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RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/10/2010 3:06:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandRea

Maybe she would do so if she found the gentleman in question so extraordinary and right for her that cake and ice cream with any other man would taste, in comparison, like eating rocks? I would make that sort of choice, because I very rarely meet somebody who has what I need, and my priorities are, "If they have that, whatever else they come with is trivial." I don't feel wired for poly or seek out poly, I just don't see it as particularly offputting in the grand scheme of things. I guess that makes me "flexible?" Well, selectively flexible anyway. ;)


But Caring, how could he be that extraordinary and perfect for you when he is emotionally unavailable to form a relationship with?


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/10/2010 5:59:23 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Yes miss Virtual might well be using citizen as a lilbit on the side, and he might just use her as a nice pick me up fantasy every so often... nothing wrong with that
No, there's nothing wrong w/ that, as long as everyone knows that's exactly what it is.
as for the new real person in citizen's life.... is there any reason why you have to be so upfront about things that you have to inform them about this arrangement like immediately?
Yes, it's called honesty. Everyone deserves to know exactly where s/he stands in someone's life.
sometimes honesty is just a bit turn off ... don't tell new people too much too soon... patience is a good policy i think.
So 'tis better to lie by ommission?


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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/10/2010 8:22:37 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		Citizen: this is the Boards. It is like the Miranda warnings: anything you say may be used against you.


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/10/2010 10:11:55 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline 		The only part of this that strikes me as unreasonable is the "slow phasing out"  If she is a real friend she shouldn't be phased out when a new relationship comes along.  If she needs to be phased out she's a threat to the new relationship and should be phased out right away.  I know this is resolved, but I wanted to point out what I saw as the biggest red flag.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/10/2010 11:46:29 PM   
tazzygirl


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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

****tazzygirl - my apologies I read that my answers did not need to be discussed on this board as those were your actual words.


The post i am referring too was the follow up. I asked did your on line's husband know about your relationship with her.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/11/2010 8:25:50 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

amazing how a man who insists on monogamy cannot answer this simple question

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/12/2010 2:09:49 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

A lie by omission is sill a lie.


i don't agree with that at all...

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/12/2010 5:49:54 AM   
citizen912


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR

amazing how a man who insists on monogamy cannot answer this simple question


My apologies, I missed that part. Yes the ladies husband is/was aware and consenting to the situation.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/12/2010 6:54:44 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: citizen912

Ok, well here is the thing. I am involved in an online only relationship with a sub who is married and lives on a different continent. We are not planning to meet and there is very infrequent sexual activity of any sort. In many ways she is more of a very close friend who occasionally needs some rules and some remote discipline (self spanking etc). This is a very nice situation to have and very comfortable. The problem is that it is of itself not wholly fulfilling to me and I need a real life submissive who is able to appreciate that once or twice a week I might like to spend some time with my friend. IS this wholly implausible or are some subs actually capable of accepting this? 


I don't think I'd have a problem with something like that, as long everybody was open and honest about the situation, the woman's husband was cool with it (I wouldn't get involved with someone who was sneaking around), and I was allowed to see someone else too.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/12/2010 9:48:34 AM   
tazzygirl


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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

A lie by omission is sill a lie.


i don't agree with that at all...


If someone doesnt give you all the information required to make an informed decision, its an omission of facts, and a lie by hiding it.

Just because you dont agree doesnt make it any less true.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/12/2010 9:49:59 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: citizen912

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR

amazing how a man who insists on monogamy cannot answer this simple question


My apologies, I missed that part. Yes the ladies husband is/was aware and consenting to the situation.



So what you desire is a poly relationship. Monogamous doesnt include sharing.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to citizen912)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/13/2010 2:25:03 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

A lie by omission is sill a lie.


i don't agree with that at all...


If someone doesnt give you all the information required to make an informed decision, its an omission of facts, and a lie by hiding it.

Just because you dont agree doesnt make it any less true.


i still do not agree an i do not think it is true either
an omission is an omission and a lie is a lie,
these are distinctly different things, that is why there are different words for these things.

There is often NO need at all to be ridiculously honest about stuff... many times the truth is cruel and only hurts people... very often people DO NOT need to know all kinds of facts...
further more most people 'forget' to mention all sorts of things until they are more sure of their situation... you would not tell a prospective partner that you have sweaty feet or that you just suffered thrush on your first date... and when you do not like someone most people are sensitive enough NOT to say to the dumped person that it is because their breath stinks...

There is a time and place for everything... also for truth... and it is NOT always and regardless... as sometimes the wise and smart or even caring thing to do is to omit certain things, or maybe shelf them for later... sometimes that might be considered to be the same thing as lying, but is is NOT always.


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/13/2010 4:19:14 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

A lie by omission is sill a lie.


i don't agree with that at all...


So you wouldn't have a problem with a guy telling you he had a STD after you had sex?


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/13/2010 5:24:01 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

A lie by omission is sill a lie.


i don't agree with that at all...


If someone doesnt give you all the information required to make an informed decision, its an omission of facts, and a lie by hiding it.

Just because you dont agree doesnt make it any less true.


i still do not agree an i do not think it is true either
an omission is an omission and a lie is a lie,
these are distinctly different things, that is why there are different words for these things.

There is often NO need at all to be ridiculously honest about stuff... many times the truth is cruel and only hurts people... very often people DO NOT need to know all kinds of facts...
further more most people 'forget' to mention all sorts of things until they are more sure of their situation... you would not tell a prospective partner that you have sweaty feet or that you just suffered thrush on your first date... and when you do not like someone most people are sensitive enough NOT to say to the dumped person that it is because their breath stinks...

There is a time and place for everything... also for truth... and it is NOT always and regardless... as sometimes the wise and smart or even caring thing to do is to omit certain things, or maybe shelf them for later... sometimes that might be considered to be the same thing as lying, but is is NOT always.



Lying By Omission: A lie of omission is when a person fails to include the relevant facts that the listener reasonably expects to be included in an answer.

http://www.acronymfinder.com/Lying-by-Omission-(LBO).html

We arent discussing the white lies we speak in a relationship. We are speaking about omitting facts that are used to deceive a potential partner. When you had thrush does not affect the beginnings of a relationship... the fact that you caught thrush after we began our relationship just might.

I dont know about you, but i dont ask questions to be lied too. I ask questions for the honest truth. If i ask a man if he is fucking someone else, and he says no, because his definition of fucking is intercourse and all he is getting from the girl at work are regular blow jobs while he eats her out... yeah... lie by omission.

A lie by omission is a betrayal. I find it curious that in a lifestyle with as many complications as this one tends to have, anyone would advocate lying at any point.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/13/2010 8:58:43 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I believe everyone involved has a right to make informed decisions. And that doesn't suggest that the other party maintains tidbits he doesn't believe I need to know at this time. I find people often keep things to themselves they suspect might sway the other persons mind. If I cannot choose him based upon who he is in his entirety without convenient omissions thrown in, perhaps that individual isn't the right person for me. I'm not putting forth the idea that I know everything, but I'm continually amazed about the integrity some lack in this area. I'll be the first to admit that our associations on what constitutes big and small is individual. But I suppose I'd prefer to take comfort in the knowledge that the other person has made the best choice for them, and doing so didn't come at the hand of covert acts on my part to bring it into fruition.

~porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/14/2010 2:18:19 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i am intrigued by the whole lying-truth-ommitting thing...
how to deal with it when i feel wronged... did i have a 'right' to know... was it a lie or do i only think it is.... did they 'lie' or 'bend the truth' or 'forget' or maybe i did?... or was i kind in not saying something....
all people do it, you, me, my bothers and my parents, my Husband... my previous partners... one night stands i've had... absolutely everybody is at it.

as i said there is a time and place for things some things are important , others much less so.  thishereboi: what an absolutely fucking idiotic comment.

If i was the op, i would not mention my on-line adventure at all until i knew more about my new realtime love interest... until i had more the idea that it actually could become something real... i would not mention my stack of porn mags either or show her my collection of dirty movies on the first date.

Nowadays many people have casual sexual encounters with people... if you meet a new person it is not always so easy to know if they are going to be your new soul-mate or if they will just be another short term lover... so to cut all ties with other 'lovers' immediately because you are so keen that the next one will be your true and onlyone might just be a bit stressed really.

and that is my take on things.


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/14/2010 1:46:27 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Didnt say cut all ties... i said dont lie about it nor omit it when you know the other person is asking. IF you are an adult, then BE an adult and own up to your own actions. If asked, be honest. If someone can lie.. even by omission.. about something that simple, they will lie about everything.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/15/2010 1:51:24 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		yes... i know you did not say cut all ties, but these are your options... either the person is totally monogamous immediately even an on-line adventure is out of the question... so now there is nothing to own up to... or option two is to spill the beans asap.

i simply do not agree... i am much more relaxed and flexible about things
i am an adult and yes i do omit things and lie on occasion but certainly not about everything, i think that statement was silly.
and i think anybody who thinks that they are absolutely 100% truthful is either totally rude or a lier and definitely has some growing up to do.

not that any of this matters cos the op has it sorted it seems

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Am I unreasonable? - 7/15/2010 5:23:55 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		An adult thing to do is to hide a relationship that is sexual in nature from a partner?

In what world do you live because they doesnt even remotely define an adult in mine.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 59
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