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RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 11:54:58 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

If I had to bet, I would go that way. There are about a zillion strip clubs, pro dommes, escorts, etc. whose client lists are bulging with guys who are married to vanilla-ish women. These guys are bored to tears with the mommy haircuts and sensible shoes and conventional, infrequent sex.

But Kal, you are assuming that non scene means the things I bolded above. Most vanilla hetro women do not fit that category either. No more than a scene oriented, kinky woman lives her scene stuff 24/7.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 21

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 12:39:29 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

If I had to bet, I would go that way. There are about a zillion strip clubs, pro dommes, escorts, etc. whose client lists are bulging with guys who are married to vanilla-ish women. These guys are bored to tears with the mommy haircuts and sensible shoes and conventional, infrequent sex.

If you think this is how all women who are not into "bdsm" live their lives you've been watching too much Dr. Phil.

Maybe try to get out and date more? Meet more people in real life??

I get really annoyed when people think that all "vanilla" consists of this. <shakes head again>

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 22

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 1:18:25 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

If I had to bet, I would go that way. There are about a zillion strip clubs, pro dommes, escorts, etc. whose client lists are bulging with guys who are married to vanilla-ish women. These guys are bored to tears with the mommy haircuts and sensible shoes and conventional, infrequent sex.

Because all vanilla women have "mommy haircuts, sensible shoes and conventional, infrequent sex".

It never fails to amaze me how poorly kink-folk think of vanilla-folk and then they wonder why kinky folk aren't received better.

Vanilla does not mean boring or unsexy. Just as kinky does not mean insane and dangerous.

_____________________________

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(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 23

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 1:23:34 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

If you think you are bored with your BDSM activities, vanilla will make you want to jump off a bridge.

Not if its done right!

If he comes to a vanilla phase because it feels right and good for him to be vanilla, if it feels like a natural progression rather than contrived: then he's being an authentic person- true to himself.

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Post #: 24

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 1:58:20 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

If I had to bet, I would go that way. There are about a zillion strip clubs, pro dommes, escorts, etc. whose client lists are bulging with guys who are married to vanilla-ish women. These guys are bored to tears with the mommy haircuts and sensible shoes and conventional, infrequent sex.

If you think this is how all women who are not into "bdsm" live their lives you've been watching too much Dr. Phil.

Maybe try to get out and date more? Meet more people in real life??

I get really annoyed when people think that all "vanilla" consists of this. <shakes head again>

Agreed. The whole vanilla is worse mentality is just ridiculous. I've been perfectly content with vanilla relationships with wonderful men. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, we are not special because of kink.

If that's what makes you happy Nehemiah, go for it. I think you can have your cake and eat it too though, if you are selective about the cake.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/30/2010 1:59:36 PM >

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Post #: 25

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 2:06:10 PM

Nehemiah

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I am one of those who lets things get out of control. When I was working, I would sometimes work 84 to 112 hours a week and I loved it. When I was dating and involved in non-kink sex, I was dating and having sex with multiple partners (I am poly, so they all knew each other), and now that I'm involved in kink, it seems like the numbers of women I'm involved with is getting a little out of control.

I don't think I'm a workaholic or sexaholic. I don't feel a need to work 112 hours a week any longer. And I'm not sexually involved as I used to be, unless kink is considered sex. I think maybe I just have a personality that tends to make me overindulge. I need to learn to control that feeling of jumping into things full-force and pushing myself as I do.

That's why I was thinking if I go for a traditional life, working 40 hours a week, raising a family and traditional lifestyle that it might curb my overindulgence tendency.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 26

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 2:10:48 PM

laurell3

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I think the key is learning not to overindulge. Won't you just find something else to use as your focus if you leave the lifestyle?

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Nehemiah)

Post #: 27

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 2:11:39 PM

LaTigresse

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I would suggest a nice long trial of living, what you consider, a traditional life........BEFORE you commit yourself to raising a family.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Nehemiah)

Post #: 28

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 2:12:26 PM

mstrjx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

That's why I was thinking if I go for a traditional life, working 40 hours a week, raising a family and traditional lifestyle that it might curb my overindulgence tendency.

Until you decide that the yard, surrounded by a single white picket fence, is not enough. Then you go crazy decorating the interior with a myriad of white picket fences, facing all different sorts of directions, generating shapes.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Nehemiah)

Post #: 29

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 2:46:39 PM

mnottertail

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Leave the scene before the cops can surround the building, or before the SWAT van comes, it gets real fuckin ugly after that, trust me.

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Post #: 30

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 3:04:01 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

Sometimes I get the feeling of leaving the scene. I've pushed my limits when it comes to BDSM. I've tried a broad range of activities. Maybe I just want to settle down with one special person and go vanilla. I don't know.

Anyone else ever get this feeling?

It seems to me that you have a tendency to go to the extreme in whatever you are pursuing, be it work or play. How about giving "normalcy"...and by normalcy, I mean not always pushing things to the extreme edge whether it be in hours or number or scenes or number of partners or number of sexual interludes...a try? How about giving "solitude and space" to yourself to allow for your brain and soul and heart and body to interact with one another and come to some decision about where you want to go in life and what you want from that life?

I've been "exploring" D/s for almost 12 years now. I've enjoyed those times when I was involved casually and I've enjoyed those times when I was involved in serious, long-term dynamics. I've enjoyed the more playful side of BDSM play...waxing a submissive into an almost cocoon-like sculpture of wax; teasing someone with clamps, etc....and I've gotten into some extreme BDSM play, the most recent experience involving running a very sharp knife tip and blade along her cunt while my fist was inside it. I've dealt with, and still do, submissives who have no interest in being my full-time submissive because we don't mesh at too many levels but who still like me and respect me enough to do as I advise and who want to play wit h me and I've had my heart broken by a submissive. In all those instances, I take time to go through "ME" and "hook myself up with ME" to find out where I am.

Forgive me if I've read you wrong but from your other thread, this one, and some of your posts, it seems like "overindulgence" is a key factor in your life and "solitary reflection" is not.

(in reply to Nehemiah)

Post #: 31

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 3:09:40 PM

ShoreBound149

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Before the cell phone cameras start clicking...

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(in reply to Nehemiah)

Post #: 32

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 3:11:00 PM

ShoreBound149

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Joined: 7/2/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I had a beer last night

Nobody's buyin that....

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Post #: 33

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 6:13:13 PM

Nehemiah

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Joined: 6/21/2010
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Not jumping into things with both feet has always been a problem. I figured that the cocoon of family life might insulate me. I'm not too far from retirement age, so I thought maybe I could leave it all behind and focus on just one family. How much trouble could I get into staying at home, doing domestic duties. It was a thought.

(in reply to ShoreBound149)

Post #: 34

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 6:18:58 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Hmmmm... I do not think people should have families to lead normal vanilla lives, I think they should do that because they long for family life. In other words, it should be because you are drawn to the family thing, not because you are repelled by another lifestyle...

I remember when I was in my 20s I did a career motivational test, and they told me I had negative motivations, in other words, I made career choices more by what I did not want to do rather than what I wanted to do. I decided I didn't like that, and chose to make a large effort to do things because they attract me, rather than the alternative repelling me.. I don't know if that makes sense or not. I just thought of it when reading your post.

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(in reply to Nehemiah)

Post #: 35

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 6:29:19 PM

Nehemiah

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Joined: 6/21/2010
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It does make sense. From the age of 13, my father was preparing me to take over the family business. I went to college to escape that destiny, changed majors and pursued interests that allowed me freedom, not necessarily because I wanted to do something.

It's something to think about.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 36

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/30/2010 7:23:54 PM

Aynne88

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Joined: 8/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Well honestly, Kal, not every marriage is soccer moms and infrequent sex.

I am not a vanilla person. I am not sure that I have EVER had vanilla sex. Could I leave the "scene"? I have, for longish periods. I prefer to NOT have authority dynamics with my primary partner. There are plenty of real life opportunities for me to be large and in charge.

Still, I am a sadist. I could pack up my toys, but I would really miss being able to let it all out now and again.

JEFFFFF----are you implying that you went out with AYNNE?? Because you are LYING!

Ha ha ha ha ha Lady H!

How did I miss that?

.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 37

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/31/2010 2:41:41 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
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If you feel you are losing your mojo, then take a break.
It's about pleasure, it's not a career.
I'll leave the scene in a box, then carry on in hell.

(in reply to Nehemiah)

Post #: 38

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/31/2010 3:20:02 AM

mstrjx

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Joined: 11/27/2005
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As to the OP, I get the odd thought from time to time that maybe I have tapped my quota of relatioships, and that I'm due no more. For the most part, I would be fine with that. I have enough interests that I could do the 'loner' thing. But one of those major interests is keeping up with the activities that we talk about here. I have the books, toys, t-shirts, what have you.

I could never again have a vanilla relationship simply in order to not be alone. Being alone couldn't bother me more than losing interest in a relationship that could be improved (necessitated) with authority dynamics.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to reynardfox)

Post #: 39

RE: When to leave the scene - 7/31/2010 6:19:46 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
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It is unfair to have these unspoken expectations, and to use some poor woman and worse, children, to try to heal yourself.

First go get some help in figuring out why you have to do everything excessively and after is when you should (if you're still interested) go settle down. Without the hidden agenda. Otherwise I foresee another broken marriage and children without an active father figure.

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(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 40

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