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RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 12:35:35 AM

splorff

Posts: 386
Joined: 2/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i wouldnt discount the advice on here either - this place is FULL of people who know exactly what he's going through from both sides of the kneel. you dont need a certificate on the wall to apply experience, empathy and logic.

Exactly. How many crappy "experts" have you bumped into along the way ? I have lost count..

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Post #: 61

RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 1:10:15 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
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quote:

ORIGINAL: splorff

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i wouldnt discount the advice on here either - this place is FULL of people who know exactly what he's going through from both sides of the kneel. you dont need a certificate on the wall to apply experience, empathy and logic.

Exactly. How many crappy "experts" have you bumped into along the way ? I have lost count..

- but were you wearing that contraption when you went - it might have distracted them a little

ive only been to one and he was brilliant. managed to unhook my mothers claws from my hide and set me free - and he was rather scrummy too. south african rugby player with long muscular thighs and green eyes i kinda drowned in

- sigh)))

but yes, people can have all sorts of certification, doesnt make them automatically good at what they do

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So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 6:37:01 AM

BoiJen

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Here's the problem with "logic" and "empathy" as your tools of "help". The first lesson, literally the first sentence of my counseling techniques text is "Therapists don't advise their their clients; that's what friends are for." This man can have plenty of friends to give him advise. That's a beautiful thing. However, we're not his friends, we're strangers on the internet.

The human condition is not logical in nature. Period. Attempting to use "logic" as a tool was Freud's fuck up because his "logic" was based on his own sexual obsession with his mother and his cocaine habits. To attempt to present ANY advise to this man as "look what my professional taught me" is irresponsible at best.

Counseling takes time. Seeing someone once isn't going to do much more than lay some ground work and get some paperwork filled out.

So, I'll say it again, ethically, the only thing anybody should saying to this guy is "seek professional help".

Any further comments from me will be taken off topic and sent privately. Feeding into the mess of mixed messages the OP is getting from people here isn't helpful either.

boi

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Post #: 63

RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 9:10:36 AM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: splorff

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Any therapist worth a crap would not be offering professional advice other than "seek help"

Professional advise is useful, but so is advise from those who have had similar experiences.

Besides, professional advise may not be affordable to the OP. Theoretically, nhs mental heath care is free in the UK, until of course, you need it. That is when you discover, that you are at the back of a 6 month waiting list. Shamefully of course, you can see the same person privately tomorrow ! That's at £50 per hour !

I find it pretty galling that these peeps, like other students in the UK, go through university on the backs of the taxpayer at great expense to us, then once needed, behave in this way.

I did not say that advice isn't useful, but when we have someone who is suffering and there are people weighing in and telling him to stop whining, etc, I do not find that helpful. And then when someone else gives the impression that this "get over yourself" advice might be a therapist, well that could be harmful to the OP

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Post #: 64

RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 9:39:01 AM

vincentML

Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submale25uk2007

i do feel ive done wrong, like ive let myself down in some way defiently, if some people feel its for them thats great but i dont at all, i think it was just a way of blocking out other things in my life that i should have sorted out instead of taking this option if im being honest, ive spoke to a counsellor today online so hooepfully i can move on from there, i mean ive heard for example people getting ptsd after being beaten up in the street, that wouldnt bother me personally all that much but this defiently does, i guess everyone is just wired a bit differently, but im not finding it easy to get over, just hope it doesnt stay with me forever

OP, you have made a moral judgment about wiitwd and you have found our lifestyle lacking, unrewarding, deleterious, and shameful. Why are you still hanging around on this website?

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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

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Post #: 65

RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 10:12:19 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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Just thought I'd share some of my experiences and thoughts on this matter, even if it's from the other side of the coin.

I've gone through similar 'funks' before, after having done something rather humilating or extreme to somebody. Where I was questioning myself, my humanity and who I am/was as a human being. The first couple of weeks, not very good. These moments are not easy because you are facing yourself with yourself.

I am very thankful for girls I was involved with, because reconnecting with them and talking about this sincerely helped a lot. Even more so when they expressed how much they were going through the same kind of thing, and also expressing how much they enjoyed it at the same time. One of the moments, were both people find themselves laughing over things afterwards. (sounds ironic or a bit of a paradox).

LadyPacts thoughts regarding you talking with her, seriously resonated and made sense to me 100%, because it's this very thing that helped the most. Why? because this is the person you engaged in this madness with. It's as close as you can get to what you did and with whom you did it with.

You appear to be rather guarded in the amount of things you are sharing with everybody on the message board. That's understandable. However, at the same time you are not truely opening yourself up, nor opening up and getting down to the root of the issues you are dealing with.

Is there shame? you bettcha there is! Do you feel like there's something wrong with you? you bettcha you do! Are you questioning the Long Term effects of doing this? Again, how the Hell can you not. Also, there's a sense of having either let yourself down, or your expectations of yourself. You are trying to make sense of how to view or look at yourself. No Doubts. (seriously, I might be barking up the wrong tree, but I don't think so).

This also might sound off the wall, but I myself, as a Dominant, have actually subjected myself to some experiences that humbled me, where I had to make fun of myself. It's simply the way I deal with fear at times. I run towards it, instead of away from it. These experiences have changed me forever.

Now, here I am at this stage of life. I'm finding I need to run towards the things that depress me, or the shit that's not so pretty. To embrace that stuff. I don't try to avoid being depressed at time, instead I embrace what the hell I'm going through. Fuck all, it's natural depression. Stuff that's associated or coupled with events and stuff going on in life. I think too many people don't know how to deal with depression and instead label it as a mental fucking illness or condition. How about it being part of normal human behaviors and reactions. lol

Shame is a normal or typical thing for many people. For the Sociopaths, it might be questionable though.

What I'm saying is that what you're going through is perfectly natural and normal. You need or should view it as being just that "Normal". You are a human being with a complete set of working emotions.

Somebody sitting around with a smile on their face, happy as shit 24/7 well that's just plain creepy!! In a stephford kinda way. I sincerely, have a thing against how all other emotions are treated and viewed in society today. Where sadness, depression, hurt and anger and frustration are a things to be squeezed out of the existence of the human soul. It's just not fucking natural.

Everybody is so damn quick to say, run to a therapist! The sad shit is that people simply are not taught the skills to cope with these emotions anymore, because they are fucking shunned. Okay, I think I need to get down off my soap box.

Perhaps this long winded post may or may not help you. At the very least something to think about. ;-)

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RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 10:28:29 AM

splorff

Posts: 386
Joined: 2/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

- but were you wearing that contraption when you went - it might have distracted them a little

No I forgot

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RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 10:47:26 AM

splorff

Posts: 386
Joined: 2/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

but yes, people can have all sorts of certification, doesnt make them automatically good at what they do

I live in a Victorian house. So does a friend. I got on my hands and knees and went around my house giving it a tradtitional damp proof course. Result 100 % success, no more damp walls anywhere. This was 20 years ago.

My friend was horrified. He said " but you won't get a damp proof course certificate" I explained I didnt want a certificate. What I wanted, was dry walls.

He went and got an expert in to do his house. They did the brick injection thing around the walls. It cost a lot of money. The trouble is it hasn't worked too well. His walls have more damp patches than Monika Lewinski's wardrobe.

But hey, at least he got a pretty certificate from an expert.

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RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 10:54:55 AM

splorff

Posts: 386
Joined: 2/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: splorff

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Any therapist worth a crap would not be offering professional advice other than "seek help"

Professional advise is useful, but so is advise from those who have had similar experiences.

Besides, professional advise may not be affordable to the OP. Theoretically, nhs mental heath care is free in the UK, until of course, you need it. That is when you discover, that you are at the back of a 6 month waiting list. Shamefully of course, you can see the same person privately tomorrow ! That's at £50 per hour !

I find it pretty galling that these peeps, like other students in the UK, go through university on the backs of the taxpayer at great expense to us, then once needed, behave in this way.

I did not say that advice isn't useful, but when we have someone who is suffering and there are people weighing in and telling him to stop whining, etc, I do not find that helpful. And then when someone else gives the impression that this "get over yourself" advice might be a therapist, well that could be harmful to the OP

You are rightly concerned for him. The second largest group at risk of suicide is young men. Like you I gave him what help I could. I dont think he is at risk though.

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RE: I think bdsm has messed my head up - 7/22/2010 2:56:10 PM

DommeKeliDallas

Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submale25uk2007

I tried it recently for the first time, it was a few weeks ago and to be honest ive felt a mess ever since. The 'domme' was okay, but i just feel its wrong really and i wont be doing it again.

However, i feel emotionally damaged by it, like ive been abused almost and all my confidence/sense of humour seems to have drained out of me because of it, i doint feel half the man i did before i tried it, ive had a look on the net for some advice about it but i cant find any really, just wondered if anyone on here can give me some advice?

thanks

Firstly, you haven't told anyone here EXACTLY what creeped you out...what happened.
We don't know what "IT" is.
To each his/her own.
Go to the other person who was there "assisting" you and talk it out with them, to clear your head...instead of taling to a bunch of strangers who WEREN'T THERE...hello???
If it is too hot in the kitchen and you can'y handle the truth...LEAVE and get help.
Sign off all of the BDSM sites and get help...
SOMEONE MIGHT GIVE YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

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Post #: 70