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RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:26:34 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

As an aside, each time I've allowed myself to forget my *own* rules, I have been deeply hurt by people who don't respect me.


But sometimes going back to the drawing board is a good thing. It reinforces the old and reiterates why you adhere to them in the first place. Admittedly I love being single. When you approach dating from a place of strength rather than desperation you yield better results in the long run.

~porcelaine




_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:27:03 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Boundaries differ from person to person, a smart woman communicates to ascertain what they are instead of assuming some sophomoric "rules" apply. Neither gender really are stereotypes.


If I were going to write the rules it would be pretty simple

1. respect yourself
2.have a life
3. only do what you feel like


Subtext to that.... I like men to pursue me, and that isn't a game, it is a preference.


That about sums it up. I think it is fucking hilarious that people are all getting hysterical and up in arms over the fact that a book exists out there on the planet that has some Rules that someone put together. And that some women believe in those.

You think there is no manipulation in relationships? Get a grip. It happens on a daily basis in all types of relationships. And yes, even in healthy ones. God, the self righteousness around here is sometimes really stifling.

Just because someone would like to be pursued it does not mean they are playing a game or not proactive in meeting someone. It also does not mean they are not smart, for god's sake.

It means they like being pursued.

Enough said.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/24/2010 7:29:59 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:28:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Have a full life.  Live with passion.  Don't jump in too fast.  Be a good friend to yourself. 


Yes... that was the ultimate message I got out of it too,...I think that the rules themselves are for women that need an outline to follow

Like I said, the one chapter I found helpful was the one for single moms... it is hard to know how to handle allowing a new person around your kids. I used that chapter, for my son more than for me. Meeting him is a BIG deal for me. He has only met two men I have been involved with... perhaps that is a bit protective, but I did not want him to think his mom was a mattress back

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:34:11 PM   
realwhiteknight


Posts: 428
Joined: 7/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

realw


damn, if only i'd  found this list earlier in my life. *sigh*

I was doing ok til I got to rule 3. Then I realized I must be one scary bitch.


_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:34:30 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Just because someone would like to be pursued it does not mean they are playing a game or not proactive in meeting someone. It also does not mean they are not smart, for god's sake.

It means they like being pursued.

Enough said.


And it should be added that men differ on the subject as well. Some enjoy giving chase and have no reservations about doing so. Which is perfectly fine for them. I don't think one way is better than the other. It depends on your personality, what you're seeking, and the men you're engaging with.

I have a penchant for the type that conquers and claims.

~porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 7/24/2010 7:35:37 PM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:36:16 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

To me, smart women will not have a lot of trouble developing healthy boundaries, honestly, I think much of it falls in with having good common sense. You mention respect, and that is a key component, for one's self, and others. And, the "treat others as you want to be treated" thing, that too.


Level darling,
Boundaries are more about understanding things from an emotional standpoint.  And you know Good Common Sense is not terribly common. 

I don't mean to pick on you (pick you UP perhaps, but pick ON you... pfffffft)... but developing healthy boundaries is a frightening thing when it means you will be completely different from everything you've known. 

After years of assistance (of many sorts), I have learned a little something aboug common sense and about boundary setting.  But because these were not a part of my real life forever, I sometimes backslide.  That troubles me, but I've made some peace with it. 

We learn so much by the time we are X age, and then we can sometimes need lesson after lesson to undo the early learning.  I call it my quirks!

And by the way, industrial TP can be your friend if you are writing a book in the head.  Don't use a felt tip pen, though... and don't get it wet! 

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:39:09 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Boundaries differ from person to person, a smart woman communicates to ascertain what they are instead of assuming some sophomoric "rules" apply. Neither gender really are stereotypes.


If I were going to write the rules it would be pretty simple

1. respect yourself
2.have a life
3. only do what you feel like


Subtext to that.... I like men to pursue me, and that isn't a game, it is a preference.


That about sums it up. I think it is fucking hilarious that people are all getting hysterical and up in arms over the fact that a book exists out there on the planet that has some Rules that someone put together. And that some women believe in those.

You think there is no manipulation in relationships? Get a grip. It happens on a daily basis in all types of relationships. And yes, even in healthy ones. God, the self righteousness around here is sometimes really stifling.

Just because someone would like to be pursued it does not mean they are playing a game or not proactive in meeting someone. It also does not mean they are not smart, for god's sake.

It means they like being pursued.

Enough said.


I don't actually see anyone getting hysterical or "up in arms". Nor do I think anyone called anyone else anything suggesting they weren't smart. We have differing opinions. That isn't drama. Sorry!

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/24/2010 7:40:58 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:45:49 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

sunny:

I don't mean to pick on you (pick you UP perhaps, but pick ON you... pfffffft)... but developing healthy boundaries is a frightening thing when it means you will be completely different from everything you've known.


Hey beautiful. Sure, growth can be very scary, especially if it means rewriting how you live your life, and confronting things that have caused you damage. But boy, it can sure make life all the more sweeter, when you do it.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:45:55 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Here are my rules....

Always be late.

The first thing you do upon arriving is to take a shower at her place. Alone! It makes her know that you really want to be "fresh" for her.

Give her fifteen to twenty minutes notice before you might be stopping by. Gives her time to get pretty and remove tampons and shit.

Always say you are hungry.

Talk about other women you want to date.

Always her critique her blow jobs by saying they were almost as good as that "other chick's."

After sex say something like, "her pussy smelled a little better tonight."

Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend.

When leaving thank her for the food, the sex and the tears by mentioning, "it was sorta cool."

Don't call her again till it is evident that you won't find anything better.







< Message edited by domiguy -- 7/24/2010 7:46:52 PM >

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:48:01 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		To Levelicious - Amen.

To domi... I got your "on your knees" message.  I'm sorry.  I have dance class Friday night.  Maybe Mistress Jeff is available.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:48:32 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend.


LOL

Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:51:37 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend.


LOL

Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world.


haha nice!

When I was in school, my best friend and I got that ALL the time...we're NOT a package deal was our mantra...I considered having Tshirts printed with it!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:55:08 PM   
realwhiteknight


Posts: 428
Joined: 7/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Here are my rules....

Always be late.

The first thing you do upon arriving is to take a shower at her place. Alone! It makes her know that you really want to be "fresh" for her.

Give her fifteen to twenty minutes notice before you might be stopping by. Gives her time to get pretty and remove tampons and shit.

Always say you are hungry.

Talk about other women you want to date.

Always her critique her blow jobs by saying they were almost as good as that "other chick's."

After sex say something like, "her pussy smelled a little better tonight."

Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend.

When leaving thank her for the food, the sex and the tears by mentioning, "it was sorta cool."

Don't call her again till it is evident that you won't find anything better.



Dear Domi,

You are everything I've ever wanted in a man. Feel free to drop by any time so I can throw the last 10 years of psychotherapy out the window. I worry about what the recession is doing to my ex-therapist's wallet anyway; she has kids to feed you know. I am glad she will shortly be able to count on a renewed client.


_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:55:33 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		That is just selfish!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 7:58:18 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Maybe Mistress Jeff is available.


No, I'm usually at home waiting for Julia to send me an email saying 'Hey, you're cute! Wanna chat some time?'

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 8:01:04 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight


Dear Domi,

You are everything I've ever wanted in a man. Feel free to drop by any time so I can throw the last 10 years of psychotherapy out the window. I worry about what the recession is doing to my ex-therapist's wallet anyway; she has kids to feed you know. I am glad she will shortly be able to count on a renewed client.



Immediately upon finding out that she is seeing a therapist say something along the lines of...

"Have you ever considered asking for your money back?"

< Message edited by domiguy -- 7/24/2010 8:03:09 PM >

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 8:04:18 PM   
realwhiteknight


Posts: 428
Joined: 7/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:


Immediately upon finding out that she is seeing a therapist say something along the lines of...

"Have you ever considered asking for your money back?"


It would be a fair question to anyone who would be willing to date you! HaHA


_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 8:06:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend.


LOL

Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world.


This could be interesting, some of my friends are, and they are half my age.... BONUS!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 8:06:12 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend.


LOL

Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world.


You have to follow the rules...they are designed to keep you from appearing as if you were some sort of a cad.

You have to go the extra mile. If she is naked and bends over make sure that she sees you wince.

_____________________________



(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Investment in Relationships - 7/24/2010 8:08:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend.


LOL

Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world.


You have to follow the rules...they are designed to keep you from appearing as if you were some sort of a cad.

You have to go the extra mile. If she is naked and bends over make sure that she sees you wince.


whenever I read your posts I think "he only gives gives gives, never takes, never takes"

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 140
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