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RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/4/2010 5:22:24 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

My comment is that I simply detest the phrase and that it assigns sex to an activity like having dinner, having coffee, having dessert - for me, sex is not an activity.


Or like, having a baby, having a wonderful day, having good news, etc.

The French say they "have cold" and "have hunger" when we use a conjugation of "to be" with an adjective form of the noun. But "have" is often used to construct phrases in many languages, it's not something to take too literally.

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/4/2010 5:27:32 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		Sex it the action to me. Making love involves alot of feelings,emotions and passion. Fucking to me is the raw stuff that just feeds a lustful need. There are many variances in sex that can happen all in one session. It is interpreted differently for each person. i can have sex with anyone, and it can be like blowling,skiing, an Activity of the body. i can fuck almost anyone for it takes more risk,trust and adventure. But very few do i make love to,that's when tears get shed all is stripped away and its pure. ~ jewels

< Message edited by SirsJewel -- 7/4/2010 6:19:20 PM >

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God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/7/2010 7:23:41 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsJewel

Sex it the action to me. Making love involves alot of feelings,emotions and passion. Fucking to me is the raw stuff that just feeds a lustful need. There are many variances in sex that can happen all in one session. It is interpreted differently for each person. i can have sex with anyone, and it can be like blowling,skiing, an Activity of the body. i can fuck almost anyone for it takes more risk,trust and adventure. But very few do i make love to,that's when tears get shed all is stripped away and its pure. ~ jewels


Amen.
There are days I like sex to be a holy intimate thing, about connecting, intimacy and two people intertwining at the tightest levels.
Then there are the days I wanna rut like savage dogs in heat, beating, panting, moaning, sweat, screams, just tearing through walls and shredding common decency.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/8/2010 9:06:32 AM   
MasterGreg43


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline 		Ok first this lifestyle is by choice not force, it consentual a lifestyle choices, sex is not apart of the bonding process but its can be used as reward for a good time or session, (might opinion only), you can't mix vanilla and lifestyle issues together or u will drive urself crazy indeed.

sex is ur choice when and how totally up to you, no rule on when u lay down open legs and let happen, have to be self choice first, I have never judged a person on how long before sex, or how fast it comes unless the proof of D/D free, is needed, or STD testing result must be in first which is after dealing with a person newbie or not 90 days I do require result of STD's dealing with a poly family everyone life is in My hands.

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PA Dominant King
Dominant King of Sweet Palace of Pain
Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/8/2010 10:48:27 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hankyspanky2
Men are supposedly (according to internet articles/magazines and even addmissions themselves) to like/enjoy a challenge or the chase, and that ultimately if a woman has sex with him too soon-then his desire for you diminishes, you've given him the goods, there's nothing left to wonder about.

Wonderful... My advice is to not spend too much thought on how "men" are based upon mass media images. Consider, for a moment, how mass media portrays females (Desparate Housewives anyone?). Men... real men... are varied from individual to individual and complex with the individual.

I, for one, do not "value the chase" and would not consider having sex with someone with whom I had not already formed a relationship. Carol offered on our first date. I declined.

What I especially reject is gamesmanship. The whole thought pattern would send me running. Carol attracted me because she was emotionally open and honest with me, not because she gamed me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/8/2010 12:32:29 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hankyspanky2

So my question is this:

Men are supposedly (according to internet articles/magazines and even addmissions themselves) to like/enjoy a challenge or the chase, and that ultimately if a woman has sex with him too soon-then his desire for you diminishes, you've given him the goods, there's nothing left to wonder about.

But then as a submissive woman, when your deep felt desire is to please him, how can you and why should you even withhold this? Would you want her more and pursue her more if she withheld from sex? or does it not matter, or bare any relevance to the D/s way of sexual life?


hankyspanky2,

Oftentimes the problem with early engagement is the differences in perception that occur. The female assumes that they have established a bond, whereas the male views the copulation as nothing more than such with no union in place. See the problem? In my opinion, a woman must be honest with herself regarding what she desires from the pairing. If you want a relationship then adhere to that, if it's a romp in the hay so be it. To presume that you're relating with the individual merely because you're having intercourse or play is a recipe for disaster. The tenets that comprise a relationship run far deeper than physical stimulation. I'm not suggesting that you invoke the chase, which I don't agree with in all truth. But I am recommending that you demonstrate why you're worth the claim rather than momentary diversion.

In terms of submission, the latter doesn't compel me to give into physical lusts for the other person. That doesn't suggest they don't exist, but I look beyond that and focus on more important attributes that illustrate compatibility. Sex alters the landscape and you should have some idea of what you're dealing with and developing before its inception. While that may require self-control on your end, it is far better to do without than to spend your time lamenting over spilled milk later on.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/8/2010 8:16:54 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		I dont agree with your perception of men and women.  I once asked men and women about the role of sex in a relationship, and both equally agreed that once sex was there, it was a RELATIONSHIP (I did not agree).  Only one person, a good female friend of mine said that there is no relationship until there is a commitment.  I do agree, as my post said, that too many people are basing a relationship on the fact that they have shared the pleasures of the bed, and that, IMO, has little to do with what is required to have a long term stable relationship.     

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/8/2010 9:11:46 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I dont agree with your perception of men and women.


Firebirdseeking,

In all fairness I think the numerous threads initiated by women here and elsewhere are testament to the differences of interpretation where sex and play are concerned. We have a host of situations presented by one party after engagement where the female made assumptions about a relationship that was not in existence. I don't proclaim to have insight on their dynamics nor will I question their intelligence, but I'd be pretty blind not to notice the preponderance of such in various venues.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/11/2010 6:21:50 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline 		I'm largely up for having sex when we both feel that the time is right to have sex.  I prefer not to overcomplicate these things.

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/11/2010 8:10:02 PM   
vaiyanen


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline 		It don't think that the act itself is necessarily what will doom any potential for a future relationship. I'll exclude men whose sole interest really is sex, for the purpose of this discussion.

If a woman has sex on the first date and it's clear that she wasn't really sure about her decision, and did it "just because", the man is going to sense that. Most men don't get the warm fuzzies about the idea of a woman questioning whether or not she should have had sex with him. If one gives it up on the assumption that by doing so will please him and that sex is the only way to make him happy, then you've already set yourself up for a failure.

I got a good piece of advice from a man I used to work with. He said, "Blow his mind before you blow his cock."

Men are not as oblivious or as simplistic as Cosmo portrays them to be.

-vaiyanen

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/13/2010 1:38:25 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm a little new so please be gentle with me. I've only met two Dom men and have only had play type situations with them. On my first play date with the 2nd guy, I went and stayed at his house for a couple of days-there was a long communication on both our parts beforehand, and safe call information given. I felt comfortable with him and trusted him. We spent time talking, we cooked together, went to the cinema together, shopping etc. It was on the 2nd day of our first date/play session that we had sex, it felt right (I did wonder if this was too soon), but naturally I enjoyed it as much as him.

So my question is this:

Men are supposedly (according to internet articles/magazines and even addmissions themselves) to like/enjoy a challenge or the chase, and that ultimately if a woman has sex with him too soon-then his desire for you diminishes, you've given him the goods, there's nothing left to wonder about.

But then as a submissive woman, when your deep felt desire is to please him, how can you and why should you even withhold this? Would you want her more and pursue her more if she withheld from sex? or does it not matter, or bare any relevance to the D/s way of sexual life?

Just interested in hearing some male dom thoughts on this.

Thanks x


hanky,

sex is merely a byproduct of the relationship.........so no it is not a deal breaker.

CP

(in reply to hankyspanky2)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/13/2010 2:27:08 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vaiyanen

If one gives it up on the assumption that by doing so will please him and that sex is the only way to make him happy, then you've already set yourself up for a failure.

I got a good piece of advice from a man I used to work with. He said, "Blow his mind before you blow his cock."


vaiyanen,

First of all I love that quote. It's awesome! Well stated. I agree with your comments especially the one I've included. I believe in having sex because that's what I want, not because I'm trying earn brownie points with the other person.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to vaiyanen)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/13/2010 4:04:44 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Porcelaine - if you were a man i would have sex with you on the first date.... and respect you in the morning, just for that last comment.


(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/13/2010 5:00:13 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Porcelaine - if you were a man i would have sex with you on the first date.... and respect you in the morning, just for that last comment.


kiwisub12,

Why thank you for the compliment. I'm assuming we can't negotiate on the other thing right?

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Is sex too soon a deal breaker.... - 7/13/2010 5:28:27 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		FR:

When Sir and I were first dating, He would play with me and do sexual things to me so that I would cum, but I was not allowed to touch Him. He held off WEEKS before he had sex with me. I thought he wasn't sure if He wanted me. I was so busy proving myself worthy of His time- He had me going for soooooo long. I thought I would die if we didn't have sex. I did everything I could to suggest it......but He was in control. Of everything. He even kept His bedroom door closed until He felt I earned the right into His bed.

Actually, the first time He finally f*cked me, it was on His living room floor- I hadn't made it into the bedroom yet.

He was more interested in finding out what kind of possession I'd be than getting laid (He could get that from anyone. He was searching for the right girl to own). I guess I'm saying, throw out the "norms"- if you give up control to someone, you forfeit the right to worry about it.

So just be sure of to whom you give control.

_____________________________

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(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 95
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