RE: What is your test?

RE: What is your test? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

MasterLark -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 4:52:44 PM)
So, to be clear, my question should not infer that I advocate testing in the sense of having a pre-set series of questions and tasks that someone must do well on to be accepted. I just had heard some Doms do this and wondered what was in the test list and what seemed to work or not. Again this is not be confused with getting to know who someone really is and trying to determine if you fit together, which everyone does to some degree. Certainly checking out someone's health condition before playing at all is prudent, for example. That said, I appreciate the humor, and the responses that suggested evaluating was what everyone does, as well as those who say they hate tests in any form. But apparently no one who posts here actually does have such a test with a list of questions and tasks that he/she uses. Ok, no tests here. Good to know. Thanks.

MasterLark -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 5:47:16 PM)
OR...at least no one willing to tell us about their test questions and tasks....

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 5:51:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark OR...at least no one willing to tell us about their test questions and tasks.... This is more likely. Would you post your Test after reading the first 3 pages? QSM

LadyPact -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 5:52:08 PM)
I said this on the very first response. You came here saying that you saw/heard of other people using this method. Overwhelmingly, the people who responded to this thread told you that we don't do that. The thing that makes the most sense is to ask the people who say they do use this method exactly what "tests" they are referring to. Why not go to the source?

juliaoceania -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 6:05:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark OR...at least no one willing to tell us about their test questions and tasks.... Here is what I think of tests, which is along the lines of others posting here... Life and time tests relationships, you don't need to come up with extra busy work for yourself and your mate by "testing" them yourself... In life there are also no shortcuts...

KatyLied -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 6:21:19 PM)
I think tests are ridiculous. I prefer honesty and getting to know someone in an organic way - talking, hanging out, sharing ideas, taking a period of time without pressure or expectations. I think that people are in too much of a hurry. I've probably ruined what could have been good relationships because I can not see the value in rushing things, if it is going to be it will be, otherwise, it did not have the strength to get through the getting-to-know-you-stage.

jujubeeMB -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 9:04:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage jujubee, you're so smart! Hugs to you too, DS [:)] quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 I kind of know it... but in the end, doesn't it all work out the same way? You're very sweetly and pleasantly skirting the point. No, it doesn't work out in the same way, because one ("let's see if you deserve to submit to me") is degrading and cold and arrogant, and the other ("let's see if we're compatible and share values") is what people DO in relationships. BDSM doesn't make us any more special than vanilla people - everyone makes sure there is sexual, emotional and intellectual compatibility, simply by being with one another. It's not a test, and it's not a matter of someone "deserving" to get to be there. I find that attitude arrogant from Doms, Dommes, subs and slaves, regardless of gender. We earn things like trust, openness and love, but we don't earn them through an attitude. We earn them over time and with reciprocation. What I described has nothing to do with reciprocation: it's all about the person standing back, crossing their arms and saying "go ahead. Prove you should get the right to serve me." In an already volatile psychological situation, that kind of attitude is just obnoxious. In my humble opinion [;)]

DarlingSavage -> RE: What is your test? (7/8/2010 9:08:11 PM)
I've been tested and approved by the FDA! jujubee! kiss-kiss!

MasterLark -> RE: What is your test? (7/9/2010 6:14:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I said this on the very first response. You came here saying that you saw/heard of other people using this method. Overwhelmingly, the people who responded to this thread told you that we don't do that. The thing that makes the most sense is to ask the people who say they do use this method exactly what "tests" they are referring to. Why not go to the source? I thought I'd wait to see more responses get posted before responding to your earlier point. A sub here on collarme has told me that several Doms she's met here over several months have presented such tests to her. She will not tell me what the tests consisted of and I don't know who the Doms are. So the "source" won't say, whereupon I posted the question here. Many who are on collarme do not seem to frequent the message boards, and given the reaction to the question I suspect those who do would refrain from being candid about this. I would add I like jujubee's discussion of this.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: What is your test? (7/9/2010 6:22:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I said this on the very first response. You came here saying that you saw/heard of other people using this method. Overwhelmingly, the people who responded to this thread told you that we don't do that. The thing that makes the most sense is to ask the people who say they do use this method exactly what "tests" they are referring to. Why not go to the source? I thought I'd wait to see more responses get posted before responding to your earlier point. A sub here on collarme has told me that several Doms she's met here over several months have presented such tests to her. She will not tell me what the tests consisted of and I don't know who the Doms are. So the "source" won't say, whereupon I posted the question here. Many who are on collarme do not seem to frequent the message boards, and given the reaction to the question I suspect those who do would refrain from being candid about this. I would add I like jujubee's discussion of this. Well the Source, is being a little too secret, this leads me to believe the Source is full of shit. OR Bitching about an experience and has painted all Doms with the nasty brush. Tests are things that are designed usually to set someone up to fail. That only those that are worthy will pass, seeing up a person up to fail, Kink or Not is NOT okay. I think you might want to tell your source to get over it and move on. As you can see the basic understanding on this side of the site is that Testing is not okay, but I am sure on the other side there are LOTS of tests.... some of which requite the sub to send money to Africa. QSM

MasterLark -> RE: What is your test? (7/10/2010 7:57:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I said this on the very first response. You came here saying that you saw/heard of other people using this method. Overwhelmingly, the people who responded to this thread told you that we don't do that. The thing that makes the most sense is to ask the people who say they do use this method exactly what "tests" they are referring to. Why not go to the source? I thought I'd wait to see more responses get posted before responding to your earlier point. A sub here on collarme has told me that several Doms she's met here over several months have presented such tests to her. She will not tell me what the tests consisted of and I don't know who the Doms are. So the "source" won't say, whereupon I posted the question here. Many who are on collarme do not seem to frequent the message boards, and given the reaction to the question I suspect those who do would refrain from being candid about this. I would add I like jujubee's discussion of this. Well the Source, is being a little too secret, this leads me to believe the Source is full of shit. OR Bitching about an experience and has painted all Doms with the nasty brush. Tests are things that are designed usually to set someone up to fail. That only those that are worthy will pass, seeing up a person up to fail, Kink or Not is NOT okay. I think you might want to tell your source to get over it and move on. As you can see the basic understanding on this side of the site is that Testing is not okay, but I am sure on the other side there are LOTS of tests.... some of which requite the sub to send money to Africa. QSM The sub was not complaining about the tests and was not saying all Doms were doing tests, just some she had encountered here. That said, I take your point that tests set one up to eventually fail and are not a good idea to build a trusting healthy relationship, for both Dom and sub. I don't do tests and simply wondered if others were doing so and what happened.

LadyPact -> RE: What is your test? (7/10/2010 8:21:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark The sub was not complaining about the tests and was not saying all Doms were doing tests, just some she had encountered here. That said, I take your point that tests set one up to eventually fail and are not a good idea to build a trusting healthy relationship, for both Dom and sub. I don't do tests and simply wondered if others were doing so and what happened. You and this other person do understand that many of the things "encountered here" really are a crock, right? Some of it that has been dreamed up in fantasy land by those who have never experienced a power dynamic away from the nice little electric box (computer) and have never had any real life experience or even know people who do in the physical world. It sounded good, so they typed it up.

leadership527 -> RE: What is your test? (7/10/2010 10:20:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark OR...at least no one willing to tell us about their test questions and tasks.... shrugs I thought I had. to reiterate, if I'm interested in someone, I'll take advantage of some random opportunity together like, perhaps, getting coffee at the starbucks or talking on the phone. I'll deliberately but gently guide the conversation this way and that and look to see if the other person follows. I'll gesture for where she should sit and a million other "under-the radar" type commands. I'm looking to see if she obeys commands when she doesn't realize there is a command in play. This helps me find the "submissive by personality" people rather than the "submissive by relationship orientation" ones.

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/10/2010 10:34:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark I periodically hear of a Master/Dom/Domme testing a new sub/slave, that there is a test with a series of questions or tasks, to determine whether the sub/slave is acceptable to continue the relationship. What is your test? MasterLark, I'll admit that I have been tested in the past, though the individual didn't provide a series of questions. I cannot say that enthralls me, but I expect it in some regard due to my station and the nature of relationships I prefer. On the other side, I have generated a list of questions that I presented to interested prospects. I wanted to ascertain their capacity to articulate leadership and other principles coherently. It was amusing to note how often many struggled to do such. But I can't say my expectations were brimming either. Someone mentioned discernment and I think that deserves consideration. In the beginning most reasonably sane individuals are presenting the better part of themselves. Time, experience, and comfort often bring out the less than pleasant stuff. In terms of testing, the other party may seek to create situations that allow a more natural response. I wouldn't term this overt manipulation, but I do feel it provides an interesting snapshot for both persons. There are aspects of the individual's personality that may not manifest until discord or other unpleasant moments enter the picture. In my opinion the latter gives you more to go on and offers a realistic viewpoint of what you'll encounter with the person should you move forward. ~porcelaine

MasterLark -> RE: What is your test? (7/10/2010 6:33:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark I periodically hear of a Master/Dom/Domme testing a new sub/slave, that there is a test with a series of questions or tasks, to determine whether the sub/slave is acceptable to continue the relationship. What is your test? MasterLark, I'll admit that I have been tested in the past, though the individual didn't provide a series of questions. I cannot say that enthralls me, but I expect it in some regard due to my station and the nature of relationships I prefer. On the other side, I have generated a list of questions that I presented to interested prospects. I wanted to ascertain their capacity to articulate leadership and other principles coherently. It was amusing to note how often many struggled to do such. But I can't say my expectations were brimming either. Someone mentioned discernment and I think that deserves consideration. In the beginning most reasonably sane individuals are presenting the better part of themselves. Time, experience, and comfort often bring out the less than pleasant stuff. In terms of testing, the other party may seek to create situations that allow a more natural response. I wouldn't term this overt manipulation, but I do feel it provides an interesting snapshot for both persons. There are aspects of the individual's personality that may not manifest until discord or other unpleasant moments enter the picture. In my opinion the latter gives you more to go on and offers a realistic viewpoint of what you'll encounter with the person should you move forward. ~porcelaine I agree. When there are bumps in the road, when life blindsides one, when values collide, when tragedy strikes, and more, how one responds reveals much. Resilience and courage, for example, are an oft under-rated qualities.

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/10/2010 7:02:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark I agree. When there are bumps in the road, when life blindsides one, when values collide, when tragedy strikes, and more, how one responds reveals much. Resilience and courage, for example, are an oft under-rated qualities. MasterLark, I often like to see how a man responds to me when he's angry. Though I won't intentionally provoke him. But that's a biggie in my book. That's the hand I'll live by and I need to be certain that he's capable of responsible leadership. When I encounter someone that lacks the capacity for reasoning or only hears his voice that's very telling. I make note of his willingness to apologize or admit when he's made a mistake. I know opinions differ on that subject, but I'm sorry, people screw up and dominants are no different. I have a hard time respecting someone that believes he's above the mundane. Resilience and courage are good examples of the individual's investment in the relationship. I don't believe in scaling tall buildings like Superman. I feel that people devote themselves to situations they find beneficial. I don't need to convince him or do anything to keep him by my side. He'll remain there if that is where he wishes to be. I'd like to thank you for this thread. It's reminding me of another elsewhere. Synergy is good. I think as strange as the concept may seem to some, relationships of this nature deserve different handling. I'm giving over a lot to the other person. I'd better make sure he's capable of taking it on. ~porcelaine

MasterLark -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 9:42:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine MasterLark, I often like to see how a man responds to me when he's angry. Though I won't intentionally provoke him. But that's a biggie in my book. That's the hand I'll live by and I need to be certain that he's capable of responsible leadership. When I encounter someone that lacks the capacity for reasoning or only hears his voice that's very telling. I make note of his willingness to apologize or admit when he's made a mistake. I know opinions differ on that subject, but I'm sorry, people screw up and dominants are no different. I have a hard time respecting someone that believes he's above the mundane. Resilience and courage are good examples of the individual's investment in the relationship. I don't believe in scaling tall buildings like Superman. I feel that people devote themselves to situations they find beneficial. I don't need to convince him or do anything to keep him by my side. He'll remain there if that is where he wishes to be. I'd like to thank you for this thread. It's reminding me of another elsewhere. Synergy is good. I think as strange as the concept may seem to some, relationships of this nature deserve different handling. I'm giving over a lot to the other person. I'd better make sure he's capable of taking it on. ~porcelaine You're welcome, porcelaine. And I agree about how a man handles anger as being a key to who he is. It's also true how a woman handles anger as well. And my own view of being a Master is to admit a mistake or failing when I make a mistake or fail to appreciate or value something important; the honesty opens possibilities. Communication is hard enough in vanilla relationships, I find BDSM relationships just as challenging in communicating but even more critical in being resilient and courageous on many levels.

Aylee -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 5:05:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark I periodically hear of a Master/Dom/Domme testing a new sub/slave, that there is a test with a series of questions or tasks, to determine whether the sub/slave is acceptable to continue the relationship. All relationships involve testing and probing who the other person really is, but what I am talking about here is something of an actual list. I have no such test. What I am curious about here is: what are the actual test questions and/or tasks that some use that seem to work for them...and why do they work or why do they not work? What is your test? http://www.love-your-boyfriend.com/crazy-questions.html I think that my favorite is number 11. If today was your last day on Earth and tomorrow aliens were taking you away to travel through space, how would you spend your last day on earth?

mstrjx -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 5:24:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aylee If today was your last day on Earth and tomorrow aliens were taking you away to travel through space, how would you spend your last day on earth? Packing. Duh! Jeff

mastertizzi -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 6:13:22 PM)
i generally prefer to test through "passive" observation. i seem to have gotten a knack for learning people over the years just by watching their body language, the way they talk, the way they act, the way they dress , even if online chatting, the way they type. this is how i tend to approach anyone really. its just safer. prevents me from just going up and shooting myself in the foot. at times i might ask questions about things, but i keep them indirect. i can find out pretty much anything about anybody this way. and really its kind of fun. (sort of a one way mind game) (im a bit evil i know especially since ive been doing this since i was in my teens) but it works. and dragging out a conversation over some random thing and collecting information is a lot more useful and safer than just comming out and saying: "are you willing to such and such for me when i ask" its also very good for finding out a partners secret fetishes too. this has happened to me in online chats several times unexpectedly to boot, and its always a wonderful surprise.

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875