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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 8:21:25 PM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernmomma

My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this?

Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it?

No. It was a natural progression of a functional relationship that had a basis of trust, respect, attraction, committment, love, like and lust.
We both had to want those goals. It was not one sided.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 9:37:00 PM

Chrisincuffs

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I'm going to be punished for this one...
almost 3 years of being an amazing slave and I have no collar
I wear a chain around my wrist that has no clasp, it does not come off....EVER
But Master has yet to put a collar around my neck
I've earned my collar and then some. You're lucky, you'll get one. Be a good slave and earn it

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/21/2010 9:10:44 AM

littleone35

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I did not have to earn my collar after 18 months we were both ready to move to the next step in our relationship so he took me out and bought me a beautiful collar. The only time it has ever come off since he has give it to me was when i had a chest x-ray other then that it is on 24/7.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/21/2010 12:53:19 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernmomma

My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this?

Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it?

No. My collar is about our love and commitment to each other and this style of relationship.

As always, others will do things differently.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/21/2010 3:13:31 PM

ShoreBound149

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The words childish and amateur come to mind.

In a purely vanilla relationship would it feel right to have to earn a wedding ring?

My guess is he's acting in a way that he thinks he's "supposed" to act in a dominant role.

Her collar is simply a symbol of a mutual state of mind that developed over time between the two of us.

Confucious Bound

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/21/2010 4:12:35 PM

whiteslavebitch

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If the collar is worth anything, yes. If it is gotten too easily does one really appreciate it?

By "Earning" it, I mean to be the kind of slave he would want to own. I didn't have to jump through any hoops, but I did have to show obedience consistently. Truth to tell, we both felt that I was collared long before the actual chain was placed around my neck.

(edited for clarity)

< Message edited by whiteslavebitch -- 7/21/2010 4:17:22 PM >

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 10:02:22 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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i didnt have to earn his collar i submitted to him as our relationship deepened but master always said i would submit when i was ready and he accepted my submission. as for callling him master he always said he ahd to earn the right and i was only to call him that when i felt he had earned the right, he felt it to easy to say you muct call me master, but we met online and it is all to easy for so called doms to demad this. it didnt take long for me to call him master.

however he wouldnt have a cepted myh collar unless he felt it was right to do so. so really it was about trust and depth of relationship

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 10:08:42 AM

laurell3

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I think sometimes people put so much emphasis on symbols they forget that symbol is a representation of a greater thing, the relationship. The concept of "earning" a symbol that is supposed to demonstrate a meaningful commitment, trust and acceptance, is just foreign and smacks of fantasy based idealism to me.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 10:14:51 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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i wear a neckalce and ring as symbols to us they mean more than the wedding ring worn in the past.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 10:43:09 AM

willowspirit

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Just be careful.
A lot is riding on what he means by "earning" it.
It sounds like a "Win-lose" situation -- just like those bogus "Collars of consideration" -- Win for him - lose for you. An abuse of power.
By the way -- I've heard the above said by actively involved (in a face-to-face community) Dominants, and Masters who "own" a person in real life.

Some dudes use a submissive's need to give against us. They will destroy us, rip out our passion to love and live, and shatter our ability to trust.

True Dominance -- as opposed to plain old domineering -- is a gift. Look for SomeOne who values His gift to you, okay?

The overwhelming majority of responses say very similar things. Believe them.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 4:12:36 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernmomma

My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this?

Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it?

In my opinion I will do myself a grave disservice by entering a dynamic with preconceived notions and a laundry list of should and should not's. What I will say is that I don't believe a slave is entitled to a collar. It is his to bestow or to withhold. An expectation of such or the belief that ones station does not evolve and can be acknowledged through acts such as collaring is not one I adhere to.

For protocol oriented households, this may entail significant steps that reflect the process and internalization of the role that the slave has embraced. In all honesty this is the method I prefer. I have no ambivalence about earning anything. We work hard for the unit. If he's placed a challenge before me and encouraged me to surmount it, I trust that he has done so for a reason. In my mind this is directly related to the authority I've granted him.

If he indicates that the collar must be earned and I'm ready to receive it, I will do as he instructs. After all, it is his will not mine that I'm acknowledging.

~porcelaine

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 5:32:39 PM

pogo4pres

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quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

Just be careful.
A lot is riding on what he means by "earning" it.
It sounds like a "Win-lose" situation -- just like those bogus "Collars of consideration" -- Win for him - lose for you. An abuse of power.
By the way -- I've heard the above said by actively involved (in a face-to-face community) Dominants, and Masters who "own" a person in real life.

Some dudes use a submissive's need to give against us. They will destroy us, rip out our passion to love and live, and shatter our ability to trust.

True Dominance -- as opposed to plain old domineering -- is a gift. Look for SomeOne who values His gift to you, okay?

The overwhelming majority of responses say very similar things. Believe them.

Do you even KNOW where the "collar of consideration" comes from or have you chosen to remain ignorant of where the BDSM "lifestyle" comes from??
Wait don't answer that your utter lack of knowledge shall suffice

OK that out of the way, a brief History of our "lifestyle", in the 1930'3 there were GAY bikers (motorcyclists if you will) they rode together and were known as "The Leathermen", it is with them that this lifestyle originated. The leathermen were VERY VERY picky about whom they selected to partner with, the "sub" had to had an income, be stable and meet a few other standards, when the "master" decided this was someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the "collar of consideration was given, generally this was a blue collar. This collar was to tell other gay men "hands off" this one. After a time the red collar of "ownership was given. And that, is a very brief history of the "collar of consideration".

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 5:40:55 PM

Aileen1968

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I really could care less about the "history of bdsm".
How does what some gay leatherman did in 1930 affect my relationship at all? Seriously.
The first rule in bdsm is that there are no rules. My opinion, of course.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 6:18:56 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pogo4pres

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

Just be careful.
A lot is riding on what he means by "earning" it.
It sounds like a "Win-lose" situation -- just like those bogus "Collars of consideration" -- Win for him - lose for you. An abuse of power.
By the way -- I've heard the above said by actively involved (in a face-to-face community) Dominants, and Masters who "own" a person in real life.

Some dudes use a submissive's need to give against us. They will destroy us, rip out our passion to love and live, and shatter our ability to trust.

True Dominance -- as opposed to plain old domineering -- is a gift. Look for SomeOne who values His gift to you, okay?

The overwhelming majority of responses say very similar things. Believe them.

Do you even KNOW where the "collar of consideration" comes from or have you chosen to remain ignorant of where the BDSM "lifestyle" comes from??
Wait don't answer that your utter lack of knowledge shall suffice

OK that out of the way, a brief History of our "lifestyle", in the 1930'3 there were GAY bikers (motorcyclists if you will) they rode together and were known as "The Leathermen", it is with them that this lifestyle originated. The leathermen were VERY VERY picky about whom they selected to partner with, the "sub" had to had an income, be stable and meet a few other standards, when the "master" decided this was someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the "collar of consideration was given, generally this was a blue collar. This collar was to tell other gay men "hands off" this one. After a time the red collar of "ownership was given. And that, is a very brief history of the "collar of consideration".

that's nice...you're all domly and stuff for sharing your sage wisdom...however...in today's world...that collar of consideration in hetero worlds USUALLY means I'm going to brand you so others can't have you without giving you any stable commitment. Thus, the post that you quoted AND a win-lose situation. Your ego and reality aren't the same thing it seems.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/23/2010 6:19:26 PM >

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/23/2010 7:33:33 PM

Jeffff

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I the woman I am with can't tell another that she is mine and not available, then I guess she isn't mine.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/24/2010 2:11:52 AM

willowspirit

Posts: 164
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From: U.S.A.-Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pogo4pres

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

<<snipped>>
It sounds like a "Win-lose" situation -- just like those bogus "Collars of consideration" -- Win for him - lose for you. An abuse of power.
By the way -- I've heard the above said by actively involved (in a face-to-face community) Dominants, and Masters who "own" a person in real life.

Some dudes use a submissive's need 'to give' against us. They will destroy us, rip out our passion to love and live, and shatter our ability to trust.

Do you even KNOW where the "collar of consideration" comes from or have you chosen to remain ignorant of where the BDSM "lifestyle" comes from??
Wait don't answer that your utter lack of knowledge shall suffice

OK that out of the way, a brief History of our "lifestyle", in the 1930'3 there were GAY bikers (motorcyclists if you will) they rode together and were known as "The Leathermen", it is with them that this lifestyle originated. The leathermen were VERY VERY picky about whom they selected to partner with, the "sub" had to had an income, be stable and meet a few other standards, when the "master" decided this was someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the "collar of consideration was given, generally this was a blue collar. This collar was to tell other gay men "hands off" this one. After a time the red collar of "ownership was given. And that, is a very brief history of the "collar of consideration".

Yes, actually I DO know the history of the Leather community. I'm an associate member of exactly that type of gay leathermen club. A very select, small group.
In fact, I represent the very experienced and "well-seasoned" Leather columnist of an international magazine AND author of the newly released book Life, Leather and The Pursuit of Happiness.

BUT
what is more important for this discussion, is the current bogus practice by so many chatroom faux 'doms' and HNG claiming they even understand the rules and behavior around the use of the Collar of consideration.

Can we agree that what it was and what it has become are two very different things?

Also of note --
The bdsm and M/s lifestyle goes back MUCH further than the 1930's.
This is only the most recent of it's "incarnations".

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/24/2010 6:25:30 AM

chamberqueen

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I would not say that I had to "earn" my collar but it did not come until he felt that I was sufficiently trained that I would be willing to submit to him without hesitation. I had no problem with that because then the collar meant more to me than it ever could have if it was simply handed out on the first meeting.

I do not see a lack of a collar as a lack of commitment. It is only a material sign of ownership - it changes nothing. In the beginning I know I put too high a value on it and got all caught up in the idea of it being the rough equivalent to an engagement or wedding ring. I somehow thought that things would change and he would become closer to me than ever as soon as I had it and within days earned my first punishment because I was pushing too hard - it is so easy to believe that someone else is going through the exact same emotions that you are. I was even presumptuous enough to ask how I could earn the next one (because he collars in stages). He told me firmly that the decision was up to him, and that he would know when the time was right. I was more caught up in the "reward" aspect than in keeping focused on what my job was. (I look back and cringe at my naiveté.)

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/24/2010 8:34:38 AM

porcelaine

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In my opinion the answer is very simple and it hinges on a fundamental belief I have about partnerships in BDSM. The slave/submission should fit the dominant. If you are protocol oriented or prefer structure it would make sense to pair with someone that feels the same. In that dynamic it is probable that the individual will outline how collaring unfolds (assuming he uses them). The same applies for those desiring less structure and ritual. Neither is better than the other and difference doesn't imply manipulation. It is merely an alternative approach to their relationship.

~porcelaine

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/24/2010 9:12:11 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pogo4pres

Do you even KNOW where the "collar of consideration" comes from or have you chosen to remain ignorant of where the BDSM "lifestyle" comes from??
Wait don't answer that your utter lack of knowledge shall suffice

OK that out of the way, a brief History of our "lifestyle", in the 1930'3 there were GAY bikers (motorcyclists if you will) they rode together and were known as "The Leathermen", it is with them that this lifestyle originated. The leathermen were VERY VERY picky about whom they selected to partner with, the "sub" had to had an income, be stable and meet a few other standards, when the "master" decided this was someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the "collar of consideration was given, generally this was a blue collar. This collar was to tell other gay men "hands off" this one. After a time the red collar of "ownership was given. And that, is a very brief history of the "collar of consideration".

Considering you weren't born till those '30s leathermen were well in their 40s and 50s, I doubt you have much first hand knowledge of them.

I do, my mother played bridge with all of them. And let me tell you, a worse group of horndogs I have never known. They didn't care about a sub's income stability. They picked their bottoms based on how hot he was. They were shallow and most couldn't maintain a relationship for even high season, let alone be with the same man the next year.

It wasn't until after the AIDS epidemic first devastated the gay community that I saw any of them valuing relationships.

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RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/24/2010 9:52:40 AM

LadyPact

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How could I resist such a lovely discussion?

The problem sometimes with such debates on these boards is that people have become accustomed to the negative use, bastardization, and manipulation of so many terms that people almost expect it. Even something as simple as a person earning a collar gets twisted. It's so easy to fall back on the bad examples.

I'm pretty sure that nobody especially needs the definition of a four letter word. I'm going to post it anyway.

earn 1 play_w2("E0005500") (ûrn)tr.v. earned, earn·ing, earns 1. To gain especially for the performance of service, labor, or work: earned money by mowing lawns.2. To acquire or deserve as a result of effort or action: She earned a reputation as a hard worker.3. To yield as return or profit: a savings account that earns interest on deposited funds.

People may say that it's a relationship and they didn't have to earn a collar. That's great if that works for you. Anybody being collared to Me does earn it. They earn it through service, loyalty, obedience, submission, and a number of other factors. Yes, this is a process that has a beginning and it does continue through the dynamic. It's not about setting up special hoops to jump through, but it absolutely does hinge on how the dynamic is established and shown to work. If a person wants to be owned by Me, they do have to live up to My expectations or show Me that they have the potential for doing so. It's not an instant thing anymore than I expect them to know from day one that I deserve their faith, trust, or have shown them I have the competency in leading a dynamic with them.

What did the person do in your life to earn your trust? What made you fall in love with them? Is it all of the little things that they have done along the way that endeared them to you? They have shown you in one way or another that they are deserving of your affections. You may not have outright asked them to prove they are the person that fits your life, but that doesn't mean they didn't display it to you. Even if you thought that person deserved all of the good emotions that you feel toward them from the instant you met, they earned that they have verified that they really are the type of person who you feel about them that way.

Yes. In My opinion, clip earned the right to wear My collar. Truthfully, he continually earns his right to do so. Just as I, hopefully, earns his wanting to wear it and belonging to Me.

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