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RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:01:13 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

**Please understand that this has the potential to be a HEATED Thread, but if we are all adults and discuss rather than attack this can be a very CIVIL Thread. Here is hoping that we can all be adults.**

(snip)

Why do we find it so difficult to see the validity of someone else’s opinion unless it mimics or at least isn’t threatening to our own?



It's not your opinion that causes the problem.  It's the delivery.  Look at how you started here... in communication-speak, it's referred to as a "harsh startup".  It sets a negative tone, a defensive tone in both you and the readers.  The aftercare thread post started the same way, here:



quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

<Sighs> And just when people were starting to like me.

Aftercare in most cases is crock of shit. No not the giving of it, but the idea that it is one sided.


The opening sentiments cause people to get defensive... unless I missed something, this was the first time that the notion of one-sided aftercare came up, it wasn't in the OP and it wasn't in any of the responses before yours. 

Combine a harsh startup with a large bold font and the perception is that you are angry and defensive.  Some people also might get the perception that you are going down the "one true way" route.  So people react to that - to their perception, to the way you present yourself.  It's like you were having an argument with someone off the boards and you're all worked up and passionate about the topic, and then you post.  It sets the tone.

It's all about delivery.

Cali






We don't get to see Cali post very often these days. She's a very smart lady and funny as hell and totally right here.

As I recall, in that aftercare thread you admitted that you weren't presenting yourself right. Now it's a conspiracy worthy of an entire new thread.

It's the internet. Your assumption that people really dislike you for what you type is misplaced. For the most part, people here can disagree and then move on and consider the next topic anew.


By the way the bolded font makes it much HARDER for me to read your posts, not easier.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:06:58 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


Marie.....dear....the last thing I need from you is an e-mail of any description. I'm sure they're interesting......for the simple minded....but....look.....you ain't got a half decent 'dirty e-mail' in you.....best I could possibly get is: "molar top lot....we need to something about it".....and that's no use to anyone.


Alright, alright, I promise, no more dental chat. Unadulterated dirty-email only. Come on, whatta ya say?? Give me one more chance?

quote:

And...everyone time you send me a mail it's some bollocks about another cat is dead. How many cats you got?


You've got me confused with that other gal from Jersey on the boards. Every other month something in her life dies. Just watch. Before you know it Shorey is gonna turn up dead too. I think it's something in her spaghetti sauce.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:33:32 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I have had people who told me safewords were dangerous and dominants that used them were bullshit, etc etc etc. My dom and I used safewords, and I did not take kindly to that.



Damn, I am sure glad that I do not need other people's opinions to validate the way I choose to live my life. 


_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:37:58 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I have had people who told me safewords were dangerous and dominants that used them were bullshit, etc etc etc. My dom and I used safewords, and I did not take kindly to that.



Damn, I am sure glad that I do not need other people's opinions to validate the way I choose to live my life. 



Yeah, you come off as such a happy and uplifting person... I am sure your life is so much better than mine

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:39:56 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Yeah, you come off as such a happy and uplifting person... I am sure your life is so much better than mine


Glass is half-full?  Glass is half-empty?  I say, fuck it!  Toss it in the dishwasher and get on with life! 


_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:41:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Yeah, you come off as such a happy and uplifting person... I am sure your life is so much better than mine


Glass is half-full?  Glass is half-empty?  I say, fuck it!  Toss it in the dishwasher and get on with life! 



I say fuck the glass and drink out of the faucet... but that is just me

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:43:40 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I say fuck the glass and drink out of the faucet... but that is just me


Well, you do have 8 inches on me. 


_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:46:55 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I say fuck the glass and drink out of the faucet... but that is just me


Well, you do have 8 inches on me. 



That made me chuckle.... my mom is like 5 foot 3 and I was picturing her trying to drink out of the faucet...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:48:47 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Yeah, you come off as such a happy and uplifting person... I am sure your life is so much better than mine


Glass is half-full?  Glass is half-empty?  I say, fuck it!  Toss it in the dishwasher and get on with life! 



I say fuck the glass and drink out of the faucet... but that is just me



Oh my god. I thought I was the only person who did that!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:52:01 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I say fuck the glass and drink out of the faucet... but that is just me


Well, you do have 8 inches on me. 



That made me chuckle.... my mom is like 5 foot 3 and I was picturing her trying to drink out of the faucet...lol



Im only 4' 10" and I can manage it, but only in the bathroom. I can't reach the kitchen faucet with my mouth, unless I have heels on.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 2:55:40 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2



Im only 4' 10" and I can manage it, but only in the bathroom. I can't reach the kitchen faucet with my mouth, unless I have heels on.



I'm picturing this....



_____________________________



(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 3:23:09 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		FR-

Ok, well I have now read 5 pages of this thread while julia and Cali have tried, unsuccessfully to explain why people may respond to QSM as they (myself included) do. That is befofre the thread began to degenerate into jokes, which is also common.

It's called Internet Etiquette. First of all, once we all learn reading basics by age, what? Say 8 or 9 years old, we don't read in a monotone, as though stifled by a lobotomy. The reader will apply emotion in their mind to things, they stop at the period, pause at the comma, etc.

While I certainly don't know the start of Internet Etiquette (perhaps the start of the internet, ha ha), there are things that are not only common place, but typically common knowledge. Somewhere along the way, the BDSM internet developed the capital/lowercase, and slashy speak stuff.

All CAPS is always considered to be raising your voice, lol always means Laugh Out Loud, we all know all these basic things.

What I'm finding is that people have very, very politely tried to point out to the OP that his style and manner of posting and wording comes across as harsh and judgemental, and that when enough people seem to get that "tonation" from the way someone posts, it isn't just the over indulgent imaginations of one or two people, and perhaps it would be in your best interest to think about it.

Instead, the OP has continued to argue that because this is what works for him, that is what makes it right...for him. The rest of us should just get used to it. Again, harsh and argumentative. It kind of leads me to believe that the "disclaimer" was because the OP knew he was misunderstood and needed a platform to state that he would continue to be misunderstood and well...tough cookies for everyone.

As to julia's statement that QSM presents the attitude that the sub is wrong, the master right, I think I know what she is referring to. QSM is among those who are consistently berating s-types for posting questions on the board before they discuss something with their d-type. It's a frequent thing that I have noticed as well.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 3:29:56 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2



Im only 4' 10" and I can manage it, but only in the bathroom. I can't reach the kitchen faucet with my mouth, unless I have heels on.



I'm picturing this....



close. but the hair is too long!

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 3:37:35 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

What I'm finding is that people have very, very politely tried to point out to the OP that his style and manner of posting and wording comes across as harsh and judgemental, and that when enough people seem to get that "tonation" from the way someone posts, it isn't just the over indulgent imaginations of one or two people, and perhaps it would be in your best interest to think about it.


To some people, yes but not all of us


quote:

As to julia's statement that QSM presents the attitude that the sub is wrong, the master right, I think I know what she is referring to. QSM is among those who are consistently berating s-types for posting questions on the board before they discuss something with their d-type. It's a frequent thing that I have noticed as well.


I don't see anything wrong with this, he's right they should be discussing it with him first. QSM is hardly the only person who says this, don't know why his doing it makes him a horrible person.

quote:

All CAPS is always considered to be raising your voice, lol always means Laugh Out Loud, we all know all these basic things.


If all the text is in all caps, yes, when it's one word here and there it's emphasis.



_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
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Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 3:45:31 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth
To some people, yes but not all of us


The point is that the number is significant enough that he should think about it. Most of us think Charles Manson was a nut job, but a few didn't, get it?

quote:


I don't see anything wrong with this, he's right they should be discussing it with him first. QSM is hardly the only person who says this, don't know why his doing it makes him a horrible person.


You're right there are several people who say that. But now you are playing the "this is the way it must be done" card which goes against the presumed point of the OP to begin with. Because you know what? It is not a fact or a rule that an s-type must/should discuss with their d-type first. Sometimes, a person wants to get others thoughts on how they can go about things in a manner that would be most productive. But you can't have an OP that says "you may not be right, but that doesn't make you wrong" and then spout off that something is the only "right" thing to do. It may be the only "right" way in your life, and that's fine, but for many others, it isn't the way.

quote:


quote:

All CAPS is always considered to be raising your voice, lol always means Laugh Out Loud, we all know all these basic things.


If all the text is in all caps, yes, when it's one word here and there it's emphasis.


Yes, you are quite right and thank you so much for the addition to internet etiquette as you know it. I was simply pointing out a couple of examples, but please feel free to post ALL (capitalized for emphasis) the rules so everyone is aware.

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 3:49:06 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady



Because you know what? It is not a fact or a rule that an s-type must/should discuss with their d-type first. Sometimes, a person wants to get others thoughts on how they can go about things in a manner that would be most productive. But you can't have an OP that says "you may not be right, but that doesn't make you wrong" and then spout off that something is the only "right" thing to do. It may be the only "right" way in your life, and that's fine, but for many others, it isn't the way.




That's actually a good topic for another thread and something I have pondered often. Someone start it! (I'm too lazy to think that much right now).

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 3:51:01 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		QSM, sorry about my part in the humorous hijack. I've been in a goofy mood all day.

I wanted to add that I think it took a lot for you to open yourself up to the potential criticism.

I'm sure we're all guilty at one time or another of putting something more roughly than we could have. Just as we're all capable of jumping to conclusions without giving the benefit of the doubt first.


(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 4:05:34 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I have had people who told me safewords were dangerous and dominants that used them were bullshit, etc etc etc. My dom and I used safewords, and I did not take kindly to that.



Damn, I am sure glad that I do not need other people's opinions to validate the way I choose to live my life. 



Apparently all these Nice people are telling me I do... Aylee... would you mind Validating the way I choose to live my life... And the way I post to Internet Threads?

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 4:09:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It seems you feel picked on....

Listen, if you have posted here for any length of time sooner or later you will feel that way. You will get so emotionally involved you will even start a thread to validate your feelings... oops.... you already did that... you have officially been hazed into a CM poster... those paddles below your S/N mean nothing

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. - 7/2/2010 4:11:54 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

QSM, sorry about my part in the humorous hijack. I've been in a goofy mood all day.

I wanted to add that I think it took a lot for you to open yourself up to the potential criticism.

I'm sure we're all guilty at one time or another of putting something more roughly than we could have. Just as we're all capable of jumping to conclusions without giving the benefit of the doubt first.



Thank You, if you ask nicely I'll scold you later.

Personally all the blow hards can say what they want, in the end I learn a lot from them, I learn how petty some people can be when behind a keyboard and a Monitor. I also learn what is important to other people, I learn what makes them tick. I learn what makes they do what they do.

See I don't want to know why everyone does things differently than me I think if everyone felt the same way life would be really boring, I would however rather learn why someone does something the way that they do.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 100
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