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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:16:26 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		sorry but my answer to that is. Yes, but if you dont make me happy, this wont work.

< Message edited by frazzle -- 7/3/2010 5:18:13 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:18:36 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle
Lance, i do accept there are those who only think number 1. no consideration for the partner, but that isnt what i'm talking about.


Sorry, but I think you missed my point.  In your POST #1, you defined what YOU meant by a do-me bottom and the fact that the term as you define it is used derisively.

I'm saying that YOUR definition is not my definition.

My advice:  when called someting, anything that you find offensive, simply assertively point out the poster's error.  Note I said "assertively" and not "aggresively."

How 'bout:  "Sir, it disturbs me greatly that you feel I'm a 'do-me sub.'  I have a definition of that term in my mind and it seems you have a different one.  Would you please be so kind as to tell me what your definition of a 'do-me sub' is?"

And then watch him sputter... LOL!

Just 'cause it came from a Domly-type don't make it so.  You have every right to ask about definitions no matter the length of the relationship.  As a matter of fact, Lance's 2nd general order for s-types under my hand is one word: Transparency.  By this I mean (and so explain) that whenever you are off-center, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.... whenever things "just don't feel right," you are to explain.  No if, ands, nor buts, about it.  I'm not a frigging mind-reader.

So, in this instance D-type is telling you what he thinks of you . . .  That doesn't "feel right" (mainly 'cause you don't know what he means.)   Transparency Law "kicks in" and you request a defintion as above.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/3/2010 5:34:19 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:19:29 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		And that, in the grand scheme of things, is ok, frazzle.

I truly do think both parties deserve to have their needs met, but, for mine to be met, then she is going to need a certain mindset. If that isn't there, then we may even be able to have a vanilla relationship, but it won't be a D/s one.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:21:19 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I think y'all are making it overly complicated.

EVERYONE looks for someone that meets their needs (or should). Saying someone has to do that doesn't really have anything to do with role, it has to do with establishing a healthy and realistic relationship that has a liklihood of success. Past that, the dynamic of whose needs take preference at any given time is a matter of negotiation and experience, but also a compatibility issue.

I do agree with Lance there are people that are completely over the top and unrealistic to the point of being a charicature. If anyone would fit the "do me sub" label they might be it.

I don't agree that anyone that has the label submissive and says I have needs and they must be met fits that. In fact, if they don't say that they are really just setting their partner up to fail.



_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:25:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

To answer yours question I am sure some do think "Do-Me" sub is an Insult..... If you are called on, and you don't think you are, water off a ducks back. If you are called one and it bothers you.... maybe you look into why it bothers you.


It doesn't "bother"me anymore than stranger calling me a name... but I think many subs see being called a "do-me" because they state they have needs as trying to insult a submissive... just because someone is trying to upset you doesn't mean they succeeded

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:26:24 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

"Sir, it disturbs me greatly that you feel I'm a 'do-me sub.' I have a definition of that term in my mind and it seems you have a different one. Would you please be so kind as to tell me what your definition of a 'do-me sub' is?"


Okay that's great, can I use it?

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:28:00 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no problem with meeting the needs of a submissive.

At the top, or very damned near the top, of her list of needs better be, "Make Level happy, obey what Level says".


To me, that is it in a nutshell.  I will also say, that in order for someone to have that feeling towards you, you have to also "make them happy".  It is just finding  where the 2 people are in agreement about what happy is on both sides.

That is where ya hit the brick wall-lolol.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:30:17 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Lance's 1st Law: Protect my property - you are included in my property.

Level: I have a friend who has but one Law: "Keep me happy."  He explained that my first two laws were covered in his one Law.  She was to protect the property to keep him happy, and, of course, let him know where her head was at all times, again, this was to keep him happy - and therefore covered by his only Law.

Oh, he did confess that he was thinking about making a Law #2: If you don't know what to do in a given situation, See Law #1, but decided that was unnecessary.

DAMN!  Great dynamics in this couple that celebrated 10 years of a Master/slave relationship by getting married in Vegas about 2-3 years ago.  Why, Lance, do you write "DAMN!" ..... A little over a year ago, she was diagnosed with uncurable cancer.  How in the hell can she follow his Law?  Ripping them both up (and many of us in the community as well) as she slides slowly into death.

Sorry, sorry, sorry..... WAY off topic!

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:30:47 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no problem with meeting the needs of a submissive.

At the top, or very damned near the top, of her list of needs better be, "Make Level happy, obey what Level says".


Yes! That is the whole motivation for me, make my partner happy, but they have to be the right partner and worth making happy

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:31:54 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

Julia i'm not going to disagree, persay, but whatever orientation we are, whatever side of the kneel, we all have needs.

As to the if sub slave bottom etc, i'd love a £1 for every time im told that im fake, just because someone is incompatible.

I;m not insecure, i know who and what i am, and yes im self professed "do-me" sub.

You dont do me as i like, you wont be coming back a second time


I agree with you. I don't get that stupid label of "do me" sub either. If I am with someone and he is not "doing me", what else should be doing??

I also really despise those who say that you are a "do me" sub if you are only sexually submissive or bedroom only. WTF?? Completely reeks of insecurity to me to have to put down someone else's choices.

People constantly forget that Doms/subs, whatever are just people in a RELATIONSHIP and therefore each should be providing for the other's needs and desires.

If you all think that means "do me", then I happily will stay a "do me" sub forever because I know that in my getting my needs met well, HE gets his met perfectly.

It's called symbiotic.

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:32:09 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

"Sir, it disturbs me greatly that you feel I'm a 'do-me sub.' I have a definition of that term in my mind and it seems you have a different one. Would you please be so kind as to tell me what your definition of a 'do-me sub' is?"


Okay that's great, can I use it?

Absolutely - isn't that why we post?  To share what does (and doesn't) work?

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:32:38 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Jas, I agree, it's all in finding one that fits with you.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:32:49 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Shoot - since i am now looking for a domly type and my profile reflects this, then am i a do-me sub?
Maybe not, because part of what i want is a dom who will be happy to use me to make himself happy, but if he using me to make himself happy makes me happy , then maybe i AM a do-me sub.

Oy, if i think about that sentence too much, i get a head ache!

Perhaps in the end, the do-me sub is defined by the person reading the profile - as in, if they aren't compatible, the phrase "do-me" is equivalent to saying that the sub isn't a REAL sub, or too fat, or too thin ..... or any other phrase that is designed to hurt feelings.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:32:56 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

To answer yours question I am sure some do think "Do-Me" sub is an Insult..... If you are called on, and you don't think you are, water off a ducks back. If you are called one and it bothers you.... maybe you look into why it bothers you.


It doesn't "bother"me anymore than stranger calling me a name... but I think many subs see being called a "do-me" because they state they have needs as trying to insult a submissive... just because someone is trying to upset you doesn't mean they succeeded


I am failing to see the particular point of this discussion Julia.

I got the point before. I don't see "Do-Me" as an insult. If you do, well I am sorry that doesn't change my outlook on the term. I think people bitch about far too many things to find other things to be offended by.

I get called all sorts of things, mostly on these threads, I am rarely if ever called these things in person so I don't let them get to me.

It seems you under stand this as well by the part I underlined in your post... so again I am wondering why bring it up? Unless there was another point I am missing in your reason for posting this?

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:33:55 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		That just sucks Lance.  Life is short.
quote:

  A little over a year ago, she was diagnosed with uncurable cancer.  How in the hell can she follow his Law?  Ripping them both up (and many of us in the community as well) as she slides slowly into death.



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yep

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:35:34 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Lance: I tip my hat to your friend, sounds like they've got a handle on things! "Keep me happy", short, sweet, and hitting the nail on the head. I love what you said about transparency, also.

Edited to add: I'm sorry about her illness. If it does make it impossible for her to follow his Law, then this is one of those times that life and love overrule such laws.

julia: again, I agree 100%!

< Message edited by Level -- 7/3/2010 5:42:08 PM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:36:59 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Maybe not, because part of what i want is a dom who will be happy to use me to make himself happy, but if he using me to make himself happy makes me happy , then maybe i AM a do-me sub.

Oy, if i think about that sentence too much, i get a head ache!

That sentence made perfect sense to me.  Should I be skeered?

_____________________________

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(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:37:11 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Jas, I agree, it's all in finding one that fits with you.


And not categorizing others that don't fit your criteria as being less than...


I think, as far as what I hear from the OP, is that it is frustrating to have people email you and label you as less because you have needs that they have deemed "unsubmissive"... I can share her frustration to some degree.. but then I realize these are the interwebs and there are people that can't keep their opinions to themselves, even when they were not asked for it (meaning dominants that need to critique a subs profile as if their opinion had some magical merit because the side of the flogger they prefer)...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:38:05 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

"Sir, it disturbs me greatly that you feel I'm a 'do-me sub.' I have a definition of that term in my mind and it seems you have a different one. Would you please be so kind as to tell me what your definition of a 'do-me sub' is?"


Okay that's great, can I use it?

Absolutely - isn't that why we post?  To share what does (and doesn't) work?


Thanks Lance. I don't get mail of that type all that often but it's always good to have a good response.

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:40:06 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		IMO, I think both parties in the relationship will have needs that they will want to be fulfilled. However, for me, very simply I see a "do-me" sub as one that puts her/his needs before their Dom's. To be in a healthy relationship, I can't see it being a one way street. But at the same time, I wouldn't be focusing on what I want and need. If I'm meeting his needs, which would be at the top of the list, then more than likely, he's meeting mine, otherwise we wouldn't be in the relationship.

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 60
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