RE: Why all the hostility? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid



Message

DarlingSavage -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 11:29:41 PM)

I'm smiling now, looking at this!  Thank you very much!  Although, I'm pretty sure I've been out of sync with Diana for a little while now.



myotherself -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 11:30:02 PM)

I LIKE the hostile "you're all FAKES!" kind of profiles.

I'm looking for that "special someone" - that person needs to be a calm, confident, happy and positive. The bitchin' and whinin' kind of profiles lets me see immediately that the person behind the profile is not what I'm looking for.

So really, they're doing me a favour and saving me a lot of time and effort! [:D]

ETA:...and DS eats boogers!



IronBear -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 11:43:06 PM)

~FR to the OP ~ Not just on CM it would seem. Some of the clubs and pubs I've been to especially on a Friday and Saturday night where good clothes are not always worn and you get a load of face to face abuse and many a fist thrown for real here in the wide brown land down under. I always found that in the US people went out to party and dressed well and thus rarely pushed the abuse limits.. On line though you can get your rocks off with abuse and even threats because you can hide in the cyber world and often no one can find you to feed you a deserved knuckle sandwich.. Still I'm probably wrong on this just know what I've seen and experienced.  



Somethingrandom -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 5:07:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are you talking about hostile profiles?

I think it does come out of frustration.  Yes, we all get mail that we don't want, but after a period of time, I think some of it gets old.  I love the mail that I get from folks on the forums, but the 'drive-by' mail tends to get tedious after a while.  I'm very specific in My profile about only being interested in local people and some kinks that I have no interest in participation.  At minimum, at least ten times a day, I write replies that go to the tune of, "the word 'local' appears in My profile three times".  Take that minimum of ten times a day and multiply it by being here almost three and a half years. 

I can see the potential for folks who are one orientation or another getting more irritated from certain contacts.  Most will put "No Men" at the top of the profile and I honestly think that should be respected.  Unfortunately, this is being said on the forums and most folks who use the forums aren't the ones who can't seem to do that.




This seems absurd. Technology is supposed to adapt to people, not vice-versa.
Wouldn't it be simpler if the programmers of the site  site simply arranged it so that it auto-blocks?  You check a gender box. They check a gender box.   You happen to be a lesbian, and don't want to hear from men?  They're already auto-blocked because their profile does not fit the definition you created of the types you DO want to hear from. Simple.
Same for geographic region, commitment status and whatever else you wish to filter according to.

Could a horny annoying person create a fake profile and still pester others? Again,
technical solution.  Forward an inappropriate profile to support, and they block the ISP address entirely, not just that account, as well as report the incident to the internet service provider itself.

Or, we could stay with uber-bitchy chip-on-the-shoulder fed-up rants on profiles. That's charming.






Firebirdseeking -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 5:51:41 AM)

Why does it bother me? Im not sure I would use the word "bother". But as someone who has made the management and understanding of emotions her life work, and also just as a citizen of the earth, I think there is often a stunning lack of self control, which adds to the problems of individuals, relationships, communities and the world. Moreover, many of these folks are doing/saying things they would not, were they in our presence, so in addition to it being hostile and inappropriate, it is also cowardly. I understand that inappropriate emails are annoying; but as someone else said, preferences can be defined, refined, etc. and I go back to wondering why these contacts seem to elicit RAGE in some people. Seems to indicate an unbalanced personality.

For example, I have noticed more than one profile saying something like "You are such losers" regarding the men who contact them. Why is it necessary to respond to inappropriate behaviour with an equally inappropriate response? Seems to me that makes the ranter a loser also.



KatyLied -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 5:56:57 AM)

I've noticed that many dominants have mention in their profiles/journals about s-types who will not give them a reply to their messages.  Personally, I like to know about people's negativity from the outset.  It is a good barometer for how they view life in general and it gives me notice to stay away from their negativity.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 6:02:26 AM)

FR

I'm someone who has had varying levels of hostility in my profile text (mainly the 'I probably won't like you, leave me alone' variety, rather than the 'all men suck and are losers' variety) because I'm not really looking. It doesn't cut down on the spam but it cuts down on the heartfelt, genuine but unsuitable people.

People who dislike biting sarcasm are not my kind of people, so anyone who is put off by the negativity can use it as an indicator of unsuitability.



angelikaJ -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 6:10:11 AM)

FR

Helpful tip: for people wishing to skip the profiles altogether (sort of), simply set the age range with the older age preceding the younger age. 99-18 for example.

You will still be brought to the Home page and to the right (the profile section), it will simply say "No Profiles Found".

edit: clarity



porcelaine -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 6:32:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Erm... Aqua, not Val. Val has the penis. I have the boobies. [:)]

And I agree with you on one count at least - I probably wouldn't contact them either. But still... if that's who they are or that's how they want to make their profile... let 'em go for it. I don't have to read it and I severely doubt I would contact them to let them know I disapprove of their profile. I suppose there is some circumstance in which I might but I'm hard-pressed to think of one.


Aqua,

My apologies. I had a blonder. [:D]

I've never done it. Doing so would incite drama I don't need. Plus my displeasure might be humor or a turn on for someone else that encounters it. Heaven knows I laugh at the oddest things on the board.

~porcelaine



KnightofMists -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 6:36:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I am wondering about something: the hostility here. I am not talking about a heated discussion on the boards; what I am reacting to is the anger, the meanness, in the profiles that pop up when we log on or off. I am not dissing women OR men, but it seems that women in particular are enraged that men evidently contact them (or so they say) when they indicate a non-hetero orientation. I mean, they really sound furious, and the name calling is fierce. I dont get it. I understand it might be frustrating, but dont we all get mail we dont want?



You are of course assuming that these profiles are being honest... now what if it was a guy pretending to be a woman so he can get off with an on-line bs. I am thinking he doesn't want to have hot online mastrubation with another guy.

It is one possibility to explain the hostility.... one of many I suppose.



chiaThePet -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 6:49:41 AM)


Over the years, hostels have become increasingly more popular with the young.

Those whom choose to backpack around this glorious little globe of ours with
a beer bottle pocket find them just the right fit. A good nights sleep, friendly
conversation, and sometimes a continental breakfast can all be...................

Excuse me?

It's about what?

Ohhhhhh.

Never mind.

chia* (the pet)



juliaoceania -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 6:57:10 AM)

quote:

The thing is, some of the "ranting" is so severe, it mostly depicts a person not in control of his or her emotions, and I would think that is a turnoff even to those who "fit" our preferences or requirements.


I get the impression it is really only one profile, and I have to ask, why do you care? I come across profiles that are angry, etc, I don't care.



AquaticSub -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 7:05:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

Why does it bother me? Im not sure I would use the word "bother". But as someone who has made the management and understanding of emotions her life work, and also just as a citizen of the earth, I think there is often a stunning lack of self control, which adds to the problems of individuals, relationships, communities and the world. Moreover, many of these folks are doing/saying things they would not, were they in our presence, so in addition to it being hostile and inappropriate, it is also cowardly. I understand that inappropriate emails are annoying; but as someone else said, preferences can be defined, refined, etc. and I go back to wondering why these contacts seem to elicit RAGE in some people. Seems to indicate an unbalanced personality.

For example, I have noticed more than one profile saying something like "You are such losers" regarding the men who contact them. Why is it necessary to respond to inappropriate behaviour with an equally inappropriate response? Seems to me that makes the ranter a loser also.


Why do you get to dicate what is an inappropriate response for what is posted in the personal space of people you don't even know when you don't even know what they are responding to? That seems inappropriate to me.

The bottom line is you don't know what kind of messages they are getting. I have gotten messages that positively enraged me, saying disgusting, nasty and hurtful things. And yes, I do think the people who sent are losers. I haven't put it on my profile cause I have no interest in doing so but I do have a line about how the Orcs will escort people away. I can understand why someone would, upset and angry, put it in there though.

This is their space. The people who have contacted them may well be losers and they are simply calling a spade a spade, you, OP, can't know that they aren't being messaged over and over again by losers.

However, even if they aren't... so what? This is still a dating site and some people do have fetishes for humilation play. That may be how they are looking for someone who will feed into that. They may be tired of looking and are blowing off steam. They may be a hostile person and it's just fair warning.

Why does everyone have to be perfect and sweet in their profiles? Why can't they be hostile if they want to? I can't pretend to know what their motivations are but as they as they aren't being hostile to anyone else - why on Earth does it matter? They aren't posting it where anyone else has to read it.



ElizabethAnne -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 7:41:13 AM)

Hell, it's just not profiles.  Look at how many hostile replies there are on Collar Me.  I think it's partly because of the anonymity of the internet, anyone can act anyway they please.  Who really knows them?   I've met several people from on line, one guy comes to mind;  He was an ass, a total jerk on line, the reality?  He was a really super nice guy.   Somehow I doubt when meeting off line many people would be as nasty as they appear on line.   Guess it makes a person super cool to call someone a cunt on line....especially if they are not the "in crowd", and there is a bandwagon to jump aboard.   Lots of pact mentality exists.   Or is it sophomoric behavior?   Or are people so desperate to fit in, they go along with the crowd.





Firebirdseeking -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 7:42:17 AM)

Did I say what people SHOULD say or NOT not? I dont think so. I am not the thought or print police. I posted a straightforwar inquiry about the level of hostility expressed by people getting profile responses they dont want or like. I have certainly gotten my share as well of inappropriate, disgusting things. I just delete.

If someone is repeatedly getting messaged by ONLY losers, maybe its time to look at what is in the profile? we tend to attract what we put out there. Hostility tends to create more hostility. The ripple effect, you know...




LadyPact -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 7:52:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Somethingrandom
This seems absurd. Technology is supposed to adapt to people, not vice-versa.
Wouldn't it be simpler if the programmers of the site  site simply arranged it so that it auto-blocks?  You check a gender box. They check a gender box.   You happen to be a lesbian, and don't want to hear from men?  They're already auto-blocked because their profile does not fit the definition you created of the types you DO want to hear from. Simple.
Same for geographic region, commitment status and whatever else you wish to filter according to.

Could a horny annoying person create a fake profile and still pester others? Again,
technical solution.  Forward an inappropriate profile to support, and they block the ISP address entirely, not just that account, as well as report the incident to the internet service provider itself.

Or, we could stay with uber-bitchy chip-on-the-shoulder fed-up rants on profiles. That's charming.

This may work for more rigid folks, but it really wouldn't work in My case.  While it would stop the unwanted email, it also stops the wanted email.  There are people right here on this thread that would be outside My search parameters that I enjoy talking to on the other side.  I wouldn't be willing to stop speaking with people that are friendly from the forums just to block out the crap I get.

The other part of this is, I tend to get asked a lot of questions on the other side that have nothing to do with the type of unwanted mail that we're talking about here.  I get protocol questions, poly questions, folks who need support because they are connected to the military in some way, and all kinds of questions about various topping skills.  The junk I get is worth being able to answer things like that for people.



juliaoceania -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 7:57:54 AM)

Here is the thing... in the past I have had men contact me and they have a dark blue name, and they say they are straight on their profile, and once you start talking to them they let it out that they are in fact switches or they are bi Now I have nothing personal against either group of people, but the fact that some will misrepresent who they are in order to get a foot in the door can be frustrating... perhaps this person had that sort of experience, which indeed is time wasting.



kdsub -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 9:01:43 AM)

I would say that most of the hostile profiles are women. These women I believe live two lives. In the first or real life they find themselves less than desirable for any number of reasons. In the second or online lives they find that men usually don’t care what makes them undesirable in their real lives. Being men they are often only after sex and are aggressive in their search…it is what men do… one of their main purposes in nature.

This gives these women the feeling of power and desirability they don’t experience in their real lives. It is like being drunk on power even if false. They then take their revenge on those that would not look twice at them if they met on the street.

I am not condemning women and I understand the frustration of being bomb boarded by mail from men who don’t read their profiles. And these men deserve what they get.

I actually feel sorry for those that believe CM gives them power to change their pitiful lives…this power is only a dream.

Butch



juliaoceania -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 9:10:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

I would say that most of the hostile profiles are women. These women I believe live two lives. In the first or real life they find themselves less than desirable for any number of reasons. In the second or online lives they find that men usually don’t care what makes them undesirable in their real lives. Being men they are often only after sex and are aggressive in their search…it is what men do… one of their main purposes in nature.

This gives these women the feeling of power and desirability they don’t experience in their real lives. It is like being drunk on power even if false. They then take their revenge on those that would not look twice at them if they met on the street.

I am not condemning women and I understand the frustration of being bomb boarded by mail from men who don’t read their profiles. And these men deserve what they get.

I actually feel sorry for those that believe CM gives them power to change their pitiful lives…this power is only a dream.

Butch


Now imagine I turned that around and said I had read men that had these fantastic unrealistic expectations because they are on a BDSM site. I have seen some with profiles expecting to get female slaves that will work full time, and support them and their house slave girls. I have seen 60 year old men that demand petite 18 year olds, I have seen men insist that their slave girl be educated, thin, and bisexual... these men often are bald, pot bellied, and insist they deserve a TPE slave and complain that any submissive that won't comply with their expectations are "fake" etc...


Now the above I would not necessarily call "hostile"... I do find it entertaining to see men that couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of fifties demanding so much when they have so little to offer...



kdsub -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/10/2010 9:16:06 AM)

Oh so true...we are all flawed...but we were talking hostile not pitifully embarrassing. Men in this position tend to beg...where women get mad…thus hostile.

Butch



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125