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Murin -> Online collars (7/5/2010 5:18:58 AM)
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Okay yeah so I just recently returned to the online community after literally years of obscurity confined to a crazy little mobile chat site called AirG because I really couldn't afford a computer until just recently. So I've had this topic rolling around in My head for a great length of time.
Forgive Me if it has been discussed before, but being new to this site [sm=imnewhere.gif] I'm not very current on the discussions though I do try to read the topics and respond as intelligently as I can (which sometimes may or may not be accomplished) I've been surfing around the net to different chat sites and discussion boards and I notice especially in chat rooms that there are alot of online collars. I saw this quite often on AirG as well even engaged in the practice Myself from time to time to cure the boredom of a 1 inch by 1 inch screen. Sure it was all "roleplay" but then isn't that what alot of it is about?
I've recently come to the standpoint that online collars are a complete waste of My time and efforts. Admittedly it was a long process formed by years of delving into BDSM chatrooms both online (years ago I might add) and recently on the AirG site. I might be completely alone in this belief but I think that the concept of the online collar detracts from the Lifestyle, again a standpoint I've recently taken due to past experiences in the matter. I've had girls collared online (mainly on AirG) but as time progressed the event happened less and less as I became disgusted with what was happening.
A collar shows ownership, if I am not mistaken, it is the physical symbol of the relationship between a Dominant and submissive. That being said when a collaring happens "online" its meant to show the physical ownership. Now wait a minute, here's where it gets sticky for Me. How can anyone claim to own someone they have never met in the real world?
I've witnessed My fair share of online collarings on AirG. And the prevailing theme is usually always involves the words Love and Trust as well as the submissive claiming to be owned "Body, Mind and Soul" by the Dominant. This is another sticking point I have. Having never met the person in the real world, how can one claim to love them. Maybe I'm missing the point but it has been always My understanding that at the very least 45% of any real life relationship is chemical in nature.
I'll point to a discussion I've been having with one of My Friends on the phone incidentally one that is on AirG currently. For the sake of explaination I'll refer to him as Mr. XXX. He is a Dominant and he has a collared a girl online whom I'll refer to and just "girl" I witnessed their collaring in a chat room because I was asked to attend though both know My feelings on the matter of online collarings. girl is a mix of BDSM and Gor practices while he is mainly just into BDSM though it doesn't define Mr XXX as a whole (much like Myself in this case) We've been discussing his feelings about her and the problems that have been presented by the distance between them. They both want real life though she doesn't seem to be willing to visit him (using the ?excuse?) that she would not want to return home. This would present a problem for Me as she has told him that she wants to wait until he is more "stable" and has an excellent paying job. Not quite sure how money got involved in the discussion but it has. Mr XXX is fairly concerned about the entire situation as a whole but is willing to work it out with her. Bravo for his bravery because personally I would have told girl to hit the bricks when the money topic came into it.
I asked him this question: "what if you two wait the time she is thinking it may take you to go through school to earn a degree w/o having met and you when you two finally do meet, you find yourself completely unattracted to her physically?" It was a hard question to ask Mr XXX I know but one that needed to be asked nonetheless. My feeling is that he needs to take this into consideration as well.
All bullshit aside Mr XXX expressed that he finds the fact that girl isn't willing to relocate to him ~before~ a certain amount of money a year is made distressing. He wonders why she wouldn't want to, in the interest of making their lives together better, move to him to help him acheive the goals that they have been discussing. This would have sent warning flags up for Me quite quickly as well.
I find that many times online collars rarely work into real life and those that do rarely work out because one or both find that the other isn't what they expected. I've had this experience Myself within the last three years and it is a contributing factor in My stance against online collarings. Especially when real life is sought, happens and the Dominant actually relocates to where the submissive is at. This gives the submissive a power over the Dominant which he may not be prepared to accept. By this I mean, if it doesn't work then what? Personal experiences in this matter have landed My fat ass on the streets living Pillar to Post and also have contributed to My unyielding postion that any girl that wants to be with Me must relocate to Me. Needless to say part of My personal BDSM contract provides for the safe return of the submissive to wherever she decides she wishes to go. I wasn't given that option when I relocated to girls.
I know a little bit about Gor. Studied it a little, read the books and came across a few pieces of knowledge I found useful, but one thing I did notice was the double standard when it came to online collars (or ko'lars if you wish to be technical)
quote:
"A collar washes away the sins of the past. That which was is no more" FW Sephira, Tantric of Tabor, AirG when speaking to a slave after she was collared by Raigar Anon Jamon, 1st Sword of Tabor
This got insanely sticky for Me at this point because not long after that Raigar was villified by other goreans because He had came from BDSM and had enjoyed roleplaying a Vampire from time to time. The double standard was obvious to Me as the sins of the past had been "washed" for the slave when she had received the collar yet not for Him?
I'll not go into the arguments about Gorean Roleplay vs Gorean Lifestyle in this bit of My rambling even though I'd like too I'll reserve that for another time.
Simply put: Online Collars are a fucking joke which cheapens the BDSM Lifestyle..
Again I may be completely alone in this stance, but it was just something I had to get off My chest as it was bothering Me for a very long time. I welcome any comments, good or bad.
Thanks for taking the time to read My ramblings...
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