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The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 1:04:09 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		A very brief conversation left me pondering something and I am curious about how others, especially dominants, feel about it.

Touch is important to me.  I think it is for most dominants as we watch and listen to how the submissive we are with responds to our touch during play.  As dominants, we watch and listen to how our partner, romantic and/or otherwise, responds to our touch and we learn from that and hold on to it.  We use that knowledge to repeat, or in some instances, withhold certain touches at certain times to enhance, prolong, challenge an experience for a submissive... to tease, please, frustrate, excite her.

But how about us?  I've learned through the years that certain aspects of touch bothered me but I really did not coalesce them until I spent time conversing and exploring with a submissive last year about touch WHY certain touches bother me or make me happy or arouse me.  And I learned it because it was important to her to learn how to touch me.  Seems like a simple thing but in many ways it was not. 

Example:  I NEVER liked having fingers drawn quickly and lightly back and forth over my nipple or quick, light "airy-fairy" scratching anywhere on me.  I knew I didn't like it but it was not until conversations with her and exploring with her that I discovered why...it makes me antsy.  It makes me irritable.  It makes me feel like the "bottom" partner.  Slow stroking does just the opposite.  Enlightenment.

What say the rest of you dominants?  Is how you are touched important to you or is this just for the sensualists among us? 

Submissives?  Do you find it important to find out how each dominant likes being touched or do you assume that he experiences things the same way any other male does and you reserve that special exploration for a "special" dominant?
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 1:08:47 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
What say the rest of you dominants?  Is how you are touched important to you or is this just for the sensualists among us? 

I'm not sure that I really qualify as a "dominant" in the sense you're talking about it here (and especially not after the men in panties thread), but honestly, Carol's touch to me in pretty much any way feels like love and goodness and intimacy.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 1:13:06 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Touch is a very complex thing to me. There are many people I don't even want in my personal space, let alone touching me. Even then, I am weird. I cannot stand groping needy touching. Touching that is all about trying to cop a feel or get a sexual/sensual thrill if I am not in the mood. For me, that is an unwelcome intrusion. I also don't like the touching that comes across as sucking up, wanting something from me I haven't already offered.

In that same light, there are times when foreplay is not wanted. It makes me impatient and irritable. I want to yell, "Just get to it dammit!"

And yes I agree, too light a touch is usually just annoying as hell.

It's a touchy.....subject. Hard to express how I feel without hurting someone's feelings.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/24/2010 1:14:17 PM >

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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 1:18:52 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i really like to know how to touch a person best and its useful to get feedback too.

the worst for me is when im trying to pleasure a guy and he just lies there, passively, scrutinizing everything i do - then i get insecure and lose confidence.  in the end we're not mind readers.  i know an erection is a pretty good indicator of how youre effecting them, but even so - encouraging a sub to pleasure you in a certain way and to avoid other things seems natural to me, after all she wants to get it right and you want her to get it right too - seems like a win win situation to me.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 1:21:38 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sooner or later.......... I am going to hug the shit out of you!

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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 1:26:07 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		We have a massage table and I get to touch every single inch of him for hours at a time at least once a week. He seems to like it. 8)

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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 1:31:54 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I am happy to see you posting again CD!

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 6/24/2010 2:06:44 PM >

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 2:02:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Physical touch is a "love language" to me and the how and why of it is very important and I am very very specific about how I want it done.  

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 2:06:20 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Physical touch is a "love language" to me and the how and why of it is very important and I am very very specific about how I want it done.  

How interesting. I'm not fussy about HOW it is done... but I AM fussy with whom. I actually dropped out of ballroom dancing classes because they insisted on swapping dance partners and I found other women in my arms... even just in dance frame... to be very annoying.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 2:37:46 PM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Good subject and yes touch to the skin can be ever so stimulating. My girlfriend is a message therapist and does it for a living so we both  give each other very slow messages a few times a week. She tells me I am some  what good at it and I do enjoy it.
But in D/s its funny, one can be blinded and tied  and if the Domme's fingers is just even close somehow one can tell and I get goosebumps. So it is maybe in the head as always.

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 2:44:27 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		The post is from 2006.
I wonder if that means this touch is necrophlia?

WEIRD! I refreshed and it listed 2010! WB CD.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 6/24/2010 2:45:39 PM >

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 2:59:26 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Touch is one of the reasons i could never do straight on-line relationships. Just as babies can wither and die without it, so do i need it.
Just a hug can convey and mean so much.  But not from just anyone. It has to be from someone i invited into my personal space.

I worked with a man who insisted on hugging me - and i didn't like it. It wasn't until i worked with him for about a year and became comfortable with him that i accepted his hugs in the spirit in which they were given. And i didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him to stop. He hugged everyone , in a completely harmless way.

For me the type of touch is irrelevant- I just need to be touched.

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 3:05:52 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I love being stroked and massages when in pain. But It does matter to me who does it and tend to have an automatic defence/attack reaction if anyone other then Neets touches my face. generally I'm a fairly tactile sort of bloke and enjoy being touched and touching in return. For some reason if I am in physical contact or in close proximity, I read them far better. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 3:13:11 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am the opposite. when sick or in pain I don't want any contact.

When I am well, I am a contact kinda guy

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 3:21:41 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Submissives? Do you find it important to find out how each dominant likes being touched or do you assume that he experiences things the same way any other male does and you reserve that special exploration for a "special" dominant?


Hello CD -
I never assume anyone experiences stuff the way I do. I'm fairly quirky. And heck, I sure *hope* he doesn't experience the same as I do! That'd be right dull.

Touch is brilliant, amazing. People have different types of pleasure in the touch department, yes. When I go to the masseuse, I tell them that it's dang near impossible to hurt me, so please please deep tissue ... lots of force and power... but blech no "airy fairy" touch (nice phrase). It tickles and itches. I absolutely hate to be tickled and hate itching even more. I'm loathe to try new medications even when I'm really sick because I have so many allergies. Oh gosh, I just want to die when I'm itchy.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Jeffff)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 4:24:51 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I'm pretty good 'at' touching, in that I enjoy it a lot and my partners seem to enjoy it as well, depending on the touch, mood, etc. Like what CD said.

I'm not that good at 'being' touched. My moods are somewhere north of 'dislike', but not too far north I believe. Backrubs tend to do nothing for me, and it rather devolves from there.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 4:58:52 PM   
cassandria


Posts: 86
Joined: 6/6/2010
Status: offline 		I'm with SimplyMichael on this one....touch is a lovelanguage for me as well. I have my favorites...ohhh yes I do... But as it's a lovelanguage for me, it's also an important consideration that I don't wish just anyone to share that language with me...it has to be a love, to give the language.


(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 5:00:15 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Like kiwisub, I need to be touched. I love to be touched. But it's only from those that I'm ok with touching me. I certainly want my Dom to tell me what he likes and dislikes. I don't do well with guessing games.

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 5:56:03 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Submissives? Do you find it important to find out how each dominant likes being touched or do you assume that he experiences things the same way any other male does and you reserve that special exploration for a "special" dominant?


for this slave, it isn't just important, it is essential for her to know what He finds pleasurable/annoying...and how else is she supposed to know, if He doesn't impart that information?

this slave was raped for her "touch", back at the tender age of 16...forced to jack someone off, despite the crying and begging for it to stop. as a result, touching a man's penis...ANY man's penis, with just her hands has always been something that caused her an enormous amount of anxiety. but HE enjoys that kind of touch, so this slave does it...for His satisfaction...after paying careful attention to how He specifically likes it done.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: The Importance of Touch - 6/24/2010 6:13:40 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't think this has anything to do with being dominant or submissive but with being human.

Humans are aroused or turned off by touch. Touch makes us connect with another or become intimate together.

Touch is a sense like the rest of our senses and without it a piece of us is missing.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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