quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

I am not talkin about submission and yes i do have a switchside.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jthaddeus

Hello,
.

The question I found more interesting was one the OP twigged on to for just a second, asking who is serving who? Who is the teacher and who is the student? Who initiates, and who is in control?

there are too many variables to answer that correctly.  for myself i have been in a Ds relationship where it was pretty egalitarian (and couldnt get the hang of that at all) and i have been in an Ms relationship where i had absolutely no control whatsoever (and i preferred that) - in the end it is the Dominant who dictates how much control they take up, so i think that answers the question really.
 
the relationship im in now, i initiated by inviting him to meet me in a wood on a full moon but ive never initiated before - it just suited both our personalities after knowing each other casually for quite a long time and it struck me as a great start.


I find the use of safewords to be really interesting. In the "textbook" usage of safewords, it is the sub or slave who really holds the most totalitarian control over a situation. I've known Masters, however, who attach consequence to safeword usage. "you use a safeword, that's fine, that's your right. But then scenes over, no second chance, and no more play for a month" or in one case a far more severe "The safeword is yours to use, but the first time you use it, you have removed yourself from my power, so our relationship is over, and you go home" Years into a relationship, well, the power is still in the "s"'s hands to some degree, but it is the Master or Dom who has really established the control and the bounds of the environment.

someone said to me a while ago that i was being selfish not having a safe word.  by not having a safe word my Master couldnt relax and get into the moment, He'd have to be forever watching, listening and reading me.  but im not a heavy masso and play would never have reached that level for me and besides, He knew, that if i really was having a hard time i would call out and He would stop because He knew it would have to pretty bad for me to stop Him from enjoying Himself.
 
there are plenty who dont have a safe word because they are with someone who knows them well and knows their limits well.
 
what is this power you talk about that is in the s's hands.  do you mean the power to walk if theyre miserable - everyone should have that power and the ability to use it.  but it is still down to the Dominant to avoid that situation from occurring.  no one has the right to make someone miserable beyond reason.
 
generalising is fine, up to a point, but the trouble is that by generalising youre missing out on the rest of the gang who just dont concur with youre personal findings that are specific to you, youre personality and the people you attract or are drawn to.

quote:

In a way I believe that the master or mistress actually serves the slave.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani
In a way I believe that the master or mistress actually serves the slave.
Take for instance a painslut. Who is doing all the work?
Exactly the D works for the slaves pleasure...
I have more to say about this but I first would like to see some reactions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal
That is not necessarily accurate.  If a Mistress gets pleasure from whipping a man, she is not serving him when she whips him...whether the slave enjoys being whipped or not.  Just because a slave receives pleasure from serving or being used does not mean that the Domme is doing the serving.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani
If you really think this discussion is about the silly little titles you totally miss the point or you are just trying to undermine the truth about it.
[...] just a stupid lame ass term made up by some gay master/top/lord/god hahahahha.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

This has been a grand thread with surprising and informative responses. What a pity the OP has taken his ball and ran back to mummy when the big kids start to become involved and know more than he appears to or at least don't play well enough and follow the rules by just agreeing with him.... 

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

hugs Iron Bear, for no particular reason

Whoa, am I to assume the kisses you blew me meant nothing, too...?????

Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


there are too many variables to answer that correctly.  for myself i have been in a Ds relationship where it was pretty egalitarian (and couldnt get the hang of that at all) and i have been in an Ms relationship where i had absolutely no control whatsoever (and i preferred that) - in the end it is the Dominant who dictates how much control they take up, so i think that answers the question really.
 
the relationship im in now, i initiated by inviting him to meet me in a wood on a full moon but ive never initiated before - it just suited both our personalities after knowing each other casually for quite a long time and it struck me as a great start.

quote:


someone said to me a while ago that i was being selfish not having a safe word.  by not having a safe word my Master couldnt relax and get into the moment, He'd have to be forever watching, listening and reading me.  but im not a heavy masso and play would never have reached that level for me and besides, He knew, that if i really was having a hard time i would call out and He would stop because He knew it would have to pretty bad for me to stop Him from enjoying Himself.
 
there are plenty who dont have a safe word because they are with someone who knows them well and knows their limits well.
 
what is this power you talk about that is in the s's hands.  do you mean the power to walk if theyre miserable - everyone should have that power and the ability to use it.  but it is still down to the Dominant to avoid that situation from occurring.  no one has the right to make someone miserable beyond reason.

quote:


 
generalising is fine, up to a point, but the trouble is that by generalising youre missing out on the rest of the gang who just dont concur with youre personal findings that are specific to you, youre personality and the people you attract or are drawn to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

yes i know and i could have contributed much more.
I dont run from anything and I am not here to make anybody else smarter.
Glad you believe its interesting cos this is just the top of my iceberg and thats all you ever get to see.
i could lay down dozens of contradictions but hey these are forums and I am kinda done with forums anyway.
Doesnt matter what forum you're on they are all the same in a way.
This is an open schoolground for all public to read and bad people read too.
I am not into helping out bad people but that is exactly what especially this forum does.
Think about it.
If I was interested in manipulating and abusing people this would be a great platform to learn.
Thats why I never joined this forum before and never will again.
And that is an absolute truth you will see one day.
happy trails

Oh and its funny how you yourselves bend things to your own reality
The OP said for instance wich is an example(synonym) and people twist it to the illusion that I am always working my ass off. Anyway you all made me laugh.
Now dont make assumptions huggiebear with running, i didnt start with personal insults, just read back thru the thread.
Like I said I know how this shit works.
And its very obvious by the amount of posts someone makes who is the biggest attention seeker.
Now I am gonna crawl back under my warm rock and let you get back to the majority of newbies loving boobies.
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

each serves the relationship in their own unique way.  if the submissive didnt submit to the Dominant energy there would be no dynamic.  you make it sound as if the Dominant is slaving away entirely for the pleasure of the submissive or slave - thats bunkum - if the Dominant isnt getting something from the exchange the Dominant wouldnt be there.

in my relationship i have given myself to Him to do with as He wishes, because i trust Him completely not to abuse my trust - in that i have given him the freedom to be Himself and express His dominant side freely.  i think youll find that most Ds and Ms relationships swivel pretty much that way.  He chooses what He wants to do, but of course, to some extent or another He is considering my needs also, or it would become a one-sided situation that would eventually fail.  Just becasuse He wishes to ensure that my needs are met doesnt mean He is serving me, He is serving 'us', as am I. 

its a two way street.