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polyamory - 7/13/2010 3:27:45 PM   
slaveemerald


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/27/2010
Status: offline 		hello-i am emerald, an owned and collared slave. my Master is now asking me to find a sister to serve Him and he says myself. this is a new request. i have always known poly was not for me and i avoided Doms who were into that. now i am faced with it and do not know how to get my head around it. i have tried talking to him. i need help with this issue

thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 3:32:31 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You either are or you aren't imo.

I know for a fact that I'm not and I can't do it. It's just not me. I've tried it and it doesn't work for me.

I would talk to your Dom and tell him how you feel. If he still insists on it and you still can't do it then I guess you have two choices...stay and tolerate it and know that you chose to put yourself in a situation you know will cause you pain...or leave and choose much more carefully in the future.

Good luck.

(in reply to slaveemerald)
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RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 3:43:19 PM   
gedienstig


Posts: 155
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveemerald

hello-i am emerald, an owned and collared slave. my Master is now asking me to find a sister to serve Him and he says myself. this is a new request. i have always known poly was not for me and i avoided Doms who were into that. now i am faced with it and do not know how to get my head around it. i have tried talking to him. i need help with this issue

thank you

I don't think you have an issue, since you know very well that you're not into poly. I know he is your dominant, but I assume this has come up before, or you have at least mentioned this really isn't your thing. In my view, he should respect that, if this has always been a hard limit for you. For me personally, all this "sharing (your dom) is caring" does not apply either. I am not into poly and I am not into cuckolding, and I have always been very honest about this too. Should it come up once, I am sure I could not live and consent with this idea.

However,  I get your problem though. You love your dom, you have a history, and you finally found someone you trust and don't want to let go. I assume the same applies for him though, and I don't think he would want to lose you over this poly-thing. If I were you, I would make it very clear again this was not something you want to do, and not something you want in your relationship. If he's really into poly, the choice will be his. Is his desire for poly so big he's leaving you, then so be it, if he loves you more than he loves having more than one woman, he'll adjust this request.

_____________________________

If they say why, why?
Tell 'em that it's human nature

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RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:14:42 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline 		I think this is wrong.

I think you "Master" asking you to find a "Sister" when you don't WANT one is Bullshit.

What he is really saying is he wants you to find another woman for him to own..... most likely just Fuck.

I am one for pushing on certain limits but this is one that is in my opinion NOT okay to push.

Polyamory is something you either ARE or you AREN'T, If it was NEVER discussed then he is changing the dynamic and well that means a renegotiation needs to happen.... see you may not want to be his submissive under the new negotiation.

This is one of those points where you both need to sit down and rediscuss what your surrender to him is BASED on, It is Obvious that you would NOT have been with him if he had Mentioned Poly at the start. He needs to know this and he needs to know that he is pushing on something that is Deal Breaker.......

See if you are not Poly, but you are okay with him being Poly then maybe it would work out but from what I understand you are NOT okay with that it sounds like you want a Partner and you want them to want you and that be enough.... There is NOTHING wrong with that, but if he cannot play by those rules there may be a problem.

Now that he has mentioned this it is important that you discuss this.... may "Dom's" Mistake Polyamory for Polyfuckery, he may not want a relationship with another submissive women he may just want to fuck someone other than you..... I would be more concerned that the relationship you do have is having issues that he is seeking to have filled elsewhere. This would be a Number One concern of mine.

Poly more often then not is used as an excuse to not end something but get something you do not feel you can get from your partner..... It's the 80/20 rule. He may just be seeking the 20% you won't do... is there anything he wants OTHER THAN POLY, that you have not been willing to do for him? If there is find out if THIS is the issue.... The fact that he wants YOU to find the submissive it sounds like her just wants Pussy and I would be sitting him down and renegotiating WHAT your relationship is going to be.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

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RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:31:30 PM   
slaveemerald


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/27/2010
Status: offline 		thank you for your advice. i do love and trust this Master. i also know that i can't handle poly. i have been the monogamous type all my life. if i had realized this was going to be so important an issue, i would not have gotten involved with Him. perhaps something else is the real issue. it is time to sit and talk with Him


(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:33:45 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Polyamory is not for everyone.

If it isn't for you that does not mean you are a bad submissive or slave.

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RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:33:51 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveemerald

hello-i am emerald, an owned and collared slave. my Master is now asking me to find a sister to serve Him and he says myself. this is a new request. i have always known poly was not for me and i avoided Doms who were into that. now i am faced with it and do not know how to get my head around it. i have tried talking to him. i need help with this issue

thank you

You already know you are not into poly and you've already tried talking to Him about it. i think, if He's going to go ahead w/ it anyway, your choices are either (1) to stay and tolerate it, even if you're going to be unhappy and miserable, or (2) to leave and make sure that this gets discussed before getting into anything with Someone else.

i had this happen to me quite awhile ago. i used to be with Someone Who agreed right up-front to monogamy and He changed the rules mid-stream and He would not even discuss it with me. It broke us up. It calls for re-negotiation & decision-making if one partner wants to change the rules mid-stream. One is either wired for poly or they're not.

~sweetsub~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 7/13/2010 4:37:39 PM >

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:35:21 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The question is, why have things changed?  You told him poly was a hard limit when he accepted you - as you, poly hard limit and all.  Not to mention that he has decided that you, a slave, must be Domme to another.

So ask him what has changed.  And also why you should be the one to do something that is a hard limit, which he could do as well.

And I should NEVER say this, but the chances of you finding someone who will accept a position in your house, especially subbing to a woman that does not want to Dominate her, is not very large.  So you COULD just take a long time...


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
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RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:38:53 PM   
slaveemerald


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/27/2010
Status: offline 		my first thought when this came up was that he wanted to replace me with another and He said that was not the case. He said He loves me and will never let me go. my next thought was he just wanted to fuck around with someone else. He said, that i would always be the alpha slave.

it is very sad to no longer trust the motives of one who was an excellent, caring Master until this

thank you for the advice

(in reply to slaveemerald)
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RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:39:40 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
And I should NEVER say this, but the chances of you finding someone who will accept a position in your house, especially subbing to a woman that does not want to Dominate her, is not very large.  So you COULD just take a long time...




_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:46:47 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

my next thought was he just wanted to fuck around with someone else. He said, that i would always be the alpha slave.


So basically what he said here is that Yes he wanted to fuck around with someone else.

This one sentence right here is what I would be drilling down on.

This tells me that he wants a sexual experience with someone wother than you... That would bother me.

And from your profile as an assumption it would seem you are open with your sexuality... he just wants to get milk from a different farm.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to slaveemerald)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 4:54:22 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Poly only functions when everyone is completely on-board, and able to put the relationship between all of them as a priority in their lives... if you already know that you can't do that, and it is something that the individual you're with insists on, then, in my mind, the smart money is on walking away and finding a more suitable situation. It won't do any good for you, him, or anyone you bring into the situation if everyone involved isn't dedicated to nourishing the relationship, and dealing with all of the ideosyncracies of poly... like NRE -- New Relationship Energy -- where the new individual is like the shiny new toy and is the focus of the lion's share of the attention for a while... a situation that people who aren't comfortable with poly struggle with in ways that are neither pretty nor healthy. That doesn't mean that people who -are- dedicated to a poly relationship don't deal with the same things... they're just already in a mindset to weather the challenges and don't feel the same level of resentment as someone who was -forced- down that road.

If he cares, I've got a good bit of experience in both personal poly life and in providing pastoral counseling for poly households. I'd be happy to talk with him about the realities of trying to force someone who has been clear about not being interested in poly and who has actively tried to avoid it into poly hoping it will "all work out".

Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 5:13:01 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveemerald

hello-i am emerald, an owned and collared slave. my Master is now asking me to find a sister to serve Him and he says myself. this is a new request. i have always known poly was not for me and i avoided Doms who were into that. now i am faced with it and do not know how to get my head around it. i have tried talking to him. i need help with this issue


slaveemerald,

I'm trying to look at this objectively. I think ones natural wiring can be altered. However, I say this honesty; I wouldn't want to be with a woman that was the recipient of such. If I were going to do poly and engage with another party she would have to be on board because she wants this, not because she's been instructed to want it from the dominant. It would have to be a natural desire on her end as well as his. And I don't find that is often the case.

I'd like to tell you your situation is rare but it isn't. I know many that grin and bear it and I don't envy their position. I also feel you can't prepare for this either. People change and nothing's static. On the one hand I have well defined ideas of what slavery entails. And I don't believe in hiding behind areas of discomfort. However, I won't say that I'm dying to build a family either so it is a hard spot. Communication is important as is decision making. In the end you have to determine which commitment you'll honor most. The one you made to him or the one you owe to yourself instead. Best of luck.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to slaveemerald)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: polyamory - 7/13/2010 7:28:55 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I've had personal experience twice with going into a relationship with someone and having announced on my end that I wanted monogamy, and subsequently having these men decide that I was to go forth and find another female to join us in the bedroom. I guess they figured once I was attached enough to them I'd change my mind and do what they wanted in that area.

For one of those men it was the direct reason that I left him- it was annoying to have him constantly bring up something I was not interested in. I left the other for similarly ignoring my wishes in that area and other things. It seems incredibly disrespectful to me to have anyone willfully ignore something previously communicated to him and then think it changes on your part simply because he wishes it to.

(in reply to slaveemerald)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: polyamory - 7/14/2010 11:38:16 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

my Master is now asking me to find a sister to serve Him


Why is he asking you to find the girl? So you can pick her to make sure you're compatible with her? Or is it because he'd been trying to get the new one on his own and so far failing?

The answer tells you even more about his character than the initial request.

January

< Message edited by January -- 7/14/2010 11:40:21 AM >

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: polyamory - 7/14/2010 2:47:04 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
I'm trying to look at this objectively. I think ones natural wiring can be altered. However, I say this honesty; I wouldn't want to be with a woman that was the recipient of such.

I disagreed with this statement on the phone with you and I disagree with it now. Carol's natural wiring IS what I want. If I want her to be poly, then that is (or will quickly become) that which is natural to her. You can't separate out Carol's "nature" the way you are doing it for yourself.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: polyamory - 7/14/2010 2:52:30 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		It really annoys me when someone states upfront are into poly and the man takes her on anyway hoping it will change.

Poly is not something that usually changes. I would NEVER do it in a million years and if someone brought it up mid relationshiip, that would be it.

We have discussed stretching limits ad nauseum, but the difference, as I see it, is that limits that are just between the TWO people can be stretched or pushed, but limits that involve OTHERS are not the same.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: polyamory - 7/14/2010 3:02:09 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I disagreed with this statement on the phone with you and I disagree with it now. Carol's natural wiring IS what I want. If I want her to be poly, then that is (or will quickly become) that which is natural to her. You can't separate out Carol's "nature" the way you are doing it for yourself.


Jeff,

I think it's fair to surmise that Carol's wiring and my own are similar yet markedly different. We merely disagree on this subject. Someone altering my mindset on a subject doesn't deny I possessed a different ideology before he did it. I cannot pretend it wasn't there and I don't. You're also forgetting a distinct difference between she and I. One that shapes my approach and willingness to heel. I don't do it by default. It isn't natural or something every dominant can garner from me or compel.

And as off putting as it can be for some dominants, I can't massage the ego in the manner. Sorry. One truth doesn't make another one inherently false. If I had no desire to be poly and he brought me around to that way of thinking, it is exactly that. Not an original thought of my own that I conjured without provocation, but one that he inspired by his presence and the result of my station in the dynamic.

~porcelaine


< Message edited by porcelaine -- 7/14/2010 3:03:23 PM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: polyamory - 7/14/2010 3:10:01 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I disagreed with this statement on the phone with you and I disagree with it now. Carol's natural wiring IS what I want. If I want her to be poly, then that is (or will quickly become) that which is natural to her. You can't separate out Carol's "nature" the way you are doing it for yourself.


And I hope you realize that one day, what YOU want might be something she cant handle or cant live with, and I hope your prepared to fix what one day you might break.

I really respect your posts, but some days I just want to smack you and thats okay.

OP

If you were up front honest and direct about what you expected, tell him that he can go find his second slave and you'll be alright with it Also mention he will have to look for his first at the same time.

Dont stay in a relationship like this, I hate to say Ive been there Ive done that, I loved the man so much Id have done anything for him, it ended up me being in constant suffering for his choices and almost me forfeiting my life for his choices.

Does it work out for some... maybe one in a hundred, does it usually just end up with 3 or more VERY hurt people more likely of the two.

If you are NOT poly, then you are NOT poly, nothing short of great abuse of power and great mind altering procedures will change this. If he tries hes abusing the power you've given him, and you should take it away. The behavior therapy necessary for these type of changes are VERY dangerous, and have been documented to lead to high suicide rate.

NO ONE should violate anothers hard limits, for any reason what so ever with out being castrated very slowly very painfully sliver by sliver. They are HARD limits for a reason.


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: polyamory - 7/14/2010 3:36:49 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Does it work out for some... maybe one in a hundred, does it usually just end up with 3 or more VERY hurt people more likely of the two.


SpiritedRadiance,

I wanted to address your comments from the perspective of one that was very opposed to the idea and I'm far from a banner waving enthusiast. Yes, you are correct. When this is poorly articulated, initiated, or when the the proper structures have not been put in place it can be quite the debacle to witness. I've seen messes and outright catastrophes. I've also watched a few success stories as well. Was it easy? No. But then again we all have our crosses to bear and this subject is that for some that kneel. In the end the women that fight through it are doing such because their commitment and dedication to their partner outweighs any ambivalence, fear, or insecurities they could garner about the topic. I respect their position and support them whenever I can.

quote:

If you are NOT poly, then you are NOT poly, nothing short of great abuse of power and great mind altering procedures will change this. If he tries hes abusing the power you've given him, and you should take it away. The behavior therapy necessary for these type of changes are VERY dangerous, and have been documented to lead to high suicide rate.


I am not poly oriented. If you present a group of prospects I'll naturally opt for the single ones that meet my criteria. That's my bend. However, this isn't cut and dried. The realities of change are things I can't ignore. I'll be the first to admit that I would not knowingly walk into a situation as a third or one where that's expected of me unless he was literally the embodiment of earth bound deity in my eyes. I need compelling and I mean that with all seriousness. It isn't a button I can switch on and activate at whim. This is for him and the greater 'we' without question.

That doesn't make him dangerous, diabolical, or any other disparaging word. I'm not kept in bondage or forcibly made to remain in the situation. I have legs and enslaved or not I know how to find the door. I choose not to walk through it and that reality doesn't escape me either. Will I malign him because he wants others down the road? No. Risk is a component of all relationships. And there is a chance that my owner may decide at some point that he would like another person. I don't believe he'd spring that on me given my indifference to women in general. We'd have a lot to address before that happened. That assumes he desires relations between she and I.

However, I'm not hopping on the bandwagon and crooning Sister Sledge. The family way isn't my way but it is a valid path that I respect and acknowledge could be a factor in my life at some point. In my mind much of this goes back to making the appropriate choices at the onset and having some very important discussions. Lots of them relating to what if to ascertain where he stands on such subjects. Again, that's merely a snapshot that can alter with time and experience. Whether I roll with the changes or choose to bolt over them is another thing altogether. I consider this topic much like others of a similar vain to be areas of discomfort, not limitations. At least in my relationships.

But once again, my willingness to do this must be compelled by a will far greater than mine. And I'm referencing a person that makes me forget all those areas of discomfort in deference to one thing -- Him. I don't encounter that often. That's probably why they're still in place.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 20
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