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When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 4:58:06 AM   
Nehemiah


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		Sometimes I get the feeling of leaving the scene. I've pushed my limits when it comes to BDSM. I've tried a broad range of activities. Maybe I just want to settle down with one special person and go vanilla. I don't know.

Anyone else ever get this feeling?
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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 4:59:51 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		settle down with a special person? Hell yes!

Go vanilla? Hell no!

Although I don't need 'the scene' to have my maso-sub itch scratched, just one person

eta: For me, vanilla means no pain play, no D/s...YMMV

< Message edited by myotherself -- 7/30/2010 5:41:50 AM >

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 8:35:55 AM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		Nehemiah -

You said something in an earlier thread about having an extremely short limits list. Maybe you should try expanding that list a bit until you're not feeling quite so pushed to the edges of your kink? I don't think you necessarily need to quit cold turkey - it could be enough to just settle down the hardcore for a while and spend more energy on the non-sexual side of a relationship, while still keeping in the easier bits of what you enjoy sexually.

I actually threaten to stop doing D/s about every other month, and it's always after I've pushed the edges of a limit too hard and I don't feel great about some aspect of that. Give yourself a break by going milder, perhaps, but don't punish yourself by taking away everything you enjoy in bed.

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 8:43:18 AM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I don't really ever feel the need to leave the scene or BDSM. If I get burned out, stressed or bored, I just focus on something else in my life and (beyond my relationship with Val) I keep kink and all in the background. I'm not "going vanilla", it just doesn't always have to be in the foreground of my life.

Edited to add - this is Aqua. Val left himself signed in on my computer. Silly menfolk....

< Message edited by Valyraen -- 7/30/2010 8:44:43 AM >

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 8:45:32 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Maybe just stop living your life as if it revolves around bdsm??

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 8:52:01 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Maybe just stop living your life as if it revolves around bdsm??


This. And what Aqua said.

Kink is but a facet among many in my life. If I haven't a person to get kinky with I am still loving life. Nothing to specifically 'leave'.



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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 8:54:00 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

Sometimes I get the feeling of leaving the scene. I've pushed my limits when it comes to BDSM. I've tried a broad range of activities. Maybe I just want to settle down with one special person and go vanilla. I don't know.

Anyone else ever get this feeling?


I don't define the scene in the manner you've described. When I'm not active in the scene it means I haven't been participating in the BDSM community in itself. I'm on hiatus and have no desire to engage with local groups or attend events. I view that as markedly different from a cease fire on the relationship front. I think most people have a time out unless they're the sort that don't enjoy being unattached.

~porcelaine


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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 9:42:08 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't scene with others. I'm not interested in public play. But you can settle down with one special person and just enjoy having fun together.

Not to mention that for those interested you can add D/s instead of doing just kink.


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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 9:47:06 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

Sometimes I get the feeling of leaving the scene. I've pushed my limits when it comes to BDSM. I've tried a broad range of activities. Maybe I just want to settle down with one special person and go vanilla. I don't know.

Anyone else ever get this feeling?



Yes I have gotten that feeling in the past, but it's more due to a frustration with issues revolving around Dominant partners. If you are an intensity player, you will peak out at some point and not get that thrill of pushing and trying new things. I do get that as well at times. However, if you are very careful in your choices of that "one special person" I think you will find they are no different than a vanilla partner in their ability to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 9:51:19 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I had a beer last night with an internet prick and a cunt.

It was decided and declared we are not part of the scene.

It simplifies everything.

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 9:57:23 AM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		I've gone back and forth in the past with going vanilla. Absence makes the heart grow fonder very quickly for me. It always ended up the same way too, I would want to push limits in that relationship and they wouldn't want to. I'd grow bored immediately and people ended up getting hurt emotionally.
There's nothing wrong with taking a break from BDSM. Just don't try to deny your pleasures when you want to go back, it never ends up good

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 10:05:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Leaving the scene is one of those things that I would suggest that you take a very good look at within yourself and know yourself.  The question that you need to ask is, how much does it really mean to you?

I've left the scene before.  I'm one of those who can give up active participation and it doesn't matter a lot to Me.  My happiness doesn't hinge on it.  I'd be just as happy in My marriage with it or without it.

At the same time, I know that everyone doesn't see it that way.  They honestly wouldn't be happy if there wasn't BDSM or an authority dynamic included with the partner in their lives.  They would not be as satisfied with 'vanilla sex' until the end of their days.

In My opinion, anybody who is looking to either get in or get out of all of this would serve their own best interests knowing which group they belong to before including anybody else.  What I'm saying here is, don't make this big decision to leave wiitwd all behind you, take up with a vanilla partner, and then later realize that you crave BDSM in your life.  It isn't fair to the person in your life to 'experiment' being a vanilla person.  That's a little too much 'bait and switch' type to Me. 


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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 10:21:49 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		No... but then I have not been pushed to my limits very often. The one occasion that I was showed me something about me, that there is this small little corner of my psyche that is fed by that, hopefully no one will ever tap that too deeply

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 10:32:04 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
Settle down with a special person? Hell yes!

Go vanilla? Hell no!


This is me, too.

I didn't find a place where "settling down" seemed desirable until I explored D/s relationships and saw that this is something I could truly be happy in. For me, "vanilla partner" and "settling down" are incompatible, as I have non-vanilla needs that couldn't be satisfied by someone vanilla.



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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 10:40:43 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		kink is in my DNA

BadOne

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 10:58:49 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		As Plato quoted Socrates, "first know thyself."

Fulfillment arises in the exact place you feel it, your very own heart (center of feelings).
The issue is not what you do, but how you are when you do it.

While certain things may resonate with the feeling and inspire it, fulfillment does not come from ever more extreme BDSM activities any more than it comes from "vanilla" activities.


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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 11:10:56 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		If you think you are bored with your BDSM activities, vanilla will make you want to jump off a bridge.

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 11:36:00 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

If you think you are bored with your BDSM activities, vanilla will make you want to jump off a bridge.


Not necessarily.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 11:45:06 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		If I had to bet, I would go that way.  There are about a zillion strip clubs, pro dommes, escorts, etc. whose client lists are bulging with guys who are married to vanilla-ish women.  These guys are bored to tears with the mommy haircuts and sensible shoes and conventional, infrequent sex.

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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 11:50:16 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Well honestly, Kal, not every marriage is soccer moms and infrequent sex.

I am not a vanilla person. I am not sure that I have EVER had vanilla sex. Could I leave the "scene"? I have, for longish periods. I prefer to NOT have authority dynamics with my primary partner. There are plenty of real life opportunities for me to be large and in charge.

Still, I am a sadist. I could pack up my toys, but I would really miss being able to let it all out now and again.

JEFFFFF----are you implying that you went out with AYNNE?? Because you are LYING!

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