RE: Why do Doms...???? (Full Version)

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porcelaine -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 7:58:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

Now if I knew that, I'd probably have had a serious relationship or 2 in my life! lol I think it's what you were mentioning before, don't enter it and force them to drop the mask..so that neither of us is playing the game, otherwise they get no attention. You place yourself above it all, you transcend it. Do you agree with this tactic (or non-tactic, as it were)?


It is a game. He leads with his head. Oftentimes she is guided by her emotions instead. There are exceptions and I'm not suggesting that women don't use their head at all. But I do believe emotions can cloud their better judgment.

Here's the skinny...

It is in a man's nature to always trade up. That's why you get those weird remarks and emails from people that your sensible mind says shouldn't be writing you. He doesn't think that way and he will get the biggest bang for his buck partner wise whenever he can. Now obliviously if he's mentally, socially, or financially compromised there will be challenges. But even a nutter finds a girl. Just watch the True Crime Network and you'll see what I mean.

When he looks at a woman he's considering two things. How you fit with him and what you bring into the picture. He is always looking out for his interests. If he's looking at you it suggests that you may have something to offer or an attribute that he desires. Including the physical. I don't care if he sounds like a teddy bear. He's sizing you up.

You must be able to distinguish between what he says and what he really wants. Look back on those situations you mentioned before and determine if the two were well aligned or polar opposites. And pinpoint the propaganda you bought into. You may find that idea has been pervasive in other situations.

And I leave you with a question. Why would BDSM be beneficial for a man? Look at both roles, but zero in on the dominant. Compare your answer to the results of what you discovered in your personal relationships.

~porcelaine



texangael -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 4:55:30 PM)

quote:

It is in a man's nature to always trade up.

It is in a man's nature to find a good woman.

It is in a woman's nature to find a better man.

Guess which one is constantly dissatisfied?



porcelaine -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 5:47:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

It is in a man's nature to always trade up.

It is in a man's nature to find a good woman.

It is in a woman's nature to find a better man.

Guess which one is constantly dissatisfied?



The one that settles instead of going after what they really want.

~porcelaine



Firebirdseeking -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/28/2010 7:32:35 PM)

I actually agree with this Guy. Every word.



interlocutor -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 12:02:18 AM)

Every time I see the title of this thread the song pops into my head.

Why do bird... suddenly appear, every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, close to you.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 12:04:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

RS,

but if its an EX sub/slave, are they still considered their property? I thought the ending of a relationship negated the "my property" bit


Of course there as many interpretations of of relationship rules as there are people having relationships but, yes, typically property rights end when the relationship does.  Being poly, I didn't consider that perspective and presumed it was current slave photos.  I have no idea why a mono Dom would do that.



IronBear -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 2:43:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

RS,

but if its an EX sub/slave, are they still considered their property? I thought the ending of a relationship negated the "my property" bit



Of course there is the other reason which seems more logical.. Some people (both males and females) are by nature possessive and bad losers when the wheels of fortune turn against them and can't or just won't let go still believing that even apart, the other person belongs to them and thus refuses to allow that person to move on and have a life of their own.. My second wife was such a person.



texangael -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 6:30:51 AM)

quote:

The one that settles instead of going after what they really want.

People know what they really want?

Quaint thought.  Wrong, of course, but quaint.  A delightful fantasy to be sure.



thishereboi -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 7:08:49 AM)

quote:

Yeah, but there's a whole bunch of guys that have series of photos of women...and he's not even in them.

For the record I've never understood why you have a picture of someone else, when you're trying to sell yourself. I also don't understand the dick shots, the pictures of all the toys, pictures of cars (bikes, houses, boats), drawing/pictures stolen from feitish websites and pictures depicting somesort of romantic poetry.


Women can be just as bad. I logged on and was treated to another penis shot. Now considering it was a female profile, I am going to take a leap and assume it wasn't a self pic. So what is she trying to sell here? I suppose I should be thankful it wasn't the butt fucking shot, but still.



porcelaine -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 7:39:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

The one that settles instead of going after what they really want.

People know what they really want?

Quaint thought.  Wrong, of course, but quaint.  A delightful fantasy to be sure.


No more fantastical than the idea that everyone is clueless. Or the suggestion that one person's lack applies to the whole lot. Sorry, enter the exception. We exist.

~porcelaine



NuevaVida -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 7:55:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

The one that settles instead of going after what they really want.

People know what they really want?

Quaint thought.  Wrong, of course, but quaint.  A delightful fantasy to be sure.



It's called being self-aware.  When you're self aware, you know exactly what you want, and why.

As porcelaine says, we do exist.



NuevaVida -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 7:57:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: interlocutor

Every time I see the title of this thread the song pops into my head.

Why do bird... suddenly appear, every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, close to you.


LOL Just noticed this, and I have to admit, I think that, too.  Every time.



DesFIP -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/29/2010 8:29:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

The one that settles instead of going after what they really want.

People know what they really want?

Quaint thought.  Wrong, of course, but quaint.  A delightful fantasy to be sure.



And this folks, is why, back when I was looking I insisted on a man who had been through  therapy. So he had done the hardest work you can ever do, to find out what you need and what you can't handle in order to be happy with yourself and others.



texangael -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/30/2010 11:00:50 AM)

quote:

And this folks, is why, back when I was looking I insisted on a man who had been through therapy. So he had done the hardest work you can ever do, to find out what you need and what you can't handle in order to be happy with yourself and others.

There's no real work involved....just takes lots of living coupled with a small dose of learning. Therapy is one way to realize that (just expensive and problematic), or one can just be willing to grow and evolve.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/30/2010 11:43:14 AM)

Having been on the "end" of having a video taken of me without my knowledge and then posted somewhere on the internet when he left me was not anything I ever considered would happen with someone I'd trusted, much to my huge ass mistake. Also having let someone take pics of me, promised they'd be kept between us and then being advised by others he was passing them around to other subs, some friends, was devastating. Never ever again will pics or video be taken. My Dom understands this as I made sure to tell him the whys and wherefores of any photography being taken and told him what happened. He is in complete agreement with me and knows this is a hard limit for me.

As to why men do it? It's simple really, cuz they can and know that most of the time they'll get away with it.

'Nuff said.



MasterSeveryn -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/31/2010 1:17:25 PM)

simple answer.
He wants to see how you will react to Him being/commanding/Owning other female slaves.
Part of is a test to see if you will go with it and be ok with his 'poly' ways, or if you will be a difficult slave and let your mind/heart get in the way of what HE WANTS.
Cause being a DOM is all about doing what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants.
If he's going to have to worry about a sub/slave who can't handle that he wants multiple females to play with, he might as well go into the vanilla dating world..



AquaticSub -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/31/2010 2:28:02 PM)

~Fast Reply~

I have the answer to this question. I have realized it after hours of mediation. To answer to why doms do this is... *drumroll*


Cause they want to. So they do it.



WyldHrt -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/31/2010 2:43:55 PM)

quote:

Part of is a test to see if you will go with it and be ok with his 'poly' ways, or if you will be a difficult slave and let your mind/heart get in the way of what HE WANTS.
Cause being a DOM is all about doing what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants.
If he's going to have to worry about a sub/slave who can't handle that he wants multiple females to play with, he might as well go into the vanilla dating world..

[8|][8|][8|]
Uh, yeah. Go with that, Sparky.



Musicmystery -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/31/2010 4:38:37 PM)

quote:


The one that settles instead of going after what they really want.


The people that think that, though, get to sit around alone feeling self-righteous and telling themselves it's not them.

To each their own.


quote:

People know what they really want?

Quaint thought.  Wrong, of course, but quaint.  A delightful fantasy to be sure.


Yup. Dead on.

Along with "there's just one perfect person for everyone" and "we're all created equal."




porcelaine -> RE: Why do Doms...???? (7/31/2010 5:13:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

The people that think that, though, get to sit around alone feeling self-righteous and telling themselves it's not them.

To each their own.


What's self righteous about knowing what you want? Or is it an "issue" if the person doesn't want you back?


quote:

People know what they really want?

Along with "there's just one perfect person for everyone" and "we're all created equal."


There's quite a few that would argue they found their slice of perfection. I think it really helps if you have some idea what that looks like.

~porcelaine



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