RE: thanks (Full Version)

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bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 8:48:31 AM)

supposedly divorced for 10 yrs.....but after week 3 or 4 i was back burner....physically





xxblushesxx -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 9:16:11 AM)

Have you ever been inside his house? Spent the night?



sirsholly -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 9:44:05 AM)

quote:

and i had to EARN the privilege to be with Him and when i'd get close to it i would self destruct my opp.
hell...i would have as well!

Speaking for myself only, i would be so freakin' pissed at his overblown ego, even on a subconscious level, things would not have gone well.  "Earning the privilege to be with him" would not make for a long term relationship, and after a wee bit of thought i would have figured out what was really happening and kicked his married ass to the curb.


'Course...i am not always the pleasant sort...[sm=dunno.gif]




bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 10:01:50 AM)

inside yes,spent the night no



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 10:44:01 AM)

[sm=diethreaddie.gif]

just need to go heal okay gang?

im in love......it sucks[sm=diethreaddie.gif]



LafayetteLady -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 4:49:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

i wish He'd put in His 2 cents....im ok with elizabeth anne.....i do take alot of responsibility in the failure.

obedience will be something i have to work on before next trip out. however i have been a self supporting independent for 20 years.old habits die hard.
i am a bedroom submissive.....and outside too(just a tad)....but slavery kicked it up a notch. His former lady couldn't deal with it either.

but like sunshine said in previous post....i cant learn squat from osmosis.
there has to be training in the flesh....imho
i can read all the links in the world....unless i am doing it ....im not  doing it.

no change   =  no change



Of course you are ok with Elizabeth Anne, you were convinced even before this that everything was your fault and you didn't deserve things.

Think about something though....his last partner couldn't deal with either? How many former partners does he have to have who couldn't "deal with it" before you start thinking maybe the problem is him and not the partners he chooses?

And you didn't answer the question either? HOW were you needy and clingy?



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 5:19:48 PM)

needy just wanting attention

clingy...when i saw him....wanting to be with him


lafayette theres reasons with us both.

but i need to get better......need a vacation:D



xxblushesxx -> RE: thanks (7/2/2010 5:30:23 PM)

From now on, sub, slave, domme or what have you...let the men chase you. Let them need you. The dynamic will change soon enough probably. It's best to start off with someone who wants you desperately. Even if you want to serve. Trust me.



LafayetteLady -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 12:11:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

needy just wanting attention

clingy...when i saw him....wanting to be with him


lafayette theres reasons with us both.

but i need to get better......need a vacation:D



See that is my point, you admit that he put you on the back burner, so of course you were "needy" wanting his attention. You were being ignored.

Likewise with the "clingy." You didn't get to see him so you want to savor the little time you did get. That isn't "clingy."

What I'm trying to point out to you is that the "flaws" you seem to be saying you have are what HE told you was wrong with you, not what reality was.

I know that you are/were in love, and I know how bad it sucks for things to not work out. What doesn't help is to continue to berate yourself with all you THINK you did wrong. It doesn't help to keep repeating to yourself how you love him. As I told you before, embrace the crying so that it all comes out, but then move on to the next phase. Start thinking about what things he did that annoyed the crap out of you, the things he did that you didn't like and really, really focus on them and let yourself get good and pissed off about it.



sunshinemiss -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 3:46:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

i was willful by asking to see Him.....somehow trying to manipulate Him by doing so.
i just wanted to be with the One i adored. go figger


and i had to EARN the privilege to be with Him and when i'd get close to it i would self destruct my opp.



If this is the dynamic someone wants, that's cool. Totally would not work for me! Wanting to see someone you care for is NORMAL. Nothing but love, but can you not see the manipulation that *he* is doing? Do you not see the pattern *he* has created?

Sugar plum, cookie girl, he did not want to see you. He did not man up to that. He put the blame on you. Again, if that is the dynamic, that's fine. But IT WAS NOT THE DYNAMIC.

I'm not one to pass judgment - not my place. But, now it's time to let it go, let the drama go, and move along. Get that new name, take your time, and meet some folks. Get to know other women in the lifestyle who will have your back when you're going down Stupid Path. Just so you know, most (if not all) of us have been down Stupid Path a time or ten.

Many men adore their women. If you ever wonder, check out what the couples/triads here on the boards say about each other. It is not necessary to be treated like a worthless, unnecessary part of a man's life. It is not necessary to "earn" affection or attention.

Good luck,
sunshine

(I vote he was involved with another woman in some way as well).



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 7:32:15 AM)

sunshinemiss and lafayette lady for prez and vp 2012!!!
theres a lot of you here on site im thankful for!!
still taking new nickname recommendations in my inbox!!

j




DarlingSavage -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 7:41:22 AM)

They are both very smart women!  



bestheadyet -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 9:13:16 AM)

lots of smart folks around here!



lally2 -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 9:48:04 AM)

just one other thought.  you have to look at the common denominator in all things.  because he said that the previous person couldnt take it either tells me two things.  the first that he is the common denominator in why his relationships keep failing and second that he still hasnt recognised that or learnt from it.

but you have, so kudos [:D]

it feels awful right now, mostly because he filled a huge empty gulf in youre life for a time that has wanted to be filled forever, but it will pass and you will move on, you will realise you have grown, changed and are stronger from it and youll be on a much clearer path toward what you want and need.  is why i suggested you did that list a while back - identify what you want - what i was going to suggest you did after making that list was tick all of the things on that list that you got from youre relationship.  i was willing to bet there would be very few ticks down that list of things you wanted and hoped for at the begining.

anyway, for what its worth youve done the right thing, just hang in there.



wandersalone -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 11:15:06 AM)

thread hijack....

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

But i do understand what you are saying, having a bit of a fierce independent streak myself (and being headstrong)



coughs....Holly....sweetie...darlin' ...... we know you are you have a tough nut....no need to toss yourself down stairs to remind us k? [8|]
xx

end hijack

BHY kudos to you for acknowledging that you also had a part to play in what sounds like it was a difficult situation and I can understand that you are still grieving the loss of the relationship.  It isn't about blaming but it is important to acknowledge that sometimes a person's style does not gel with another person's style.  It seems like is behaviours may have increased your insecurities about the relationship hence your being a bit clingy....I know that this is what happened to me in a relationship where I was kept at arms length from him.  Do I blame myself - no, however I do acknowledge that we weren't a match and that it brought about some behaviours in me that were not helpful to myself or to the relationship.

And Holl, you mentioned earlier the possibility of acting out in order to self-sabotage what is an unhealthy relationship.  I strongly believe that I walked in front of a bus many many years ago for this exact reason.....it got me out of an incredibly abusive relationship but damn, I hope that in the future I choose just to say goodbye [:D]





windchymes -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 6:30:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


Just because you can play chutes and ladders doesn't mean you are good at ass play or should climb up on your roof.


Okay, now that's funny!  Can I use it???  lol



KatyLied -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 6:42:19 PM)

The op should learn to give a man the same level of attention he gives to her.  Do not sit around waiting to communicate with him, let him take the lead, busy yourself with other things.  Otherwise you are sitting around waiting for him.  That does not sound like a positive situation for anyone but him,



sirsholly -> RE: thanks (7/3/2010 6:47:11 PM)




quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

But i do understand what you are saying, having a bit of a fierce independent streak myself (and being headstrong)


quote:


coughs....Holly....sweetie...darlin' ...... we know you are you have a tough nut....no need to toss yourself down stairs to remind us k? [8|]
xx

smartass!
quote:


And Holl, you mentioned earlier the possibility of acting out in order to self-sabotage what is an unhealthy relationship.  I strongly believe that I walked in front of a bus many many years ago for this exact reason.....it got me out of an incredibly abusive relationship but damn, I hope that in the future I choose just to say goodbye [:D]


Wanders...i totally understand why you did that. The need for change can be brutal. Been there and done that



Aileen1968 -> RE: thanks (7/4/2010 5:05:41 AM)

I just read this whole thread....
I think you need to not even remotely think about getting into another relationship of any kind.
You have a lot of soul searching to do and you need to figure out who you are and what you want out of a relationship.

It speaks volumes to me that you can't even pick out a new nickname all on your own. If you don't know how to accurately represent yourself to the world then you will continue to be taken advantage of.

This is not meant to be harsh. Learn to filter better based on what you need to be happy.



VAcontroldom -> RE: thanks (7/4/2010 1:54:31 PM)

OP I think you were right in post 73 about there being smart people here. One of them took the time to read everything and give you the right advice, so I'd recommend thanking Aileen and just rereading her post a few times. Best wishes



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