RE: thanks (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

laurell3 -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 7:56:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

there were issues i had....neediness,clinging.....i truly probably freaked him out sometime.

i will be ok ....

i own alot of responsibility in this.....for signing on as slave.....when im much more a traditional subbie.but i fell like a tree.....and just as hard.

theres no off switch.

if we could step off and start over knowing what i know now.....ya never know.

i need to sleep.....that hasnt happened much this week either




haha I suggested that to you twice..about the slave thing...it's ok....start over

take an honest inventory of what you want, what you need and go from there. Be what YOU are, not what someone tells you that you should be.

The clingy thing is an issue. It can be stifling for a partner. I think sometimes the best way to deal with this is having more things in YOUR life that aren't just about them. Unfortunately though, the most confident person can get clingy in a bad mismatch situation because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some of this may be alleviated by the inventory, going ALOT slower and realizing that YOU PICK the guy and CAN say no, to anything.

Kudos to you for continuing the diet that's not easy when you're stressed and says alot out your strength as a person.



DarkSteven -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 7:57:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
Steven..relinquishment of cookies may be a hard limit for some of us subblie wimmins.



holly, I fully understand that hard limits must be handled with exceptional care and that is why I will wait three or four minutes before taking all the cookies.  Think of me as a kind, sensitive Dom.  And hungry.



sirsholly -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 8:04:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

with darksteven there are COOOOOOOOOOKIES??????

ive been on a diet for 7 weeks!!!!


COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIE!

lol just kidding......im staying on my diet but ill take some crumbs!

Steven is our resident cookie thief. Trust me on this...your diet is safe!



sirsholly -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 8:06:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
Steven..relinquishment of cookies may be a hard limit for some of us subblie wimmins.



holly, I fully understand that hard limits must be handled with exceptional care and that is why I will wait three or four minutes before taking all the cookies.  Think of me as a kind, sensitive Dom.  And hungry.

[image]http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/bustedsmile.gif[/image]



sunshinemiss -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 8:32:52 PM)

Here you go....



juliaoceania -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 8:41:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

there were issues i had....neediness,clinging.....i truly probably freaked him out sometime.

i will be ok ....

i own alot of responsibility in this.....for signing on as slave.....when im much more a traditional subbie.

but i fell like a tree.....and just as hard.

theres no off switch.

if we could step off and start over knowing what i know now.....ya never know.

i need to sleep.....that hasnt happened much this week either




Instead of being a label, try just being "you"...



LafayetteLady -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 9:40:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ElizabethAnne

Hello Lafayette,

Quite honestly NO one but the two of them know the entire story of their relationship.   She admitted she was wrong, she misbehaved, for that she is to be commended.   What I have seen over and over on the boards, is usually only one side of the story is played out.   The other person doesn't comment, or says little.   And in almost every case, the person wanting validation for x type behavior.   And sure enough there are plenty of people to come along and pat someone on the hand, and tell them how awful her Master behaved, and how she didn't deserve to be treated like that.  When in fact, unless a person is there and knows first hand, all that is known is one side.

I am sure you have heard it said, there are three sides to every story, his - hers and the truth, which lays somewhere in the middle.  As far as taking her at her word.....would there be a reason not to believe her?

Elizabeth



I'm very familiar with the 3 sides to every story, for quite some time I made my living figuring out that third side, and was quite good at it.

So is there a reason you shouldn't take her at her word? Since you only had that one post, yes. As I said earlier, just reading what other people posted, indicated that something else was going on.

When someone posts looking for advice on line, of course we are only going to get one side. But really, at that moment in time, that is the only side that is needed. When someone posts how they can't stop crying, you don't make the kind of insensitive statement you made. It serves no purpose.

Apparently, you seem to be among those who think all dominants are wonderful and a submissive should always take responsibility. Have you ever thought about the women who are abused? They learn over time to think that everything is "their fault." Would you make the same statement then?

In the other thread, had you read it, or even the other posts here, you might have been able to figure out that this "dominant" was certainly planting ideas in her head about her being wrong all the time. She admitted she "misbehaved," but part of that is because that is what he told her all the time.

Sorry, but I find the fact that you couldn't be bothered to read anything and get more information, but instead felt the need to congratulate her for taking responsibility for her relationship ending to be callous and uncalled for.



LafayetteLady -> RE: thanks (7/1/2010 9:50:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

there were issues i had....neediness,clinging.....i truly probably freaked him out sometime.

i will be ok ....

i own alot of responsibility in this.....for signing on as slave.....when im much more a traditional subbie.

but i fell like a tree.....and just as hard.

theres no off switch.

if we could step off and start over knowing what i know now.....ya never know.

i need to sleep.....that hasnt happened much this week either




In what ways were you "needy" and "clingy?" Are these things you truly were or what he complained about? There is a difference. I dated a guy that would call me "clingy" if I wanted to cuddle on the couch watching a movie. There are a lot of guys who will call a girl "clingy" and "needy" because she expects him to be responsible enough to show up on time when they have plans instead of being an hour late because they went to the bar with their buddies after work.

I know you have some insecurity and some self esteem issues. Those are typically very apparent in the very beginning of a relationship, so he certainly had the responsibility to discuss this with you before moving forward. Keep in mind, I said "discuss" not tell you that you are too needy and clingy and you need to stop. In other words, address why you might have some of these issues and how together you could work on them for them not to be such an issue.

As for "signing on" as a slave as opposed to a sub, how did that come about? Do you really think that would have made a difference in your situation? Chances are it wouldn't have made any difference in what happened at all.

You had a relationship that didn't work out. Certainly, both people involved have some responsibility in that failure. But don't keep brow beating yourself into believing that everything was your fault and you don't deserve better. Because that will cause this to happen over and over.



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 3:31:09 AM)

quote:

I am sure you have heard it said, there are three sides to every story, his - hers and the truth, which lays somewhere in the middle


i wish He'd put in His 2 cents....im ok with elizabeth anne.....i do take alot of responsibility in the failure.

obedience will be something i have to work on before next trip out. however i have been a self supporting independent for 20 years.old habits die hard.
i am a bedroom submissive.....and outside too(just a tad)....but slavery kicked it up a notch. His former lady couldn't deal with it either.

but like sunshine said in previous post....i cant learn squat from osmosis.
there has to be training in the flesh....imho
i can read all the links in the world....unless i am doing it ....im not  doing it.

no change   =  no change



sirsholly -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 3:46:20 AM)

quote:

obedience will be something i have to work on before next trip out. however i have been a self supporting independent for 20 years.old habits die hard.
i am a bedroom submissive.....and outside too(just a tad)....but slavery kicked it up a notch.
Yanno...obedience and the desire to please him comes more naturally when you are with the right person.
But i do understand what you are saying, having a bit of a fierce independent streak myself (and being headstrong)



DarkSteven -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 4:23:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet
i cant learn squat from osmosis.



Yet another relationship dies due to poor communication... [:(]



BonesFromAsh -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 5:06:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

<snip>

.....i do take alot of responsibility in the failure.

<snip>

i have been a self supporting independent for 20 years.old habits die hard.

<snip>

His former lady couldn't deal with it either.

<snip>

i can read all the links in the world....unless i am doing it ....im not  doing it.

no change   =  no change



bestheadyet....First, sorry for completely butchering your post but these were the things that stood out when I read it.

I've been watching from the sidelines, as a lurker (cue dark music) as you've gone through this relationship.  I've read the various posts you've made on different threads and have always wondered "Is this situation as she describes it bringing out the best in her?"  Which is why I asked the question I did on your WTH thread. 

I'm not going to say I think things were completely your fault or his fault because, no matter how unpleasant someone seems, there usually is fault on both sides in one way or another...even if the fault is in staying and allowing the situation to continue. 

I'm also not going to toss out sad old platitudes but I will say that it seems you have a chance to reconsider your wants and needs.  Do yourself a favor and don't squander that chance.  Take the time to figure out what will work for you and what won't and when you're ready, act accordingly.

I wish you the best of luck in this next step on your own personal path. 



domiguy -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 5:16:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

quote:

I am sure you have heard it said, there are three sides to every story, his - hers and the truth, which lays somewhere in the middle


i wish He'd put in His 2 cents....


That is the going rate for a Gorean's opinion.

If I were you I would track down John Norman and kick that fucker right in the box. He has allowed more douchebags that should have been relegated to a life of online gaming to actually consider meeting live women and controlling them.

Just because you can play chutes and ladders doesn't mean you are good at ass play or should climb up on your roof.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 6:08:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

quote:

I am sure you have heard it said, there are three sides to every story, his - hers and the truth, which lays somewhere in the middle


i wish He'd put in His 2 cents....


That is the going rate for a Gorean's opinion.

If I were you I would track down John Norman and kick that fucker right in the box. He has allowed more douchebags that should have been relegated to a life of online gaming to actually consider meeting live women and controlling them.

Just because you can play chutes and ladders doesn't mean you are good at ass play or should climb up on your roof.
He was Gorean?  I dont know how I missed that detail.

According to what I have read while lurking on the Gorean threads, this should make it 100% his fault, as he failed to master his woman.  Had he held her in his awesome manly mastery, she would have not been able to leave!

best, there ya go.  Guilt free for you now.

I know youre hurting best, and I am 50% joking with this post.  Maybe just 25%, but kinda joking at least.  I think....

Hang in there chickie.  Time heals the rawness, then you will know if you are really sorry you "failed".



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 8:23:58 AM)

omg sunshine that is just priceless.....
cookie asking questions.

me=question girl

i think ive come up with my new id



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 8:26:57 AM)

ty jstanothersub......keep opening my eyes.

i still love him.....sucks....but damn i miss Him too. i may not have saw Him often but there was daily comm. usually.

like i said....regarding M/s,Gor....anything....you can not do it from miles away. least i cant

ty again



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 8:29:23 AM)

most of the chat we had was my intake,exercise and how i was willful by asking to see Him.....somehow trying to manipulate Him by doing so.
i just wanted to be with the One i adored. go figger


and i had to EARN the privilege to be with Him and when i'd get close to it i would self destruct my opp.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 8:38:54 AM)

He's MARRIED, or otherwise involved.

Turn your jerk detector switch to the "on" position.



xxblushesxx -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 8:41:29 AM)

Ok, I have to ask. He was married, wasn't he? Not a judgment question, just something that a married man would do because it's difficult for them to get away yanno?



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 8:42:06 AM)

Being clingy, and being needy, is not always a bad thing, if the dom is willing to tolerate that or wants that. My Daddy finds my need for him endearing and adorable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

there were issues i had....neediness,clinging.....i truly probably freaked him out sometime.





Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875