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Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 8:44:39 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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i mostly get emails from sex addicts. (i get those emails regardless of what my profile says.) Guys who want me to wank off with them after we've talked for 2 minutes. Doms demanding naked pictures of strangers. People who spend their entire work day on collarme or yahoo. It makes me sad. i know i'm on here a lot, but even i have a life, and a job that does not involve viewing porn all day, or keeping someone naked under my desk. i realise that for many of these men (and it's usually men), that BDSM is a form of addiction. i also realise that that's not the case for everyone.

For my part, i think BDSM is a craving that comes and goes. When i'm in a relationship, or just crushing on someone, that craving becomes like an obsession. i almost can't think of anything else. But i'm new to this, and i've never had a BDSM relationship that lasted very long. Maybe if it had lasted, the craving would have diminished. As it was, breaking up with my Dom, or being rejected by a potential one, was devastating. It was like going into withdrawal. i think it's safe to say that by that point, what i was feeling was akin to addiction.

But now, being happy and single, i don't feel that same craving at all. I don't need BDSM. i could take it or leave it. Then, when i'm miserable, stressed out, or when people are mean to me, the craving comes back, like an itch that just needs to be scratched. So, for me, BDSM is a craving or addiction that's brought on by specific people or circumstances, but one that i don't feel the rest of the time. i guess i'm like the recovering alcoholic who goes for long periods of time without drinking but once he starts, he's a goner.

Do you feel that you're addicted to BDSM? Not at all, intermittently, or all the time? Does it matter who you're with, what your mental status is, whether you're happy, sad, or stressed out? How often do you get turned on? If you're in a relationship, how often is the sex vanilla? How often are your fantasies? If you had to choose between someone you loved and someone who fulfilled your kink, which would you choose? And anything else you want to say...

P.S. i'm not asking whether it is ADDICTIVE. That was another thread. i'm asking whether you feel addicted.
pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/26/2010 8:48:33 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:05:39 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Do you feel that you're addicted to BDSM?

No, I am not addicted to BDSM. If I were I would be having a lot of casual encounters to feed that part of me, and I don't. I enjoy a good beating, etc, but I can live without that quite happily. D/s is a relationship structure in my mind, and not just about sexuality. I need that in my relationship, and will not have a relationship without it... but addiction? Nope, that is like saying I am addicted to smart men because I won't date anything but.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 2

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:12:48 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I'm not addicted but part of BDSM feeds the artist in me, part feeds the sadist in me, another part feeds the want to learn new things and yet another part feeds the joy in watching subs and slaves being Dominated/Mastered. The need and desire to Master is fed by my chosen Lifestyle or for those who detest that phrase my life choice.

However many things in life have their addictive qualities which have no place in BDSM or Kink. You may allow them to control and thgus use you or... You may choose to control yourself and life and enjoy these things. As always the choice is yours.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:16:21 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm not exactly addicted to it, but I don't feel quite complete without it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 4

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:17:45 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I'm addicted to him and the way he makes me feel.
I'm addicted to the look in his eyes when he does those things to me.
It took me a few years of exploring this with others to realize that it's not having things done to me that I crave, but it's him.
He has ruined me for any other. Good thing I'm completely in love with him.

I am a complete romantic mush...

_____________________________

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 5

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:18:22 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

i feel that way about chocolate.

pam

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:20:29 PM

nancygirl34652

Posts: 291
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

physically addicted? no

it is more of an emotional/soulful need.....but when not in a relationship that feeds those needs and in turn feed the needs of Another, i am quite capable of living my life and going about my business...not jonesing for another fix.

but damn, i love it!!! lol

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 7

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:21:09 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I've said it many times on these boards. I can, and have walked away from BDSM. It isn't a need to Me in any way, shape, or form. I am happy with it, especially stretching My sadistic legs. If I chose to give it up tomorrow, it really wouldn't effect Me much. However, that isn't My preference and I don't expect to be doing so anytime soon.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 8

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:23:45 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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Do you crave the kink, or the person?

pam

(in reply to nancygirl34652)

Post #: 9

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:27:17 PM

realwhiteknight

Posts: 428
Joined: 7/13/2010
Status: offline

I've always fantasized about it since I was a kid, but..I don't really feel it anymore...I guess I have the opposite of addiction. I don't have a sexual desire at all anymore. Thank god because it just got me into trouble with jerks

Hmm...I wonder why I'm on this site then? I guess to meet someone who could rekindle something in me I've always been looking for but gave up on...can't hurt right?

_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 10

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:27:55 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I really do need to make the time in a couple of years LP to bring Neets and make a coffee date with you.. You are a Lady in every sense of the word.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:28:28 PM

nancygirl34652

Posts: 291
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

i crave the person....dominant, self-confident, enjoying the same kinks as i do...but for me it is more the serving...making everyday life comfortable and enjoyable...and being obedient and pleasing to him...i know in black and white it sounds/looks so cliche...but i think i am a bit June Ward....but i would have a corset and fishnet stockings on under the pretty cotton dress..lol...i need authority...plain and simple..on all levels...so the person is definitely more important than the kink...hope that explained it

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 12

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:29:18 PM

Maculate

Posts: 35
Joined: 7/8/2010
Status: offline

I don't feel I'm addicted, but I do LOVE sex of all kinds.

But I sort of seen what you are talking about. I have had a few people demand photos through the site. When I explain to them that I am willing to share photos after getting to know one another, and obtaining permission from Master, they drop the conversation quickly and that is that. These are people who say they want to talk and all, but once photos are not going to happen instantly they are done with the situation. It sort of hurt my feelings at first, but then my Master assured me that these people are not worth my wonderful time since they will not give me a bit of theirs. These people remind me of all the chatroom trolls that constantly try to convince one to get on a webcam and badger you into cyber sex.

I'm always horny and thinking about sex, masturbating very frequently no matter how often we have sex. Sexual fantasies sort of float in and out of my head as quickly as taking a breathe. It does effect my mood from time to time as I am very impatient about things like this. But I think, if I was addicted, that I would be trying to get that satisfaction from all the other willing parties. But I do not, as I enjoy all the times I spend with Master. Sometimes we have vanilla sex and sometimes it is rather wild and full of terribly wonderful things! Hee hee! So MAYBE borderline addict, ha ha ha.

(In reply to OP, I cannot seem to get the "in reply to juliaoceania part off, sorry.)

< Message edited by Maculate -- 7/26/2010 9:35:06 PM >

_____________________________

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:30:12 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Do you feel that you're addicted to BDSM?

No, not at all.

quote:

Does it matter who you're with, what your mental status is, whether you're happy, sad, or stressed out?

It very much matters who I am with. I decided awhile back that I would only play and have sex with someone I was in a relationship with. Now I am owned by a man who loves me and who I'm totally in love with, in return. I love BDSM activities with him. I can not imagine partaking in them with someone else. And no, with him it does not matter what my mental state is - He decides when we "play" and I enjoy it, regardless of when it is.

quote:

How often do you get turned on?

Um, with him...pretty much always? LOL

quote:

If you're in a relationship, how often is the sex vanilla?

I don't see our sex as "vanilla" because within an M/s relationship, I really don't know what vanilla sex is. He decides when, where and how. Sometimes there are BDSM activities mixed in, and sometimes not. But he's always in control of it, so it's not vanilla.

quote:

How often are your fantasies?

About what? BDSM? I really couldn't say. A lot.

quote:

If you had to choose between someone you loved and someone who fulfilled your kink, which would you choose?

A loving relationship in which he is in charge is what floats my boat. Whether or not there are "kinky" activities in it falls farther down the list.

quote:

And anything else you want to say...

Sure, I'll share. I'm in a relationship now with a man who loves the hell out of me, which is a first for me. It's the first time in my life that I feel emotionally safe. He holds back, BDSM-wise, and in sharing with him my desire for more, he explained that, due to some things I've experienced in the past, he's not sure it's emotionally safe for me right now. He said he needs to be careful, and wants to be careful, and we'll get there, but slowly. To both of us, the relationship is far more important than the physical experiences within it. We have both been through the ringer a time or two, and have created different values as a result.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 14

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:43:49 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

If you love someone, do you consider that an addiction?

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/26/2010 9:46:02 PM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 15

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:48:15 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

If you love someone, do you consider that an addiction?

pam

No

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 16

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:48:32 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

If you love someone, do you consider that an addiction?

pam

No. I can get through days without him, I can even function without him if he were to go away. I suppose some people can be addicted to what they believe love is. I am not.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 17

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:49:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I really do need to make the time in a couple of years LP to bring Neets and make a coffee date with you.. You are a Lady in every sense of the word.

I would definitely enjoy that, IB. I'm sure we would have a wonderful time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 18

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:53:28 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I've said it many times on these boards. I can, and have walked away from BDSM. It isn't a need to Me in any way, shape, or form. I am happy with it, especially stretching My sadistic(maso) legs. If I chose to give it up tomorrow, it really wouldn't effect Me much. However, that isn't My preference and I don't expect to be doing so anytime soon.

This.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: Is BDSM an addiction for you? - 7/26/2010 9:58:38 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

When i say i'm addicted, i mean addicted to the person, not the sex. Our relationship becomes a BDSM relationship, because i am devoted to Him, want to serve Him, want to make sacrifices for Him, and want to make Him happy. Often, this person won't even know that i feel this way. Often, we won't even have a "relationship" to speak of. But it is BDSM because it inspires these feelings of devotion in me. i become addicted to pleasing this person.

pam

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 20

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