Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 5:04:30 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Before My actual response, I do want to mention one thing about the original.  Your friend's question isn't especially gutsy.  It's a tactic of inclusion.  By saying "does anyone else", she's implying only.  While it seems like a first person statement, it really isn't unless she qualifies it as such.  It can just as easily refer to a prior third person that she's treated or a case history that she's read.  What she's doing is establishing a safe zone to get other members of the group to talk because by saying "does anyone else", she is reducing the fears of those in the group that they are alone in their feelings.  That encourages people to be more open about communicating and get the ball rolling.  It works very well.

In My opinion, thoughts and feelings aren't necessarily taboo.  However, our impulses and desires are sharing the same head space as what we've been taught about right and wrong and our moral decisions about such.  This can create something of an inner battle and that's where shame and guilt for even having 'those' kind of thoughts comes into it.  That's usually enough to bring most people to the area of self control.  There are exceptions to this, of course, if you want to look at things like obsession and compulsion (I'm not meaning OCD here) where our primal urges seem to become stronger and we fear losing that control because we become consumed with whatever is driving us.  Our primal urges really do kick in first, with our learned thought process coming in a close second.

Being who I am, when an outside idea (news report, movie scene, etc) involving power, control, or inflicting pain over another person is introduced, My primal urges kick in.  As an ethical sadist, that's quickly followed by "if I had that person's consent".  It doesn't take Me long to see a great scene where the (not really) victim is being restrained, hurt, humiliated, or tortured in some way and hot damn!   I want to be the inflicter.  (It works the same way from the other side of the coin for others.  They want to be the victim.)  In scenarios where I can 'selectively forget' that I've obtained prior consent, things like role play, take downs, and rape scenes, even better.

Would I want to act on these urges without the ethical part?  No, I really wouldn't.  Even though the learned behavior in My brain actually follows primal urges, it really only takes a split second for it to process.  That doesn't mean that I deny the urges exist.  It just means I'm only going to act on them if the ethical part is included.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to areallivehuman)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 5:59:20 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, some feelings are taboo. If the thought of underage sex turns someone on it matters not to me that they have never acted upon it in any way, shape or form.
i agree. thoughts are not actions.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 6:00:49 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KariCloud
My experience with being his friend showed me how clearly important it is to have people to talk to, who you can talk to about ANYTHING. And, how important it is for a person's balance and sanity to be able to talk about anything to at least one person. To me, that people would judge him for just the thoughts in his head and nothing more is wrong.


I thought you explained it quite well. I hadn't really considered someone having fantasies that they knew were wrong and that bothered them. I was thinking more along the lines of someone who has those fantasies and even enjoys them but chooses not to act on them because the consequences would be dire. You made some excellent points.




_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to KariCloud)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 6:03:35 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh
Really.  So you've never looked at an extremely well formed teenager and had thoughts you would never act on?


Not since I was a teenager myself. Sorry to disappoint you.


_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to Nineveh)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 6:20:17 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		Ponder this: If thoughts and actions are distinct and separate then is it ok to hate as long as one does not commit a hate crime? Now, apply the same logic you apllied to that question to the matter at hand.





_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to joey46)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 6:23:44 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Ponder this: If thoughts and actions are distinct and separate then is it ok to hate as long as one does not commit a hate crime? Now, apply the same logic you apllied to that question to the matter at hand.




Provided the hatred does not present itself into actions (and that includes verbalization) the only one the feeling are hurting is the possessor.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 6:47:44 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Some really interesting responses so far.

For me it's a question of degree - Sure I'd daresay that most of us have occasionally had "taboo" ideas pop into our heads from time to time - and occasionally I've found myself feeling faintly guilty that some weirdness has entered a fantasy. From my perspective - the occasional random moment isn't necessarily harmful.

If it becomes an obsession, something that a person seeks out - If one of those Sexual Abuse Therapists was excited by the prospect of reading through a bunch of case files, or actively sought them out and took them home - Or worse - copied them and kept them as part of a regular masturbatory "thang" then I'd be inclined to say "Houston, we may have a problem..."

There are lots of examples of things that people regularly find erotic in fantasy that they wouldn't consider in r/l - so there is clearly some border-line - I wouldn't simply say "it's when thoughts turn to actions" though - it's a little before that, even before "when thoughts become intentions" - I can't really find the perfect phrase - but it's something like "when the taboo idea becomes a real desire or need" then even if alarm bells don't need to go off - a little flashing light ought to.

(in reply to joey46)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 8:45:49 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

No one can control what they think; they just do it. So I don't see any thoughts as taboo. How many people fantasize about killing someone or doing some outrageous things? All of us. Unless you are lying.

The taboo part comes when the person either acts out the thought or the thought does not stay in the recesses of the mind, but threatens to consume the person, even if they never act upon it.


This, and what LadyPact said.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 9:12:24 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have some very ugly thoughts. Really nasty, nonconsensual shit. Some of them I would actually have done, had the opportunity arisen. Still might.

MIGHT.

In the general run of life, I have control of myself, and I don't encourage my vengefulness by dwelling on it.

And, what LP and Sexyred said.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 9:20:21 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
...the beast doesn't come out to play unless I let it.  And I don't let it unless it's safe and consensual. 

I think the Bigger issue people struggle with, is the FEAR of Loosing this control.


I seriously think this is a question of knowing one's self or not. I'm a huge believer in developing self-awareness through meditation and deep reflection. I shied away from my sadistic tendencies in my 20s because I was afraid of the beast within, but with time, I got to really understand what it/I wanted as well as the motivations and limits. Today, I don't fear losing control one bit actually. And that's a mighty great feeling!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 9:32:59 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I can't really find the perfect phrase - but it's something like "when the taboo idea becomes a real desire or need" then even if alarm bells don't need to go off - a little flashing light ought to.


Probably, yes.  I would fit into this category, though I have found effective ways to sublimate needs that aren't socially or ethically appropriate into actions that are.  I do disclose honestly to potential partners, and to date it's scared nobody away.  Probably because I have a good track record of never actually harming anyone or doing unethical behaviors regardless of what goes on behind my eyes. 

But it goes on behind my eyes pretty much all the time.  That probably should be scarier to my potential partners that it has turned out to be. 


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 10:18:27 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR,

To be honest, I'd come to assume that most or even all dominants had at least the occasional non-consensual fantasy about something nasty, if not actually violent.  To me, that's the equivalent of a submissive wanting to forced - and I'm damned sure a lot of us toy with that idea.  

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 10:37:24 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I was thinking more about this thread and honestly, I think the only feelings that are taboo are feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, being unloved, unwanted, a failure, hated, etc.

Not feelings of extreme sexuality or violence. Why? Because the former feelings are likely to create a person who will eventually lose control of feelings and move them into action vs. the latter where a healthy human being can just process that we all have desires that society deems taboo and in some cases, these taboo desires get to be acted out safely with a consenting partner.


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 10:40:11 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Ponder this: If thoughts and actions are distinct and separate then is it ok to hate as long as one does not commit a hate crime? Now, apply the same logic you apllied to that question to the matter at hand.




Provided the hatred does not present itself into actions (and that includes verbalization) the only one the feeling are hurting is the possessor.



And herein lies a big grey area to me.  The feelings are still harming someone at that point, and thus are a problem.  Now, as long as they continue to only affect that one person, it's still manageable though, and the harm can be removed or lessened by simply being able to come to terms with the existence of the feelings and the realization that fantasy is not reality.  Realizing that feelings are just that, feelings, and one of the fundamental principles in all healing is that all feelings are valid, it's what we do with them that makes the difference in us being 'right' or 'wrong'.

If one were to accidentally drop something very heavy on my foot, of course I'm going to be angry and probably want to hit that person.  That's a feeling.  I recognize it's there and at the same time realize that A: That won't make my foot stop hurting, B: It was an accident, they happen. and C: Hitting them for such a thing is just plain wrong to do.  So although the thought is there, it's doing no harm to anyone as it's not being acted upon and it's being accepted, understood and dealt with in a healthy manner.  (Although , depending on how heavy it was, their ears may hurt from my reflexive shouting of obscenities.)


_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 10:44:12 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I was thinking more about this thread and honestly, I think the only feelings that are taboo are feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, being unloved, unwanted, a failure, hated, etc.

Not feelings of extreme sexuality or violence. Why? Because the former feelings are likely to create a person who will eventually lose control of feelings and move them into action vs. the latter where a healthy human being can just process that we all have desires that society deems taboo and in some cases, these taboo desires get to be acted out safely with a consenting partner.




I really do agree with the sentiment in the first para - but still, have reservations about the second - the occasional "snuff fantasy" (not that I've ever had anything even resembling this) may be "sorta ok" but nightly jacking off to snuff porn is a little... let's say "outre"....

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 10:50:31 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I understand your point, but I still find nothing taboo in a thought vs. an action. Even if someone was jacking off to snuff films daily, as long as they never act it out, I am fine.

I am not saying I would DATE that dude, but he or she is perfectly within their rights to free thought.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 10:59:27 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I really do agree with the sentiment in the first para - but still, have reservations about the second - the occasional "snuff fantasy" (not that I've ever had anything even resembling this) may be "sorta ok" but nightly jacking off to snuff porn is a little... let's say "outre"....

I guess some people are stuck in a rut and don't have enough imagination, I mean okay snuff one night, followed by a bus load of japanese school girls next night, night after that kidnapping Lady GaGa and turning her into a sex slave, followed by Whoring out Hilary Clinton to the Jonas Brothers. If you're really creative you can combine all these things into one big scene inside your head and go at it for hours on end.

When you've reached a point that it's starting to sting down below and your hand feels all icky, and look at the TRUE horror, knowing that you've masterbatered yourself to death, that your at the point of bleeding, is when you seriously know you Gotta find something else to do with your time, or accept the fact you have a sexual addiction issue.

Have I squicked anybody out yet? anybody? =-)

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 6/24/2010 11:00:19 AM >

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 11:06:37 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Have I squicked anybody out yet? anybody? =-)


Nope, keep going....:)

Oh, wait, no more Jonas Brothers, that is squick worthy.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 6/24/2010 11:09:52 AM >

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 11:07:11 AM   
KariCloud


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I really do agree with the sentiment in the first para - but still, have reservations about the second - the occasional "snuff fantasy" (not that I've ever had anything even resembling this) may be "sorta ok" but nightly jacking off to snuff porn is a little... let's say "outre"....


How is nightly jerking off to fake snuff any different or worse than nightly participation in sexual ageplay? In one, if it were not fake, people are being killed. In the other, if it were not fake, innocent children are scarred for life. Personally, I find the second one to be the bigger evil, I think there are worse things than death. But either, if faked between consensual adults, shouldn't be any more of a problem.

Unless you're willing to allow others to censor your thoughts, including those who say everything we do here is wrong, then you judging someone else's fantasies is hypocritical.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? - 6/24/2010 12:15:30 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Jonas Brothers


Sorry, no, that's a Hard Limit. No more of that will be allowed around here.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Are Any Feelings Taboo, or Just Actions? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109