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Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 12:16:26 AM

whiteboi916

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

So I'm totally new to the "scene" and am trying to find my feet like a lot of folk are when they are a newbie or a novice at something ie. trying to find their niche.

I am struck by the snobbery of the connieseurs of this scene, the experienced people if you like and how disrespectful and unurturing they can be to someone who is a rookie.

Now, I am by nature sexually submissive toward femals and like to be dominated and would like to explore this. I am not here to waste anybodys time, I'm not a bs'er and I've just noticed how flippant and disegarding people in this scene are.

If someone is truly a domme then they will have enough confidence in their female superiority and good judge of character to determine a real sub or sub in waiting and the ability to make that sub putty in their hands, surely????????? Isnt that what it is about, a sub submitting to his superior mistress and redering himself at her total mercy.

I'm thinking that my best bet is to try and involve myself in the local scene in person (realtime) cos this internet thing just seems a waste of my time.

PS. Sorry if this post comes off rude, I just wanna be someones bitch and have run into a bunch of "dead ends".

< Message edited by whiteboi916 -- 7/2/2010 12:32:58 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 12:22:36 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Welcome to the forums whiteboi.

As with anything in life there are always those that are not going to be your friends or lovers. There are those that are going to be overly critical. Disregard them and move on and find more positive people to surround yourself with. Take advice with a grain of salt, keep that which works for you and disregard the rest. There really are no set rules other than that which you and your partner agree on.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 2

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 12:28:32 AM

whiteboi916

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

Thanks for the encouragement.

Honestly I was ready to give up before I started.

I just wanna become someones bitch and just didnt think Id have to jump through 200 hoops just to get there. I expect to have to jump through hoops when I am someones bitch, just not beforehand!

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 12:35:52 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

whiteboi916,

--- Isn't that what it is about, a sub submitting to
--- his superior mistress and rendering himself at
--- her total mercy.

Everyone's dynamics are unique: Owner and slave, Master and submissive, Daddy and little girl, Top and bottom, etc. Even within these pairings of two or more persons, the dynamics will vary widely. The dynamics you've described are, for a great many, non sensible and undesirable. A great many dominants want strong, capable partners who are far from at the mercy of their d-type. The s-type submits out of friendship, love, and respect for their dominant, and because this is the mutually desired and agreed upon role/responsibility in the relationship.

--- I'm thinking that my best bet is to try and involve
--- myself in the local scene in person (realtime) cos
--- this internet thing just seems a waste of my time.

This is good thinking. The Internet can be a useful networking and communications tool, however, there is nothing like going out and meeting people face-to-face in your local, BDSM community. I highly recommend this approach.

Elan.

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 4

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 12:48:58 AM

whiteboi916

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

Again, thanks. Let me rephrase when defining the relationship I was just attempting to convey a sense that my needs are subordinated to hers, not that I am needy or wimpy because I am not, actually I am a masculine, athletic sports playing guy.

Being subordinated in such fashion would provide me with a sense of purpose that I otherwise do not have in my life and in turn I would hope that my superior would use me to get her needs met as she sees fit/at her discretion.

Thankyou for the advice, face to face seems the way to go.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 5

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 1:07:28 AM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello,

Well, I see that you've come to vent. I'm not entirely against that, but do you really want your introductory post to be defensive and to suggest that the very people you're addressing here, ('cause you and we are all on the Internet, too), are a waste of time?

It's true that some people consider any opportunity to criticize and pass judgment to be an opportunity, of which they must avail themselves, and they seem pretty self-satisfied, in doing so. Considering the value of such a person's input, are you going to dwell on them and hand away your right to find some company you like?

And is it possible that at least in some cases, you're interpreting what someone says as hostile or critical, when it's really meant to be an FYI?

For example, when someone told you that about your screen name, were they really like, saying something bad about you, or 'how dare you?' Or were they giving you a heads-up, like hey, you know that when people see that screen name, they're going to think you're a biological female who identifies as masculine. Dude :P That's a bit of helpful information for you to have, don't you think? That you're flagging as a butch or trans woman? If you know that and want to keep the screen name, that's entirely up to you. But it's good at least to know, right, since some people who would be interested in you, aren't looking for a female 'boi,' and won't contact you, whereas those seeking a female boi will go to your profile and realize you're not that person they're seeking.

Regarding your expectations of a true domme, actually, no, most of us, not even if we're psychic, can magically divine the character or the compatibility of a complete stranger, based upon the bit of writing and a few stats, in their profile. So to answer your question, no.

On this forum, you have an hour after you first post, to edit your post, just in case you want to :D Oh, and welcome! Do focus on having fun and meeting new people and networking, to populate your life with people you want in it. It is possible.

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 6

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 1:25:25 AM

whiteboi916

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

I didnt come to vent, just more disillusioned to be honest.

I have boundless energy and am a positive, upbeat and giving person and feel that these characteristics will parlay greatly into servitude. I have not a malicious bone in my body and I am a giver not a taker.

Just did not expect to be confronted with so much negativity, so soon. I've been honest and upfront with everyone that I am a newbie.

At this stage I just feel like one of those puppies that has boundless energy who just needs a good trainer/mistress to channel it in the right direction.

Anyway, appreciate all the advice in this thread, I will take it all into account and try to step my game up.

< Message edited by whiteboi916 -- 7/2/2010 1:26:56 AM >

(in reply to MadameMarque)

Post #: 7

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 2:19:26 AM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

How disillusioned can you be in four days? Perhaps if you fill out your profile telling us about you as a person such as hobbies, interests, etc. you would have more responses. Explain the types of service you are willing to provide and what you can do to make your Domme's life easier. Are you a good cook, have skills as a mechanic, etc. If all you're willing to provide are sexual services then you've limited yourself.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 8

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 2:26:53 AM

whiteboi916

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

Well since this is the "Ask a mistress forum" can someone give me an idea of the types of services that a domme may rightfully expect. I am willing to be a housebitch and do housework, cooking etc.

And yes I will expand my profile, probably have to change my name too

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 9

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 2:30:55 AM

whiteboi916

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

And apologies if my op makes me sound ignorant or rude.

Hopefully people are able to identfy the underlying message rather than pick it apart for semantics.

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 10

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 2:49:37 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteboi916

Well since this is the "Ask a mistress forum" can someone give me an idea of the types of services that a domme may rightfully expect. I am willing to be a housebitch and do housework, cooking etc.

And yes I will expand my profile, probably have to change my name too

Just a heads up, I suggest you check out the FAQ sticky, you may just find the answer to your questions there

What I've seen so far is what a Mistress could do for you, what do you have to offer in return? FYI I'm not a Dominant female, just an observation I hope you will take in the spirit it is offered.

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(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 11

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 4:20:27 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteboi916

I just wanna become someones bitch and just didnt think Id have to jump through 200 hoops just to get there. I expect to have to jump through hoops when I am someones bitch, just not beforehand!

Hi there, and welcome. (Yes, I know that I am not a Domme, but we kinkfolk tend to comment within each other's
forums.) You are entirely correct that once you have a Domme, you will need to please her. However, prior to that, every prospective Domme will put you through some serious questioning to see if you're compatible, just line vanilla dating.

I'd suggest approaching women not as prospective Dommes, but as possible friends that are networked and know other Dommes, and might be able to put you in touch with one.

NOTE: There are also some women who will try to direct you to sites, and some that demand tribute. Is that what you are complaining about when you refer to "jumping though hoops"? Ignore them.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 12

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 4:41:28 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Yes you must be careful that you find a genuine Fem Dom.

MistressJeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 5:27:41 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

We should buy him an all expense included trip to Mistress World!!!

I heard they are renovating "It's a small cbt world." Can't wait!!!

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Post #: 14

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 6:59:49 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

To the OP -

Honestly, if you're dissillusioned after 4 days, then perhaps this online stuff just aint for you.

Yes, there are a lot of timewasters, and quite a few fakes and scammers, but there are also some really good friends/playmates to make if you have a little patience.

If you want to improve your chances - I'd revamp your profile - put in more info about yourself and what you have to offer as well as a little more about what you're after.

Your thought about getting into the local scene is a really really good one too!

Be patient, and good luck.

Oh and I'm pretty sure MistressJeff is a fake

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 15

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 8:24:50 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

First, My thanks to MM, because that is exactly what happened. I do happen to be one of the folks that the OP contacted on the other side, who absolutely did inform him of his poor choice in screen name.

Allow Me to say, OP, that you should appreciate the difference between a written forum and introducing yourself to someone verbally. All you have on a screen are your words. If you want to complain about the problem with semantics, I would suggest you try another situation.

Let Me ask you. Would you walk up to any woman that you were looking at face to face and before even as much as "hello" tell them that you want to be her bitch? Could you possibly be that socially inept? Of course not! So why on God's green earth would you think that approach would work on the internet? Have you ever pulled that kind of stunt in the physical world? If not, why do you think it is appropriate here?

None of us are here to be the outlet to your fantasies. I'm a human being just like you, but you didn't treat Me like one. When people fail to do that, you're damn right I'm going to be rude to you. I'm not here to cater to you. My experience in the lifestyle doesn't make Me an automatic target for your fantasy and give you permission to speak to Me like I am nothing more than what you have conjured in your head.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 16

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 9:17:08 AM

mwdsub4u

Posts: 49
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

For whiteboi916, Every one has to start sometime, i stated out like many doing Prosessions, to explore different things untill i found out what i like and can handle best.
A service position is usally earned through time and detacation, You learning how to do things on HER terms, ....not your fantasy of it.
you may want to try going to the San Francisco area and hiring a lifestyle Pro Domina, there are many good ones up there.
Ask Her what She likes, most have web sites as well, No sex is the 1st rule when hiring a lifestyle Pro..it will not happen, and She will not let you Serve Her should you ask.
Aslo be real about what you think you can handel in the way of pain bondage, whipping, etc, and make sure She knows about any current or former Medical problems or injuries you may have had.
Always treat Her with respect

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 9:32:54 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

whiteboi916,

Hey, welcome to the forums. You'll find the people here are very nice... that is, if you don't trigger various troll and wanker buttons. Your choice of words, I suspect, is inadvertently causing you to be perceived badly. For example, you wrote things like "I expect to have to jump through hoops when I am someones bitch, just not beforehand" and "I am willing to be a housebitch and do housework, cooking etc.". Without realizing it, you're projecting your ideas and fantasies onto others and, specifically, onto dominant women. There are as many dominant women who do their own housework and who cook their own meals (because that's the way they like it) as there are those who ask their partners for help with this.

The word "bitch" is loaded so this is offensive in the wrong context. LP (LadyPact) summarized this well. Here's my own example. You wouldn't walk into a vanilla job interview and say to your perspective employer "I want to become your lowly bitch who works for as much pay as I can get". Do you think this would make a good impression? Heck, you'd likely have the security guards escorting you out the door! Later on, once you know your boss well and have a relationship with them, you might be able to communicate in a more personal way, though I doubt referring to yourself as "lowly bitch" and demanding maximum pay would be appropriate at this point either! Still, I think you'll understand what I mean. Until you have developed some rapport with a woman (note, I say woman and not domme), you're best to treat a domme with the same caution, respect, courtesy, and kindness as you would anyone else. When you have earned the privilege to use more affectionate forms of address and there is a mutual desire to share BDSM, kinks, etc., then a domme might be quite tickled to hear you call yourself her "bitch". Still, you'd be wise to know the particular dominant's preferences as some dommes loathe the word bitch and/or do not like referring to their partners this way.

In other words, to turn this around, you can't go around making LP your bitch (oops... Bitch) until you know her well. Even then, you'd be wise to take note of her desires, style, mood, and the dynamics between the two of you before being playful in a way that isn't received kindly. This applies to any woman (and any person, for that matter) I've ever met. If you observe this, you'll find your BDSM interactions online and in person go much more smoothly.

And now... I'll be running outta' this thread *as fast as I can* before LP catches up with me! :-)

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/2/2010 9:36:13 AM >

(in reply to whiteboi916)

Post #: 18

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 9:39:06 AM

gedienstig

Posts: 155
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline

Can't really say more than what has been said, people here are nice enough, as long as you are nice to them. And don't start by using words like bitch etc. I might be submissive but if some Domme came and told me "Hey, wanna be my bitch?" in like the first mail she sent me, she would get automatically blocked too. If you can't talk to people on here as if they were normal people which have to be respected, don't talk to them at all.

But people have bitched

enough to you about this, so I hope you'll enjoy this forum and this site and find what you're looking for.

_____________________________

If they say why, why?
Tell 'em that it's human nature

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 19

RE: Whats the point of the BDSM scene? - 7/2/2010 10:19:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Well, those early risers beat me to the typing!

Yes, you will have to "jump through hoops" in order to find a match. Why not? Why should ANYONE consider you, if you consider us so interchangeable that you will submit to anyone who says she's a dominant?

None of us is a mind reader. We are constantly approached by men who want to serve, or SAY that they do. We can spot potential. We cannot immediately discern who will be a good submissive for US by looking at him or her. We are not at a livestock auction, we cannot check your teeth and look at your papers. We have to relate to one another as PEOPLE.

Good luck. Remember that if you want to serve a dominant woman, remember that she is a WOMAN.

_____________________________

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Post #: 20

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