Begging~

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SirsJewel -> Begging~ (6/25/2010 1:30:25 PM)
i have some issues lately learning to beg Master for what i need and want. i am pretty certain He has witheld some things based on my inability to beg for them. All the time preparing to see Him, i psyche myself up on what ways i will beg more,be overly more submissive to please Him etc,but when the time comes i feel like i am being quite selfish,possibly refocusing the talk or actions towards me based on my desires. How did you get past this or improve over time to beg properly? i am very curious from All sides how it affects the mood and the outcomes involved please ~ jewels

DesFIP -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 1:34:41 PM)
What does he mean by begging? What does he want to hear? If you don't know that, then you can't possibly do it.

SirsJewel -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 1:51:11 PM)
i agree,but i have talked to Him and just get, if You want something say sexually for example while involved,beg He tells, me. But there's other things as well, don't care to get into everything here right now,but He actually rarely says the word No, i just would like please some examples of getting in a better mindset to beg please?

cassandria -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 1:58:08 PM)
chuckles well, you kinda learn over time what works...or you don't get what you're begging for [;)] But I am with DesFIP on this...if you're struggling to get the words out, if you're not sure of the posturing he's desiring, you're kind of flying blind here. Trying to figure it out yourself shows initiative; asking him shows respect and gets to the point. Here's an idea. Why not ask him if you can have a "please teach me to beg, Master?" session. If he says beg for what...maybe suggest he offer whatever he thinks will turn you on, the most. I bet an hour of solid begging, in a whole lot of different ways, will get you going crazy, will really tweak his "I like this" button, but what's more, you'll have a good idea by the end of it some different ways of approaching him, of truly begging him...and what has a hope of reaching him. (well, assuming he's reachable. Some sadists? not so much. So you might have to try lots of ways.) If at first you don't succeed.....try, try, and try again. And again. And again. And sometimes, even again. And then...maybe you finally get what you were begging for. If he feels like it. Reach for it. grin have fun, sunshine!

cassandria -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 2:00:55 PM)
for me, that mindset has to be that I want something SO much, that I no longer care if I sound like a pathetic wuss. Maybe you need him to say no...or make you wait for it more, i mean, I can't put myself in that mindset alone. I need him to get me there.

UniqueRaven -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 2:04:01 PM)
i'm the same way, i find it hard to beg - i think it is my deep need to please, and that ultimately i don't care about my own pleasure that much. i often have found that it's much easier for me to just go without something (and i really don't miss it) than to beg for it. What has worked for me has been two things - one, to tap into the part of me that really, really wants something, and beg from that authentic place, and; two, to understand how much he wants for me to beg for something. But really, if i can't have either of these things going on, begging just becomes acting for me - it isn't "real." i will say that my potential Owner (i am currently unowned) would find a way to motivate to beg for something - and then play with that edge for quite a while, for his own fun and amusement. He would be much more likely to do that then to tell me to be an actress and simply put on an act of begging.

UniqueRaven -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 2:05:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cassandria for me, that mindset has to be that I want something SO much, that I no longer care if I sound like a pathetic wuss. Maybe you need him to say no...or make you wait for it more, i mean, I can't put myself in that mindset alone. I need him to get me there. Exactly. Same point as me but better said. [:)]

SirsJewel -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 2:05:15 PM)
Thanks that's a big help. He's not a sadist with pain but mentally He holds back and He's a hard read on this for sure. i just do not want Him to think me vanilla with Him lately. i will ask for a session of this, i think my pride gets in the way a tad as well, be well ~ jewels

cassandria -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 2:20:54 PM)
UniqueRaven said: quote: What has worked for me has been two things - one, to tap into the part of me that really, really wants something, and beg from that authentic place, and; two, to understand how much he wants for me to beg for something. But really, if i can't have either of these things going on, begging just becomes acting for me - it isn't "real." i will say that my potential Owner (i am currently unowned) would find a way to motivate to beg for something - and then play with that edge for quite a while, for his own fun and amusement. He would be much more likely to do that then to tell me to be an actress and simply put on an act of begging. Talk about saying it better than I could...you mention a really important point here, I think, UniqueRaven. SirsJewel, does your Master want you to beg with authenticity...? Because if so...he has to learn what GETS you to that point of those words really, truly coming from your lips. And make it happen. ooooh...anticipation... I seldom beg (I'm unowned, but speaking from the past)...like UniqueRaven, I'd rather let it go, unless I learn he really wants me to beg, in which case I'm in a stuck place of uncomfortableness that a lot of men seem to like to 'play' in, or if I truly get to a point where I want something so desperately that I stop caring, only feeling. I assume that most dominant men would desire that begging be done from a point of authenticity, where the slave/submissive has been reduced to such a need that she's babbling/begging and humbling herself in that way... Because that takes Mastery. (is that a word? if not, I like it anyways.)

SirsJewel -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 2:20:58 PM)
i just got a chill, yuppers that's me. i feel fake somehow begging to beg,if it doesn't pull at me to do so. i want so terribly to be better and not be any trouble,that pleasing Him takes over when We are together and i just let it pass U/us by. But i need to work on a way better to say my needs overall in time. Thanks so much that certainly helped ~ jewels

UniqueRaven -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 3:33:42 PM)
Thank you cassandria. [:)] Honestly, whenever i've been commanded to "beg" in the past, and i didn't have that internal WANT for that thing/action, i've just thought to myself, "eh, but i really don't care." Any begging of that sort has always been of the whole "my i please have XYZ....." but no expression of that WANT, that desire..... i thought i was a failure, honestly. But then realized that either i had to figure out how to WANT that thing/action (which can be done, fantasies and visualizations help), or - even better - he MAKES me want it (uber yummy). Be gentle with yourself, and keep the lines of communication open - you'll figure it out. It is, as you say, simply being clear, honest and open about your needs and desires, and hopefully he'll begin to build and play upon those. It really does take two. And cassandria, "Mastery" is a word in my book too - it is exactly the right description here.

littlewonder -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 3:34:49 PM)
When I first met Master I was awful at begging. I always have been. I always felt begging was being selfish but there are times He enjoys hearing me beg and plead..other times not so much. How I got over it was by Master withholding those things from me that he knew were dear to me until I wanted it so desperately that I had no choice but to beg with everything I had inside me. Imo if it's important enough to you, if you want it desperately enough you'll dig deep down inside to beg.

laurell3 -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 3:35:18 PM)
I'm not sure I would worry about anything putting the focus on you if that's what he's directing. By ignoring his request, you're depriving him of the information/action he desires.

angelikaJ -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 3:46:45 PM)
jewels, you have gotten some good input. "Begging" has nearly always had an element of artificiality for me. The last time I begged though it was to be allowed to do something. This last time something had shifted and as I was begging "Please" there were tears running down my face as I looked into his eyes and asked again and again.

SirsJewel -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 4:11:20 PM)
Yes very good imput so far ty everyone ~ jewels

sunshinemiss -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 4:18:32 PM)
Hello Jewel, I have a different take on this topic (surprise, surprise). Begging requires either total vulnerability or a certain inauthenticity that can be "acting". About each one: The "acting" - nothing wrong with that. In AA, they say "fake it till you make it", and psychotherapy absolutely encourages people to act "as if". It allows us to touch that part of us that is able to do something while not giving power to the part that isn't 100% ready to do something. Many an alcoholic has shown up white knuckled to a meeting instead of the bar, waited until the urge passed, and then was able to really deeply practice their sobriety. There is great honor in that, I think. People need support. This is one of those times. Most things that are difficult require some support of some type - that is why it's not been done in the past. It's too hard. Nothing wrong with pretending you are begging to get an idea of what it feels like, what comes up for you, does it feel ok to you. The other is vulnerability This one is sticky. When authentically a person begs, they open themselves to another (whether in a violent situation or a more pleasant intimacy). People express the most core truth, find the place that, if exposed, can be deeply wounded. That is why it comes up in violence. People are desperate, at the lowest rung of the ladder. It takes desperation in one form or another to get to this place. The ladies above have given you fine examples of that. (hats off) There are times that begging is too emotionally dangerous for people. There is deep trust, and one can be harmed. For example there is a certain "learned helplessness" that comes about in people who have tried over and over to get something that they needed and have learned that it will not be forthcoming. They have learned to not ask. It is dangerous to ask. The not asking is a way to preserve one's sacred core. That is where some people live. Begging is not something they can do. Without complete safety, knowing that their best very best interests are protected, begging from deep inside is not an option. Heck even asking from that place is much too dangerous. People will do without instead of risking. This can be frustrating for other folks. (Oh well). But for someone who takes the times to build the trust, to show trustworthiness in a way that can be appreciated and understood, there is a level of trust that can be built. The end result can be an amazingly freeing and beautiful experience. There is an innocence that comes with it. Try not to judge yourself too harshly. Maybe begging is one of those things that you need to build up to. It's not just the physical that one must practice to get comfortable with. Good luck, sunshine

SirsJewel -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 4:28:00 PM)
i think that's where i get stuck, trusting enough to feel vulnerable without being hurt as i have in the past. You imprint on another time something went wrong or right often times,and unfortunately carry that over to the next person. You explain things in a very imformative way sunshine i truly appreciated,thankyou ~ jewels

cinderella221972 -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 6:03:14 PM)
Very interesting discussion. Here i thought it was just me. i will go without indefinitely rather than beg. Sighs.

SirsJewel -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 6:14:11 PM)
W/we are taught initially to serve, to be unselfish, to focus solely on the Doms needs,then it feels wierd begging,like "do i really need this?" is this attention getting behaviour? i have a need that i guess niggles me to the point of begging,and that's when i will act on it,or just bury it and somehow morn it's passing and just deal. So, i know just how you feel, that struggle within,that's becomes an elephant eventually until it truly matters. He knows, i have asked Him,written to Him about things i'd like,but i guess i have to kneel for it and see what happens ~ jewels

sunshinemiss -> RE: Begging~ (6/25/2010 7:05:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirsJewel i think that's where i get stuck, trusting enough to feel vulnerable without being hurt as i have in the past. You imprint on another time something went wrong or right often times,and unfortunately carry that over to the next person. You explain things in a very imformative way sunshine i truly appreciated,thankyou ~ jewels My pleasure. And by the way, patience is one of the tools a Dom has in the olde tool box. *wink.

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