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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

**Please understand that this has the potential to be a HEATED Thread, but if we are all adults and discuss rather than attack this can be a very CIVIL Thread. Here is hoping that we can all be adults.**

(snip)

Why do we find it so difficult to see the validity of someone else’s opinion unless it mimics or at least isn’t threatening to our own?

It's not your opinion that causes the problem.  It's the delivery.  Look at how you started here... in communication-speak, it's referred to as a "harsh startup".  It sets a negative tone, a defensive tone in both you and the readers.  The aftercare thread post started the same way, here:

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

<Sighs> And just when people were starting to like me.

Aftercare in most cases is crock of shit. No not the giving of it, but the idea that it is one sided.

The opening sentiments cause people to get defensive... unless I missed something, this was the first time that the notion of one-sided aftercare came up, it wasn't in the OP and it wasn't in any of the responses before yours. 

Combine a harsh startup with a large bold font and the perception is that you are angry and defensive.  Some people also might get the perception that you are going down the "one true way" route.  So people react to that - to their perception, to the way you present yourself.  It's like you were having an argument with someone off the boards and you're all worked up and passionate about the topic, and then you post.  It sets the tone.

It's all about delivery.

Cali

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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The idea that walking away to take care of yourself is abandonment IS Irrational. There is no rational basis for belief. Nothing about my matter or actions should lead someone to believe that I am leaving and not coming back. Or that I do not care about them or that I think they are a worthless piece of shit. Thinking those things because I stepped away for 10 minutes most certainly is the DEFINITION of IRRATIONAL.

You have managed to make this all about you and then managed to extrapolate that to everyone else... the desire of all submissives to have aftercare is not a crock of shit, it is not irrational, and it has nothing to do with your personal experiences....

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

Why do we find it so difficult to see the validity of someone else’s opinion unless it mimics or at least isn’t threatening to our own?

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

I would say that everything that you just said is based as a Judgement made with nothing to back it up, it someone GUESSES at the tone of a thread without verifying how it was intended then they themselves are the agressor not me.

(snip)

I think some people just look for a reason to make something worse than it is or mean something it doesn't mean.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have to ask, why is it so hard for you to simply communicate that aftercare is something you do not believe in and seek low maintenance types to play with?

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Why do we who like aftercare have to be flawed, nuts, a crock of shit? I don't get that

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Now please pay attention, I NEVER said ALL submissives, I never even said ALL the time, I never sais ALL PERIOD, You keep saying that, you aren't even bothering to read what I say you just choose to make it up as you go along, you painted me this way from the beginning, you read one word ONE sentence in and decided no matter what I said that I was this Bastard you have created.

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You just proved my point.  I'm sorry that you are not open to seeing that you may be PERCEIVED by others in a certain way due to the way you present yourself.  It really is a shame, I think, because you do have some very interesting ideas.  Ideas that would make great discussion if it didn't get bogged down in misunderstandings.

Cali

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It really is a shame, I think, because you do have some very interesting ideas.  Ideas that would make great discussion if it didn't get bogged down in misunderstandings.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

...But that is not the extent of what I have read on these boards... what I read from you is how when submissives ask questions and want perspectives on their relationships, etc, the submissive is invariably "wrong" and the master is always "right". Now it is your right to put forward that perspective, that is completely something that is okay, but others aren't going to always agree with you... depending on what you say they will sometimes loudly try to discredit your opinion... and that is okay too...

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am only trying to offer some insight on human beings and how we respond to linguisic choices, and the meanings those choices convey... dude, I do this for a living, it isn't something I do for shits and giggles... you can take what I have said and see if it could apply to how you choose to communicate your ideas, or you can continue feeling picked on and bullied... the choice is yours

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

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Perhaps you are right, I would still think in a Written form of communication people would try harder to read the words rather than get a read for the author.

I Type like I talk. Which is calm and collected.... with the exception of the post to Julia above, my internal tonality has not changed. The above post is akin to someone calling you George and you tell them your name is Thomas, and they keep calling you George. It is due to frustration with consistentaly not being comprehended.

QSM

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

...But that is not the extent of what I have read on these boards... what I read from you is how when submissives ask questions and want perspectives on their relationships, etc, the submissive is invariably "wrong" and the master is always "right". Now it is your right to put forward that perspective, that is completely something that is okay, but others aren't going to always agree with you... depending on what you say they will sometimes loudly try to discredit your opinion... and that is okay too...

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
I do get your Point but I know that sometimes after reading threads for an hour or so that it gets harder to read the font for me, So I use Verdana and Bold it, makes it easier for me to read. I do it as much for individuality as I do for anything else.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

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Perhaps you are right, I would still think in a Written form of communication people would try harder to read the words rather than get a read for the author.

I Type like I talk. Which is calm and collected.... with the exception of the post to Julia above, my internal tonality has not changed. The above post is akin to someone calling you George and you tell them your name is Thomas, and they keep calling you George. It is due to frustration with consistentaly not being comprehended.

QSM

I am not sure why you would ever expect people to have to "try harder" to understand you. The burden of communication online falls upon the writer. That is the only control you have.

You have no control over the way words are interpreted. People are telling you that your tone is what is off putting, not your words. You are allowed to have any opinion you want and to disagree with anyone, but when your tone is defensive, you will receive defensive replies.

If you feel that you are not being comprehended properly, then you need to explain your opinion without the harshness of tone.

We all have done this, dude. And you learn how to communicate more effectively when you take a moment.

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Julia are you somehow unaware that not everyone gets the way you do after play? That it isn't a universal fact of play? No everyone gets what you describe. I do not consider you HIGH maintenance because you do, I just think that you do. Now the Demanding that I don't believe in aftercare is somewhat inaccurate because I have said many times exactly what I do for aftercare, and this would not be Adequate .... FOR YOU. And well I'm not playing with you so why do I need to do anything different or state anything when it will never apply to you?

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In fact I only specifically present a couple of types, those who I think use aftercare as a way to force a relationship that doesn't exist otherwise (Thank you SimplyMichael)

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going to go huh? here.  Seriously Julia, I have to back QSM here and I don't know him from adam, but I have NEVER read him saying that 'all submissives must be this way' kinda thing.

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"Aftercare in most cases is crock of shit. No not the giving of it, but the idea that it is one sided."

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ORIGINAL: marie2

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

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Perhaps you are right, I would still think in a Written form of communication people would try harder to read the words rather than get a read for the author.

I Type like I talk. Which is calm and collected.... with the exception of the post to Julia above, my internal tonality has not changed. The above post is akin to someone calling you George and you tell them your name is Thomas, and they keep calling you George. It is due to frustration with consistentaly not being comprehended.

QSM

I am not sure why you would ever expect people to have to "try harder" to understand you. The burden of communication online falls upon the writer. That is the only control you have.

You have no control over the way words are interpreted. People are telling you that your tone is what is off putting, not your words. You are allowed to have any opinion you want and to disagree with anyone, but when your tone is defensive, you will receive defensive replies.

If you feel that you are not being comprehended properly, then you need to explain your opinion without the harshness of tone.

We all have done this, dude. And you learn how to communicate more effectively when you take a moment.

I don't disagree with this commentary at all. But sometimes no matter how nicely you put something, some clod will come along and misinterpret or put words in your mouth or assume your tone, no matter how much you bend over backwards to put something diplomatically. Taking it away from this particular instance and looking at it objectively, this shit happens all the time around here. It's not always on the writer. Sometimes it's on the reader too.
I agree also with the posters who talked about the harsh start out. That's always a bad idea, because you're already telling the readers in so many words this is going to piss you off. So then the person reads the subsequent post already half under the belief that the post is going to be, or meant to be interpreted as offensive.