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RE: To those of you who have children.... - 7/7/2010 4:14:35 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

im curious as to what kind of emotional response would be evoked if, upon reaching the age of maturity*, your child became interested in d/s?

would your sentiment in anyway vary based on factors such as gender/orientation (by this i mean, would you be more disappointed/ashamed in a submissive boy than, say, a dominant girl?

I realize that the majority of users will feel that their love is unconditional, that they just want happiness for their child, etc.... but im more interested in hearing from any dominant females who have alternative opinions. I'm not asking if you would love your child any less, or blame them in any way... im just curious how you would view it.

*Just to clarify... im talking about children 18+ arriving at the decision independent of any parental influence.

In my home, this isn't a possibility but a fact. My son is indeed interested and has been for years even before he had a name for it. He might end up being a switch who wants a female switch who will enjoy battling with him to see who will be on top that day/hour/whatever. All I've noticed so far is a keen interest in dominance/submission, not in kinky stuff yet.

Who knows how the cards will fall over time, or if he will ever really be ready for dating and making a marriage work. I had to jump straight to the serious there, because that's how he is.

Would I be concerned about his orientation? Either way, I would always be concerned because of his disability. I will help him by mentoring whenever he is ready, as I don't want him to be ignorant and have to make all kinds of terrible mistakes on his own. He will always be my son, and I might have apprehensions about his future (on a lot more than just D/s), but I would never love him less whether he becomes Dom or sub or switch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: QSM

I would love to be able to save him the frustration, and the possible lonelyness that comes from having a reduced selection pool when it comes to having a partner, I would also want to save him from the social stigma that comes from being involved in an alternative lifestyle. The having to hide some part of who you are

It would be harder for him in this small town if he became submissive, and I would hope for him to have an easier life than what I've had.

But at the same time, I know...some dreams come at the cost of all of our other dreams, and he will have to make that kind of a decision someday and will need my support whatever it may be.

In my family, many have disapproved of their children's choices...and it didn't alter a thing, only alienated parent from adult child. Whoever he chooses will have to have my love and support, even if I detest her as a person and hate her guts because of how she treats my son. (It's my opinion that love isn't just a feeling, but also a way you choose to treat people regardless of how you feel about them.)

Mom couldn't make my sister leave her husband, even when he'd beat on her in front of mom. My sister only defended him harder. I learned my lesson from this, and I hope I still remember it if it's someday my turn. I hope he makes a wise decision though and doesn't think with his d*ck.

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 7/7/2010 4:28:09 AM >

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RE: To those of you who have children.... - 7/7/2010 3:20:49 PM

gedienstig

Posts: 155
Joined: 5/9/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So... the OP wants to hear from bad mothers?

As a rebuttal to those arguing this line, im curious to what extent you and your partner have chosen to be open about your relationship to your respective parents. i suspect that you have your motivations for being quiet. If so, is your mother a bad mother?

You know what you're right, I would never tell my mother about my submissive side, just because I don't think she should accept things beyond her comprehension. As far as I know, my parents weren't interested in BDSM, and therefore, it would be weird for her to understand my feelings. She would probably tell me something like "Why do you always have to be the different one?", and even though I'm sure she would accept it in the end, I just don't think she should go through that process of acceptation, when there is no need for her to tell what's going on in my bedroom. I mean, she often watches those "sex education" programs, where they show couples talking about S&M, exhibitionism, specific fetishes, etc. and then the next morning she'll tell me: "You wouldn't believe what's out there, yesterday I saw some guy who liked to be whipped really hard", and then I'm like "Yes, mom, there's quite a bit of weird people out there," in the meanwhile thinking to myself: "Oh, if only you knew."

But this isn't really a point for us, since we all knew what either dominant or submissive feelings are, and therefore, we are more open for our children's decisions.We know that some kinks can't be fought, and I think this will make us "accept" that our sons/daughters have this urge. I'm more like "you know, as long as they don't do it ignorant/uneducaed, it's fine by me." I know I don't have children yet, but this would be my perception on most things, including for example drugs. If they've read all about cannabis for example, they are of legal age (and thus with a matured brain) and they weighed the pros against the cons, they should make their own choice, and same goes for sexual orientation (although I hope my future wife will have more sense about the drug part). As long as they don't go into a D/s relationship headstrong without thinking, and they're enjoying it, why not?

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RE: To those of you who have children.... - 7/7/2010 4:35:05 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

As a rebuttal to those arguing this line, im curious to what extent you and your partner have chosen to be open about your relationship to your respective parents. i suspect that you have your motivations for being quiet. If so, is your mother a bad mother?

I didn't share with my mother, because she'd already died when I entered training in the household to which I belong. I didn't share with my dad at first, but that was because he and I hadn't been speaking for almost 5 years when I joined the household. When he and I -did- re-establish communication, I -did- tell him about my choice to train with the house, the fact that we were a communal household, and that I was a servant in the house (I was in training at the time, but since the training didn't have a designated "end" date, and I could fail to progress at any point, I wasn't comfortable telling him I would be earning my crop... it just wasn't certain enough at that point, since I was only about a year into my training).

Because the way that we inter-relate really has little to do with sex, at least in the big picture, I didn't feel any discomfort in explaining things to my dad. Of course I didn't discuss the intimate details of the sexual aspects, and, quite frankly, I don't expect my offspring to do so with me... however, I don't consider dominance and submission to be inherently a sexual topic, so discussing the philosophical and practical aspects of living as a household servant, and what I was learning from the experience... that I didn't have any problem with and still don't. My dad knows my companions, and now that I'm a dominant member of the household myself, I've brought my own servants to his home, and managed them there in the same way as I do at home when we have guests, without nary a raised eyebrow from my father.

As to whether I would have shared these things with my mom if she were alive... I don't know... not because I am ashamed of what I am and what I do and who I do it with... more because my mother and I were like fire and gasoline... put us in the same room and an explosion was nearly guaranteed. *chuckles*

Calla

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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