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Money makes the world go round - 7/11/2010 10:53:08 PM

boundinside

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

A constant request for a male submissive is to provide the Female Domme with some form of monetary tribute. So i suppose my question to the Female Dominates who use these forums is, why does money have to be a major factor in the equation? Certain people, like myself, simply do not have the means to support Your financial interests. Does this mean that we are not capable of pleasing You in other ways? And for the submissive males, are You willing to provide contribution to Female Dominants in order to fulfill your sexual fantasies? I'm sure there have been similar posts and if there has been then I apologize for the repetition, but this seems to be an issue that keeps coming into play in my own personal hunt for a Domme.

Post #: 1

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/11/2010 11:12:38 PM

BentUnit

Posts: 897
Status: offline

I think you are begging for trouble here if you are are going to keep using the generic "YOU" to lump all Dommes in the same category.

To point out the obvious....

You keep looking until you find someone who's desires and expectations dovetail with your own.
Whinging about it won't get you any traction and will only alienate you with the very people you are trying to attract.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 2

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/11/2010 11:20:07 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Well I am guessing you are approaching the proDommes and if they are providing services as a means to make a living (and they do have quite a lot of overheads and expenses involved in doing that), then fair enough. They will also generally operate in a way to make your desires come true, so in that sense, it's value for money.

However, if you are searching for bdsm as a lifestyle, then you need to approach the lifestyle Dommes (like Myself but do remember, I am in Australia!), who are looking for a likeminded sub. Bear in mind that you are courting Her as a WOMAN first and a Domme second, so you need to use a totally different approach. There are have been lots of threads on the Ask A Mistress board about how to go about it, so I suggest you go there and look, it may even be in the FAQs there. Reading the Ask A Mistress board will also give you insight into who are the lifestyle Dommes here and so may assist your search. Also plenty of advice available there on how to get out from behind your screen and go and meet real people. Generally lifestyle Dommes are less concerned about financial contribution in terms of tribute (though if you enter a relationship, She would want to know you are not planning to sponge off Her), but look for other ways in which you will contribute to Her life in a positive way. For many (but NOT all), this may entail some form of service, domestic or otherwise.

So the answer is, not ALL Dommes want tribute, you have to be a bit smarter (and reading profiles thoroughly helps) as to whom you approach. Good luck!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 3

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/11/2010 11:29:05 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

I would think that some of the money will go to them teaching you how Lables work

Dominant is something someone is.
Dominate is something someone does.

I will expect my check for $37.25 in the mail as soon as possible.

Please make payable to CASH.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 4

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 1:23:20 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

Ignore the patronising freaks on this site.You are dead right mate. It shouldn t cost to have fun. The money some pros charge is simply outrageous. Me? i wouldnt pay more than $40 to a pro Domme. That is realistically where the market should be at to recognise the very real financial difficulties we as a world community are in presently. Instead you have Dommes charging $200 per hour. And even the cheaper ones are looking for like $150 for an hour in their company. Still it makes me laugh mate. And you need to laugh too. If they charge astronomical, don t pay. Unfortunately there are loonies who do . And it these loonies which is keeping the price for pro Dommes so high. But anyway why would anyone want to pay $150 of their hard earned to a Domme when they can get FREE humiliation every day here. Well i do anyway. All the Dommes want to put me down. People think im ill, psychologically disturbed, not with it, a clown, a disruptive influence. All grist to my mill mate. And im just laughing at them, And their ideas they are going to get me to pay them. I have pro Dommes mailing me every day. You can be my sub but you must tribute me. Tribute my foot? im tributing no one
kevin

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 5

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 4:48:16 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

i suppose my question to the Female Dominates who use these forums is, why does money have to be a major factor in the equation?

It doesn't.

That said, I looked at your profile.
First paragraph: an apology for not using the account more. WTF?
Second paragraph: Several sentences to complain that the world is mean.
Third paragraph: Several sentences to say that you're opinionated but nonjudgmental and respectful.
Fourth paragraph: You're ambitious. Best paragraph of the lot.
Fifth paragraph: Your name and nickname, and an invitation to contact you.

And your likes/dislikes/limits list is 100% kink activities.

You're not going to attract any lifestyle Dommes that way. Start by looking at profiles of Dommes that you'd like to know. Check out their Friends list and view THOSE profiles to see what kinds of profiles appeal to them. And change your profile to match that.

Explained another way: You are finding that the moneyseekers are chatting with you because they chat with everyone, but the lifestyle Dommes aren't spending time with you. The pros will always be here for everyone - you need to appeal to the others.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 6

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 5:16:24 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Top quality response from DarkSteven.

A couple of other things to bear in mind...

100% of Pro-Dommes will require tribute.

When it comes to the lifestyle Dommes, just ask yourself how many emails they receive from sub males... They have pages and pages of new messages every day (if not every hour)... you've first got to make sure that your email is the one that stands out and motivates the Domme in question to look at your profile (then your profile needs to stand out - as per DS's excellent advice).

Ultimately, it's your job to impress them... not the other way around.

Good luck.

(Oh - and whining about stuff isn't hawt... )

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 6:12:12 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Definite thanks to AQSM for saving Me some trouble in clearing up the terminology.

OP, if you are making the same mistake when contacting Dominant women, there are going to be some of us that get the immediate impression that you have no lifestyle experience and you haven't educated yourself about BDSM. In other words, you're not going to appeal to some of us. That's something to think about. You've had the profile here for two years. That means you've had time to read a book.

In addition, I would highly suggest to you that you look into attending your local munch. That will cost you exactly whatever it is you order at the restaurant where it is held. In return for the money you spend, you will receive the meal you ordered and have the opportunity to sit down to eat it at the same table with other people who are interested in BDSM.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 8

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 6:31:14 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You're not going to attract any lifestyle Dommes that way. Start by looking at profiles of Dommes that you'd like to know. Check out their Friends list and view THOSE profiles to see what kinds of profiles appeal to them. And change your profile to match that.

I'm not sure about this piece of advice. On my friends list there are two people I would consider/have considered as viable partners. All the others are...friends, hence the name :P

I'm also not sure that changing a profile to ape someone else's is a good idea-it sounds like pretending to be something you're not, and then you'd have to maintain that pretence through CMails and meets, and if you're looking for a serious partner then don't you want someone who wants you for *you*?

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 7:26:00 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

VC, you have valid points. I just wanted to tell him to incldue gardening, etc., on his interests, and then to write more concisely... and then I ended up copping out and telling him to study other profiles.

I didn't mean for him to copy other profiles verbatim, but to get a feel for them, and how well they represent the persons.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 10

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 7:39:01 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

VC, you have valid points. I just wanted to tell him to incldue gardening, etc., on his interests, and then to write more concisely... and then I ended up copping out and telling him to study other profiles.

DarkSteven,

I disagree. I feel he should be himself. And if that miss mash that you're discussing is the real him, well it is what it is. I've had a in depth profile and that didn't bring me any closer to what I seek. I attracted a lot of attention due to my writing and people were impressed with my interests and skills. But volume means nothing. I'm interested in quality. Strangely enough the men I found engaging didn't have all of that. They allowed their substance to speak rather than a bevy of boxes that really don't mean much in all truth. You could randomly select this or that and hope the other person never brings it up. While I concur there are certain things that will enhance his appeal, I believe in presenting authenticity whenever possible. An intelligent woman can sniff out the fodder in a heartbeat and some will call his bluff.

And I love men that have a knowledge of gardening, in particular the English Traditional style.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 7:42:30 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Fast reply:

OP, if you don't want to talk with dommes who want you to pay them, then don't.

If you engage pro- dommes in conversation, they're going to be giving you their sales pitch. Duh.

Simply put: your pro-domme detector switch is in the "off" position. Switch it on. Then you won't waste time talking with those whom you'd like to avoid.

Pro-dommes, and the scammers that claim to be pro-dommes, are pretty easy to spot. Learn how.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 12

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 8:10:19 AM

boundinside

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

LadyPact, you are correct in the assumption that I have no lifestyle experience. And yes I have had this profile for two years now and have read up on several BDSM related topics. Simply put, though I know of the lifestyle and to some degree what is out there, there is still so much that I have to learn.

To DarkSteven, I do know what you are talking about when you suggested I read and review people's profiles to get an idea on my presentation. However, each individual has their own way of presenting them self to a group. While I am certain that my profile is far from perfect, it is nonetheless how I choose to represent myself. I see your points with my interests only mentioning what kinks I liked and disliked and thank you for pointing that out.

I think this thread might have been taken out of Context on some level, which is a fault of my own. Anyone can tell the difference between "Pro Domme" and a "lifestyle Domme," that is not the issue here. And yes, I have had my run in's with Domme's asking for tribute, but I always respectfully decline. What I wrote this thread for is to see, from the Domme's side of things, if their requirement for tribute would dictate whether or not they choose to have relations with someone. From the submissive side of things, would the major of subs be willing to provide tribute in order to fulfill their fantasy. This might be hard to answer though seen as everyone has their own opinion on this and I realize this now.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 13

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 8:20:32 AM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside
What I wrote this thread for is to see, from the Domme's side of things, if their requirement for tribute would dictate whether or not they choose to have relations with someone.

If a Domme requires tribute, yes, that will dictate whether or not they choose to have relations with someone. Why would they waive their requirement for you? What are you bringing to the table that someone with cash isn't?

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 14

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 8:56:58 AM

bamboozledbylove

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline

The ones who want money are in it for the money. The ones who don't, might be worth a look. Remember that some men LIKE paying. Nobody is forcing them. Endless are the ways sex is sold and money is spent. If you pay for something you can be sure that the money part of the transaction is the only interest in it had by the selling party. That's an easy test to apply. Either know that it is a mercenary transaction, and want that, or avoid paying altogether so you deal only with women who are in it for non-money reasons. If you are paying and imagining that payment is secondary to some other thing, you have bought the right to delude yourself from a peddler of fantasies.

< Message edited by bamboozledbylove -- 7/12/2010 8:57:52 AM >

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How do I add a signature to my posts?

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 15

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 9:08:03 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

LadyPact, you are correct in the assumption that I have no lifestyle experience. And yes I have had this profile for two years now and have read up on several BDSM related topics. Simply put, though I know of the lifestyle and to some degree what is out there, there is still so much that I have to learn.

<snip>

I think this thread might have been taken out of Context on some level, which is a fault of my own. Anyone can tell the difference between "Pro Domme" and a "lifestyle Domme," that is not the issue here. And yes, I have had my run in's with Domme's asking for tribute, but I always respectfully decline. What I wrote this thread for is to see, from the Domme's side of things, if their requirement for tribute would dictate whether or not they choose to have relations with someone. From the submissive side of things, would the major of subs be willing to provide tribute in order to fulfill their fantasy. This might be hard to answer though seen as everyone has their own opinion on this and I realize this now.

I would be exceptionally interested to know what material you are reading that gave you the impression that the proper term was "dominates". Perhaps you have a non fiction BDSM book at your disposal that you can reference for Me.

I actually don't require tribute, so I am probably not the person to answer your question. What I do require is a basic knowledge of the lifestyle. If a person has not had the opportunity to be involved in a female led dynamic, he can still be educating himself. I really do expect him to be reading things such as "The New Bottoming Book" and "Screw the Roses". I also think it is in anyone's best interest to be attending events and demos, if for no other reason, to learn about the safety aspects for play.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 16

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 9:22:31 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

LadyPact, you are correct in the assumption that I have no lifestyle experience. And yes I have had this profile for two years now and have read up on several BDSM related topics. Simply put, though I know of the lifestyle and to some degree what is out there, there is still so much that I have to learn.

To DarkSteven, I do know what you are talking about when you suggested I read and review people's profiles to get an idea on my presentation. However, each individual has their own way of presenting them self to a group. While I am certain that my profile is far from perfect, it is nonetheless how I choose to represent myself. I see your points with my interests only mentioning what kinks I liked and disliked and thank you for pointing that out.

I think this thread might have been taken out of Context on some level, which is a fault of my own. Anyone can tell the difference between "Pro Domme" and a "lifestyle Domme," that is not the issue here. And yes, I have had my run in's with Domme's asking for tribute, but I always respectfully decline. What I wrote this thread for is to see, from the Domme's side of things, if their requirement for tribute would dictate whether or not they choose to have relations with someone. From the submissive side of things, would the major of subs be willing to provide tribute in order to fulfill their fantasy. This might be hard to answer though seen as everyone has their own opinion on this and I realize this now.

The femdoms that don't require tribute will require a different kind of investment -- the investment of time. Lifestyle femdoms who enjoy dominating men generally enjoy dominating men with whom they share interests, chemistry and passion -- and these things just don't happen overnight, over the course of some emails (leading to cyber "play") or at the drop of a hat.

It's just like dating in "vanilla" land -- you meet, you talk, you hang out and do things, and then if there's chemistry, she may desire to dominate you - based on friendship, or based on growing intimacy. This is a generalization, of course, but I think it's a fair assessment of what "non-money" femdoms require. Most important: There are no shortcuts.

A lot of subs, even if they aren't looking for a 'tribute' femdom, get impatient. They are discouraged about the time and processes involved in 'traditional courting' and just instead ante up and fork over the tribute in interactions that "seem" like traditional courting but aren't (she pretends like she's genuinely interested, but she's not).

My advice to you is to continue to date "vanilla" women and search for those who are open minded, into experimenting and have a playful streak. Don't limit your options to BDSM channels, but still approach and pursue femdoms in places like collarme -- but as a woman, first and foremost. Imagine that her femdom "side" is one that only presents itself after she's attracted to you, charmed by you or labels herself your friend. Be prepared to invest time.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 17

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 9:28:23 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

What Akasha said.

Do you honestly think that a vanilla woman will pay her own way 100% of the time and be happy about it? Cheapness is so unattractive.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 18

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 9:30:44 AM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

I do always like your responses.

Steven's giving you good feedback and advice!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It doesn't.

That said, I looked at your profile.
First paragraph: an apology for not using the account more. WTF?
Second paragraph: Several sentences to complain that the world is mean.
Third paragraph: Several sentences to say that you're opinionated but nonjudgmental and respectful.
Fourth paragraph: You're ambitious. Best paragraph of the lot.
Fifth paragraph: Your name and nickname, and an invitation to contact you.

And your likes/dislikes/limits list is 100% kink activities.

You're not going to attract any lifestyle Dommes that way. Start by looking at profiles of Dommes that you'd like to know. Check out their Friends list and view THOSE profiles to see what kinds of profiles appeal to them. And change your profile to match that.

Explained another way: You are finding that the moneyseekers are chatting with you because they chat with everyone, but the lifestyle Dommes aren't spending time with you. The pros will always be here for everyone - you need to appeal to the others.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: Money makes the world go round - 7/12/2010 9:49:07 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

As is greed. One of the reasons why the economy has collapsed is the fact that we have been paying for services that are way over valued and we will be paying for them for the rest of our working lives. Its similar with the pro Domme. $200 per hour is way over the top for the current economic climate. Its extortionate, plain and simple
kevin

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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