RE: The Image that is Given

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Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 8:42:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact The two examples that came immediately to My mind when I was writing that were: 1. The gal who borrowed a urethral sound from her friend to use on her boyfriend. She came to the boards after the fact. Oh, did I mention that the friend had used it on her own boyfriend first and it hadn't been cleaned? 2. The guy who was here for a bit who had a bad habit of giving half ass information (close to plausible, but crap when it came to safety) on the boards. I wrote him an email telling him how irresponsible some of his advice was. His reply first was that what he was doing was funny. The second was a sob story about how nobody will play with somebody 'new' so he was looking for info on the net and trying to rehash it. Those two are classics! Mind you, I'll never forget the user who was into ANAL ICE HOOKS. (a few years back).

Marini -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 8:48:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan It is interesting how this thread has snowballed. So the idea that someone is supported, just not directly on the thread, isn't worth anything? Now what Image is being presented to the people who do that? Who I am really surprised haven't said anything yet about doing it. And I do believe there is a Valid reason to do such a thing, sure it can't be proven, much of what gets talked about on these boards can't be, Only for those of us who know the people in person can verify what is real and what is not. Point being, sometimes it feels good knowing that when it seems like you are the only one who believes something there is someone else who Agrees. Even if they aren't willing to do so on an open board. What is funny to me is how adamant about these things some people are getting. I have posted MANY times about the private Messages I have received, I usually thank the person for what they have said and then make note to it in a reply to the post if it is valid. QSM I have to agree with QSM, on this point. Many people have emailed me in agreement or with comments, on the other side, who are not willing to post or comment on the message board side here. I always try to encourage them to join in and start threads/and or post, but many rather remain "lurkers", than deal with posting, especially if they dare to think "out of the box", or gosh forbid challenge or go against the "cool kids", or what is often "group think". I was on here for several years before I began posting on this side, it is what it is at the end of the day. I take what I want from here, and leave the rest.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 8:53:36 PM)
By and far most of the topics posted are not centered around HOW TO BDSM activities as much as it, how to get somebody to be a bigger better submissive or slave or be a bigger better Master. Most of this shit is centered around the Quantum Mechanics of D/s. or how to take their relationship to the 7th or 9th level of blissful M/s. (lol). Sure, there's the threads that get started up about humilation (seems to be a frequent topic). A lot of the shit that's posted is not centered around activities though. More like I am Master hear my Roar and move your ass, then posting about why their subbies don't move their ass. (stuff like that). It's been awhile since somebody has posted on trying to find legal contracts to enforce enslavement, (though any day now, that topic is gonna come up again). There's a lot of stuff debated regarding what makes a submissive a submissive, a Dominant a Dominant... shit like what is or is not truely sadism. A hell of a lot is centered around people trying to figure out and deal with what is or is not True Abuse. (fun stuff like that). A lot of the danger comes from people mind fucking themselves to death trying to keep up with the Stereotype images they have inside their head. Okay, they just read "The Story of Ohhh Noooo" and think they want to give things a test drive in the real world. Mean time tossing out everything they have learned in the Vanillla Dating world expecting for somebody to present them with the OFFICIAL GUIDE TO BDSM DATING.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/29/2010 9:01:32 PM)
When I had a profile on "the otherside" going, I would get occasional emails from lurkers reading the message boards. The kinds of emails varied. There were times when somebody would open up and share deep personal experiences that it's was totally understandable why they were not comfortable posting such public. I most certainly never took it as, Ohh Ohhh ain't I special to be getting such emails from people. It's most certainly stuff, I would never share with others. Private is Private. One this is for certain a thread with only a hand full or two of posters, is not the be all end of the world or life.

NuevaVida -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 12:13:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact It does make Me wonder, lally, about how long it takes for the average new person to figure out who can be relied on for good info and who can't. It's probably one of those things that I'll never know, but I do have to say that I'm curious. It took me about a year, maybe longer. Most people (I would think/hope) would have common sense enough to know that certain things you insert in one person's body should be sterilized before inserting it in another person's body. But not everyone does. And those who don't are going to get themselves into some kind of harm in or trouble at some point in their lives, regardless of what they read on the boards. I first came here, owned by someone else, in another name. I had no experience prior to that man, other than fantasies in my head, and chat room antics. I had come out of a seriously dysfunctional marriage, and my head was screwed up when I went into that M/s relationship. I was not the person I am today. I came here, spouted some stuff that I'm really glad is in another name now, argued, scratched my head, and continued doing what I was doing. I'd say it wasn't any particular post or thread that taught me anything, but the overall long term experience which formulated thoughts and ideas into my mind and gave me things to chew on. I came here, pretty much a newbie idiot, and through threads, emails, phone conversations, and meeting some CM folks personally, my thoughts and views developed and evolved into something different than what I began with. People told me things to "save" me. People sent crappy mail telling me what an idiot I was. Others totally supported my thoughts. Etc. Some people were more diplomatic than others in what they had to say, and those are the ones I gained respect for - for their ability to communicate in such a way, as well as their wisdom. None of these gave me some "Aha moment" which set bells off in my head. Most all the communication I read - whether generic or directed at me - contributed to an overall formulation of my own self analysis and development. It's pretty much like life in general - people are affected, either greatly or minutely, by the others around them, and over time, we get to decide what's good for us and what is not. What fuels us and what stalls us. Because of that, I really don't have an overwhelming concern for what newbies read here. Hell, if I survived my own path, there's hope for anyone. People will make their way. And some people will get really hurt along the way. Ultimately, we're all accountable for ourselves. Those who get hurt will figure out how to heal from it, and move on. But if, like I was, they are determined their way is right, no amount of educating them otherwise is going to foster any immediate change. The cool thing about CM is all the varying positions and opinions that are posted. THAT is what contributes to a well rounded view of this way of life that is lived. Personally, I want to hear and see all of it, even the stuff others considers dumb. I want to hear all the different points of views and experiences. I find it fascinating, and it creates a more complete picture.

KnightofMists -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 5:47:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse .... And now I need to vacate this location for a few moments because a dog just farted next to me... LMAO.....

RCdc -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 6:24:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 I do agree with that. I don't know how much actual learning about bdsm happens as much as I learn from seeing other people's viewpoints and overlaying them on my own to see if maybe I am missing something. For me, CM is about expanding my parameters, socializing and even learning about things I will never desire to do. Even in that regard the number of people's opinions or information I will consider is pretty limited. Usually if I want to actually figure something out I hit someone's mailbox and I have done that with KoM, LP, KC and others. Not because I have some belief that they are perfect, quite the contrary. I know they know they aren't and readily admit it. Their popularity has nothing to do with any standard of perfection. It does have to do with their ability to listen to what people are actually saying (which sadly isn't that common here), ask questions if it is unclear without judgment or overreaction, share what they know on the subject or say hell I have no idea, sorry. I value the opinions of those type of very "real" and human people over the self-important "perfect" ones any day. I would pretty much agree with this. The one thing that I determine is whether a person is giving ove their POV or the experience they have on a personal basis and whether they are giving advice. I cannot comprehend people looking for BDSM or relationship advice off an internet forum and those that give it as if they are some 'Dear Dom' column. Suggestions, opinons are great, advice, not so much. the.dark.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 9:12:27 AM)
I would like to take a moment to comment about some of the things I -haven't- posted to the boards, since there has been some discussion about why someone would cmail rather than just saying what they have to say on the boards... this pertains to some of the things that I've sent directly to an OP or a poster, without putting my comments out there. For me, there is a measure of discretion that comes along with what I say on the boards. I have no problem at all putting an opinion out there and expressing my thoughts on a variety of topics, whether or not they agree with the masses, but there -are- some times when I will cmail rather than post, and when I really believe that is the -best- way to handle responding to an issue. 1. Sometimes there is a particularly sensitive situation, and I feel compelled to speak directly to someone, rather than as a general approach. Sometimes, it can seem like I am being judgmental or "calling someone out" when I send off one of these kinds of posts to the boards and they get placed into strange context by the posts around them. If I want to be certain that what I'm saying is received without being tied to those kind of pre-conceptions, or if I just want to be a little gentle with the person I'm writing to, without having a hundred people jump on the bandwagon and beat them over the head with the comment, I'll cmail instead of posting. Additionally, some of these posts address things that may leave the person to whom I am writing "on the defensive" in front of the population on the boards, and sometimes, I think it is good to let people know that there are differences of opinion without -forcing- them into a defensive posture about their beliefs. While I think that debate is valuable, sometimes -how- we debate, and how much dignity we treat those who present touchy issues with, can impact how smoothly our message is received, and even whether or not it is heard. 2. Sometimes, what I think is so controversial that I think that it will profoundly derail a very productive discussion... so I post to the OP in cmail rather than detract from the discussion on the board. 3. Sometimes, I feel like something supportive that I want to say will be lost in the rapid-fire turnover of the boards, so if I want to be sure the person will -get- that supportive message, I cmail it. 4. Sometimes, the conversation has already gone so far in another direction (usually because I come late to the party -- but that's another subject entirely), and I want to address something that has already passed by... so I post privately rather than dragging the conversation back through an already muddied field. I think that it is possible to be -very- direct and very open, and still have times when it is more appropriate to voice one's opinions quietly and privately. Just because I have a voice doesn't mean that I always have to use it at full volume -- and just because I am quiet does not necessarily mean that I -agree-... Calla

SimplyMichael -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 12:59:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida I first came here, owned by someone else, in another name. I had no experience prior to that man, other than fantasies in my head, and chat room antics. I had come out of a seriously dysfunctional marriage, and my head was screwed up when I went into that M/s relationship. I was not the person I am today. Having met the "new" you and having pissed off the "old" you, I think you have become a really really cool woman! quote: The cool thing about CM is all the varying positions and opinions that are posted. THAT is what contributes to a well rounded view of this way of life that is lived. Personally, I want to hear and see all of it, even the stuff others considers dumb. I want to hear all the different points of views and experiences. I find it fascinating, and it creates a more complete picture. I agree!

KnightofMists -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 3:36:44 PM)
quote: Usually if I want to actually figure something out I hit someone's mailbox and I have done that with KoM, LP, KC and others. Not because I have some belief that they are perfect, quite the contrary. I know they know they aren't and readily admit it. just for the record..... I AM PERFECT!!!!!!!

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 3:41:13 PM)
quote: just for the record..... I AM PERFECT!!!!!!! And Ad-Hoc Leader of the "In-Corwd" and "Super Secret Squirrel Squad" QSM

Icarys -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 4:20:36 PM)
Image is a funny thing..It doesn't matter if a person is trying to put something forward or cares less and is him/herself..People will always see things from their own perspective likes or dislikes. What THEY want to see and hear. If people come here looking for guidance from me..They've come to the wrong place and I'll be glad to tell them that..cause if you haven't been paying attention? See the above.. Oh and for the record...I've got all the experience I've gotten to date from interaction face to face...I was gifted once with a Midori book (I found interesting)and I have read a few John Norman books( I found interesting as science fiction)..Everything else has been firsthand experimenting inside of relationships... I'm afraid though I've never claimed to be an expert on anything..nor do I know how one becomes an expert with credentials doing this...College night courses at Virgina Tech maybe? I think most people think I think I am because I have a voice and I'm not afraid to use it. I won't apologize for that. To finish: I've had more than a few people try to(what I call) get a rile out of me in all sorts of ways but the funniest to me is with the icon thing. I mean it's just one of my favorite science movies..why? because the concept is cool and I'm geeky..What self-respecting geek doesn't like the Matrix? I also thought it was amusing and a bit fitting for other reasons.(It always make me think of the song by The Supremes.."Stop in the name of love before you break my heart").I have a weird and sometimes silly sense of humor I've been told. Kinda like the ape man that emulated elmer fudd I had up for a bit..Just for my amusement. I get a chuckle outta people using that tactic to get a rise out of anyone..[:D] Please don't ever get an image of me as thinking I am perfect...I promise you..I/m just as flawed as all of you(general) are.

laurell3 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 4:33:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: Usually if I want to actually figure something out I hit someone's mailbox and I have done that with KoM, LP, KC and others. Not because I have some belief that they are perfect, quite the contrary. I know they know they aren't and readily admit it. just for the record..... I AM PERFECT!!!!!!! Except for that whole Yarngate mess which is clearly documented.....[;)]

LadyPact -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 5:06:30 PM)
Thanks to both of the folks who stepped up to say that it takes roughly a year to get a feel for good resources and those that might not be so good. I have to admit, I might be biased, but I think that is one of the reasons that I prefer the forums here to those on Fet. The layout of the discussion groups seems to allow a better opportunity to sift through and spot the folks who seem more reliable. I've often thought that should I have a particular question on a certain type of play, I know exactly who's screen name I'm headed for on the other side. (Various names for various types of play, of course, but I know who matches what.) I can say that about other areas as well. Leather care, formal service, who to get in touch with in certain kink communities, and all kinds of other things. I fully agree that a person would have to pay attention to create that sort of reference list in their head. I do know the email on the other side thing happens. I'm sure everyone has been contacted on the other side about this or that. I get far more "thank you for saying that" and "can you help" with notes than I do people thinking I'm some kind of twit. I figure, they wrote to Me on the other side for a reason, rather than coming to the board. The big one there is usually military families involved in BDSM. Those and the ones on protocol are probably My favorites.

Aynne88 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 5:27:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Image is a funny thing..It doesn't matter if a person is trying to put something forward or cares less and is him/herself..People will always see things from their own perspective likes or dislikes. What THEY want to see and hear. If people come here looking for guidance from me..They've come to the wrong place and I'll be glad to tell them that..cause if you haven't been paying attention? See the above.. Oh and for the record...I've got all the experience I've gotten to date from interaction face to face...I was gifted once with a Midori book (I found interesting)and I have read a few John Norman books( I found interesting as science fiction)..Everything else has been firsthand experimenting inside of relationships... I'm afraid though I've never claimed to be an expert on anything..nor do I know how one becomes an expert with credentials doing this...College night courses at Virgina Tech maybe? I think most people think I think I am because I have a voice and I'm not afraid to use it. I won't apologize for that. To finish: I've had more than a few people try to(what I call) get a rile out of me in all sorts of ways but the funniest to me is with the icon thing. I mean it's just one of my favorite science movies..why? because the concept is cool and I'm geeky..What self-respecting geek doesn't like the Matrix? I also thought it was amusing and a bit fitting for other reasons.(It always make me think of the song by The Supremes.."Stop in the name of love before you break my heart").I have a weird and sometimes silly sense of humor I've been told. Kinda like the ape man that emulated elmer fudd I had up for a bit..Just for my amusement. I get a chuckle outta people using that tactic to get a rise out of anyone..[:D] *Please don't ever get an image of me as thinking I am perfect...I promise you..I/m just as flawed as all of you(general)* are.** That ^^^^ [:)]. Me too. Is it time for a martini Icarys?

Icarys -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 5:51:59 PM)
You betya...[:D]

Aynne88 -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 5:53:54 PM)
Yay :) Also, I have a severe need for a wicked slap. You up for the challenge? Oh, and wait til I pour the drinks, I hate spilling good gin ;)

Icarys -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 6:06:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Thanks to both of the folks who stepped up to say that it takes roughly a year to get a feel for good resources and those that might not be so good. I have to admit, I might be biased, but I think that is one of the reasons that I prefer the forums here to those on Fet. The layout of the discussion groups seems to allow a better opportunity to sift through and spot the folks who seem more reliable. I've often thought that should I have a particular question on a certain type of play, I know exactly who's screen name I'm headed for on the other side. (Various names for various types of play, of course, but I know who matches what.) I can say that about other areas as well. Leather care, formal service, who to get in touch with in certain kink communities, and all kinds of other things. I fully agree that a person would have to pay attention to create that sort of reference list in their head. I do know the email on the other side thing happens. I'm sure everyone has been contacted on the other side about this or that. I get far more "thank you for saying that" and "can you help" with notes than I do people thinking I'm some kind of twit. I figure, they wrote to Me on the other side for a reason, rather than coming to the board. The big one there is usually military families involved in BDSM. Those and the ones on protocol are probably My favorites. I've had more telling me the same" Thanks for saying that" than telling me I'm a twit too..admittedly it hasn't been a great number of either to start with lol. I suspect people can learn from pretty much anywhere they put the effort into learning from. I usually do the research or figure it out for myself. If I were to ask for help though..I would make sure I first did research if I could on a subject then look for someone who is in a field that I could pick the brain of. If your not careful...even going to someone who is "recommended" by a couple of people in the lifestyle could be trouble. I mean..how do I know that the person recommending the other person knows what the hell they are talking about and isn't just bobbing their head in agreement? Because they can resite versus out of the holy grails of S/M literature? ennnnnnt..Wrong answer for me. I figure since I'm suppose to be in control...I should be the one to be smart enough to work it out on my own..Now whether that involves asking others or not..It's still my responsibility...as it is for the new people. It isn't my job..I'm not their teacher.. I'm not above asking for help but I get more satisfaction from doing things on my own.

Icarys -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 6:08:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 Yay :) Also, I have a severe need for a wicked slap. You up for the challenge? Oh, and wait til I pour the drinks, I hate spilling good gin ;) Of course it's slaps before drinks..I'd hate to spill a good drink too. lol

Icarys -> RE: The Image that is Given (6/30/2010 6:13:06 PM)
After I slap you..will you be handing out credentials? I need to get legal.

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