be all for it!   There are times i would love to tell a friend what neat thing we did , without worrying that they would be so shocked that i would be shunned forever more. 

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 5:30:35 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron
I have been wondering if a great number of kinksters are only in it because of the “forbidden fruit” edge. 


I always assumed that's what being a "kinkster" was all about. I believe BDSM imagery attracts popular morbid interest. For some, that's just a starting point in the progression of their exploration and appreciation of the deeper things. For others it's little more than a latex t-shirt, and always will be.

I tend to respond to questions and subjects brought up here from an M/s point of view, as I find sincere interest in that paradigm, and honor it. It's hard to imagine what the numbers are regarding the elusive matter of authenticity; such an idea is hard to pin down, but I believe there is an eventual line between playful simulation and really doing it, mind, body and soul. The latter crowd is the minority, I have always felt.

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