RE: What is your test?

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dbloomer -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 7:05:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterLark I periodically hear of a Master/Dom/Domme testing a new sub/slave, that there is a test with a series of questions or tasks, to determine whether the sub/slave is acceptable to continue the relationship. All relationships involve testing and probing who the other person really is, but what I am talking about here is something of an actual list. I have no such test. What I am curious about here is: what are the actual test questions and/or tasks that some use that seem to work for them...and why do they work or why do they not work? What is your test? If you are uncertain about the qualities you seek in a sub, or uncertain about how to find out if your sub has them, you are not ready yet. Realizing this and taking the steps necessary to correct it is your first step. I'm going to do what nobody else seems willing to do, which is give you actionable advise. Find out the things you enjoy as a dom. Find out the things she/he enjoys as a sub. Take the gathered information and add it all up to determine if you're a match. The above is not always easy: People are sometimes dishonest or can't communicate what they want properly. It's your duty to spot people who are dishonest and can't communicate, and either guide them to a more honest and communicative state, or cut them loose. Your original post subcommunicates to me that you are interested in learning more about domination and establishing functioning relationships than that you want to learn how to test. I could be wrong.

dbloomer -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 7:15:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB What is up with the whole "let's see if you deserve to submit to me" shtick anyway? It's all over the site, and is like straight out of a jerky fantasy novel. Who wants to feel like that? Makes me want to go take a shower... When I submit, I want to feel like I'm doing so with someone whose energy is supporting and holding me the whole way. Not like I have to prove something to a superior being. Yuck. Wise words. Domination is as much a service as submission is, because a dominant must identify and tend to the needs of the submissive, assuming the dom is hoping to satisfy the "safe and sane" criterion of SSC.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 7:24:18 PM)
First of all not every one plays by the motto SSC, and that's ok. It's not a criteria that to do kink you have to ascribe to the motto SSC. There's all different types of mottos people can ascribe to, one of which is RACK, Risk aware consensual kink. And secondly, it doesn't mean you're not SSC if you're not interested in meeting the needs of the sub. It might mean you'll find yourself with a hell of a lot smaller picking pool, than if you did want to meet their needs, but it's no indication of weather you're a safe, sane, or consensual player. quote: ORIGINAL: dbloomer Wise words. Domination is as much a service as submission is, because a dominant must identify and tend to the needs of the submissive, assuming the dom is hoping to satisfy the "safe and sane" criterion of SSC.

dbloomer -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 7:54:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom First of all not every one plays by the motto SSC, and that's ok. It's not a criteria that to do kink you have to ascribe to the motto SSC. There's all different types of mottos people can ascribe to, one of which is RACK, Risk aware consensual kink. And secondly, it doesn't mean you're not SSC if you're not interested in meeting the needs of the sub. It might mean you'll find yourself with a hell of a lot smaller picking pool, than if you did want to meet their needs, but it's no indication of weather you're a safe, sane, or consensual player. My post was not made to suggest that SSC was the goal we all should aspire to, but that the ability to satisfy the needs of the people around us is. Some submissives need to be abused, humiliated, dejected, and debased. On the surface it would appear their needs are being disregarded, but anyone who knows better knows that being treated that way is satisfying one of their kinks. If, as you suggest, the dom is not interested in meeting the needs of the sub, but the sub is still consenting, either the dom is inadvertantly satisfying the needs of the sub and the sub is consenting out of satisfaction, or the dom is NOT satisfying the needs of the sub, but is manipulating the sub or pressuring the sub to remain invested in the relationship, which is unsafe, and non-consentual, and not sane, and most importantly, immoral because the dominant is not providing order or function to the submissive. When it boils down to it, there is no argument to be made for not providing for the needs of a submissive.

Kana -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 9:24:22 PM)
The only tests I care about are the STD ones edited to add: Well, and maybe an IQ test as well....though considering how often slaves answer "Nothing" when I ask them what they are thinking, maybe an IQ is not required. :-)

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 11:16:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dbloomer If, as you suggest, the dom is not interested in meeting the needs of the sub, but the sub is still consenting, either the dom is inadvertantly satisfying the needs of the sub and the sub is consenting out of satisfaction, or the dom is NOT satisfying the needs of the sub, but is manipulating the sub or pressuring the sub to remain invested in the relationship, which is unsafe, and non-consentual, and not sane, and most importantly, immoral because the dominant is not providing order or function to the submissive. dbloomer, Why is it that when a woman makes an errant choice in partner she's being manipulated or experiencing coercion? I'd really like to see some reality in that comment in all truth. She chose. Whether he's mister wonderful or the world's biggest prick she elected to engage with him as his submissive. Who's to say she's sane? Or even took the time to properly explore who she was submitting to before diving in with both feet? I'm sorry, but dominants often get a bad rap on this and I can't go along with that line of thinking. If you're big enough to play you're big enough to take the lumps when you make bad choices. Making the other party the devil is irresponsible and only perpetuates the helplessness that some cling to when things go awry. ~porcelaine

dbloomer -> RE: What is your test? (7/11/2010 11:51:39 PM)
quote: Why is it that when a woman makes an errant choice in partner she's being manipulated or experiencing coercion? I'd really like to see some reality in that comment in all truth. She chose. Whether he's mister wonderful or the world's biggest prick she elected to engage with him as his submissive. Who's to say she's sane? Or even took the time to properly explore who she was submitting to before diving in with both feet? I'm sorry, but dominants often get a bad rap on this and I can't go along with that line of thinking. If you're big enough to play you're big enough to take the lumps when you make bad choices. Making the other party the devil is irresponsible and only perpetuates the helplessness that some cling to when things go awry. ~porcelaine I don't recall saying anywhere that when a woman makes an errant choice she's being manipulated and is not accountable. Believe me, nobody wants more accountability from women than me. XD I said that when a dom is deliberately uncaring of the needs of a sub and the sub's needs are not being met because of it, and the dom is using his dominant influence to keep her engaged in the partnership for his own satisfaction, while ignoring hers, he is being manipulative.

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 12:00:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dbloomer I don't recall saying anywhere that when a woman makes an errant choice she's being manipulated and is not accountable. Believe me, nobody wants more accountability from women than me. XD I said that when a dom is deliberately uncaring of the needs of a sub and the sub's needs are not being met because of it, and the dom is using his dominant influence to keep her engaged in the partnership for his own satisfaction, while ignoring hers, he is being manipulative. dbloomer, It takes two to tangle. And unless he has this person shackled or caged continually some part of her chooses to remain in the situation mentioned, even if her needs aren't being met. Even when the other party is clearly reprehensible it doesn't excuse the other individual's decision making or lack thereof. ~porcelaine

dbloomer -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 12:07:14 AM)
quote: It takes two to tangle. And unless he has this person shackled or caged continually some part of her chooses to remain in the situation mentioned, Can you provide me with your woman's opinion on why she would remain there if her needs were not met? It's possible that being alone scares her worse than being in a dysfunctional relationship, which makes her accountable. It does not however, make the abusive dominant any LESS accountable, since as you put it, it takes two to "tangle".

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 7:48:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dbloomer Can you provide me with your woman's opinion on why she would remain there if her needs were not met? It's possible that being alone scares her worse than being in a dysfunctional relationship, which makes her accountable. It does not however, make the abusive dominant any LESS accountable, since as you put it, it takes two to "tangle". dbloomer, Just because she's in a relationship doesn't mean she had her act together coming in or didn't enter with a compromised mindset from the start. More than a few people know they're damaged goods and elect to get involved rather than cleaning up the mess. They have this odd idea about that being someone else's responsibility. I simply find it uncanny how someone's screw up usually becomes the other person's fault when he's an ogre. Well, he probably was that from the beginning and she didn't take notice or ignored it. I call the spade what it is. Sorry. It's my responsibility to make sure I'm putting myself in capable hands and if I fail to do that I have no one to blame but yours truly. That mindset is precisely why I don't have horror stories to tell. I own my actions. ~porcelaine

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 8:21:16 AM)
If a train leaving Baltimore at 7:13am traveling up hill at a 13degree incline with 250 passengers that makes 5 stops dropping of exactly 1/5 of it's passengers at each stop is headed to Miami Flordia and a train in Miami is headed to texas with twice as many passenges making twice as many stops and traveling with a 27 degree decline, how many popsicle sticks will it take to build a rocketship to the moon if only hamspters are used for fuel. Answer: 42... cause Icecream has no bones. Hope this helps you guys out... this is the best test I have ever given.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 2:21:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Answer: 42... cause Icecream has no bones. Wrong. You forgot to take the fleas on the hamsters into consideration, as well as using the theory of neopolitan ice cream, rather than the correct moose tracks. Don't worry, it's a rookie mistake that many make. The correct answer is 27 moose turds make the sticks for 1,274,389 "fudge" bar popcicles.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 2:28:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Answer: 42... cause Icecream has no bones. Wrong. You forgot to take the fleas on the hamsters into consideration, as well as using the theory of neopolitan ice cream, rather than the correct moose tracks. Don't worry, it's a rookie mistake that many make. The correct answer is 27 moose turds make the sticks for 1,274,389 "fudge" bar popcicles. NO, you need to recheck your Math, Baltimore Hamsters don't have fleas and are more aerodynamic. You also forgot to carry the square root of Moose Turds... This leaves you with 42.... cause Icecream has no bones. QSM

dbloomer -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 2:44:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: dbloomer Can you provide me with your woman's opinion on why she would remain there if her needs were not met? It's possible that being alone scares her worse than being in a dysfunctional relationship, which makes her accountable. It does not however, make the abusive dominant any LESS accountable, since as you put it, it takes two to "tangle". dbloomer, Just because she's in a relationship doesn't mean she had her act together coming in or didn't enter with a compromised mindset from the start. More than a few people know they're damaged goods and elect to get involved rather than cleaning up the mess. They have this odd idea about that being someone else's responsibility. I simply find it uncanny how someone's screw up usually becomes the other person's fault when he's an ogre. Well, he probably was that from the beginning and she didn't take notice or ignored it. I call the spade what it is. Sorry. It's my responsibility to make sure I'm putting myself in capable hands and if I fail to do that I have no one to blame but yours truly. That mindset is precisely why I don't have horror stories to tell. I own my actions. ~porcelaine Yes, I can see you're quite personally invested in expressing this particular viewpoint, especially since it came up unprovoked and is very off-topic. I'll say this again, for the third time. I never once suggested that a woman is not accountable for the situations she gets herself in to. You seem to have injected that subtext in to my post, and furthermore, you seem quite militant about defending against the idea. I said that dominants who use their influence to manipulate submissives with total disregard for the needs of the submissive are amoral. If I go out for a walk through a shady neighborhood at 2am I can expect to get mugged. Walking through a shady neighborhood at 2am is a foolish thing to do. Knowing that fact doesn't make the mugger any less culpable.

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 4:01:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dbloomer I said that dominants who use their influence to manipulate submissives with total disregard for the needs of the submissive are amoral. dbloomer, I'm well aware of what you put forth. And I never disagreed that he bore responsibility for his behavior. I simply interjected that oftentimes he is maligned for having done such and very little is said about the other party involved. What you deem manipulation I see as something else. In terms of militancy and such, that's not a factor. I have nothing to gain from engagement along those lines. ~porcelaine

Andalusite -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 6:08:49 PM)
"Test" is just a hot-button word around here. A lot of people seem to feel that it ought to take months to find out the very basics of compatibility, and anything other than a point-blank question is manipulative.[:'(] Here's a thread I posted on the subject of things I test for at the beginning of a relationship. I don't see how wanting to know whether we have D/s or sexual chemistry, are able to have interesting conversations, and get along with each others' friends is so horrid and unreasonable, but that was the view of about half the people who responded.[8\|]

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/12/2010 7:05:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite "Test" is just a hot-button word around here. A lot of people seem to feel that it ought to take months to find out the very basics of compatibility, and anything other than a point-blank question is manipulative.[:'(] Here's a thread I posted on the subject of things I test for at the beginning of a relationship. I don't see how wanting to know whether we have D/s or sexual chemistry, are able to have interesting conversations, and get along with each others' friends is so horrid and unreasonable, but that was the view of about half the people who responded.[8\|] Andalusite, We often see things along a similar line. I think you participated in that thread about when you know you're interested versus dragging things out? As for your thread, well, once again we're in sync. And anyone that doesn't believe they aren't being tested is kind of naive in my opinion. Some of the things I put forth are obvious and others might go over their head. But I'm certainly not buying the product without doing a thorough inspection. ~porcelaine

CelticPrince -> RE: What is your test? (7/13/2010 1:36:42 PM)
quote: I periodically hear of a Master/Dom/Domme testing a new sub/slave, that there is a test with a series of questions or tasks, to determine whether the sub/slave is acceptable to continue the relationship. All relationships involve testing and probing who the other person really is, but what I am talking about here is something of an actual list. I have no such test. What I am curious about here is: what are the actual test questions and/or tasks that some use that seem to work for them...and why do they work or why do they not work? What is your test? How she initially addresses me. CP

CaringandReal -> RE: What is your test? (7/15/2010 5:25:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 to reiterate, if I'm interested in someone, I'll take advantage of some random opportunity together like, perhaps, getting coffee at the starbucks or talking on the phone. I'll deliberately but gently guide the conversation this way and that and look to see if the other person follows. I'll gesture for where she should sit and a million other "under-the radar" type commands. I'm looking to see if she obeys commands when she doesn't realize there is a command in play. This helps me find the "submissive by personality" people rather than the "submissive by relationship orientation" ones. That's a pretty good test, actually, although that stuff is not particularly under-the-radar for some of us: some submissives are acutely conscious of these things and their significance. Still, if they like you, they won't mind your doing them or their complying with them. So your test does some additional sifting beyond submissive personality: it tests for basic compatibilty. If she is submissive by personality and you rub her the wrong way, she probably won't follow the cues because most submissives by personality do those things, even if they are only half aware of them, for people they like and respect. Thus you are saved the time of discovering incompatibility. But people who want something from you will also do these things, so you have to try to eliminate that factor from the testing evironment. As an example, no one would be particularly convinced of the submissivesness of a job applicant who did such things in an interview. What your test doesn't sift out, alas, are the unconscious submissives who also have a great deal invested in believing they are not submissive. Those little rocks can cause one a lot of grief or wasted time.

porcelaine -> RE: What is your test? (7/15/2010 8:42:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal That's a pretty good test, actually, although that stuff is not particularly under-the-radar for some of us: some submissives are acutely conscious of these things and their significance. Still, if they like you, they won't mind your doing them or their complying with them. So your test does some additional sifting beyond submissive personality: it tests for basic compatibilty CaringandReal, You made an important point that's often overlooked and one I have indicated is true for me. The problem I've noticed with people that are innately attached to their testing methods is the omission of the sentence in bold. Irregardless of how compatible they may believe themselves to be for me or the reverse, if I have no compulsion to serve it doesn't matter. And I don't think there's an equitable distribution of like in the manner used. There's like and then there's oh bloody wow. I'm always going for the latter because that person has the capacity to move in me ways the other cannot. Mr. Wow may not line up perfectly in terms of checklists, but he's got the right stuff. The sort that I'm willing to do some leaps and bounds to be in the midst of. That's the individual that knocks out my areas of discomfort and brings me to the mental state I enjoy. In the end I believe it comes down to relating and recognizing compatibility does not a relationship make. Sometimes it's the little factors people disregard while comparing notes. ~porcelaine

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