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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 7:12:37 PM   
juliaoceania


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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

Whilst I hear what you are saying I know that if my parents would try to interfere in anything like that they wouldn't succeed....as I simply have the strong view that just because they are my parents doesn't mean they are right or that they know better...I know that my mother wasn't pleased when I met C-Dom a view times, aged 27 when he was 49 or 50 but it couldn't have bothered me less what she thinks about it as I am not born to live her life but to live mine instead.


I dated a 45 year old when I was 27, my mom didn't like it, but I was a well established adult. I was a mother, and I took care of business. I see a big difference between that and a 19 year old in college (possibly having their tuition paid for by her parents and living in the dorms at that age) dating a man old enough to be her grandfather.... one scenario you are an established adult (or should be) and the other scenario you have just left the nest and are learning how to solo fly... there is a world of difference

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 2:39:31 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for the input everyone! Very interesting.

Sometimes I sit and look at my students like they are... what? ... another generation, I guess. I haven't ever had this experience before. I always felt like I was "one of the gang" regardless of the age. I've never had children, so I don't have that age kind of connection thing. Something happened in the last 3 years where I became a woman "of a certain age." I mean in 2007 I was sowing my wild oats, and now I'm much more settled. I'm also, for the first time, attracted to men my own age. That's very new for me. When I was younger, I liked older men, until recently, I liked younger men (early 20's), and now .... I enjoy the younger folks, enjoy being their friend and such, but it would take a dang special 20-something to turn my head. I have one student from last semester whom I absolutely adore, but feel zero attraction for him (and he is drop dead gorgeous, too!). I guess even *I* had to grow up. *sigh*

Best,
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 3:25:04 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Would you be involved with someone much younger (obviously - of legal age) or much older? The real pertinent question here - what do you base your answer on? Does attitude make a difference? Maturity level? Is there a cultural component?

What is age really?

Off to work... I"ll need to find some strapping young fellow to help this little old lady across the street, but that's better than falling and breaking a hip!

best,
sunshine

As a top, I'll play with anyone with whom I have a connection as long as they are between the ages of legal and dead. For a relationship, I need more than just play connection and I'm just not relationship attracted to folks who are young enough to be my grandchild. My *mom* gene kicks in. :D

On the flip side, I'm attracted to men of power and I haven't met any youngsters who are capable of taking and holding my power nor am I very open to the idea at all. Attitude is important as are maturity and life experience (cultural component not so much for me) but my mind is not so open that I would allow someone too young to get too close. I'm just comfortable sharing all the inner workings of my brain with someone who's *been* there and understands how to hold the reins and drive the carriage which is probably one of the reasons I don't much get involved with newish doms either, regardless of their age. I appreciate solid and established and don't have much need for the enthusiasm of youth. I have plenty of enthusiasm all by myself. So, yes, I would be involved in certain areas, but no, I would not open myself up to a youngster in a way a good, solid relationship deserves in order for it to be viable and long-lasting. I like being older.. I like being able to enjoy the grandchildren and then when I get tired send them back to their mother. I'm so over pablum and diaper changing though and really don't want to have to clean spit-up off my new corset. :D I like the freedom that age affords me to travel, indulge, engage and reap some of the rewards that my life-long hard work has earned. Age is not the *most* important criteria for me, but it is on the list for sure.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 3:46:18 AM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Whilst I hear what you are saying I know that if my parents would try to interfere in anything like that they wouldn't succeed....as I simply have the strong view that just because they are my parents doesn't mean they are right or that they know better...I know that my mother wasn't pleased when I met C-Dom a view times, aged 27 when he was 49 or 50 but it couldn't have bothered me less what she thinks about it as I am not born to live her life but to live mine instead.


I dated a 45 year old when I was 27, my mom didn't like it, but I was a well established adult. I was a mother, and I took care of business. I see a big difference between that and a 19 year old in college (possibly having their tuition paid for by her parents and living in the dorms at that age) dating a man old enough to be her grandfather.... one scenario you are an established adult (or should be) and the other scenario you have just left the nest and are learning how to solo fly... there is a world of difference


Of course there is a difference but also individuals upbringings are different and it never worked when my parents tried to put their view onto me (though that had to do with their quality of parenting in the first place, which might be the all important difference between you and your kid and my parents and myself) therefore I drove my parents nuts from a very young age to do what I want to do anyway, such as changing school against their will aged 15, resigning my apprentice ship aged 21 despite no guarantee that I will find straight away another one to stay in my course and to continue it (though I did and continued 4 weeks later at a better place, and that rather amused me when my dad figured that one out from my brothers godfather as he mentioned that to him before he figured that out at home) or going camping with my sports club at a national trainings camp right after I had my tonsils removed (though of course I didn't took part there as I knew that sport is off discussion at that moment) despite that I was supposed to be at home and reast and also was supposed to prepare for the exam from my first apprentice ship a week later...

When I went to such trainings camps as a teenager on quite a regular basis there were also quite a few guys in their 50s who tried to take advantage (such as a different coach from me who was there as well who tried to tell me how much more comfortabe it would be if I would sleep in his hotel room instead of sleeping in the gym hall on the floor where the majority of the sports people were sleeping, where I made it clear to him that the gym floor is certainly much more comfortable than his hotel room ever would be...following which he sulked the rest of those days towards me and I learned from a different girl some time later that he did get her that way).

I simply learned rather young to take control over my life as I had to (as in my respect my parents didnt do their job) and since then quite frankly made it clear to me that they won't have a say anymore in the decisions I am making as they screwed it up often enough with not doing their job or doing the wrong decisions. And therefore age itself doesn't mean to me if someone knows what she is going into or not...it still depends on her upbringing and at times on previous experiences as well...

< Message edited by PeanutTigerinBox -- 6/23/2010 3:50:30 AM >

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aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 4:01:14 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		I was married to a woman 12 years my senior, which was fine when she was in her early forties, no problems the relationship worked, the age gap was pretty irrelevant and did not show, but as we got older, her kids grew up and had their own children she became a grandmother and with that she changed. She was for settling down to be grandmother and wanted me to be grandfather, but it scared the hell out of me as I felt so much life was left to be lived before settling down. Eventually the differences in the ages started to show, it was becoming clear the relationship was no longer working, it became nasty. Eventually we parted company, and that was to date the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Now I seek, if I seek what I seek, is an age similar to my own, or younger.


_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 6:33:05 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

I'm sorry to hear that.  It's not pretty, is it?


There is not much I can do about it.  He sets up for failure then wonders why things fall apart.   I think it would be good for him to move out of Chicago and live somewhere like TN.   He is also into the materialism thing.  

(in reply to DarlingSavage)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 8:38:16 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Now I seek, if I seek what I seek, is an age similar to my own, or younger.


Too much younger and you risk the same happening in the next relationship... just in reverse

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 8:56:40 AM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Now I seek, if I seek what I seek, is an age similar to my own, or younger.


Too much younger and you risk the same happening in the next relationship... just in reverse



and it can even happen if they are the same age

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 9:02:35 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeanutTigerinBox


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Now I seek, if I seek what I seek, is an age similar to my own, or younger.


Too much younger and you risk the same happening in the next relationship... just in reverse



and it can even happen if they are the same age


Yeah it can... but since he was specifically addressing HIS feelings as someone who hooked up with a much older person and how he felt that relationship was keeping him from experiencing the life of someone his own age, I thought it was worth mentioning he could hook up with someone much younger and have the same thing happen to him.... they would be the ones feeling they had been deprived of life experiences....

Why you need to roll your eyes with that emoticon makes no sense to me. I don't judge all relationships with age differences.... geesh, a 45 yr old hooks up with a 25 yr old, who the fuck cares? Not me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 9:13:16 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		geesh, a 45 yr old hooks up with a 25 yr old, who the fuck cares? Not me./snip

In a way tho- when it is someone in my life I do care. As I get to pick up the pieces when it fails.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 9:18:44 AM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

geesh, a 45 yr old hooks up with a 25 yr old, who the fuck cares? Not me./snip

In a way tho- when it is someone in my life I do care. As I get to pick up the pieces when it fails.



yeah but age doesnt play any important role to me in that respect. I know enough good and enough not so good stories with huge and not so huge age gaps and simply life doesn't give guarantees. The age factor does not play relevance to me whereas personality does.

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 9:36:00 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeanutTigerinBox


quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

geesh, a 45 yr old hooks up with a 25 yr old, who the fuck cares? Not me./snip

In a way tho- when it is someone in my life I do care. As I get to pick up the pieces when it fails.



yeah but age doesnt play any important role to me in that respect. I know enough good and enough not so good stories with huge and not so huge age gaps and simply life doesn't give guarantees. The age factor does not play relevance to me whereas personality does.


I used to feel that way...

and I still think that is fine if other people feel that way...


I don't feel that way anymore. I want to have the chance to grow old with someone these days.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 9:56:23 AM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeanutTigerinBox


quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

geesh, a 45 yr old hooks up with a 25 yr old, who the fuck cares? Not me./snip

In a way tho- when it is someone in my life I do care. As I get to pick up the pieces when it fails.



yeah but age doesnt play any important role to me in that respect. I know enough good and enough not so good stories with huge and not so huge age gaps and simply life doesn't give guarantees. The age factor does not play relevance to me whereas personality does.


I used to feel that way...

and I still think that is fine if other people feel that way...


I don't feel that way anymore. I want to have the chance to grow old with someone these days.


Ok agreed

Sometimes we change views in life, I am currently dating a Poly Dom despite poly being a hard limit actually...sometimes...views change or we become more open minded ... how long that open mindedness will last will depend on the experiences we make when we dare to explore something else.

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 10:40:36 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

how long that open mindedness will last will depend on the experiences we make when we dare to explore something else.


Are you insinuating that because I do not find value in dating people who feel like kids to me or senior citizens when I am not one I am "closed minded"?



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 11:36:51 AM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

how long that open mindedness will last will depend on the experiences we make when we dare to explore something else.


Are you insinuating that because I do not find value in dating people who feel like kids to me or senior citizens when I am not one I am "closed minded"?




nope, I don't. It was my neutral view about having a view about a situation and that sometimes in life people can change their view, in one way or another...and nothing else. I got your point that we disagree about that particular subject...however, that would not make me call you closed minded as I have no doubt that you have your valid reasons for your view...having a valid view which works for you wouldn't call me someone closed minded...I suppose closed minded I would call someone who has a stern view but can't really explain why. Therefore, you have your valid view and thats fine

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 11:37:38 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		In my case- my brother is not going to listen to me.

But once again- I will be one of those who assist picking up the pieces.

So when there is a connection to where I get the fall out- I tend to want to interfere.   Which would only back fire.

So- observe and try to be a good sport.  I can see the folly- he cant. I likely have my own bad choices that he can see- and I can't.

He was pretty involved with a 19 year old and it was a disaster.   I mean - it turned the whole family upside down.    I wont get into details- but it was beyond stupid.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 12:46:04 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		The reason why I ask is that there are many many people that think having preferences about a mate based upon age, ethnic background, height, weight, religion, or even smoking/nonsmoking is closed minded.....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 12:57:13 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't rule anyone in or anyone out....maybe younger than 20 and older than 55 would be stretching it. But by and large it's not what you've read....it's how you think...how you express yourself....how you carry yourself. The older lot aren't necessarily more engaging...they've experienced more....which means possibly world-weary......the younger lot can be engaging through their idealism. I dunno.....I don't have a preference really...I'm the sort of person who'd sit beside a bloke with 2 heads and where he had something interesting to say I'd be there all night until the conversation dries up. Not an issue for me......age....race....nationality....not an issue....though I am a fucker for looks to be honest about this....that's my weakness when it comes to cutting yourself off from opportunities....

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 1:42:44 PM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

The reason why I ask is that there are many many people that think having preferences about a mate based upon age, ethnic background, height, weight, religion, or even smoking/nonsmoking is closed minded.....


nope, thats not my view. as closed minded I would name a previous friend of mine with whom the contact split due to me dating doms abroad...she had a problem with it...considering that this does not impact her life in any way and considering that she asked a lot about it (i hadnt forced that information up on her) and the fact that this has no impact whatsoever on the friendship between us...thats something I would consider to name closed minded...as I am rather easy going to accept when friends have other views then I do and certainly in aspects how they live their own life as I dont have to approve of all they do, but still stay open minded of it as I dont need to judge it negative just because it isn't my cup of tea (at least so far no situation came up to be against it on a serious level).



_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Age... - 6/23/2010 4:53:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

maybe younger than 20 and older than 55 would be stretching it.


This thread was started because of a relationship between a 19 year old and a 50 plus year old poly dom, married poly dom, that was discussed in the gen discussion forum

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 60
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