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RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/17/2006 1:32:50 PM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		The person is more important than the scars - but scars are history - in fact, if only proof that this person has some experiences with pain.
I like a good story - and unless the scars are dissabling, need not even be mentioned except as added 'flavour' to one's personality - much like tattoos or deliberate branding.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/17/2006 2:13:16 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
I wantto see one of her wearing nothing but a shoulder holster... That would be a huge turn on....

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger
Well.... I keep waiting for one of you winken' into the camera, dressed in a business suit, with a pair of reading glasses lowered with a bank of reference books from a law library in the background. ; }
- R


Hee heeee, If I only had a few ~less~ imperfections I'd drag out that Suit, and the Holster..........  snicker sniicker............


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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/17/2006 3:35:09 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Do I notice 'imperfections'?

Yes I do.  Even though it's not the passion inside me it once was, I still view people in an artistic light, so things that are not commonplace in the pysical stand out to me.

Do I point them out to intentionally hurt people?

Depends on my mood at times, how much the other person is annoying me and a few other things.  I don't think that someone with only one leg is less of a person than I am, since we are our thoughts, not our bodies.

We all have our own preferences in what we find physically appealing.  That's nature.  Big deal.  If something about that person interests me in one form or another, then within a short period of time, I forget it even exists.  Example: A couple of months ago, I invited a friend of mine to a concert.  Didn't stop to think that she was completely deaf.

No one is a saint or an angel.  I know for a fact that my halo is bent and chipped and I have one wing in the fire, so to speak.

But to each their own.  I just take a great deal of sadistic pleasure in tearing people apart that dwell purely on the physical and not the mental.  Some people just invite abuse and to refuse would be impolite.

- Dustyn


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RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/17/2006 3:36:16 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		Oh hell, orgy at 10 let's put this non-physical attraction theory to the test. LOL.

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Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/17/2006 5:37:41 PM   
DelightMachine


Posts: 652
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirus

take it from an expert. If you have enough body imperfections most people wont even talk to you. When I took down my old pic and was waiting for the new one to be approved I got more messages then I usually do in six months. When my pic was approved and was visable, guess how many people kept their interest.


I've made love to a woman with similar scars, but they were on her stomach. She'd hidden that from me and it was a sudden surprise. For me, a wonderful surprise. I think you'll find some women are curious about your skin too. Perhaps you already have.

I think you can be honest but put yourself in the best light -- it's what nearly all of us do in various ways. But you're also right to be up front about your scars, because it will also save you some time and bother later. I'd use a picture with lower lighting, but that's me.

There is a silver lining in some people not talking to you -- you get to avoid a lot of the shallow ones, but I'm sure you've already been told that.

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RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/17/2006 10:40:44 PM   
Sirus


Posts: 35
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightMachine

I've made love to a woman with similar scars, but they were on her stomach. She'd hidden that from me and it was a sudden surprise. For me, a wonderful surprise. I think you'll find some women are curious about your skin too. Perhaps you already have.

I think you can be honest but put yourself in the best light -- it's what nearly all of us do in various ways. But you're also right to be up front about your scars, because it will also save you some time and bother later. I'd use a picture with lower lighting, but that's me.

There is a silver lining in some people not talking to you -- you get to avoid a lot of the shallow ones, but I'm sure you've already been told that.


Well most people are pretty shallow, and even though I wouldn't want anything to do with a shallow person no matter what I looked like. It makes me loose faith in humanity every time I am exposed to those kind of people.

If someone can't handle my scars in full lighting in a picture they sure as hell couldn't handle them in real life.

(in reply to DelightMachine)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 12:18:01 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirus
Well most people are pretty shallow, and even though I wouldn't want anything to do with a shallow person no matter what I looked like. It makes me loose faith in humanity every time I am exposed to those kind of people.

If someone can't handle my scars in full lighting in a picture they sure as hell couldn't handle them in real life.
I disagree that you know what most people can or cannot handle.  There is no reason they couldn't meet you with a shirt in first picture and shirtless in subsequent pictures.
DelightMachine's suggestion that we try to show selves in best light possible is what I believe common sense advice.  You seem to be an intelligent guy who wants to be completely honest, but wearing a shirt and letting people see your face and personality first doesn't make you or anyone else less authentic.

A lot of men send pictures of their penises, some for shock factor, some because they feel you should know upfront what you are/are not getting...  Authentic/honest, yes, good idea, I think we can all agree NO.   
None of us would suggest you should be ashamed of your life, or your body, so don't misunderstand me when I ask about a shirt, and don't misunderstand DelightMachine when he suggests presenting yourself in the best light possible.   As a matter of fact, I like all men wearing clothes in initial pictures, but that is just me.
We certainly mean no disrespect.  M

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(in reply to Sirus)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 4:20:03 PM   
MichMasochist


Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Now, at the risk of getting my less than inspiring butt chased off this forum... I will make an observation, which I have found to be true. 

"Disease control says at least 71% of men are overweight, 60% of women are overweight, and that 33% of our children are overweight."

I think it is interesting that more men than women are listed as overweight.  I also think it is interesting that I have found looks to be far more important, and to a much larger degree and larger degree of specificity to men than to women, especially where weight is concerned.

I think most women, and society as a whole, are far more indulgent in the appearance of men... he isn't fat, he has a little beer belly.. he can be bald, he can be unkempt, he can be older, wrinkles and gray hair are distinguishing, they do not distinguish you as being an old hag....Women.. are either fat or fit, old or young, hot or not.

Hehehe....

Now I shall sit back and see what mayhem ensues from my brash statment.... be nice!



Everything you say is true. But I think what makes the difference between men and women is that women appear to place, or have, a different set of standards by which they measure us men. Sure the size of a mans' penis is very important, and I have had the oppertunity to listen in on conversations between ladies, utimately women seek traits in a mate that tend to not beof a physical nature. Atleast for a long term relationship.

Am I right?


(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 4:38:15 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, pretty much!

Though I think, men and women alike all have some degree of physicality in what attracts them. 

Women, however, do seem to both be able to find beauty in less 'regulated' ways, as well as not placing supreme importance upon looks.

I also think though that society as a whole holds a far less stringent set of rules for .. lets call it the 'passing mark' for beauty in men.  Which is kind of interesting, as almost unilaterally throughout the rest of nature, it is the male of the species which is given the 'colorful feathers' and beautiful hues with which to compete for the attraction of the plump, dun female....

Thanks for the response, MichMasochist.

< Message edited by puella -- 4/18/2006 4:44:05 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 6:33:19 PM   
casey


Posts: 19
Status: offline
quote:

Honestly.... a true deal killer for me would be someone who doesn't like any physical activity at all. In other words....it's highly unlikely I'd be attracted to someone who wanted to sit in one of those electric golf carts they have at Wal-Mart and ''motor'' around the store instead of walking.


yippeeee....i want mine red with racing stripes....*Maniacal grin*

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 7:06:57 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

Honestly.... a true deal killer for me would be someone who doesn't like any physical activity at all. In other words....it's highly unlikely I'd be attracted to someone who wanted to sit in one of those electric golf carts they have at Wal-Mart and ''motor'' around the store instead of walking.


 - R


I'll walk around Wal-mart anytime you want with you... for as long as you want... as long as when we get home.. you don't ask me to move outta bed for a day or two... LOL


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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 7:20:59 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

Honestly.... a true deal killer for me would be someone who doesn't like any physical activity at all. In other words....it's highly unlikely I'd be attracted to someone who wanted to sit in one of those electric golf carts they have at Wal-Mart and ''motor'' around the store instead of walking.


 - R


I'll walk around Wal-mart anytime you want with you... for as long as you want... as long as when we get home.. you don't ask me to move outta bed for a day or two... LOL



LMAO! Isn't that the truth. Wal-Mart was actually bad example, even kids complain about having to walk from one side to the other.



 - R


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 9:07:44 PM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
You know, improving yourself makes you feel better. I went from 350 pounds of pure flab to about 270 with muscle in about a year and some. It can be done and it is worth it. I've a lot yet to do, about 50-60 more. 2-3 hours a day on the treadmill 3 times a week plus my weight training out to do it. See you again in six months.

Oh, the topic. I'm in a dilemma. I personally have no problem with overweight women. I mean who am I to judge. But what I don't want is to be tempted back into my old ways.

Attraction is important. But what I'm attracted to is not necessarily most peoples ideal.

PS, I'm a low carb nut as well. Meat and veggies, take that evil sugar away from me.

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 9:15:14 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook

I often hear on the boards others being insulting of others physical imperfections.  I usually look at the person not the body (which is just a shell).  We all have some imperfections here and there.  Others get imperfections due to rituals, play, medical or health issues, etc. 

Why is there such criticizm of ppl's bodily imperfections at times?

How important is someone's body to you?

How does everyone feel about body imperfections when you meet someone new?

How does it reflect on whether or not you want to 'play' or develop a meaningful D/s or M/s relationship?

Just curious on everyone's thoughts to this subject.


On a purely biological level, the human being sees an attractive mate as one who has certain healthy and symmetrical characteristics, so that when the two creatures breed and create offspring, those offspring are more likely to be attractive (to catch their own mate) and healthy (to survive and carry on the species). I think a degree of that is still present today, even though many of us do not mate purely to help the species survive.

An attractive physical figure, to me, is somewhat important. After all, I would like to enjoy it, have sex with it, touch it, and cuddle into it. However, what is attractive to me is not necessarily attractive to everyone. Still, there are definite physical features and/or imperfections that are completely unattractive to me, so, I avoid them.

When I meet someone new that I am attracted to on a sexual or romantic level, I do pay attention to physical imperfections. This won't necessarily hinder my enjoyment of that person's company, nor might it hinder my sexual or romantic attraction, but it is a factor and if it is something I can see, I am likely to notice.

As for the next question, see above.



_____________________________

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(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 10:14:24 PM   
DelightMachine


Posts: 652
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirus

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightMachine

I've made love to a woman with similar scars, but they were on her stomach. She'd hidden that from me and it was a sudden surprise. For me, a wonderful surprise. I think you'll find some women are curious about your skin too. Perhaps you already have.

I think you can be honest but put yourself in the best light -- it's what nearly all of us do in various ways. But you're also right to be up front about your scars, because it will also save you some time and bother later. I'd use a picture with lower lighting, but that's me.

There is a silver lining in some people not talking to you -- you get to avoid a lot of the shallow ones, but I'm sure you've already been told that.


Well most people are pretty shallow, and even though I wouldn't want anything to do with a shallow person no matter what I looked like. It makes me loose faith in humanity every time I am exposed to those kind of people.

If someone can't handle my scars in full lighting in a picture they sure as hell couldn't handle them in real life.



Sirus, I recall when I was a kid, certainly under 11 years old, I went with my mother to visit a friend of hers. That woman had a daughter who was about 18 years old, maybe older, and who was about a foot shorter than me. I was scared of her when I first saw her, but she was very bright and engaging and very quickly I got used to her and found I liked her.

People can overcome their initial reactions. You must have seen this yourself.

You may have realized this long ago, but I'll be obtuse and say it anyway: If there's an ounce of the outgoing in your personality, nurture it, strengthen it and use it to draw people out if you can.

I'll say something else that may offend you: By putting your scars so much out front, you may be doing it as a kind of protection from getting hurt -- by driving away all but a self-selected very few who decide to consider you in spite of the scars. If instead you did what we all tend to do and try harder to put yourself forward in a less direct way, you'd find more people interested and attract those who are capable of overcoming their initial reaction. And you'll also attract more people who are not capable of overcoming their initial reaction, and that will hurt you more.

So consider: Are you putting out the more "honest" photo in order to save yourself from getting hurt? If so, I think it's ultimately counterproductive. Your life will always be far better if you draw people in rather than scare people away -- maybe not always, or when you're depressed or stressed, but the vast majority of the time. I say this without having any real knowledge of what it must be like to be in your shoes, but I think it's worth saying.

EDITED TO ADD:
And, obviously, it's a hell of a lot easier for me to say all this than for you to do it.

< Message edited by DelightMachine -- 4/18/2006 10:20:44 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/18/2006 11:01:26 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirus

Well most people are pretty shallow, and even though I wouldn't want anything to do with a shallow person no matter what I looked like. It makes me loose faith in humanity every time I am exposed to those kind of people.

If someone can't handle my scars in full lighting in a picture they sure as hell couldn't handle them in real life.



Here's how I see it. Being in your situation is going to be rough. Everybody is going to see the physical first, because they don't know you. The thing is when I was a kid my sister had a friend that was in explosion nearly died, and his whole body was scarred and skin grafted. Well, the first time I saw him, I couldn't help but look. Anyway, he started coming over, after a few weeks I really didn't notice anymore. I haven't seen him in years but he had a girlfriend last I knew, and she was a friend he knew for a long time. So, what's my point? The point is you need to get into a group that can get comfortable with you and eventually they won't see the scars anymore. I doubt that will happen on a first encounter. It happens over the course of time. So, to me speaking totally not being in your shoes, emphasizing the scars is by no means important, true you shouldn't cover it, but shouldn't go out of your way to emphasize it either. I've noticed everybody I know averages out the longer I know them as in if I think they're really attractive initially after awhile they are just whoever or vice versa. I had a friend in high school who had the worst case of acne I've ever seen. First time I talked to him, sure it was on my mind, after a few months I didn't notice anymore. Really, just get in a group and people will stop after awhile noticing or caring about it really. I doubt very many are so enlightened though as not to need some time getting past such things. It's  human nature.

(in reply to Sirus)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/19/2006 1:49:15 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I think you're putting way too much into the idea that beauty is usually getting all the advantages. For the majority of beautiful people there are just as many disadvantages. They're told they use their looks to get their way, they're not as smart, etc. I've seen beautiful women whose social lives have dwindled to nil when they got divorced. Other women just don't like them around their husbands anymore. A simple smile is constured as flirting. Some women don't want them as their friends, they don't want the competition. Some other women only want to be around them, just in the hopes of getting their cast-offs, or for whatever benifits that being around someone who is beautiful might get them. They have to work harder to convince others that yes, they do have a brain. Yes they got the job because they were qualified, they really didn't screw the boss. They're constantly dispelling the fact that everything was NOT handed to them on a platter.
Not every place is Hollywood, not all beautiful people get to hook up with actors. Not all actors are beautiful, even though many are. Yes, actors marry beautiful people, once reason is because they tend to get involved with people who are already living in the limelight and know what it's like to be hunted down by paparazzi and fans. They kind of stick together.
Many people tend to base looks on their families. If they loved the people in their family, they tend to look for similar looks, if they didn't, they tend to like the looks of cousin so and so, who they thought was so wonderful. Maybe a neighboring family who they grew up around and had lots of fun with. These are the people we find attractive for whatever reason, and where we have our basis. In our adult years, we have what we find attractive, then due to the personality of the person before us, is how far we stray from our norms, what endears them to us or what we find unacceptable.
You can't say that just because someone is unattractive that we don't or can't find them endearing. Look at how many people loved Erkle. Have you not met someone who was totally nerdy ( _________ enter whatever other discriptive here), but also endearing?
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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/19/2006 2:14:53 AM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook

I often hear on the boards others being insulting of others physical imperfections.  I usually look at the person not the body (which is just a shell).  We all have some imperfections here and there.  Others get imperfections due to rituals, play, medical or health issues, etc. 

Many people on this site as well as many other sites are here for a quick physical release of thier sexual tension, to them it is all about physical beauty. For some of us however it is about finding a long term partner for a D/s, M/s or BDSM relationship and we know that beauty is only skin deep. My wife and I think the mind of a person is more important than thier physical appearance. Some of the most devoted slaves we have known have not had a physically beautiful body, but they have had a most interesting and willing mind.  
Why is there such criticizm of ppl's bodily imperfections at times?

How important is someone's body to you?

How does everyone feel about body imperfections when you meet someone new?

How does it reflect on whether or not you want to 'play' or develop a meaningful D/s or M/s relationship?

Just curious on everyone's thoughts to this subject.

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/19/2006 5:34:51 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

You know, improving yourself makes you feel better. I went from 350 pounds of pure flab to about 270 with muscle in about a year and some. It can be done and it is worth it. I've a lot yet to do, about 50-60 more. 2-3 hours a day on the treadmill 3 times a week plus my weight training out to do it. See you again in six months.


Well good job brother. I always say : Shock the body and continue to up the ante.



 - R


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Body Imperfections? - 4/20/2006 3:31:03 AM   
MistressYlwa


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		If I spent all my time worrying about how my boys looked, I'd never have time to play. lol   I think that, for some, maturity brings acceptance. Knowledge that satisfaction is not found in just visual appeal, but in the mutual desires two or more can share. Weight does not detract from the whip. Hair does not prevent CBT.(but can be more painful. lol). Scars do not deny a strap-on. "One persons trash is another persons treasure", as they say.

Mistress Ylwa

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You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 100
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