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my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 9:44:01 AM

sub001

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

Long story but would like to condense it for you...I met a Master online have been with him for 7 mths not RT but online ..phone....and yes he is married ...lives in another country USA actually .to a vanilla wife who has no knowledge of me...he told me he would call me up to chat one night and then couldnt as his wife didnt go to bed ...so he came online to tell me so and we chatted for a while she watched a movie...he wasnt in a good mood to start with and so it eventually led to an arguement where i told him "you wanted a reason to leave now you have one"...he told me "that comment is going to cost you dearly"..he logged off and ignored me for 9 days... after 2 days..I sent him an email apologising for what i had said...I sent him a text message saying sorry....i asked him via text after 4 days to please talk to me as i was not coping ..he ignored me ..after another 3 days (at this stage i had become unwell wasnt eating wasnt sleeping and was crying a lot )..I texted him again and told him i wasnt asking him this time i was begging him to talk to me..he still ignored me ..finally after 8 days i sent him another text and told him that i wanted to make a request and needed to talk to him...he contacted me ..I told him that he ignored my cries for help and he said no i didnt the first time you told me you had a request to talk to me i answered you ....I wasnt familiar with the 'protocol' regarding letting him know i was in real pain and suffering and i feel he took advantage of that...I told him when we spoke that i once not only loved him but worshipped him..he asked "and now"?..i said and now im hoping i can get back to that place..he told me he did it for my own good...I felt it did me 'no good' only damage and im not certain he realises how much....I would like to hear your opinions on my Master ignoring me...we had a disagreement...but i dont believe my punishment was justified..I had suffered abondonment issues when i was a child and been raped ..he knew all this and yet he treated me this way...Im writing this and disbelieving what i am reading (sighs)...how does one differentiate between abuse and punishment?...he told me when we finally talked...would you have preferred i left you for 9 days or forever..i said for 9 days ..he said then i made the right choice didnt I....

Post #: 1

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 9:50:49 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Two ways to look at this.

A. As drama, the plot needs a great deal of development, I am not moved.

B. Online, Cybering accross the pond with a married man? I am not moved.

You need to develop some introspection in these matters and decide what is real, tangible and of any life-long value to you.

Sincerly,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 2

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 9:54:23 AM

LoganStrange

Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

I know that many will attack this one, so I want to try to make a post that is truely open to the subject.
Dear sub,
You have a great need to serve and be owned, bless you for that, the punishment you recieved is the type of punishment that only affects a true slave, so again, bless you for being who you are.
That being said I must give you my thoughts.
A Master that goes behind his wifes back is not practicing consent, just the opposite, and can not be justified in punishing you for being upset at his deceit. a Master must be respected but only when worthy of that respect.
I beg you to consider seeking a Master worthy of your service.

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 3

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 9:57:10 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

And your getting this upset becasue of the way some jack ass who is on lining behind his wifes back is treating you because????????

I understand one can create bonds, but you seriously should take a look at this situation and decide if it is actually healthy for you.

K

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 9:57:56 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Two basic rules seem to come from this.

One, try and find a local master. I've heard good things about the groups and munches in Australia.

Two, have nothing to do with a married man unless his wife is aware and consenting

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 5

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:00:19 AM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

What you say you want in your profile and what you've gotten yourself into don't seem to jibe. Given the fact that he's married and you live an extraordinary distance from him, my advice would be to cut your losses and look elsewhere.

I'm not trying to be unkind, just realistic.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 6

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:07:43 AM

sub001

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

im reading all of your replies and thank you for responding..(smiles)

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 7

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:10:20 AM

sub001

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

LoganStrange...thank you for your kind words ...you understand me more than most...kindness goes a long way

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 8

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:13:24 AM

sub001

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

ty john warren

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 9

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:16:30 AM

slavemj

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline

Married men who prey the internet looking for some kinky online and phone kicks are never, ever, ever Dominant. The simple truth is, they are submitting to their vanilla wife in every slinky, surreptitious move they make with a submissive. The only Dominant i see in this equation is the vanilla wife...she's running the show. She dictates when he is "available" to you, when he can contact you, etc, ad nauseum.
You have been a victim of yet another online predator.
A Master once told me that a true submissive has the strength of ten vanilla women. Find that strength, and move on. i wish you well

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 10

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:21:36 AM

nursemary

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

sub001, Discipline is a hard thing for many to figure out how to do without causing harm. Additionally because we are all wired differently, it varies from one person to the next. Ignoring someone might be useful to one, while harmful to another. So, even in the best of Men ( or women), mistakes can be made and it requires a very intuitive person to be able to figure out what will work the best for their submissive.

HOWEVER.. your guy, he cannot be a Master.. as he hasn't mastered himself.. or his life.. or he wouldn't be cheating and seeking someone to use and abuse online.

I do wish you the best and hope you find what you are looking for in a healthy format.

mary

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 11

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:33:52 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

I have to tip my hat to those above me. Good answers. Personally I feel the single most important virtue of a D/s life would be it’s absolute honesty and candor. A Dominant “demands” total honesty, even beyond what you may feel your limits are. That is part of the attraction to the dynamic of the D/s. No games, no hidden agenda, no trickery, and no deceit. For a sub/slave to not “demand” the same is foolish. You are entrusting your well being, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual to another more so than in a vanilla relationship. Honesty is the cornerstone of trust that you need to enter the D/s relationship. In my opinion, if he is deceiving anyone (wife) he can easily deceive you.

As far as ignoring you for 9 days, long distance discipline is tricky at best. It is a cat and mouse game. You don’t know if you are effectually disciplining one or not. However, if the relationship intends to lead to a real life situation you should be well aware that discipline does exist and that “the D” will or will not use it. That said, if you stick with him or move on, you should know that any “D” would task you with duties, chores, etc… and look for your compliance. They will also utilize disciplinary actions on you and assess your compliance. No one wants to be surprised with the online relationship being a 180 of the R/L relationship.

(in reply to nursemary)

Post #: 12

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 10:51:56 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

You did not call him a self-centered scum licking pig, you did not tell him he sucked in bed, you did not call him a manipulitive bastard devil prick.....(not that even saying those things are resons to treat you the way he did either )

Your words were "you were looking for a reason to leave your wife now you have one"

Lets dissect this for a second and his response. He has obviously told you he wanted to leave her, right? and if I am not wrong he tells you this a lot, making it somewhat believable for you to stay with him, yet the second something is mentioned about it, he reacts cruelly and childishly?

To me this proves he was never intending on leaving her, he is in fact TRAINING you TO NEVER mention it again.

And this response of his is so UN-MASTERLY. A master that is being told his charge, his pet, his property is sick would rush to care for her, if your cat is sick what is the first thing you do?

And then to spring this unlearned protocol on you and blame you for NOT mind reading,??? He simply was done with his cruel sadistic temper tantrum, and found an excuse to let you back in his life.

This is not Master, this is a cad in Master clothing.

Please leave him.

What he has given you is valuable lessons though:

That you are a submissive and that there are men that can fill an need in you that vanilla men cant

That on line and Long distance can not offer you much

And that married men almost never leave their wives

Please take the advice offered here, of finding your local people, go to munches, seek what you need, this guy is showing you how little he values you and to me you are worth so much more .

This is a link where I talk a little more about all this stuff if you care to read it.http://www.collarchat.com/m_324339/mpage_5/tm.htm

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/17/2006 11:17:45 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to nursemary)

Post #: 13

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 11:06:33 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I agree, good point. On line a dominant has very few tangible punishment options. But I think that there are proper and effective ways of using dominance withdrawl, and improper and ineffective ways of using dominance withdrawl.

Dominance withdrawal is most effective;

When the sub knows his or her infraction and this is discussed throughly before the punnishment commences (not hanging up, all huffy)

When the dominant sets a specific time frame, a beginning and an end. And the time is used by the sub to be introspective, ie; writing assignments journals

And when the punishment is taking an unintentional physical toll on the sub, that the dominant at least chimes in with "just a little longer girl" "I am proud of you for doing this" or renegotiates the discipline action all together.

All dominants that punnish subs for their first time infractions with out warnings, because they dont read minds, are posers in my estimation.

~Tigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld
As far as ignoring you for 9 days, long distance discipline is tricky at best. It is a cat and mouse game. You don’t know if you are effectually disciplining one or not.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 14

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 12:04:02 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I was thinking along the same lines as Crouchingtigress. This is NOT a proper punishment situation, this was manipulation. Punishment should only occur when you have done something that he has previously made you completely aware of as a rule and made sure you understand exactly what is expected of you.

Had he said to you "Darling sub of mine. I am going to whine repeatedly and without end regarding the pathetic state of my marriage to my dreadfully vanilla wife who is making my life miserable and who I would leave at a moment's notice if I only had a good excuse. Howener, no matter how vociferously complain you are never NEVER under any circumstances point out to me that I have an excuse, nor pester or bother me in any way about leaving her. If you do I will punish you. Is that fully understood oh Darling sub of mine?" AND you agreed, then I would say he was justified.

Otherwise, he's just a prick.

His punishment was also manipulative. Punishment should be specific and clear and once it's over you are back on even ground. This has not left you on even ground. It has left you feeling insecure and afraid that if you ever piss him off again he'll leave for good.

This is what he wants. He probably LOVED reading your emails begging him to talk to you. Can you imagine the thrill he got from that? He had SO much power over a woman, that just being in contact with her via the computer he had her begging, crying, pleading to talk to him. Must have made him feel pretty special. Probably even puffed out his chest and admired himself in the mirror over that one.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 15

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 12:56:08 PM

NeedToUseYou

Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline

Ummmm, he's in another country, and married, and a dick.

Ok, why not think about that for a bit. And reread what you are looking for in your profile. I don't see how this guy is compatible, or what you are doing is compatible with those qualities either. He's married and whining about it to you? hmmmmm, I assume he's telling you he is going to leave her, but doesn't and punishs you when you mention it? hmmmmm. He hooks up with someone so far away he'll never run into you ever? hmmmm, why would he do that, when there are 3 billion women closer to his location than you? You are persuing someone on the assumption they will leave their wife for you? hmmmmm.

I'm thinking your reaping what you sowed. Maybe, just maybe find someone that isn't half a planet away, married, and a dick, might yield better results.

Thanks.

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 16

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 1:25:34 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Just an FYI,

If she is looking for a man, there will be a dick surfacing in the quantum foam somewhere, and you can quote me.

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to NeedToUseYou)

Post #: 17

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 1:38:05 PM

marianne

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

I've never posted before but had to respond to this thread. It has really opened my eyes! I have been seeing a married "Dom" for almost 7 years real life, but it's really not much different than the online married Doms. I have been hurt so many times by him - his lying, cheating ways - I agree whole heartedly that if his wife doesn't know and doesn't participate - steer clear!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 18

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 2:10:33 PM

SirCumsSlut

Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub001

Long story but would like to condense it for you...I met a Master online have been with him for 7 mths not RT but online ..phone....and yes he is married ...lives in another country USA actually .to a vanilla wife who has no knowledge of me...he told me he would call me up to chat one night and then couldnt as his wife didnt go to bed ...so he came online to tell me so and we chatted for a while she watched a movie...he wasnt in a good mood to start with and so it eventually led to an arguement where i told him "you wanted a reason to leave now you have one"...he told me "that comment is going to cost you dearly"..he logged off and ignored me for 9 days... after 2 days..I sent him an email apologising for what i had said...I sent him a text message saying sorry....i asked him via text after 4 days to please talk to me as i was not coping ..he ignored me ..after another 3 days (at this stage i had become unwell wasnt eating wasnt sleeping and was crying a lot )..I texted him again and told him i wasnt asking him this time i was begging him to talk to me..he still ignored me ..finally after 8 days i sent him another text and told him that i wanted to make a request and needed to talk to him...he contacted me ..I told him that he ignored my cries for help and he said no i didnt the first time you told me you had a request to talk to me i answered you ....I wasnt familiar with the 'protocol' regarding letting him know i was in real pain and suffering and i feel he took advantage of that...I told him when we spoke that i once not only loved him but worshipped him..he asked "and now"?..i said and now im hoping i can get back to that place..he told me he did it for my own good...I felt it did me 'no good' only damage and im not certain he realises how much....I would like to hear your opinions on my Master ignoring me...we had a disagreement...but i dont believe my punishment was justified..I had suffered abondonment issues when i was a child and been raped ..he knew all this and yet he treated me this way...Im writing this and disbelieving what i am reading (sighs)...how does one differentiate between abuse and punishment?...he told me when we finally talked...would you have preferred i left you for 9 days or forever..i said for 9 days ..he said then i made the right choice didnt I....

Sub001, we touched on this this morning in the lobby. As the others here have said, he is nothing but a lying cheating scumbag and WILL NEVER leave his wife........his ignoring you is his way of keeping you under his perverbial cyber thumb. You best bet is to cut all ties with him and find a real Master who is in your own country. There are many good Doms from what I have seen from the land down under......When we spoke this morning, I found in your words much confusion, if you ever want to chat just look for me online and PM me anytime, I will gladly listen.

_____________________________

Peace
His slut

"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to sub001)

Post #: 19

RE: my Master ignored me - 4/17/2006 2:15:46 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavemj

Married men who prey the internet looking for some kinky online and phone kicks are never, ever, ever Dominant. The simple truth is, they are submitting to their vanilla wife in every slinky, surreptitious move they make with a submissive. The only Dominant i see in this equation is the vanilla wife...she's running the show. She dictates when he is "available" to you, when he can contact you, etc, ad nauseum.

Now that is very profound!

sub001, read carefully of what everyone has written to you so far and move on with your life. Absolutely no good will come from being in an on-line relationship with a married man given your background and things you are searching for. Good luck.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to slavemj)

Post #: 20

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