RE: how can you recognize a male sub?!

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RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/28/2010 3:12:56 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

mezrabs,

quote:

i respect all your answers but someone tell me that she can know subs by looking in their eyes and that a sub cant look directly in the eyes of a dominant woman and i really try and believe me it is true so what you think

Welcome to the forums mezrabs. Regrading your statement above, it simply isn't the case. There is no way to tell a submissive or dominant by looking at them. Now, true enough, if the person does something (via dress, body language, or communication), you may be able to tell, but for the most part the person bagging your groceries, or managing your bank, or volunteering to help bring food and medicine to third world countries, or... could be vanilla, submissive, dominant, switchy, etc. There is no way to tell.

Edited to add: Here's something else to consider. You might go to a BDSM event and see someone whipping another person tied to a cross. The cross bearer is crying out as the strokes become more intense. It's tempting to think the person doing the whipping is dominant and the person receiving/crying out is submissive. You could be very wrong if you made such an assumption. It may be the case that a dominant has asked their good friend to let them (the dominant) feel the whip. The friend might be submissive, a switch, dominant, a top, a bottom, or some other kinky identity. There is no way to tell from outward appearance and actions. It's the inner personages and agreements between the people that count, and on sight you cannot determine this.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/28/2010 3:19:15 PM >

(in reply to mezrabs)

Post #: 21

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/28/2010 3:48:52 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voodali

Do we have an elaborate flagging system that I don't know of ? If so, someone please inform me.

Anyone waving a white flag, is surrendering to you Ma`am.

This is an interesting question, and one I asked in reverse with my very first CM post. I think you are right and submissive men use more subtle ways, such as commenting on clothing.

(in reply to Voodali)

Post #: 22

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 3:18:43 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

Hm, maybe I should have checked back on that thread, wherever it is, to see if you posted some pic of a bracelet, Peon.

Purple seems to be the chosen color and I wonder how some males will feel about that. Will it be considered girlie? I'm fond of the idea of a nice chain bracelet, guy style, like my son is wearing (his is silver).

As for a Domme's bracelet...yes, I would definitely have the BRASS to wear one if it were chain and I could add charms to it...like a little flogger, handcuffies, stuff like that, lol.

Or, maybe some almost Italian style charms (flat squares even) in the middle that have color codes or something . Or beadwork. Small beads...hm...I could do that myself.

Color blocks of beads that have some meaning?
white                      rope bondage
pink                        spanks, OTK
brown                    anal play (laughs and hides over that one)
yellow                    golden shower or toilet slave
red                          heavy sadism/masochism
royal blue              floggers
silver/grey            handcuffs, chains, ?
green                     foot fetish, shoe or boot fetish
gold                        emotional power exchange
orange                   CBT

This is just me thinking out loud...and what makes y'all think I already bought a bunch of seed beads and something to weave bracelets on, huh huh huh?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To the OP.
There are a lot of reasons why some men will not meet a woman's eyes. Shyness is one, aversion might be another, his wife or girlfriend in the near vicinity...maybe. There are a lot of people affected in this country with autism, even if it's only that one that sounds like "ass burger" (I cannot spell tonight and do not even want to attempt it), and this makes a lot of people have difficulty with direct eye contact.

With some cultures, decent, obedient women are expected to. Years ago I had a huge problem with eye contact (due to PTSD), so being blonde and having my eyes lowered around males made me popular with the hispanic guys where I lived in California.  I was treated like a sweet little sister surrounded by big brothers and this was wonderful...gave me such feelings of safety that I couldn't feel in other ethnic groups.  The hispanic guys who wanted to date me were gentlemen, not like the asshats in WV...mostly husbands of my female friends.

What I am trying to say is that lowered eyes can be a cultural thing, from shyness, from autism or something, from PTSD, from many things. Maybe a male sub is owned and his Domme will not allow him to look directly at other women. Would the lowering of eyes in my presence make me walk up to the man and assume he is an unowned sub? Nope.

A distinctive wrist chain...hm...I would probably make a comment and look him over. I would consider dragging him into my circle of friends, as we have something in common.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 23

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 10:09:05 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I make a lot of eye contact. Funny, but the male DOMS are the ones that lower their eyes. Go figure!

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Post #: 24

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 1:43:42 PM

SaintAllie

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It's trivial. Look at the sub's genitals and you can see whether the sub is male or not.

OK, that's fine in places where people are still running around with spears and bows with their goolies hanging out, Steven - but how does it help those of us who live outside North America?

LMAO!

_____________________________

........"I am determined to press onward through my fears. When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." ---Audre Lorde

Keep NZ nuclear free..

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 25

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 3:17:34 PM

Chrisincuffs

Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline

I cracked up at the Goolies thing too! hahaha
I have to say for a first post this is a great thread to begin with.
I've found this difficult as well. I seek out women mainly but still, as far as meeting someone on the street and trying to figure out what they're into is near impossible. I don't think it's any different than vanilla relationships, though. Unless someone is outwardly homosexual you don't know until you get to know them, the same goes for BDSM I think. Unless they are outwardly displaying their preferences you just have to get to know them better.
We all need to wear t-shirts that list everything we look for I guess

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to SaintAllie)

Post #: 26

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 4:53:28 PM

Ambyant

Posts: 194
Joined: 4/22/2008
From: California Girl
Status: offline

Purple rubber wrist bands might be fine for every day identification, and I'd like to mention the use of leather, suede cuffs, with D-rings. Very attractive, totally sparked Me when My (now) Primary met Me at our first play party.
Attitude is nearly everything!
TH OP is askign if a Dominant can tell if a male is a submissive by just looking at him. I think not, there has to be some interaction, body language alone is not clear, blushing might be a good indicator, and the size of the pupils when not on drugs..
I have discovered a few shy males to be longingly submissive but that comes with actual communication if the sub doesn't tip his hand by his actions.
Always the best Diva~Zya

< Message edited by Ambyant -- 7/29/2010 4:55:28 PM >

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~ If a little knowledge is dangerous, I'm a very dangerous Girl ~

Diva Zya had to start all over again
damn password changes!

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Post #: 27

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 5:09:12 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Here's my first effort. Bought some purple ribbon and stuck it to a piece of A4 before printing on the ribbon. The finished article gets stitched or glued onto a piece of velcro that'll act as an adjustable strap. OK, not the most inspired design, but at least the ink takes on the ribbon. Guess it'll need fixing with one of those stationery sprays later.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 7/29/2010 5:10:47 PM >

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Post #: 28

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 5:21:54 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Damn - won't work . . . .

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 7/29/2010 5:25:21 PM >

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Post #: 29

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 5:24:58 PM

GambitLeBeau

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Lancashire, UK
Status: offline

As a sub, I'd not lower my eyes, but give a wry smile. The confidence of a woman looking into my eyes is attractive to me, and just because I'm submissive, doesn't mean I'm gonna play my hand immediately, as it were.

(in reply to Ambyant)

Post #: 30

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 5:30:36 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Third time lucky . . . .

Attachment (1)

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Post #: 31

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 5:40:33 PM

GambitLeBeau

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Lancashire, UK
Status: offline

Hah, nice. Dunno if I'd have the gall to wear that in public though!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 32

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 5:49:08 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
This is just me thinking out loud...and what makes y'all think I already bought a bunch of seed beads and something to weave bracelets on, huh huh huh?

It seems you have given this a great deal of thought. Fantastic ideas!
So just when will they be available for purchase?

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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 33

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 6:02:15 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

PeonForHer,

You wrote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

That might work for Dommes, who are female and therefore don't leave the house without thousands of bits and pieces attached to themselves, but what about sub-males? I guess I could walk around only in the sackcloth-and-string 'skirt' I wear at BDSM venues, but that'd get a bit nippy in winter.

A submissive man can give off energy as well as do things to cause a Dominant's radar to tingle. A slave man has even more traits, to which may be considered extremely old fashioned and that is called -- "manners."

Ladies and Gentlemen who are submissive / slave and or servant types -- behave in a rare and most welcomed style of kindness and consideration. The way a person dresses also gives clues and, neatness counts. If they dress like a slob so often, their submission/slavery is sloppy. Some may like that however, I admit I am extremely old fashioned and very out of date. However, in public or private--when I am around Ladies and Gentlemen--the experience is wonderful and unforgetable.

If one doesn't know how to behave -- look at how our military behaves around officers of a higher rank. It takes strength and power to show submissive/servant like behaviors. And, most military officers will tell you their strength is fed by those of a lesser rank's respect shown and their daily gifts to our Nation's freedom.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 34

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 6:06:39 PM

Ambyant

Posts: 194
Joined: 4/22/2008
From: California Girl
Status: offline

you could seriously make some small cash by merchandizing those.. different sizes too, I think -
. . . that is a -wrist- wrapped with purple band? *laughies*

_____________________________

~ If a little knowledge is dangerous, I'm a very dangerous Girl ~

Diva Zya had to start all over again
damn password changes!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 35

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 6:22:49 PM

LdyyR

Posts: 160
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ambyant

you could seriously make some small cash by merchandizing those.. different sizes too, I think -
. . . that is a -wrist- wrapped with purple band? *laughies*

Agree, that's a nice little wrist band.

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Rosa

(in reply to Ambyant)

Post #: 36

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 6:48:48 PM

Chrisincuffs

Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline

Put em on ebay peon!

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to LdyyR)

Post #: 37

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 7:03:10 PM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Here's my first effort. Bought some purple ribbon and stuck it to a piece of A4 before printing on the ribbon. The finished article gets stitched or glued onto a piece of velcro that'll act as an adjustable strap. OK, not the most inspired design, but at least the ink takes on the ribbon. Guess it'll need fixing with one of those stationery sprays later.

hm, combine that with a d-ring (as ambyant suggested) to loop through prior to velcro if you like. just that lil bit more subtlety?

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flightless cherub

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 38

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 7:29:55 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mezrabs

hi mistress
please i want to know can a dominant woman recognizea male sub and how can she , and please if any one of you did that before ?
please share your experiance
it is my first thread

I'll ask him pointedly. Guessing and relying on other embellishments are merely assumptions and might be nothing more than fashion statements. If I find him appealing we'll have a conversation and go from there. I watch his body language and listen for his answer. Simple and effective.

~porcelaine

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Post #: 39

RE: how can you recognize a male sub?! - 7/29/2010 7:35:49 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Third time lucky . . . .

makes toddleresque grabby hands
Well done!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 40

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