Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

New Subbie - Help Please


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> New Subbie - Help Please Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:14:41 PM   
OhioSissyBoi


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline 		As I said in another thread, after 31 years, I have decided to finally accept who I really am...   A person that needs to serve a woman.  This is not a decision that I am undertaking lightly.   Once I find the "right" Domme that I "Fit" with, I fully intend to give my life to her, both mind and body.   For me, this is NOT about sex, not at all.

So here is the question:

It seems that most of the Dommes that I have tried to contact are either hardened by the many fakes out there, just wants paid, or just dont respond.

Knowing that I am for real and need this in my life (I genuinelly feel that I NEED to serve), how do I go about finding a good Domme.  

Thus far, I have been VERY unsuccessful.

Thanks in advance.

< Message edited by OhioSissyBoi -- 4/18/2006 12:17:08 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:19:25 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Don't allow the computer to be your 'only' source. Get out into your local community. Attend munches, events and other BDSM venues. Join some groups. Network, network. The more people who you know, the more contacts you have, the more your odds increase. It's just like job hunting. Let everyone know what you're searching for and you may meet a 'friend of a friend' who ends up being the Domme of your dreams.

Good luck,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:20:55 PM   
OhioSissyBoi


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks Celeste,

Where do I find these groups and what is a "munche"?  

God I feel stupid....  lol

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:24:15 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		If you have been withholding these feelings for 31 years another month or even a year or two is not gonna cakk you.  Read, learn, post, discuss....like that... there are alotta nice women out here who also happen to be dominant.  You waited sixteen years to drive a car, and found out that it took some development of skill.  Same is true here.  What are your strenghts?  You have described a weakness, but any Domina is going to go for that jugular....Suprise me, us....actuall THEM! go out to the Misstress board and read, research a few Female Dominants profiles.......Read them..............go to munches........you know....like everybody tells everybody here, get hoppin in the real world.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:34:24 PM   
OhioSissyBoi


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks Ron,

I am willing to be as patient as it takes.   It is important to me to select the right Domme, at the same time that she accepts me.   This way, I can submit myself to her 100% without hesitation or regrets.

I think this selection is very important so that we both "Fit" together.   Am I looking at this the right way?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:45:47 PM   
broadline


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: New Westminster, BC
Status: offline 		To find your local community, I'd Google search the nearest big town/city and "bdsm", "kink," "fetish," "munch," or whatever. Or you could do a location search on CM, see if anyone in your area mentions the local scene in their profile, and ask them about it.
 
It is hard for a sincere male submissive to find a decent female dominant, but it is also possible. Never give up, never surrender (unless you're into that).

_____________________________

"i have dreamt so much of you that it must
be past the time for me to wake"
-robert desnos
"poem for the mysterious woman"
one foot in front of the other: http://thepurpleswitch.livejournal.com
and chimeras: http://bj.gatefiction.com

(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:48:26 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		munch......... food?

A get together like a wake or a wedding (LOLOLOL, what imagery) where food may or may not be a centerpiece of the convocation.

A rather vanilla outing for you devious perverts to congregate and serepticiously do whatever it is you connive to do whilst I the unwashed (yet somehow called vanilla) am blissfully unaware of your filty dealings should I come into contact with your unholiness ................

a  MUNCH! a meet 'em and greet 'em.  No big codewords here other than hankerchiefs of color in various and sundry pockets.

LOL,
(calm down)

Ron  

edit: as far as local kink community see either JohnWarrens posts (he posts prolifically) he has mentioned a website that has a directory of deviants within distance of any dominion .. LuckyAlbatross often posts one too, I think.  Proudsub knows anything and everything if it is searchable (and it all is) hope I haven't left anyone out (BTW, I used their names to draw their attention here, if it is they will post the link, I am sure)........they are pretty good people, but no Dominas in that crowd.  Maybe Domina names in later posts............hee hee hee

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 4/18/2006 12:53:28 PM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:52:34 PM   
OhioSissyBoi


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline 		Ron,

I like your Avatar.  I own a somewhat big Internet company.   Always at a computer terminal, almost 24 hours a day.   I think it must look like me by now!

lol

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 12:55:14 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I program IBM AS/400s and am a pervert.......but then I repeat myself with that statement....

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 1:10:44 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Sissy, as I commented in the Gorean Lifestyle forum, "It is better to have no collar than to be in the wrong collar." It takes time to find people you want to be with and who re right for you.. Dominants have the same issues just from the other side of a collar....You have had some of the best advise you will ever get right here so far. I wish you well and the best of Aussie luck ib your search.... 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 1:11:08 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OhioSissyBoi
It seems that most of the Dommes that I have tried to contact are either hardened by the many fakes out there, just wants paid, or just dont respond. Knowing that I am for real and need this in my life (I genuinelly feel that I NEED to serve), how do I go about finding a good Domme.


Here's a list of *my opinions* and things *I* personally look for as a Domme.

It's not so much that we're "hardened", but we do have to take certain measures to help us in sorting out who is who. You can help us make that sorting easier by offering information, learning, learning, and more learning. (Learning takes time, no rush needed.)

Offer as much information as possible in your profile. A lot of us aren't looking for a list of your kinks and fetishes. I'm not saying don't list them, but put an equal amount of time into what you can offer a Lady as her slave. Chances are, most of us have plenty of offers for sex, dressing people up, and playing in the dungeon. What can you offer above and beyond those things?

Tell about your vanilla interests as well. You'll hear a lot of women on these forums talk about how BDSM is only one aspect of their life. We want submissives we can communicate with, have fun with, relax with, be ourselves with, sometimes even whine and cry with.

Be honest!!!!  The quickest way to get the door slammed in your face is to lie. If you're married, say so. If you're only looking for weekend thrills, say so. If you *must* have a Mistress who will play certain things, say so. Put yourself forth in the most honest manner possible so that everything's out on the table and everyone knows what they're getting into.

Don't hide behind the computer. If a Domme wants to (at a comfortable pace for both of you) start moving in a direction of trading emails, then making phonecalls, then meeting for coffee, either take her up on the offer, or at least be forthright and tell her you're scared. Don't limit yourself to having a relationship from behind your desk. Being from Ohio myself, I know there are plenty of real time groups available. You might have to drive a few hours to find the one that's right for you, but it's worth the trip each month once you start meeting people face-to-face. Ohio also offers some annual events (usually in Cols). And does have at least one dungeons (right near you).

I personally like a submissive here on this site to fill out interest lists, keep their journal going, keep adding and refining their profile as they learn more, and post on the forums. You're new, so you'll have tons of questions. Keep asking, and we'll keep answering.

Don't try to rush in. You wouldn't just run up to a girl and the street and ask her to marry you. Neither is it feasible to think you'll be a full time live in slave next month.

Try not to disrespect those different from yourself. Yes, there are people out there who are concentrated on money or sex. They are not wrong. You are not wrong. There is a HUGE variety of people here who seek diverse things.

Don't take non-response as an insult. Just make sure that your emails are offering honesty and something to go on. If you say "Hi." to a stranger on the bus. They'll probably say "hi" back, but unless you actually engage them in a conversation, it was just a hello in passing.

READ the Ladies' profiles!!!!!! (I can't stress this enough.) Our profiles often tell what we are looking for, how to go about contacting us, what we are *not* looking for, how we expect to be treated, and much more. Writing to a Lady without reading her profile, is kind of like offering someone shrimp when they're wearing a shirt that says "I'm allergic to seafood."

And, um... did I mention learn, learn, learn.  :)

Good luck kiddo. You're on the very beginning of a long path to a wonderful place.


(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 1:11:24 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I agree that getting out into the real world is the thing to do. However, if you wish to continue your collarme pursuit, you're going to HAVE to revamp your profile. I suggest doing the following:

Post a picture. If you're not real enough to do this, you're not real enough for most Fem Doms.

List HOW you can or want to serve, not just that you want to give undying devotion. We hear that all the time (yawn).

Speak about yourself: What are your favorite things to do (vanilla and kink). What attracts you to being a sissy? By stating that you are a boi, are you saying that you are a female-identified male (which can be one definition of boi)? What are you expecting to give and to get out of a 24/7 relationship?

These things will improve your profile immensely.

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 1:22:16 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		OK here comes the voice of reason here, first of all you are ONLY 31, so that means you realized these feelings way before you had cognizant thought--hmmm, anyway, ok lets say, after 20 years--ok? Those are the little things that will send a Domme off to cocktail hour without you---now I happen to know that Kent is pretty slim on the "group" list---few munches or groups if any---so I'd say expand your search to Cleveland, Canton, Dayton, Columbus and be prepared to travel--oh and uhm you might spiff up your profile--what you said there does not differentiate you from the unwashed masses.
 
Good Luck in your search.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 1:41:14 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		What has been posted above is all good advice, very good advice. There is one thing I don't think was mentioned, as far as this site goes, get involved in the forums, learn and develop your own style, the women will come to know you that way, and that is really what you want, to be known, and to have a chance to figure out just what your strengths are, and to let those shine through. You are off to a good start on the boards so far, unlike so many first time posters, so keep it up, ask questions, give your opinion, and just generally make yourself at home. Away from the computer, get out into your local community and meet people there, learn from them, and from your reactions to them....it is a very strange and wonderful world you have decided to enter...just take your time and don't rush things....anything worth having is worth waiting for, and like Ron said, after 33 years, what's a few more to get the right woman.
I also recommend you do a lot of reading in the Ask a Mistress section, as you will learn what the women on here like and don't like, what sort of things interest them and so on, as well you will learn about each one of them, because they are all very very different...each is unique.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 1:57:27 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		Duh, It occurred to me since I'm your neighbor, it might be slightly friendly of me to offer you some local groups. (I'm not unkind, just a ditz at times.)
I was familiar with most of these groups about 5 years ago. I stick with other groups now, but one of these ones might strike your fancy. Last time I browsed for an ohio group, they were all shutting down left and right, so I'm not sure which of these are still in existance.

Here's your most local group:  http://www.ohiosmart.org/home.htm Hopefully, they're still around.

There used to be one in Cleve called BEAT Productions, but I don't know much about it.

Columbus also has the following groups (or at least used to): MORAL, NLA, Cords (for couples)
PEER is in Cincinatti
CarpeDiem is in Canton.
The Dungeon in Cleve, was called Haus Berlin (I heard a rumor that it shut down as well)

Wheeling, WV has a group called HANDSonASSn (Which I personally recommend  and know is still meeting once a month.) If I'm in a particular mood for a road trip on the day they're meeting, you might just see me there.

You can also hang out in The Chamber (a fetish store) on High street in Cols. They often have flyers hanging on the bulletin board about events, new groups, dungeon parties, etc... and I love the staff there to death.  

Ohio Leather Fest (if it's still around) used to have a website by the same name.

Like I said though, a bunch of groups in ohio shut down and wiped themselves out of existence.
Hope that helps.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 2:15:56 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Being a male submissive sucks, there are so many of you that you can support your own industry!  However, you are lucky, most male submissives have very little to offer and have spent more time whacking off than improving themselves as potential partners. (don't get your panties in a bunch if you are an exception to this, "most" doesn't mean all and I have nothing but respect for those few who ARE top notch)

Want to have women throw themselves at you?  Post a picture of a woman's house you have cleaned.  Post a picture of a garden you have created.  Post a picture of a neatly folded linnen closet or a perfectly made bed. 

Get certified as a masseuse, learn a language, take cooking classes, in short make yourself valuable.  www.greenerypress.com puts out some of the best books on S&M out there, but they put out two that are a bit on the fantasy side but at the same time are chock full of stuff that will turn you into such a hot commodity that it will be YOU looking through fem dom resumes not the other way around.  Both are written by Mistress Abernathy, someone,s nome de plume but they are the best on training and becoming a better service submissive out there.

Best of luck!

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 2:57:19 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		You mean "male submissive" is not an SIC code?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/18/2006 3:41:14 PM   
OhioSissyBoi


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline 		OK, I took some time, used your advices, and updated my profile.   What do you think?   Too mushy?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/19/2006 6:54:28 AM   
OhioSissyBoi


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline 		Anyone?

(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New Subbie - Help Please - 4/19/2006 7:07:05 AM   
nickelbird


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		too bad your not here in mich

(in reply to OhioSissyBoi)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> New Subbie - Help Please Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094