Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker....


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 1:52:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't give a shit what "men" want. I care what the person I'm getting involved with is like- and frankly I avoid the ones who play games or need to chase. Those are fun for kinky scenes, not relationships.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 1:55:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Depends on the maturity of the man. But by and large a man who is sex driven isn't also spending the time to know if he likes you as a person. Hell, I would go farther and say if he isn't spending the time to discover who he is as a person, and since he doesn't know himself it is hopeless to expect him to want to know anyone else.

If the urge for me isn't there early, then it won't ever be. I am assuming it's similar in men.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 4:38:59 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		UR, I'm not into casual sex either, and I think that most people I'd be interested in anyway are willing to put some time into getting to know each other and building an emotional and romantic connection. I'm not "withholding sex" until I get the cookie, I just don't have any interest in having sex with a near-stranger who I don't care about, and who doesn't care about me.

AQSM, between you calling women whores if they dare to ask you to buy a cup of coffee, and now accusing them of playing games and "withholding sex" if they don't let you fuck them on the first date, no wonder you aren't having a lot of takers!

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 4:52:53 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

AQSM, between you calling women whores if they dare to ask you to buy a cup of coffee, and now accusing them of playing games and "withholding sex" if they don't let you fuck them on the first date, no wonder you aren't having a lot of takers!


So apparently there is another person who has decided that reading what type isn't good enough they have to determine what I mean.

I would ask you to show where I ever said the words that a woman is a whore for asking me to buy her a cup of coffee, instead I will direct you AGAIN AND AGAIN to the fact that I personally perfer to pay, I even pay when I am the one who was invited out, I perfer to pay because it is how I am wired, I have issue where there is expectations that I am supposed to pay, even more so when someone speaks of equality and then maintains that men "SHOULD" Pay for anything as that is not Equality Nor is it Independence.

Andalusite, I'm Married, We have regular lovers, it's not an issue in this house. Again you read what you want because you have decided no matter what that I am the bag guy, I am everything that is wrong with the male species, since you need things spelled out for you I will inform you that no I do not expect sex from anyone at anytime, that includes my wife who is my slave and any of our submissive lovers, I simply show affection and they reciprocate. If anyone we are dating tries to use sex as a Cookie, something that someone is to be rewarded with for jumping through hoops like a trained dog then yes I have little patience for them, I do not have issue with a woman wanting to wait, but that is not what has been presented in this thread, what has been presented is that women hold men to tests, make them jump through hoops, tease then deny them to see how they react. This is Manipulation of the worst kind and I have no problem walking away and taking something that is worth having, Me, away from them for having played games.

I hope this time you understand this. Maybe take a moment and go Re-Read what I have typed in other thread, in stead of seeing me as this horrible person you have decided that I am instead read what I have Typed, Nothing into it, just the words that I read and see if you STILL feel I am an Ass, if you do then perhaps you will hide me because it is obvious you don't for what I have to say. Act like a grown up and walk away from the issue.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 6:41:41 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

But then as a submissive woman, when your deep felt desire is to please him, how can you and why should you even withhold this? Would you want her more and pursue her more if she withheld from sex? or does it not matter, or bare any relevance to the D/s way of sexual life?


Well I'm not a man or a dom but the advice I'd give you is this:

Just be yourself.

I've never "withheld sex" from a guy to make it more of a "challenge" - sometimes I had sex soon into the relationship, other times it was a longer wait, but every time I waited until I was ready. I generally don't want to have sex with someone unless I am able to see a future, long term relationship with them, and sometimes that happens soon and sometimes it takes awhile.

Guys are all different, they want different types of women, so the best advice I can give is when deciding to have sex, do it when you want to, and if some guy says you wait too long or do it too soon, his "type" isn't your "type" and that's fine. Better to find out you're not compatible sooner rather than later.

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 7:53:59 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		i think W/we spend a great deal of "dating" someone online these days before meeting. Not everyone,but many do. Master and i talked probably 100+ hours before meeting so i knew the possibility of sex was there upfront. After a few hours of getting to know each other in person W/we got a room and i don't think either of U/us thought in terms of one nighter,but you never know. In my case i am now owned, so my question would be to understand, do you feel okay about your decision now or not? ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 8:09:18 PM   
Plasticine


Posts: 260
Joined: 6/9/2010
Status: offline 		Speaking from personal experience only... A guy knows before he sleeps with you whether he is planning to stick around or not.  Those plans however are hinged on one major contingency... how you behave afterward.

So no I don't think that sex too early is a dealbreaker...  what is a dealbreaker is choosing the wrong person to sleep with and/or clinging too fiercely to them in the time after.  There is no formula for it but ideally you choose someone with which there is a mutually strong attraction and neither of you plays games about your feelings and things progress naturally from there.  Any attempts to force things are going to generally be received negatively by the other party.

< Message edited by Plasticine -- 6/27/2010 8:15:06 PM >

(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 8:15:48 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		i agee. You live and learn, everyone is different as well. The worst thing to me are folks who complain and trash a person who didn't go the way they wanted. You move on and hope a lesson learned was of some value is all ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to Plasticine)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 8:23:25 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Plasticine

Speaking from personal experience only... A guy knows before he sleeps with you whether he is planning to stick around or not. Those plans however are hinged on one major contingency... how you behave afterward.



Quoted for Truth.

Take notes ladies, regardless of if he admits it or even knows it for that matter, this is EXACTLY True.

I find that women who think men are only after sex, have a habit of choosing men who are only after sex to swoon over.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to Plasticine)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 8:47:29 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hankyspanky2

I'm a little new so please be gentle with me. I've only met two Dom men and have only had play type situations with them. On my first play date with the 2nd guy, I went and stayed at his house for a couple of days-there was a long communication on both our parts beforehand, and safe call information given. I felt comfortable with him and trusted him. We spent time talking, we cooked together, went to the cinema together, shopping etc. It was on the 2nd day of our first date/play session that we had sex, it felt right (I did wonder if this was too soon), but naturally I enjoyed it as much as him.

So my question is this:

Men are supposedly (according to internet articles/magazines and even addmissions themselves) to like/enjoy a challenge or the chase, and that ultimately if a woman has sex with him too soon-then his desire for you diminishes, you've given him the goods, there's nothing left to wonder about.

But then as a submissive woman, when your deep felt desire is to please him, how can you and why should you even withhold this? Would you want her more and pursue her more if she withheld from sex? or does it not matter, or bare any relevance to the D/s way of sexual life?

Just interested in hearing some male dom thoughts on this.

Thanks x





Well, you only posted this today, so here's the question.....Have you heard from him since? I've found that typically will give you a good way of knowing whether he wanted anything more than just a roll in the hay.

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 9:40:35 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		If I really, deeply, truly love a woman, I want to have sex with her right away;
If I like her a lot, I want to have sex with her right away;
If I am ambivalent about her, I want to have sex with her right away;
If I despise her and wish she would die, I want to have sex with her right away;



The perceptive reader will sense a pattern here....

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/27/2010 10:21:21 PM   
xXsoumisXx


Posts: 339
Joined: 7/26/2009
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

If I really, deeply, truly love a woman, I want to have sex with her right away;
If I like her a lot, I want to have sex with her right away;
If I am ambivalent about her, I want to have sex with her right away;
If I despise her and wish she would die, I want to have sex with her right away;



The perceptive reader will sense a pattern here....


(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 8:06:39 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Plasticine

Speaking from personal experience only... A guy knows before he sleeps with you whether he is planning to stick around or not.  Those plans however are hinged on one major contingency... how you behave afterward.



True to an extent. But sometimes people can be very surprised by what occurs, on both sides.

(in reply to Plasticine)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 8:20:57 AM   
ZeIda


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My own personal experience has always been that when I've had sex with a man right from the get go then they had zero interest in forming a relationship or even anything else other than a one night stand. The challenge was over. They caught the mouse and now it was time to move on to the next prey.

Like I said that was always my experience with having sex too early. YMMV.



That's got nothing to do with men loosing interest after sex.
A lot of people always have sex prior to starting a relationship.
All these men end up in relationships.
The only constant is you.
You're probably just a really terrible fuck.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 8:24:09 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ZeIda

My own personal experience has always been that when I've had sex with a man right from the get go then they had zero interest in forming a relationship or even anything else other than a one night stand. The challenge was over. They caught the mouse and now it was time to move on to the next prey.


(sighs) my experience is the opposite.  It was like feeding a stray dog.  I couldn't GET them to leave. 

(in reply to ZeIda)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 8:37:43 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		AQSM, some of your other posts have come across as very intelligent and interesting, and I don't think you're evil incarnate or anything. It's just that much like the threads about "gosh, there are scammers out there!!!!1!" a few of your specific posts have come across as very bitter and assuming that most women are manipulative, in situations where I think it's more likely that there was a miscommunication. I have no reason to doubt that you've been successful in other venues at finding partners, where your attitude toward women "expecting" a cup of coffee didn't happen to come up until you had already interacted.

A couple of people talked about people being manipulative or expecting someone to jump through hoops, or lying about their intentions. Sure, some people do that, but I think that most are pretty easy to screen out quickly. The ones that are left are more likely starting out with different expectations and not communicating well, rather than one person being deliberately manipulative and cruel. Women sometimes are accused of "withholding sex" after an argument. It's not that they are saying "You have to grovel and apologise and jump through hoops first" for the most part, just that they aren't interested in sex when they're mad and hurt and upset. So, bringing up sex right afterward probably isn't a good move, unless you know that fighting makes her horny. Better to wait a bit for her to calm down. Likewise, when someone is first starting to date someone, if she's not interested in casual sex, she may wait even if she's horny and frustrated, until they have an emotional connection. It's not withholding or manipulating, just taking the time for the emotions to catch up to the hormones.

Elisabella, I know there are a lot of men who just want sex. I see their profiles here, and I've had a lot of them hit on me. I'm usually good at screening them out without even one date, but once in a while, we're just not on the same page. As soon as I find out, I stop dating them. I don't get mad, but I do try to figure out how to pick up the warning signs a little sooner. None of the men I've had sex with have done a one-night-stand or made me feel they were just using me for sex. If I weren't aware that some men do feel that way, I'd have been more likely to get hurt and fooled by the ones who are.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/28/2010 8:38:22 AM >

(in reply to ZeIda)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 10:08:45 AM   
InLight


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/28/2010
Status: offline 		"Insisting on a time frame to peak "mysterious wonderment" or "the thrill of the chase" is cute in one's teens, but I assume a man would have grown out of that shortly after entering his twenties. "

I agree with this viewpoint. If I want to have sex with a man then I do so. I don't subscribe to useless double standards or head games. Withholding sex when you actually want to have sex is nearly always a head game, whether you're playing it with yourself or a man.


(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 10:49:30 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My own personal experience has always been that when I've had sex with a man right from the get go then they had zero interest in forming a relationship or even anything else other than a one night stand. The challenge was over. They caught the mouse and now it was time to move on to the next prey.

Like I said that was always my experience with having sex too early. YMMV.


This has not been my experience, but I tend to dislike shallow men and I am good at separating the wheat from the chaff in in short order

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 10:54:35 AM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline 		Julia...Boobs...nice...boobs...new...boobs...picture....boobs...I...boobs...never...boobs...realized...boobs... how... boobs.. boobs... boobs.......

Boobs....

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 6/28/2010 11:47:59 AM   
MasterLSOne


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		I read the original question a few times.... the emotional feel of how the girl thinks as she sets out her question needed to be somewhat understood...

Sex to soon as a deal breaker?

What is the "deal" and in your conversations with the Dominant was sex discussed (One hopes so)

Its the meeting, and enjoyment time and it ends in sexual release, well done, if not, then it does not, simple really...

As for the Dom having a plan, yes, as for the girl having a plan, yes, so what happens between adults happens, and if you cry over the issue later, you made your choices with the knowledge and understanding of yourself and how you think at that point in time only.... nothing more or less.

Master LS



< Message edited by MasterLSOne -- 6/28/2010 11:50:36 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125