RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of this lifestyle

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 6:14:32 PM

LadyCimarron

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

I always assumed that's what being a "kinkster" was all about. I believe BDSM imagery attracts popular morbid interest. For some, that's just a starting point in the progression of their exploration and appreciation of the deeper things. For others it's little more than a latex t-shirt, and always will be.

Interesting perspective. I have never thought being a kinkster was about the deviance or forbidden fruit. I (and many others here) were actually into it before we knew what "it" was. As a small child I was dreaming about spanking and tying people up and had no clue there were others like me. I was a grown woman before I knew anything of bdsm or that there were others like me. To me, the lifestyle is about satisfying something that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. To some it may be a latex t-shirt but to others its a definitive part of who we are.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 6:19:42 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian
...
I tend to respond to questions and subjects brought up here from an M/s point of view, as I find sincere interest in that paradigm, and honor it. It's hard to imagine what the numbers are regarding the elusive matter of authenticity; such an idea is hard to pin down, but I believe there is an eventual line between playful simulation and really doing it, mind, body and soul. The latter crowd is the minority, I have always felt.

Perhaps, this is what the OP was trying to get at here? If this is the case then it boils down to M/s being the center focus. I have always held the view that if somebody is into one or more of what the letters BDSM means, then they are part of this madness. Some people are just into more letter compared to others, some people take things to different levels and even these levels vary.

I personally have some mixed thoughts and feelings upon this topic, because of past relationships and experiences. For instance, I sincerely don't have a preference for having a M/s relationship over being in a Dom couple relationship. It's not so much a question of what as it is with whom. There are certain kinds of M/s relationship that really don't cut it for me. Back to the whole caged prisoner never leaving the house paradigm. Sincerely, that boils down to owning literally an almost useless person. A fucking vanilla girl would be more useful in my life compared to a worthless prisoner. A prisoner simply does not meet my critia in what I'd expect out of an M/s relationship.

So in the context of M/s itself, I myself have issues over what I consider to be a worthy or worthless slave. It's pretty sad to say that some vanilla girls would be of greater service and value.

On the flip side, is that when I'm paired up with the right Domme... "it's like being with your evil twin" that's the best way to describe it. Two people together scheming up and doing some extremely outlandish devilish shit. The whole great minds think a like business. If I had had my head shoved up my ass and was fixated upon M/s, I would have missed out on some very amazing moments in my life. The kind of memories that I truely treasure and value.

The fucking bitch of things online is such, everybody is introduced to one another using all these nice labels first. It's backwards from how shit generally works off line. Off line, you meet somebody, the chemistry starts to happen or not, then you get into exploring each other a little more and more.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 6/21/2010 6:22:29 PM >

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 6:22:35 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

So what you do think? Are there people in the lifestyle who are only attracted to it only because it is considered deviant? Would removing the deviant aspect cause a large number of people to leave the scene?

I don't believe that it is a conscious choice to be in this lifestyle because of the alternative aspects of it. But I do suspect that in part some of these individuals lack an sort of positive ego in the more mainstream world and being apart of this world uplifts their ego. The 'deviant' or wild side aspect is what increases their own egos because in the mundane world they are just another shade of grey. The irony, they are only not grey in comparison to the mainstream world, but within this lifestyle... they are just another shade of grey.

Well put KoM. I don't really consider it deviant. It's possible that people come here for that, but I do think many people come here because they think it is special or different and will change their lives or fix problems. It isn't. It iis different, it isn't the fantasy many try to make it.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 6:28:24 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Well put KoM. I don't really consider it deviant. It's possible that people come here for that, but I do think many people come here because they think it is special or different and will change their lives or fix problems. It isn't. It iis different, it isn't the fantasy many try to make it.

Laurell, I think you've nailed a big part of it concerning people's expectations of D/s or M/s. =-)

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 6:45:24 PM

DomImus

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I'm not into any of this for the deviance factor. If anything (if I was looking) I'd wish it to be more legitimately mainstream. It would seemingly make finding willing partners easier. I say 'legitimately' mainstream to mean that it would attract more people who are genuinely interested in all of this - particularly the same things I enjoy. The internet has brought kink more mainstream but there are many vanilla dabblers who are never going to go beyond dipping their toes in the water. Few will ever venture to the deep end of the pool.

On the flipside I suppose in a way that back in the day it made finding that one willing partner seem that much more special.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron
(I apologize in advance if this has been discussed before, I tried to do a search on it.)

Good call on holding the search/google nazis at bay.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 9:59:45 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4
On the flip side, is that when I'm paired up with the right Domme... "it's like being with your evil twin" that's the best way to describe it.

I love that, and I emphatically agree.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 6/21/2010 10:10:19 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

Interesting perspective. I have never thought being a kinkster was about the deviance or forbidden fruit.

I think I just have irrational issues with the stupid sound of the word; it's something I've reserved for the tawdry end of "this BDSM thing" since I heard it.

It is of course an entirely personal reaction all my own born of disgust for the cute nomenclature some attempt—and unfortunately succeed—in making stick.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 7/9/2010 2:31:50 AM

corrupted1

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Interesting question :)
Personally though the answer is no..not at all would i leave the lifestyle were it to become acceptable by societal standards, (well my activities just never would anyhow lol) but the deviant title to the life may be what first attracts a person to the scene, but if they leave it simply because its no longer 'deep dark and mysterious' then they couldnt have been too into it all to begin with i would think..

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 7/9/2010 6:03:27 AM

HisEvelyn

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I'm enjoying reading the various viewpoints on this topic. I do think some more casual players are attracted to the forbidden fruit aspect, being 'different'. Trends will always get followers, and BDSM does seem to be a trend these days.

Personally, I would love it if it became more mainstream. Then I could kneel for my Master in more ordinary public places without worrying about being attacked about it or asked to leave for being' disruptive'. Sometimes it is frustrating having to keep my submissive side secret like that, unless we're in an 'accepted' place, like a club or a gathering of other likeminded individuals.

I'm another of the ones who was behaving as a submissive long before I ever knew what real BDSM was all about. I only knew about the fantasy aspects, and those were pretty damn scary. I was NEVER drawn to it simply to be different. In fact, it makes my life more difficult because of it. I often feel, in this exploration? Like I've finally found peace and purpose in my life, filled a hole in me that was always empty and I never knew why. And I can't jump up and down and say "See???? Look at the happiness I found!!!" and share it because most people would want to put me right back in therapy.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 7/9/2010 10:04:27 AM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron
So what you do think? Are there people in the lifestyle who are only attracted to it only because it is considered deviant? Would removing the deviant aspect cause a large number of people to leave the scene?

I think there certainly are some who are attracted to all of this for the taboo factor. I also think these are the same people who hang out in the shallow end of the pool, so to speak. They have no vested interest in kink so they get off on the garden variety stuff. There's a boundary (not unlike that floating rope that separates the shallow end of the pool from the deep end) that most of these folks won't venture beyond that is inhabited by those for whom this is a calling.

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RE: Are there people only attracted to the deviance of ... - 7/9/2010 10:23:58 AM

splorff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

. One of my friends told me “stolen cookies taste better.” Meaning some people enjoy something BECAUSE its taboo.

I think some people do enjoy the edginess of the forbidden.

An ex girlfriend of mine once told me that as a teenager she would often steal from shops, and that all her friends did it too. They progressed to stealing things of little value just for the sake of it. They then stole low value good that were bulky, difficult to hide and crackly / noisy - like packets of crisps [ I think you call them chips]

It cant have been a monitory thing, it was just the thrill of possibly being caught.

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