quote:

ORIGINAL: pdv99

was disappointed that I didn't already own one for her to use straight away,. It was taken for granted that she would not use an insertable used with her previous boyfriend so it was down to me to provide.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



I have a pet peeve about subs buying 'gifts' for femdoms in the way of toys (to be used on him), but I think a lot of femdoms do also. Something I am not a big fan of but accept that there's some reasoning behind it, for self play and exploration, is when a sub buys lots of toys like plugs or vibes or whatever. I understand self bondage and self play, so that's understandable.

I can't quite get my head around subs buying chastity devices and being totally independent using them - ie, they wear it 100% for themselves with no femdom in sight, not even via email.   I guess it's another form of self play...so ok, I get it.

But what about a sub that buys a strap on harness w/dildo - a toy he has no intent to use, at all, on himself - a toy that he bought "for" his Mistress, but he has no Mistress. In other words, he's just waiting, until he meets her, then at some point will say, "Oh hey I got this.." and not only did he get it "for" her, he got it..before he met her. 

Is this preparedness on the part of the sub, and good for him.  Or is it inappropriate, and probably not something to tell a woman he's met?

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think subs should own their own toys and not expect the dominant to buy them all. Plus it's easier to do so a little at a time instead of get into a relationship and have to expend a great deal of money suddenly in order to have a toy bag.

And insertables? Damned straight he should own his own and not use ones that have been used on anyone else.

Akasha, are you also suggesting that every sub who is out of a relationship should throw away all the toys he used with his ex?

It's a toy he's interested in. If you're also interested in it, then use it. If not, then leave it untouched. I think you're overinvesting in this. If he owned a pasta maker would you be peeved because he owned it before you? If you liked pasta you'd tell him to make some, if you're on a carb free diet you tell him to put it back in the cabinet. No difference.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

I do appreciate submissive guys who pay for toys that will be left with them (ie: insertables, stuff that cuts, etc).

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

I do appreciate submissive guys who pay for toys that will be left with them (ie: insertables, stuff that cuts, etc).

Don't think that is the issue, Ms. Wicked ..... at least for me.

In a relationship ... heck ... i would equip an entire dungeon!

The key though, to me, is ............. let me see if i spell this correctly ..... a

Relationship!

Dang ... am i sweating ... now???

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

quote:

The point I was making was that if I play with someone with my harness I expect that they will purchase a compatible dildo. It matters not if it is a one time encounter or a long term, romantic relationship. In both cases the harness is mine and the dildo is theirs. This I understand and can appreciate.

However, I was under the impression that the OP was talking about men who purchase the whole deal before they ever meet with or play with anyone. I find this rather creepy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I wouldn't see it as creepy, but I would assume that he was new and a bit over-eager. It would depend on how it came up. Presenting it to me on our first meeting would probably make me turn him down entirely. If we were dating, and he told me "I bought this a couple of years ago, but never had the nerve to take it out of the package, much less ask anyone to use it on me," I'd think it was kind of sweet. If it was already out of the packaging, I'd be nervous about whether or not the harness had ever been used (not acceptable except perhaps with a thigh-mounted one), and whether the insertable part had been appropriately cleaned and maintained. I don't currently own a strap-on harness, so if I wind up in a relationship with someone who wants to go there, we'd need to get something for me whether he buys it, I do, or it's one that he already owned but hadn't been used. Ideally, I'd prefer to have input on the materials, style, and fit, and I think it's fun to go shopping for that sort of thing together. I agree with Wickad that once a particular woman uses a harness, nobody else should, and the insertable needs to also be dedicated to the one person it has been used on. Vampire gloves, whippy canes, or any other toy that is likely to draw blood or come into contact with other body fluids needs to be dedicated to that one person, and I see nothing wrong with them having a toybag with some rope, floggers, or whatever as well. More variety and options is a good thing.

SO2, I think you misunderstood pvd. He said that they both agreed that she couldn't/shouldn't use the toy she'd used on her previous boy with him, and expected him to bring his own insertable that would hopefully be compatible with her existing harness. Not my idea of a first date, but obviously, expectations differ.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReginaMirus

Ok, why would this be something a sub totes along on a first meet, and how would you even know that he's purchased previously and has had it for years unless he's voluntarily shared that information? Do subs generally volunteer that info up front?