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Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 6:17:04 AM   
Lilybella120


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		This is my girlfriends screen name by the way, I know I will need to make one in the future just needed some quick advice.

My girlfriend has expressed interest in this lifestyle (yes she made it very clear its a lifestyle not just some kink) and I honestly have never heard of it until she talked with me about it. It seems very interesting and something I would like to explore before I make a decision on if I would be able to provide this to her or not. She is a very submissive little thing and I do feel a dominant nature. I would just like some starting out advice on how to handle this, where to take this, just anything would be very helpful. If any information is needed I will gladly answer. Thank you in advance for the advice!

And I know this isnt something I can do just for her satisfication its something I need to desire also. Thats why Id like to try it out first to see how it works, to see if this can be a part of me. Just never knew that there was this strong of a lifestyle out there.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 6:37:25 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Okay.  The two of you are communicating.  Excellent.

There are two places that you can Dominate her.  In the bedroom (kink play) and out of the bedroom (service). Which one(s) do the two of you want?

See if there are any kink groups in the Kennesaw area for the two of you to attend.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 6:39:52 AM   
Lilybella120


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		In the bedroom AND out of the bedroom would be nice. We play around in the bedroom a little now already, I would just like to become more serious about it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 6:46:34 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		What's stopping you?  Get some practice under your belt.  It should be delicious exploring together and seeing what works and what doesn't.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:01:43 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		OP, you're in Kennesaw?  There's a munch group right in your backyard.  There are several that are just a stone's throw away.  (You'll have to check to see which ones are 18 and up, as there will be some that your girlfriend won't pass the 21 and up requirement.)

In addition to that, there are some books that I'd recommend to you.  "The Loving Dominant", "SM101", and "Screw The Roses (Send Me The Thorns)" would be great places to start.  Any of these would be a good introduction to the questions that you must have.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:06:54 AM   
Lilybella120


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you very much I will have to check out those books. Are there any I can go to alone to learn about this? Im 29 and she is 20. And as for now is there any advice that would help me show her Im serious today? Like when she finishes cooking breakfast is there anything I can do? Things like that? Im trying to think up things on my own but being new to this I cant really think of anything. Just need some starting out ideas please

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:11:14 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There are two places that you can Dominate her.  In the bedroom (kink play) and out of the bedroom (service). Which one(s) do the two of you want?



But...what if you fuck and beat her on the kitchen table?

_____________________________



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:14:09 AM   
Lilybella120


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		If she could get past her fear of having sex Im sure she would love it.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:18:34 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You could go to any of them on your own, but I would suggest finding one where you can both go.  That way, it's a social event for both of you and you can learn more together.  You'll get a lot more information from folks who are really living this way. 

Folks who are involved in what it is that we do go about this in all kinds of ways.  Stuff like how do you react when she serves you breakfast are going to vary from person to person.  Sure, I could write you up a little morning breakfast ritual, but it wouldn't mean anything to you because it isn't coming from you.  Each dynamic is special because the people involved make it special.  That's different than an actor reciting lines because somebody else wrote them.

You'll get a lot of ideas by observing the dynamics of others and reading the non fiction books, but they have to feel right to you.  Otherwise, it's just a wasted exercise.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:23:10 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lilybella120

If she could get past her fear of having sex Im sure she would love it.
This is worrying......

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:27:37 AM   
Lilybella120


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you very much for all your advice and help.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:35:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You're quite welcome and I'm glad to do it.  You'll probably run into some people who know Me around your area.  I just moved here last year and I've played with a number of people in your neck of the woods.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:37:54 AM   
Lilybella120


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		How do I go about finding these groups by the way?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 8:03:14 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Here's the link.  This particular page was put together by a friend of Mine.  http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CBkQFjAC&url=%2Furl%3Fsa%3Dt%26source%3Dweb%26cd%3D3%26ved%3D0CBkQFjAC%26url%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.bdsmwaxplay.com%252Ftenderdom%252Fmunchs.htm%26ei%3DPH88TM6eNoXWtQOY-LDaCg%26usg%3DAFQjCNHw_7hwI4jw7PPEHv3pL-FelicuTg&ei=PH88TM6eNoXWtQOY-LDaCg&usg=AFQjCNHw_7hwI4jw7PPEHv3pL-FelicuTg

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 6:18:47 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lilybella120

If she could get past her fear of having sex Im sure she would love it.
I didn't have time to address this post this morning: I'm not sure that getting involved in a D/s BDSM relationship with someone that is afraid of having sex is neccessarily the right thing. The fear of sex should probably be addressed by a professional before you get into a power exchange relationship that involves your ability to demand sex.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/13/2010 6:19:14 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 7:02:18 PM   
dbloomer


Posts: 137
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lilybella120

And I know this isnt something I can do just for her satisfication its something I need to desire also. Thats why Id like to try it out first to see how it works, to see if this can be a part of me. Just never knew that there was this strong of a lifestyle out there.


One psychological hurdle I had to go through is understanding that with some people, taking from them and using them is the biggest gift you could give them. It allows them to feel validated being used by someone they perceive as strong or authoritative.

It's possible that you're just not a dominant person, or it's possible that you've yet to tap in to the concept of leading and letting that leadership be a gift to the other person. Rather than thinking "Is she enjoying this?" you will start to think "She's enjoying that I'm enjoying this." For someone new to thinking this way, it can feel like a leap of faith. However, it's not much of a leap of faith given that she's admitted she wants you to lead already. :)




< Message edited by dbloomer -- 7/13/2010 7:04:19 PM >

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 8:34:58 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lilybella120

If she could get past her fear of having sex Im sure she would love it.
I didn't have time to address this post this morning: I'm not sure that getting involved in a D/s BDSM relationship with someone that is afraid of having sex is neccessarily the right thing. The fear of sex should probably be addressed by a professional before you get into a power exchange relationship that involves your ability to demand sex.


Read her profile.  She's a virgin.  I expect that fear of sex would be natural as a consequence.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/13/2010 8:47:35 PM   
orangeskye


Posts: 18
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline 		not all power dynamics involve the ability to demand sex...
i'm currently working on a power dynamic with my boyfriend that explicitly excludes the ability to demand sex.

it's very possible to have a healthy D/s relationship that involves him being in control without involving actual sex.. there's alot you can do that ISN'T sex, thats still D/s and still lots of fun..

most of this i'm sure everyone already knew, just sayin'...

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 5:39:57 AM   
Lilybella120


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the responses, they help greatly.

She is seeing a psychologist (for other reasons) and is working on her fear of having sex for the first time. She wasnt necessarily abused as a child but she did go through a painful semi traumatic situation from her doctor but she feels this isnt the big reason shes not able to. Shes just afraid of the pain. She loves pain but this one she says, "is just a very weird feeling plus pain." Shes told me countless times shes ready to give herself to me and we are working towards that. She finally let me put a vibrator in her and it wasnt nearly as bad as she thought it would be. So we decided to work with the vibrator to stretch her out a bit then give it another chance.

Again, I understand being dominant isnt just something you can make yourself be for a partner. I have GREAT interest in it, just again I had no idea this lifestyle was out there. Shes been involved for 4 years, having several online Masters. Me? I just found out about it a few days ago. So you can expect some ignorance from me.

Just please keep the advice coming, I plan on getting the books though this weekend and Im sure that will help a great deal. But until then... help?!?!

(in reply to Lilybella120)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Becoming Dominant - 7/14/2010 7:19:40 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orangeskye

not all power dynamics involve the ability to demand sex...
i'm currently working on a power dynamic with my boyfriend that explicitly excludes the ability to demand sex.

it's very possible to have a healthy D/s relationship that involves him being in control without involving actual sex.. there's alot you can do that ISN'T sex, thats still D/s and still lots of fun..

most of this i'm sure everyone already knew, just sayin'...

Yes, except he said "In the bedroom AND out of the bedroom would be nice which implies sex.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to orangeskye)
Profile   Post #: 20
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