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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:27:11 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Fair enough zeph, but why should I? (or anyone). Why should I be defined by a label? If I could remove the "submissive" label from my CM profile, I would. I don't like it. I don't want it. I totally rebel against it, but I don't have a lot of other options. And I don't want to be seen as purely my sexual desire (which by the way is only there some of the time). Why would people be admonished to define themselves as a tiny part of who they are? I don't see us telling gay men to put down if they are a pitcher or a catcher.

I want a vanilla bean... with a bit of hot tamale... and honey for the sweetness. yup. Kind of a weird combo, eh?


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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:28:15 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
...ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.

They just sound like bottoms who are clear about what they want, about what they negotiate in a scene. Lance, I'm surprised you would call them wanna-bes.
sunshine


The explicitness of that one scene (that they have "designed"), the lack of interest in a relationship, the insistence on that particular scene (i.e. NO negotiation) to the exclusion of any other scene, etc.  These "features" of the do-me bottom (my definition) profile make me SURE they have designed that scene from their porno and have NEVER had it happen and are wondering why they can't get a D-type to "bite."

To me, that certainly fills my definition of wannabe.  What's your definition of "wannabe"? LOL!

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:28:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		That is an astute observation, sunshine

Kinda like when I went through my divorce and went through "I hate all men" stage

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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:33:57 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah sorry Level, this comment:


These labels and condemnations tossed around so often here like "do me sub" don't really do much to further communication and healthy relationships imo.

was not directed at you personally. In fact in my years here I've never known you to be anything other than supportive and realistic about people being happy with who they are.


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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:35:04 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Julia, I try to keep most of those thoughts to myself, too. Usually

FR -- if we add bottoms in with the "do me" submissives, that is really muddying the waters. It'd probably be a much better world if the do-mes would use the term bottom.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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Profile   Post #: 85
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:36:48 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you, laurell *hugssss* I appreciate that very much.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:40:05 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

That is an astute observation, sunshine

Kinda like when I went through my divorce and went through "I hate all men" stage


EXACTLY! (Maybe this is why I refuse to say I'm into wiitwd?)

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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:40:58 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Fair enough zeph, but why should I? (or anyone). Why should I be defined by a label? If I could remove the "submissive" label from my CM profile, I would. I don't like it. I don't want it. I totally rebel against it, but I don't have a lot of other options. And I don't want to be seen as purely my sexual desire (which by the way is only there some of the time). Why would people be admonished to define themselves as a tiny part of who they are? I don't see us telling gay men to put down if they are a pitcher or a catcher.

I want a vanilla bean... with a bit of hot tamale... and honey for the sweetness. yup. Kind of a weird combo, eh?



Because unfortunately these labels are the closest thing we have to defining what we are and what we are looking for. I know what you mean and I agree 100% but bottom imo comes closer to describing what these people are looking for since their profile is all about them and what they want and don't have a single word about what they can offer in return.

Yeaaaah your combo just gave me a touch of heartburn lol *smooches*

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Profile   Post #: 88
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:46:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level



True. However, I do retain the right to critique those that are blatantly "do me" but are very insistent that they're deeply submissive, or even "slaves". Please place a strong emphasis on the word "blatantly" in the above sentence, and no, I don't see anyone on this thread that I'd put in that category, and, overall, I have less interest in labelling others, than in enjoying life.




Some of us are deeply submissive and also want to be done in the way that works for us. In my relationship, sex/play is not a display of submission and dominance. It's for mutual fun and enjoyment. Which means if he's doing me in a way that doesn't work for me, he'll change what he's doing.

Submission here comes in him making the rules for how we live. Not for sex. That, like picking a movie at Blockbuster or going miniature golfing is fulfilling for both of us. We both get done in the way we like. What makes it work is that we have a very high level of compatibility. We like to do/be done in the exact same way the other wants to do/be done.

Bondage here isn't to make me feel how helpless I am and how much power he has. It makes me wet and him hard. just that.

Oh and if AQSM thinks frazzle will never find a partner because she knows what works for her, he needs to rethink it. My list, when I was looking, was a lot longer and more specific. And that was 8 years ago and I'm still with him.


< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/3/2010 6:49:06 PM >

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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:54:56 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Celeste:

What makes it work is that we have a very high level of compatibility.


And that is the most important thing. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or says, or calls you. If it works for you and him, then you've hit a home run, won the lottery, and done what a great many people haven't been able to do.



_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:57:35 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Ms. 3.1415926... (or more accurately) Pi;

When I come across the clue-less gay bottoms - you know - no pic and one sentence profile - and they send me a message of three words - "Good morning, Sir" or "Like your profile" or "Your picture's hot."

BUT they have at least "perved" me, I'll perv them, and if they're kinda maybe interesting.....  I might write back "Good morning to you.  Did you have a reason for writing to me?" or "What about my profile did you especially like?" or "I don't see a picture on your profile. Why is that?"

We might get into "better profiles 101"  and then I give them my 4 rules:

1.  Where have you been w.r.t. BDSM?  If new-bie, so state.  Example:  I've always felt that I wanted to submit to a man.  My Uncle was important in my life, trying to make me do things he knew where good for me.  Nothing sexual, but I miss being told what to do.  I did get involved with a neighbor down the street, sexually a little bit, but I think he doesn't know very much about BDSM so I found this site."

2.  Where are you now?  Example:  I feel trapped in this small town near Indianapolis.  I'm trying to go to college there, but am worried if there's good groups or advice or something in that area.  Maybe the whole state of Indiana is a backwater.  I sure know my town of XYZ is.

3. Where do you want to go?  Example: I think I'd make a good slavefrom what I've read, but I'm not sure.  I'd like to learn what that means exactly.

4 What do you bring to the table?  Example:  I'm curious and willing to learn.  I'm in school to be a researcher in biological effects of ??? on ???, but that doesn't really have much to do with BDSM.  Such a course is offered all over the US, so I'm willing and able to re-locate.

Some of them can get there - the wannabes blow me off. LOL!

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/3/2010 7:34:38 PM >

_____________________________

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 7:03:40 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks Des

At this precise moment, im def a "do me" I need my shoulder totally put back into place, wouldnt be on most peoples wish list, but it moved trapped a nerve and now needs re=moved.

Back to do me...........but without what i need at mo, he isnt going to get what he needs. shame there is no He here at the moment.

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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 7:13:37 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		frazzle, that's not a "do me" moment, it's a part of life. Hope you get some relief!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 7:53:32 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

See I am never gonna get that thinking. this is the internet. It takes more than a profile to get me one way or the other. I will say that a strongly worded profile would intrigue me. If after talking and meeting I found my needs were not being met, that would be that. I don't see myself being chased away by the profile of a woman who knows her own mind.


See Jeffff this is where you and I are very different, I would read the profile and go, "Okay I meet all the criteria, but it looks like she is way more interested in her needs then she is looking to be interested in mine, Do I try to get to know her and see if I can find something positive or do I just keep looking until I see something that is for sure positive?"

Best foot forward, from her profile even if I met all the requirements, I'm not interested in getting involved with someone who is all about them.

QSM



I can see where you are coming from, but speaking as a female dominant who gets the do-me subs, the insanely inappropriate emails, etc, I think it's really important to get the deal breakers out of the way before the first email. NO I do not want you if you are under 30. NO I do not want you if you are more than an hour's drive away. NO I do not want you if you are married and I cannot communicate with your spouse. These are big deals to me. Yes, I acknowledge that I might be bypassing someone great. Hey, if you are an hour and a half away... let's talk! Having basic "standards" doesn't make me selfish, it means that I know what I NEED and what I want, and at this point of my life, I know where I cannot effectively compromise.

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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 7:55:38 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Frazzle, OUCH!!!!! Hope you can get it back to normal quickly.

But back to topic, it's a relationship. Which means if you both aren't happy, then it doesn't last.


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RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 8:33:05 PM   
DommeKeliDallas


Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		"DO-ME" subs...
Usually MALE.
Ignoring what is on your profile, and what you are willing to do in a session.
Then, they DEMAND you to "use a strap-on on them" and/or "sit on their face" as "punishment...
even though you don't do those things.
When you state that you have clearly set boundaries and you are not interested, they erupt.


It is all in the way you approach the things that you would like to do.

If you have definitive roles, you must be respectful and kind to get what you ache for.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 8:36:01 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

If you have definitive roles, you must be respectful and kind to get what you ache for.


OOOhhhhh...that's what I have been doing wrong!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 8:37:23 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Just seeing this topic headline -- made me want to shoot myself in the head.

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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 8:39:36 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Im a do me sub. But Im a girl, so boys are more than happy to indulge me!

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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 8:58:54 PM   
attendedone


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/24/2010
Status: offline 		I must agree with Level here. Part of the appeal to this life style for me is that I would be matched with someone who genuinely wants to do things to bring happiness to me. Which would mean that bringing me happiness contributes to his happiness. If not, it seems counter productive to the relationship under these terms.

Having said that, I do think it is very important for a sub to share what is important to him and what he desires. If that does not include being submissive (in honor of and with the direction of the dom) I am not sure he is a true submissive.

I think the do-me concept is where the sub (in name) wants to interact only on their terms without the give. So, something like, "I am willing and desiring to submit as long as I am aroused or I will submit if you give me commands in a certain way....."etc. That kind of stuff.

A sub saying, "I don't feel comfortable with this request" is an entirely different matter--especially when given the context or the why behind for the resistence or request.

In addition, I think it is very sexy for a sub to share what their desires are, just gives me more ammunition to drive them crazy (which is of particular interest to me).

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Profile   Post #: 100
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