RE: Why do Doms...????

RE: Why do Doms...???? (Full Version)

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toxic66 -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 9:01:26 AM)
quote: I understand your point toxic66. And I guess to me, it does not matter if a guy has experience; as long as he has desire, and the self knowledge to learn, that is more important to me. Frankly, I don't find the profiles who try to "prove" experience to show experience in interpersonal skills. It would be far better to say that you have always dreamed of this, you had all these feelings for years and no partner to do it with and that you were willing to learn together with someone. I would respect that much more. The women who insist on only experienced Doms are missing out when they could be helping someone to attain that status. Hello sexyred1 (love your name), I agree totally with what you said. I was in no way defending what these guys did. As I said, I would never do it. I realize it is crass and not fair at all to the women who are in the photo (women who had trusted you not to do such a thing). I was providing an explanation as to why I thought they did it. I agree with you that I would think a great thing for a newby sub would be to find the right newby Dom and take the journey together. I think there are a lot of qualities more important than experience. quote: Good point. The only thing is honestly, it is incredibly tacky to show your porn photos, under any circumstances. It comes across as corny, pretentious, and makes you look like a big douche lacking in any sophistication or social skills. It's basically porn, and it should be private. I suppose that's sort of prudish to say on here, but I know that as simply an observer that's how it comes across to me. Why not just talk about your experience later, once you've established that the women wants to chat with you? Why rush things? That's another reason it appears tacky and douchebag-y. Hello realwhiteknight, I agree with you. I am not going to defend what they did. Some men are clueless about women (and about the trust they are breaking putting those photos on the Internet). The question was asked and I responded with what I thought they may have been thinking. The problem is some of these guys have little imagination, or are lazy (that is why you get the 1 line messages). They hear the women say they want experience and without stopping to think about how it looks they try and prove it to them. Although, I must confess that this is all conjecture on my part... we would have to ask one of them why they do it.

LadyPact -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 9:36:18 AM)
Now that the conversation has drifted a bit, I'd like to add My two cents. To answer the original of why people send unsolicited shots, I can honestly say that I don't know. I can't help with that part. It's not something that I do, so anything that I would offer would be a guess. As far as pictures in profiles, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I have play pictures on Mine that include clip. I also have a shot on there from the after party from the Fire and Ice demo. Anybody who would ever care to could write to Me so that I could verify that I have that person's permission to post that picture. The great thing about threads on CM is that they are easily used for past references. Upon request, I have also sent pics of various styles of play. These have included fire, branding, cupping, needles, and others that I'm sure I'm just forgetting at the moment. While I am the first to admit that such practices are not the case for everyone, I would like to ask that we remember that some of us will work within the lines of courtesy and respect in regard to pictures.

realwhiteknight -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 10:35:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight !!! ExACTly. This is the part of it that's just off.... my theory is that 90% of these guys on here are douchebags ant not even real. Those pics are randomly stolen from websites. They're advertising the sub because whatever website they downloaded them from was advertising the sub. Maybe we should add another litmus test/Acid Test sign: naked/suggestive/kinky pictures showing only the female sub means that the so-called Dom is really a fake. I can't really see another explanation for it. [:'(] And that's why some people ask for customized photographs to make certain you didn't nab your profile images off another website. When I see heads missing in images I wonder why. Especially if the submissive face is being shown. Sometimes it isn't that the image is false, but what his facial features might reveal that he doesn't wish to display. Yet. Don't forget they could be staged as well. You can hire a model and get some dandy shots and you're instantly qualified with little out of pocket expense. [;)] ~porcelaine Good point!

realwhiteknight -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 10:43:32 AM)
quote: do quote: ORIGINAL: RedStapler I see a few themes running through this thread. To summarize: 1. These "Doms" are using tactics that only make sense to other men. Women find them repulsive. 2. These "Doms" may be responding to the desire of many subs for "experience". Instead, women see a profound lack of social experience. 3. These "Doms" are douchebags, unethical and narcissistic. MEN, not just Doms, by and large have absolutely no comprehension of how women think. Even when explained to us, most men simply cannot do the mental gymnastics to see things from a woman's perspective. We are wired totally differently, and have completely different ways of communicating. A thoughtful man knows this, and realizes that he must do what he can to avoid pissing off or scaring off any woman that he meets. And with a little common sense, and a lot of trial and error, he eventually figures out what will piss or scare them off and avoids doing those things. He knows that when women speak, there are subtleties behind the words and beneath the surface, even if the has no idea what those subtleties are. In other words, women may still be mysterious, but at least we can find a way to peaceably coexist, and work to bridge the gap. And he considers the ethical ramifications of any actions that he takes. But many men are not thoughtful men. Many are douchebags, and they think that being a "Dom" will give them carte blanche to be unapologetic card-carrying douchebags. By nature, douchebags are narcissistic and unethical. They think that "submissive" women will be more receptive to their douchebag ways, not realizing that they are WOMEN first and submissives second. Not being thoughtful men, the douchebags don't realize that women think and communicate differently. So they try to show off their "dominance" just as they might show off their car, their house, their bling or whatever other status symbol they may have. When they see or hear "I want an experienced Dom," they take it to mean "I want someone who has tied many wrists, chained many ankles, squeezed many tits, and spanked or flogged lots of asses" and are only too happy to provide proof without even thinking about the ethical considerations. They have no concept of subtlety. And what about the small minority of men who really do have a deep understanding of how women think? Unfortunately, most are manipulative sociopaths. Run as fast as you can from them! [:D] HahA! Great post! That sums it up pretty well. And it's terribly depressing. [:o]

realwhiteknight -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 10:48:08 AM)
quote: And what about the small minority of men who really do have a deep understanding of how women think? Unfortunately, most are manipulative sociopaths. Run as fast as you can from them! quote: Years ago I heard a speaker utter the following words: "The game has existed before the beginning of time. You can't change the game. Your choice is to play it or get out." You will never change a man. It doesn't matter if he's kink or not. He is. Your choice is which version you're going to deal with. And that's the real skinny. Dominant isn't better. It's merely a different shade of him. ~porcelaine Play or get out? I choose: get out. I did a long time ago. I wonder Porcelaine, what exactly do you mean by this last statement? Dominants are different from most men, only slightly? It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people.......[:(]

realwhiteknight -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 11:05:57 AM)
Hello realwhiteknight, I agree with you. I am not going to defend what they did. Some men are clueless about women (and about the trust they are breaking putting those photos on the Internet). The question was asked and I responded with what I thought they may have been thinking. The problem is some of these guys have little imagination, or are lazy (that is why you get the 1 line messages). They hear the women say they want experience and without stopping to think about how it looks they try and prove it to them. Although, I must confess that this is all conjecture on my part... we would have to ask one of them why they do it. [/quote] We appreciate another voice here and a male perspective...thanks[:D]

porcelaine -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 12:02:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight Play or get out? I choose: get out. I did a long time ago. I remembered the board I was standing on called mine. As Rumi once wrote, "There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground." I didn't leave the game I just set my sights on a higher plane instead. quote: I wonder Porcelaine, what exactly do you mean by this last statement? Dominants are different from most men, only slightly? It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people.......[:(] It is my suspicion that many women naively believe that dating a dominant man is the solution to their woe. They feel he will be different from his non kink brethren and better overall. He is still a man and was always a man before he elected to live in this manner. He brings all of that into the dynamic. Good and bad. To believe that he has undergone a metamorphosis merely because he is dominant is a fallacy. Most have not. Betterment is a choice and she's already chosen to live in deference to him. Why bother changing what the other person will gladly accept in the name of submission? Dominance affords certain privileges. He needn't be fair nor right. On top of this he benefits from the constant wrangling among submissives/slaves and the intentional belittlement that is directed toward those that question, complain, or abdicate their role. The continual mind fucking from both sides is damnable. Somehow submission turned into taking whatever is thrown at me in a spirit of grace because I belong to him. And we debate that as well. We have difficulty agreeing on what dominance and submission mean. We have no consensus on the respective roles either. So what are you really adhering to? If you haven't bothered defining that beforehand, how the hell will you know it when you encounter it in the other person? And maybe when that happens people will stop lamenting their situations and believing that they'll never find him. Perhaps they've been looking in the wrong places all along. But you won't discover that until you have a clear understand of what you're seeking and what you have to offer as well. The game exists and thrives because of our ignorance. Knowledge is power. You needn't quit. Just choose the one worth owning you. Not the other way around. ~porcelaine

interlocutor -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 12:25:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people....... Maybe it sounds like that because your perspective is too narrow. I'm sure there are lots of men who think that woman are all crazy bitches. Who's right? Better yet, how does holding the idea "men are just pretty shitty people" affect your life? What is life like when, at minimum, half the people on the planet are "shitty people?" What might be a better idea?

AquaticSub -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 1:21:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Maybe because men, at least the ones I know, don't run around taking a bunch of pictures of each other so the only decent ones of themselves that they have are with other people. Yeah, but there's a whole bunch of guys that have series of photos of women...and he's not even in them. For the record I've never understood why you have a picture of someone else, when you're trying to sell yourself. I also don't understand the dick shots, the pictures of all the toys, pictures of cars (bikes, houses, boats), drawing/pictures stolen from feitish websites and pictures depicting somesort of romantic poetry. Maybe he took the pictures and he happens to think they are artistic - regardless of what anyone else thinks. Who knows unless you ask? Certainly sitting here and ripping these guys to shreds isn't going to get you any answers. At this point, I'd take the guy with the pictures over the folks calling strangers all sorts of names when they can't be bothered to just ask or go "eh... not my style" and move on.

realwhiteknight -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 1:40:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people....... quote: Maybe it sounds like that because your perspective is too narrow. I'm sure there are lots of men who think that woman are all crazy bitches. Who's right? Better yet, how does holding the idea "men are just pretty shitty people" affect your life? What is life like when, at minimum, half the people on the planet are "shitty people?" What might be a better idea? How does shitty equate with crazy? Crazy does no harm. As for how men being shitty people affect my life, well How would it affect your life if you thought that women were pretty shitty people overall? How do you think it affects us? In ways that all sorts of women respond. We give up and take ourselves out of the whole game. It's rigged from the getgo.

realwhiteknight -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 1:51:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine Betterment is a choice and she's already chosen to live in deference to him. Why bother changing what the other person will gladly accept in the name of submission? Dominance affords certain privileges. He needn't be fair nor right. On top of this he benefits from the constant wrangling among submissives/slaves and the intentional belittlement that is directed toward those that question, complain, or abdicate their role. The continual mind fucking from both sides is damnable. Somehow submission turned into taking whatever is thrown at me in a spirit of grace because I belong to him. And we debate that as well. Yes, there most certainly is the room for abuse of power in this dynamic...that's part of what gives the subs their power, because we get to be ultra picky in what we let in and allow power over us. Hence the constant attacks directed towards us on this website. quote: The game exists and thrives because of our ignorance. Knowledge is power. You needn't quit. Just choose the one worth owning you. Not the other way around. I swear you should be the Log Lady here Cryptic and wise words as usual- what exactly did you mean by "the one worth owning you?" You mean the one who is the best fit for who we are, rather than choosing the one we'd want to fit oursevles to? Or did you mean, know your worth?

porcelaine -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 2:16:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight Yes, there most certainly is the room for abuse of power in this dynamic...that's part of what gives the subs their power, because we get to be ultra picky in what we let in and allow power over us. Hence the constant attacks directed towards us on this website. Most submissives are not as picky as you might imagine. They buy the car before taking it out for a test drive. quote: I swear you should be the Log Lady here Cryptic and wise words as usual- what exactly did you mean by "the one worth owning you?" You mean the one who is the best fit for who we are, rather than choosing the one we'd want to fit oursevles to? Or did you mean, know your worth? I'll never lay it out completely. [:D] You've already grasped what I'm saying in your last comment. "We give up and take ourselves out of the whole game. It's rigged from the getgo." Of course it is! Now, how do you circumvent that to get your piece of the pie? ~porcelaine

SirsJewel -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 2:19:52 PM)
i have always asked why when a single dom has approached me who is the girl in the pic,and it's always oh shes an out sub or playmate. i wouldn't want to be one of the old ones on the profile,just saying ~ jewels

realwhiteknight -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 3:11:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight Yes, there most certainly is the room for abuse of power in this dynamic...that's part of what gives the subs their power, because we get to be ultra picky in what we let in and allow power over us. Hence the constant attacks directed towards us on this website. Most submissives are not as picky as you might imagine. They buy the car before taking it out for a test drive. quote: I swear you should be the Log Lady here Cryptic and wise words as usual- what exactly did you mean by "the one worth owning you?" You mean the one who is the best fit for who we are, rather than choosing the one we'd want to fit oursevles to? Or did you mean, know your worth? I'll never lay it out completely. [:D] You've already grasped what I'm saying in your last comment. "We give up and take ourselves out of the whole game. It's rigged from the getgo." Of course it is! Now, how do you circumvent that to get your piece of the pie? ~porcelaine Now if I knew that, I'd probably have had a serious relationship or 2 in my life! lol I think it's what you were mentioning before, don't enter it and force them to drop the mask..so that neither of us is playing the game, otherwise they get no attention. You place yourself above it all, you transcend it. Do you agree with this tactic (or non-tactic, as it were)? The only trouble I have is that, I've never actually done anything but this and it's never worked, I am just alone all the time anyway. Its not as if my special-ness or higher drive towards intimacy or higher moral standards are being responded to by anyone. [:o][>:] We'll see if the midwest is any different. [;)] I'm hoping men treat women better there, from what I've seen, they do

dragon200070 -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 3:41:36 PM)
My guess is they want to impress you. There are so many false ones out there that we all feel like we need to impress. Ego is not confined to subs, I guess. Jeff

interlocutor -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/27/2010 5:08:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people....... quote: Maybe it sounds like that because your perspective is too narrow. I'm sure there are lots of men who think that woman are all crazy bitches. Who's right? Better yet, how does holding the idea "men are just pretty shitty people" affect your life? What is life like when, at minimum, half the people on the planet are "shitty people?" What might be a better idea? How does shitty equate with crazy? Crazy does no harm. As for how men being shitty people affect my life, well How would it affect your life if you thought that women were pretty shitty people overall? How do you think it affects us? In ways that all sorts of women respond. We give up and take ourselves out of the whole game. It's rigged from the getgo. Well I said crazy bitches and bitches are shitty people IMO, but that was not my point. I asked you how THE IDEA that men were shitty people affects your life. I don't think women are pretty shitty people overall because that IS NOT A USEFUL IDEA to hold on to. It isn't true and it doesn't make things better to live my life as if it were true. My point was to suggest that you CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE. Try to look at it in a different way. Imagine another point of view. See if you could find a more useful way to see a world. Wouldn't you rather live in a world where you can potentially find a person to be happy with? How could you find that person if you have a world view that doesn't include the existence of such a person? I tried to make this point because you responded to the the idea that "you can't change a man" with the IDEA that "men are shitty no matter what." I'm trying to suggest that the instead of changing men MAYBE it would be helpful to try and understand some men.

Twoshoes -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 1:15:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight It'd be soooo awesome to be a man. Is that anti-feminist to say? I don't care. I hate being a woman. Luckily, I've stopped dating and went celibate. It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people....... Even if a man or multiple men from your family or romantic life have somehow created feelings of distrust and unhappiness, it isn't fair to you or anyone you meet to translate these feelings onto others. You pretty much end up making only yourself unhappy. You really want to let one asshole (my guess is your father) make you hate all men forever? Plus you hate yourself too... You could go listen to an EDM version of California Dreamin' and get a bunch of cats to live with you. Or you could ask a therapist to help you sort it out. I appreciate your idealistic/dreamer personality and I can relate to this; however, you don't need someone to be absolutely perfect to be happy with them. If they cover some of your needs and preferably the ones you find important, you will be perfectly happy to reciprocate. (By needs I mean things like recreational activities, admiration, affection, sex, domestic support, conversation, attractiveness, etc). Arranged marriages work when people try to do all these things from the get-go. That being said, I'd go ahead and pick whoever you think compliments you well => less conflict resolution and more goooood times.

Twoshoes -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 3:15:44 AM)
Now that I've established I can spell: Generalizations are a good way to get people to argue with you, but not very effective when making a point. (<=Notice the irony) I'm a guy. I like cars, boats, bikes, rockets, airplanes and wind turbines, etc. Posting a picture for a hobby ... maybe. But cars can be damn sexy. The engine growls at you and the brakes shriek. Heck the curves can be masculine (wide with hard edges) and it still counts as sexy. [8D] I don't get how mowing the lawn, feeling secure or massages are sexy ... but knowledge is power. Free advice: If some guy is telling you he likes supercars, you can either write it off as him being an immature and is trying to feed his ego (which would probably be true) or just put on a red/back dress and cover the stick shift with it (contrast the color of the dress with the car). [:D]Anyway, I'm not sure car fetish is legit, but telling someone how to play with themselves while also focusing on driving a car is pretty fun. Some women like to bitch about sports, cars, etc. Guys complain about how much their partner spends on clothes, shoes and time on makeup. Sympathy for bonding purposes. I sure don't want to be the guy who doesn't have this problem.. I find it really strange that women get offended by pictures of penises. Anyway, I just assume to go with good manners for the most part. There's no point eliminating people over stupid things like that. After all, said women are not going to have anything against our penises eventually, right? (Hopefully.) Even a careful approach can still go wrong. Teaching someone to play pool makes it super easy to flirt and give an impression that you = fun + know how to direct. But if you are with a porcelaine type person and you don't know she wants an honest and direct conversation right away... Or you could invite someone for coffee/dinner (which is more or less a job interview) the woman might not end up feeling a deep enough attraction/chemistry. [&:] On a final note, don't forget some people here are INTO exhibitionism and even get turned on by jealousy.

texangael -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 7:05:15 AM)
quote: A thoughtful man knows this, and realizes that he must do what he can to avoid pissing off or scaring off any woman that he meets. Nonsense. A woman gets pissed off or not as suits her whimsy of the moment. The actions of the nearby males have little to do with it. The thoughtful male lets the woman have her passing moment of temper without complicating it with emotionalisms of his own.

texangael -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 7:10:56 AM)
quote: I also don't understand the dick shots, the pictures of all the toys, pictures of cars (bikes, houses, boats), drawing/pictures stolen from feitish websites and pictures depicting somesort of romantic poetry. And men don't understand shoes. It all evens out.

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