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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 8:11:24 PM

Jeffff

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You are amazing!

I still don't think that will help the stank........ but nice effort.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 8:12:41 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I would roll around in marshmallow fluff for him...

Which is code for sperm?

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 8:20:46 PM

Jeffff

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Judging from the video DG showed us last night, I am confident she has a large jar of marshmallow fluff on available at all times.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 8:22:52 PM

Zevar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
But in general in my experience, if a man wants you, he will crawl through broken glass to touch you.

For myself, I would and did face the fiercest of adversarial conditions in order to simply touch the lady I desired. This remains true for myself. What is the one you desire not worth fighting through? The following song that was significant between myself and my beloved companion comes to mind. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0WDS-EQoIM

Damn Zevar, where do you get all this great perspective?

I have pretty much done this myself when it was worth doing, and I would easily do so again. The good ones are worth working your ass off for.

I posted what I did in the entry that you commented on because it is genuinely true for me. My capacity to have deeply loved my beloved companion, that has since passed away, is the perspective that I was speaking from, therefore solely subjective.

Perspective is subjective as is an opinion. We all have an opinion and our own perspective. Mine is no more of value than the next person. Nonetheless, of value to those who choose it so and dismissed by those who decide so.

Thank you for your comments though. I do hope I did not miss the meaning of your words. If so do clarify. I appreciate clarity. If not then do know that I fully understand.

Take care!

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 9:53:42 PM

sweetsub1957

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~FR~
If a Dom would not even touch me, I just scould not have a relationship w/ Him. I'm a very touchy feely person, giving and receiving, and without it, well, it just wouldn't work for me.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 10:18:00 PM

weaselwelder

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I'd like to note that we don't have the first idea how long this relationship has been going on for. Somehow, since that question was asked and not responded to, I suspect that the two of them might have dated for less than a couple of months. I also infer from the statement that she asked him to be her master and that he's "processing" it that the guy in question has never been in a D&S relationship before and never seriously considered himself in such a role. I'm going to assume the latter in the rest of this post.

While the questions of "She wants me to take complete control, is she nuts?" as well as the ever popular "I want to take over, am I nuts?" are running through his head, refraining from sexual contact is perhaps okay. It's certainly what I would've done if I hadn't already been living with my first submissive when BDSM first came up in our relationship.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 10:24:44 PM

aldompdx

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You are the only one responsible for your own fulfillment. Honor and respect your boundaries and limits, which may include deprivation of physical intimacy.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 10:42:12 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: weaselwelder
While the questions of "She wants me to take complete control, is she nuts?" as well as the ever popular "I want to take over, am I nuts?" are running through his head, refraining from sexual contact is perhaps okay.

Well, earlier the OP said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernsultry
Embracing, holding. That's all.

So from her earlier posts, it doesn't seem like she's talking about specifically sexual touching.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 7/31/2010 11:06:36 PM

Zevar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

You are the only one responsible for your own fulfillment. Honor and respect your boundaries and limits, which may include deprivation of physical intimacy.

How does someone who has made it quite clear that the absence of touch produces a negative outcome do a 360 degree turn or a 180 degree turn and come to terms with the notion of perhaps accepting that the absence of touch, physical intimacy, could simply need to be accepted as some form of a boundary or limit that might include deprivation of physical intimacy?

I say, mere conjecture at best!

What say you?

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 12:37:40 AM

weaselwelder

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quote:

So from her earlier posts, it doesn't seem like she's talking about specifically sexual touching.

~sweetsub~

Other than holding hands, which I file under "holding," I can't think of much in the way of common physical contact that the majority of U.S. culture deems non-sexual and would be appropriate with someone you were dating that the guy isn't doing. You have hugs and embracing, holding hands, and touching his or her (haven't actually established gender) face. All that's left are the things I'd avoid if I wanted to avoid a sexual encounter: kissing, back massages, intimate stroking of body parts, foreplay, BDSM-related contact (which nobody outside of the community considers non-sexual) and outright sexual contact. Other than that, what? Shaking hands? Grabbing their arm to keep them from running in front of a bus? Roman-grecco wrestling?

Whatever the case, I feel that as others have pointed out, we need more information before we can give good advice.

< Message edited by weaselwelder -- 8/1/2010 12:38:43 AM >

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 3:03:55 AM

aldompdx

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Zevar,

I think you might misinterpret my post.
I think we agree here. I totally agree with your post #27.

Absence of touch is the negative thing, that is the limit, violating the boundary.
Good side of boundary = touch.
Bad side of boundary = no touch.
Accepting and respecting the boundary = choosing fulfillment = my advice.
Always wishing for something that is impossible to have; that is self-inflicted emotional pain, romance, or... masochism. Thus your earlier question: why choose a partner incapable of sharing physical intimacy?

As you discuss in both your post #27 and #54, the deeper issue is the process by which one gains the capacity to choose fulfillment. The issue is not, "how do I reach you." The issue is, "I recognize and accept that both our hearts already resonate with each other, in our own light of love." Without concern for any distance, both hearts have already reached each other -- because both hearts have always been whole, complete, and the source of feeling fulfilled.

The simplest question is this: "Can I accept my own love." Often, a barrier to accepting our own love is trauma. Then, the question becomes, "can I forgive myself, release my pain/anger, and give myself permission to accept my own love." For some, it takes a lifetime. Others find a shorter path to see that their heart has always been whole, and they need not deprive themself of love and fulfillment.

When one accepts their own source of love and fulfillment within, then they have something to share, with another resonant heart. That is intimacy.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 3:25:35 AM

delicatelydirty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Fast reply:

But in general in my experience, if a man wants you, he will crawl through broken glass to touch you.

Ideas like this are like the school of thought that "If he only loved me more, he would do x". Having unrealistic expectations of men, doesn't make them different than they are. It makes you miserable. I have no expectation of anyone ever crawling through broken glass to touch me, why would that EVER make sense?

This is so true..
Like the others have said only he knows why.

BUT
I want to add my experience (and not knowing the full story might be way off) but the Dominant I am involved with (I'll call him A) I have known for a number of years, he has been a rock, constant and always there, but because he never came across as overly sweet and lovey dovey in written communication, ph conversations or in person I always over looked him as a partner and went for the guys who were ... Ultimately these relationships fell to bits because they were just giving me what they thought I wanted and in the end it was unrealistic and unsustainable and I always ended up back crying on A's shoulder.

After the latest disaster he finally opened up a little and we decided to see what might happen, we are long distance, dont get to see each other nearly as often as we would like, hell we dont even talk everyday but the little things he does let me know how he feels. Eg He isn't a cuddly person at all but when we are together he will actually embrace me in his sleep (which surprised the hell out of both of us because it is something he has never done... he even went so far as to warn me he doesnt cuddle in bed

)

Now if I listened to all that "he's not that into you " stuff... he and I wouldn't be together, but I know he "is that into me", sometimes it isn't that easy to put it in a neat little box and label it.

Like I said it may not relate to you at all as we can only speculate on your circumstance but I agree so much with what Laurell said about unrealistic expectations.

One other thought is he may have a disorder such as Aspergers that has him very uncomfortable with touch (and depending on his age, it is much more readily diagnosed now, it might be possible he doesn't even know he has it)

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 5:28:36 AM

IronBear

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Would I crawl through glass to be with a woman I loved and wanted? Never thought about that but I have walked through hell and out the other side (metaphorically speaking) and was physically much worse for the experience for the woman I love and whom did me the honour of marrying me. But would I even think about entering into a BDSM related dynamic with a woman whilst ED was causing me problems? It depends how well I know the lass and if she was aware of the disability. If she didn't give a rip and wanted my collar., I would but if it was something we'd never talked about or she was newly met, I'd walk away and avoid any possible embarrassment on my part and possible embarrassment from having to refuse to entertain any sort of dynamic other than just casual social friendships with both of us. There are just some things I refuse to go through which is why I tend to bunker up and void all but the company of close friends or people I am doing business with. My choice! My call!

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 9:11:21 AM

southernsultry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Since the op has no profile, so I can't see her age and make a guess at his, I'm clueless. If he's above the age of 40, then I'm betting Focus is right. The dude has ED and is ashamed to talk about it. So why not ask him straight out? An erection does not define him as a man. In fact, men with ED tend to be better lovers because they take the time a woman may need to warm up and they are focused on the woman's pleasure, instead of getting theirs and then going to sleep.

Smiles....this one made me crack up, but in a good way.....LMAO. My profile is hidden at times, and sometimes not. ED? If so, and he wasn't taking meds for it, then that's on him, not me.

Hugs!!!
(Sometimes here, sometimes not)

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 9:13:49 AM

southernsultry

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I decided after making this post...or maybe while I was making the post....that I cannot settle for anything---I can be understanding, but my needs have to fit in there somewhere...thanks for all the opinions and advice .....
Respectfully,
Southern.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 10:16:21 AM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernsultry

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Since the op has no profile, so I can't see her age and make a guess at his, I'm clueless. If he's above the age of 40, then I'm betting Focus is right. The dude has ED and is ashamed to talk about it. So why not ask him straight out? An erection does not define him as a man. In fact, men with ED tend to be better lovers because they take the time a woman may need to warm up and they are focused on the woman's pleasure, instead of getting theirs and then going to sleep.

Smiles....this one made me crack up, but in a good way.....LMAO. My profile is hidden at times, and sometimes not. ED? If so, and he wasn't taking meds for it, then that's on him, not me.

Hugs!!!
(Sometimes here, sometimes not)

If you see it as a matter of it being "on him and not me", then none of this advice will help you. Your presumption that all men with ED can take medication is completely false. Many cannot as those medications have serious risks.

Good luck.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 10:36:33 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernsultry

Smiles....this one made me crack up, but in a good way.....LMAO. My profile is hidden at times, and sometimes not. ED? If so, and he wasn't taking meds for it, then that's on him, not me.

Hugs!!!
(Sometimes here, sometimes not)

If you see it as a matter of it being "on him and not me", then none of this advice will help you. Your presumption that all men with ED can take medication is completely false. Many cannot as those medications have serious risks.

Good luck.

Yes...medication for ED does not always fix the problem. As Laurell pointed out, some men cannot take the medication and I'd like to add...sometime they take the medication and it doesn't work. Just fyi for whoever else is reading this...

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 10:47:58 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernsultry

I decided after making this post...or maybe while I was making the post....that I cannot settle for anything---I can be understanding, but my needs have to fit in there somewhere...thanks for all the opinions and advice .....
Respectfully,
Southern.

Absolutely, your needs should fit in.

Sometimes, (and this is NOT being directed at you because I would have no way of knowing and I would not be so arrogant as to presume to guess) people on both sides of the kneel come and ask questions such as yours and sooner or later the answer will be diverted to "Did you ask him or her?"

Having said that though, you might be surprised at the number of people who expect their partners to pick up on clues and cues rather like something out of Sherlock Holmes or Miss Marple instead of asking direct questions.

Not everyone involved in a relationship is good at communication skills.

Relationships between people who genuinely care for each other, die over misunderstandings and miscommunication.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 11:47:27 AM

texangael

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quote:

that I cannot settle for anything

As Three Dog Night once observed, one is the loneliest number.

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RE: Hi...if Master won't touch you? - 8/1/2010 11:59:49 AM

Zevar

Posts: 801
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

Zevar,

I think you might misinterpret my post.
I think we agree here. I totally agree with your post #27.

Absence of touch is the negative thing, that is the limit, violating the boundary.
Good side of boundary = touch.
Bad side of boundary = no touch.
Accepting and respecting the boundary = choosing fulfillment = my advice.
Always wishing for something that is impossible to have; that is self-inflicted emotional pain, romance, or... masochism. Thus your earlier question: why choose a partner incapable of sharing physical intimacy?

As you discuss in both your post #27 and #54, the deeper issue is the process by which one gains the capacity to choose fulfillment. The issue is not, "how do I reach you." The issue is, "I recognize and accept that both our hearts already resonate with each other, in our own light of love." Without concern for any distance, both hearts have already reached each other -- because both hearts have always been whole, complete, and the source of feeling fulfilled.

The simplest question is this: "Can I accept my own love." Often, a barrier to accepting our own love is trauma. Then, the question becomes, "can I forgive myself, release my pain/anger, and give myself permission to accept my own love." For some, it takes a lifetime. Others find a shorter path to see that their heart has always been whole, and they need not deprive themself of love and fulfillment.

When one accepts their own source of love and fulfillment within, then they have something to share, with another resonant heart. That is intimacy.

Good Day aldompdx:

To begin do know I appreciate you taking time in clarifying your entry #66.

Now I will to the best of my ability explain a few points:

I believe what transpired, having read your reply, is that your words implied something other than what you now clarified what they meant. It is evident that you took your time to clarify your words which indeed allows for a clearer understanding. Communication does require at times asserted effort in order to clarify what is being said as opposed to what is implied.

Factually speaking, implication is an aspect of communication and there are times when what was implied overrules how something is stated. Of course when someone takes the time to clarify their words then that gesture is of great value. It is always important that the underlying meaning comes forth thus allowing for improved communication and a richer understanding between those in conversation.

Regarding the issue of intimacy I will say that I do agree with your ideology to a degree. However it is unimportant how I view intimacy as the Op is the only one here that is questioning these issues AND as you pointed out, she will have to come to terms with these issues on an individual basis. I agree. I trust she will do just that.

I appreciate your words AND as always it is good to converse with another of like-mindedness.

Take care!

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