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Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 7:06:06 PM   
Spartacus25


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/18/2010
Status: offline 		I've noticed a few submissive females here referring to their partner as "daddy". I don't mean to disrespect their relationships, but I find the concept a tad unsettling.

As a male, I can't envision calling a female "mommy", and I was wondering if those involved in such a relationship could explain themselves a bit. I have a desire to understand, but from the outside looking in it seems a bit incestuous, and thus off-putting.
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 7:32:49 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		For me, calling someone "Daddy" is a hard limit.

pam

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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 7:53:41 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There is a term "Daddy Dominant". It combines a traditional D/s relationship with Daddy/little girl dynamics.

I think that's what the "Daddy" women are referring to.


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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 7:58:24 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		I call my partner Daddy, Mostly because he tends to be the less strict type, not the rules regulations and you fuck up theirs no food for you for a week type assholes that ive met (I know using only the fuck ups ive dated as reference)

I prefer Daddy doms, again usually i date 10 to 20 years older then myself. and they tend to take the mentoring role in my life...

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 8:29:15 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spartacus25

As a male, I can't envision calling a female "mommy", and I was wondering if those involved in such a relationship could explain themselves a bit. I have a desire to understand, but from the outside looking in it seems a bit incestuous, and thus off-putting.


Spartacus,

I've been involved in three situations in the past that incorporated this in different aspects. I should probably interject that Daddy/little girl dynamics can exist where the virtues of the bond in its traditional form are the tenets they adhere to. This differs from those relations that self define as age play where the two acknowledge intimacy in a manner that includes commonly held associations and may also veer into taboo areas as well. The intermingling and primary focuses are determined by its participants.

My initial experience was wholly benevolent. There were no sexual undertones at all. As the child my life unfolded in the way one might observe when examining a little girl's day. The only caveat was my employment, but outside of this I was not held to the responsibilities and activities one typically sees in adults. In the simplest way I interacted as an adult while at work and stepped into a different world when at home. I saw no disconnection and easily slid into my respective role without conflict. However, there was a notable downside and an cultivation of codependency that I found somewhat troubling. The omission of responsibility over long durations made normal functioning quite challenging when I had to embrace it. I was noticeably overwhelmed and it took time and a concerted effort to regain the controls I'd handed over.

The latter two did not approach the scale of the first in regard to the presence the child had within the relationship. Although she was acknowledged and a vibrant part of what we were, we communicated as master and slave always. That was the foundation and Daddy and his little girl were merely a different manifestation. However, her role was markedly different in the physical sense and one I'd rightly attribute as age play as opposed to care taker. In their mind the little girl was not sacrosanct and he owned her very much in the same way he possessed the woman. While the latitude undertaken differed greatly, the mindset was identical in each. He would do as he pleased by virtue of his role. Admittedly I didn't always care for what that involved, but protestations typically fell on deaf ears and amplified whatever I found bothersome.

Unlike some I find it difficult to reconcile that aspect of my persona as it sharply contradicts slavery and what is acceptable and expected of me from my partner. The challenge rests in the personality she possesses and her unruly spirit. I'm a very controlled person and she is anything but. Admonishment has a different affect and I'm much more vulnerable when in that state. I suppose the divide could be remedied if I paired with persons that didn't place a heavy emphasis on obedience - which I enjoy - but the conflicting elements are hard to ignore and he won't tolerate her behavior. For the most part it has been set aside save the rare peeks that occur when I'm nurtured intimately.

I hope I've been able to answer some of the questions posed.

~porcelaine


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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 8:37:58 PM   
Spartacus25


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/18/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for the post. Am I to understand that you didn't have sexual contact with your "daddy"?

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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 8:47:06 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Daddy and I do not have anything to do with Dominance or submission. And it's not what I mean when I call him Daddy.

I am an emotionally real inner child, as a very kind gentleman who runs an ageplay group calls it. I am still in many ways a small child, emotionally, and in mannerisms and the way I see the world. I need a very nurturing partner, who doesn't mind a child like* in some aspects* partner,

Daddy is 11 years older than me, and enjoys putting the needs of his partner before his and taking care of  and providing for the lady he's with. He thinks my childish nature and young at heart ways are adorable.

We have some what of a parental relationship, if not an un traditional one because he doesn't dominate me and I don't submit to him.

We just love each other and take care of each other to the best of our abilities, and Calling him Daddy makes both our hearts happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

There is a term "Daddy Dominant". It combines a traditional D/s relationship with Daddy/little girl dynamics.

I think that's what the "Daddy" women are referring to.



< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 7/18/2010 8:50:40 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 8:48:48 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spartacus25

Thanks for the post. Am I to understand that you didn't have sexual contact with your "daddy"?


You're welcome.

In the first example given our sexual interactions were adult-like in manner. I did not refer to the individual as "Daddy" when we engaged. The latter two involved that and both parties found that aspect to their liking. The taboo element was their shtick.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 8:54:17 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I know you didn't ask me, but I'll answer you anyway. My partner and I have sex, and engage in bdsm interactions, but he doesn't want me calling him Daddy during sex, it's to icky for him, even though he understands I'm not thinking of him in that incest way, it's still icky, so I don't call him Daddy during sex, but spankings I sure do.

When the pains coming hard and fast I can't really control what comes out of my mouth, in regards to what I call him, and he thinks that's cute.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spartacus25

Thanks for the post. Am I to understand that you didn't have sexual contact with your "daddy"?

(in reply to Spartacus25)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:00:27 PM   
Spartacus25


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/18/2010
Status: offline 		Hmm... Thanks Porceline, I think I'm getting it now. So the taboo element of incest was a motivating factor for two of the three?

Note- I do appreciate your cooperation. Whereas others have been mysteriously defensive, your openess is appreciated.

(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:06:50 PM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline 		I don't know what you find off-putting about it. I know lots (and I do mean LOTS) of vanilla women who refer to their male partners as daddy, big daddy, and as a famous rapper once put it "I love it when you call me big Papa."

And you most likely would be very off-put to know that there is a pretty significant number of men on CM who are looking for a woman to call "mommy." I know, because I have heard from them. There are men who use the term in their relationship, however most use it in private only.

(in reply to Spartacus25)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:25:06 PM   
Spartacus25


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/18/2010
Status: offline 		First, I dispute your comment that there is prevalence to males calling the female Dom mommy. Assuming this to be true though, Would you like it if your boyfriend called you mommy?

(in reply to LadyCimarron)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:33:43 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spartacus25

Hmm... Thanks Porceline, I think I'm getting it now. So the taboo element of incest was a motivating factor for two of the three?

Note- I do appreciate your cooperation. Whereas others have been mysteriously defensive, your openess is appreciated.


Challenging subjects can warrant awkward questions. I look beyond that and attempt to provide honest answers whenever possible. I'm glad I've been able to clarify this subject in some respect thus far.

And yes, both parties enjoyed the taboo, but their interpretation was worlds apart. The incorporation of sadism changed the landscape, but the younger of the two was still more benevolent than his older counterpart. He did not wish to inflict harm on the child and I believe he saw that aspect of my personality in a cohesive manner. We were one and even though I responded on occasion as the little girl hs goal was not to inflict intentional discomfort on her but rather the person that embodied her spirit if that makes sense.

However, the other person was a different world altogether. His violation was intentional and meant to incite pain and other hardships that had never been endured by that part of myself. It went well beyond the sexual, though that was definitely his forte. In short, he used her and often engaged in fear or edge play when doing so. In terms of taboo he didn't restrict himself to that alone, but brought in other elements to amplify her debasing. But in some ways it was different from how he treated me otherwise.

He could be kind and gentle and switch on a dime. It was largely dependent on what his appetite craved or his mind conjured at a given moment. Resistance fed his sadism and inspired him to push until he achieved the soft cries he adored. In his mind all parts of my person must be surrendered for complete mastery. To insinuate that the child was off limits or held to a different esteem that he didn't indicate was out of the question. The unruly princess became a well behaved little girl under his tenure.

For both the taboo was but a small slice of a much larger pie. They delighted in destroying my respectability and assaulting the pure and innocent was part of that process. The latter party was especially attracted to objectifying acts that would cause some measure of duress and lead to reactance on my end. His refusal to see her the way I did and insistence that I accept his interpretation was heavily impressed until the stronghold took root and my mind shifted and embraced his perspective. It was his belief that all parts must be enslaved and brought under his rule. That is what took place.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:33:49 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spartacus25

I've noticed a few submissive females here referring to their partner as "daddy". I don't mean to disrespect their relationships, but I find the concept a tad unsettling.

As a male, I can't envision calling a female "mommy", and I was wondering if those involved in such a relationship could explain themselves a bit. I have a desire to understand, but from the outside looking in it seems a bit incestuous, and thus off-putting.


Greetings Spartacus25:

The dynamics of Daddy Dominant perplex some people, I agree. I for one have zero desire to engage is this dynamic. However some do. I do not agree that in all instances the motivating factor is some form of taboo sexual dynamic. Perhaps some yet not in every instance. It would be foolish to generalize the dynamic as fixed between all who engage in such.

Much like any other dynamic that is exchanged in other forms of relating. Relationships are not One Size Fits All. Regardless of what premise a relationship is founded on, even still not all dynamics are the same. Individual perceptions, personalities and characteristics are never the same in people.

Therefore one might seek an absolute answer to this subject and other subjects yet the answer oft times is ever-changing. Human nature plays a vital role in all relating. Keeping in mind be it Daddy Dominant OR not there is not a Golden Rule OR Holy Grail that will appear and redeem the natural differences and proclivities from humanity to offer a level of conformability to all of mankind who may differ.

Welcome to Human Relationships 101. Exam will be administered in 12 weeks and will be an open book exam. Your assignment “ The dynamics within the continuum of Sexuality and how it effects Human Relationships” is due next week. Class dismissed.

Take good care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 7/18/2010 9:48:39 PM >

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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:41:41 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
i know that no one asked me but, yes, i do call Him Daddy when i'm getting spanked or getting corner time. Sometimes when we're having sex i call Him Daddy. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. It just depends on the individual situation each time. But we both know that we are two adults engaging in sex, there's nothing incestuous about it. It's a "warm fuzzies," loving mindset for us.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:48:55 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My owner is my Daddy, my Master and my King.  No incestuous undertones here, and no "Father issues" I am working out. 

Quite simply, he is a benevolent master, a gentle and nurturing authoritarian to the all of me, including the sweet, innocent and playful facets of me.  This allows me to tap into the parts of me which need nurturing and caretaking.  He is a safe harbor for me which allows my youthfulness to arise and be loved. We do have sex and we do engage in BDSM activities, and in doing so I am totally vulnerable to him.

He can be strict, tough, and firm, and he might use me hard if he so desires, but at the end of the day I am wrapped up in him, and feel totally totally loved and protected by him - something my upbringing, my 20 year marriage and my 4 year enslavement to my former owner did not provide.  I can let my defenses down - those defenses which told me I needed to look out for myself and didn't need protecting by anyone.  But I gotta say, it sure is nice to know someone's got my back, and views my struggles and conflicts as "ours", not just mine.

I honestly don't spend a lot of time and energy trying to understand it - it simply is.  I am not only fulfilled by this dynamic, but I am thriving in it.  The foundation beneath it all is love.  An abundance of love, which feeds my spirit.  I am not at all offended by your question; rather, I applaud your asking to be informed of what you do not understand.  And if you walk away from this thread continuing to not understand, appreciate or even like the dynamic, that's ok too. Everyone can't possibly understand, approve of or accept every dynamic out there, but that doesn't mean those dynamics do not work wonderfully for everyone involved.


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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 9:51:35 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I know a lot of married people who refer to their spouse as Mom or Dad.  It has nothing to do with kink or incest.  You get used to referring to your spouse as mom or dad when you have kids.  You wouldn't tell a child that "George will be home soon."  I never heard my grandmother refer to my grandfather as anything but "Dad."   Occasionally when I am very tired at night I'll use the term Daddy when I ask if it's time for bed yet, although normally I call him Sweetheart. 

So, to many people Daddy is just a pet name, rather like Dear or Honey, or Sweetheart.  To some Daddy is just the name that you are accustomed to calling the other.  For others the term relates to the protective nature, much like a parent and a child, of their relationships.  I think I can safely say that for the vast majority it has nothing to do with incest. 

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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 10:18:54 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not supposed to call him Daddy during sex, he don't like it, but one time It just popped out and thankfully he ignored it and didn't let it kill the mood, cause for him, being called Daddy during sex is a turn off and a mood killer.

Which I really hate, but oh well I am not so attached to that particular nick name all the time, that I can't willingly not do it for him, if he can over look the few times it pops out by accident.
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

~FR~
i know that no one asked me but, yes, i do call Him Daddy when i'm getting spanked or getting corner time. Sometimes when we're having sex i call Him Daddy. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. It just depends on the individual situation each time.
~sweetsub~

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 10:19:12 PM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spartacus25

First, I dispute your comment that there is prevalence to males calling the female Dom mommy. Assuming this to be true though, Would you like it if your boyfriend called you mommy?


First- go to the fetlife, type in the term mommy in the search engine and see how many groups come up with mommy Dommes. 
Secondly, if I had a "boyfriend" then I would expect him to call me by my name.  I have in the past, however, had a sub that referred to me "Mom"  It was the dynamic he needed and I was fine with it. And he was not even ito age play. (at least he said he wasn't) He just liked calling me that.

edited to add::::::::: and I did not say it was "prevalent" I said there was a significant number of sub-males looking for a woman to call "mommy."

< Message edited by LadyCimarron -- 7/18/2010 10:21:11 PM >

(in reply to Spartacus25)
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RE: Daddy dominants - 7/18/2010 10:30:24 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		It may be more women that want to call their man, Daddy, than men who want to call a woman Mommy, but if you check out age play sites and age play personals and stuff, and yes, Fetlife too, you'll see a few men looking for mommies.

(in reply to LadyCimarron)
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