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jthaddeus -> RE: Master is Servant (7/18/2010 3:36:02 PM)
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Lally2,
Thank you for your reply. I fear I didn't state my questions and ideas quite as clearly as I should have. I will attempt to address this below.
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ORIGINAL: lally2
there are too many variables to answer that correctly. for myself i have been in a Ds relationship where it was pretty egalitarian (and couldnt get the hang of that at all) and i have been in an Ms relationship where i had absolutely no control whatsoever (and i preferred that) - in the end it is the Dominant who dictates how much control they take up, so i think that answers the question really.
the relationship im in now, i initiated by inviting him to meet me in a wood on a full moon but ive never initiated before - it just suited both our personalities after knowing each other casually for quite a long time and it struck me as a great start.
I didn't mean to imply that there was a universal answer, but rather that in the context not just of a single relationship, but of the day to day events that make up the relationship we can use these questions as a lens to examine the relationship through. When I'm doing this, and they're doing that, how does this affect our relationship as a whole, and how can this be viewed through the lens of power exchange to shed more light on what we're doing on a day to day basis. As you said, this will expand out to relationships, and we can look at an over-all relationship and apply the same questions, but I think that examining the topic really works at all levels, even though at the more macro levels, the answers get significantly more hazey.
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someone said to me a while ago that i was being selfish not having a safe word. by not having a safe word my Master couldnt relax and get into the moment, He'd have to be forever watching, listening and reading me. but im not a heavy masso and play would never have reached that level for me and besides, He knew, that if i really was having a hard time i would call out and He would stop because He knew it would have to pretty bad for me to stop Him from enjoying Himself.
there are plenty who dont have a safe word because they are with someone who knows them well and knows their limits well.
what is this power you talk about that is in the s's hands. do you mean the power to walk if theyre miserable - everyone should have that power and the ability to use it. but it is still down to the Dominant to avoid that situation from occurring. no one has the right to make someone miserable beyond reason.
Thank you. I'd never considered how the presence of a safeword might allow a Master to just relax and get into the work, without fear of hurting you. I'll bear that in mind in the future. :)
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generalising is fine, up to a point, but the trouble is that by generalising youre missing out on the rest of the gang who just dont concur with youre personal findings that are specific to you, youre personality and the people you attract or are drawn to.
Certainly. I think the whole reason we're on these forums is to talk with people and broaden our own understanding. I try to take specific points, and generalize them often, more often than not, I fail. I also try to find specific applications of general principles. I think the exercise is educational, even if the result of specific attempts is, at times catastrophic. Thank you for your feedback, and I'll spend some serious time thinking about the safeword idea. :)
Sincerely,
-- James
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