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RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 12:46:52 AM   
HisEvelyn


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline 		I need a Master who is intensely trustworthy and compassionate. I can handle doing some amazingly kinky things and really enjoy them, but I need to know that on the occasions my past abuse and trauma catches up to me, I am safe to cry and be held and not made to feel guilty for having a moment of not being able to handle everything. A Master who is empathetic enough to know that there are times I will be afraid, not because of him or anything he has done, but simply because there are parts of me I am still working to fix. I'm an ongoing project. :)

(in reply to Dragonswhore)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 4:57:29 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, sense of humour is at the top of the list
... and then there was this very important need that i wanted a man who would want to care for me, He was the first and the one and only person ever to offer me that... it totally bowled me over.

(in reply to laineyjade)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 5:02:35 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		- have to say the whole chickpea thing - youd have ended up wearing the fecking thing! - and im not a Domme either

idiosyncratic, off the wall, eccentric and someone who doesnt follow the herd are all traits i find really interesting - since im a bit that way too, anyone who is conservative, dogmatic and 'set in their ways' is a complete no - no.  i like un-predicatibility, spontaneity and a challenging attitude, someone who challenges my ideas and concepts and makes me think about them.  if they can turn me around and help me to see something in a different way im fascinated.

and of course a sense of humour - if we dont laugh we wont bond.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Dragonswhore)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 7:24:50 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

You need to gel. You need to have desire to be in each other's presence as if the dynamic were not present. Meaning you have to enjoy that person for everything that they are and be able to accept them for what they are not.

It is not enough for the majority to rely on bdsm to be the cornerstone of the relationship.
Deep man, real deep.


Agreed.

For me, the most important quality is honesty, both to one's self and to each other. I do agree with domi in that you really have to like a person as they are and not have expectations that they will change. D/s isn't going to get you past serious compatibility issues, ever.


This totally. Even if you have major compatibility in D/s, having it nowhere else is a death knell to the relationship.

Things I look for: honesty, loyality, empathy, compassion, humor, positive outlook, consistency, that whole actions speak louder than words thing. Common vanilla interests are good as well, but they don't have to be the same.

I would say the most important thing is that we like each other outside of the bedroom.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/1/2010 7:29:26 AM >

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 7:39:26 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Definitely a good sense of humor and a kind nature. I don't wanna date Ghandi or Mother Theresa, but there has to be more to the sense of humor than just a quick wit and stinging sarcasm. Let's face it. He's gonna have to have a good sense of humor and a small degree of sarcasm just to relate to me at all. But, it would have to be tempered with kindness.

It would also be nice if he liked me. That's pretty much numero uno on my list. If he likes me, most of his other faults and lack of judgement pales in comparison.

WinD

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 8:02:42 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dreamless
But in all seriousness, my required trait is a love of life.
I cannot be with someone gloomy, depressive and mournful who can't enjoy little things and do silly things on occasion. My best moments have been spent sprawled out on a bed with someone counting sparkles on the roof, and this sort of enjoyment of life.



...............and good hygiene!

< Message edited by poise -- 8/1/2010 8:05:22 AM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Dreamless)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 8:37:40 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He can't take out his bad days on me. I don't care if someone cut you off while driving, don't yell at me as a result. If you need to rant, then say so. I'm not interested in being his scapegoat. Tell your boss off, go for a run, meditate. Don't take your moods out on me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 8:49:32 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

particular single most important trait in your potential master, due to some quirk of your personality or situation?


Intelligence.  Because I am intelligent and can't stand dumb guys.






_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to laineyjade)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 9:03:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		OP, you are absolutely right.  It must take somebody very special to deal with you.  I wouldn't have tolerated the story that you told coming from My submissive at all.  At some point during that conversation, I'd have said that I told you no and that would have been the end of it.  Different strokes for different folks, I guess.  I actually expect to be the person in authority in the dynamic.

I'll echo the honesty and integrity comment that was made earlier as My answer regarding the question.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 9:10:53 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OP, you are absolutely right.  It must take somebody very special to deal with you.  I wouldn't have tolerated the story that you told coming from My submissive at all.  At some point during that conversation, I'd have said that I told you no and that would have been the end of it.  Different strokes for different folks, I guess.  I actually expect to be the person in authority in the dynamic.



Agreed. Not only was OP topping from the bottom and trying to push him, but it was lasting at least half an hour.  I don't like being pushed around, and certainly not for any length of time, by my sub.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 9:18:31 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		The chickpea story makes me wonder what's going to happen the next time she's in restraints... Then who'll be getting the last laugh?

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 9:30:34 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		And i just remembered that i had decided before i met Him that my man should be confident with tools... and although smart definitely not the studenty type

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 10:00:12 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laineyjade

I didn't mean to ask about the general traits one would normally want in any dominant, such as "authenticity" or "honesty" and so forth. Anyone would want those.

I meant to ask about possibly quirky or unusual traits that you personally need in a dominant (or submissive) because you, yourself, have some unusual facet to your personality or living situation.


a particular interest in a certain baseball team..............
...the gods must be crazy.... !!

(in reply to laineyjade)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 10:03:17 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OP, you are absolutely right.  It must take somebody very special to deal with you.  I wouldn't have tolerated the story that you told coming from My submissive at all.  At some point during that conversation, I'd have said that I told you no and that would have been the end of it.  Different strokes for different folks, I guess.  I actually expect to be the person in authority in the dynamic.



Agreed. Not only was OP topping from the bottom and trying to push him, but it was lasting at least half an hour.  I don't like being pushed around, and certainly not for any length of time, by my sub.



There was a lengthy and uncomfortable silence on the phone the 2 times I attempted to joke.......
"what's up" he asked
"the sky" I responded


never again

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 10:06:13 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He can't take out his bad days on me. I don't care if someone cut you off while driving, don't yell at me as a result. If you need to rant, then say so. I'm not interested in being his scapegoat. Tell your boss off, go for a run, meditate. Don't take your moods out on me.


Ditto.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 12:15:01 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Someone who can see all of my crazy and creepy and be okay with it.

I find there are not many men that can accept this.  I burn out very easily if I have to pretend that I'm not crazy and creepy.  I hate playing games of not showing someone how much you like them or wondering if they are going to think you are weird and be turned off by you.

I need to be able to say at least 75%-80% of what passes through my head and still be accepted explicitly.

I would totally have been annoyed in your scenario.  Definitely an issue of compatibility.



_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 12:27:50 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I had to grin aobut the chickpeas....

What I was dealing with was a friend that, "Don't eat that raghead crap!"

Hummus with chipotle peppers, fresh tomato, avacado, and wasabi. He told his girl to get the recipe cause he really loved that dip.

Now, when he found out it wasn't manicoti for dinner but stuffed calimari..... I think he killed a whole bottle of scotch trying to flush the imaginary cooties off his palate.

Food predjudice if fun to f*$k with, but please, no balut.

Stefan

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 12:45:53 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I hate playing games of not showing someone how much you like them or wondering if they are going to think you are weird and be turned off by you.

I need to be able to say at least 75%-80% of what passes through my head and still be accepted explicitly.


Ditto. And those that try to backdoor through friendship.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 1:20:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ok so after some thought on this...a man who could handle the fact that I'm a young widow with a child and I'm a single parent and isn't going to be "gentle" with me because he feels sorry for me and isn't constantly going to feel like he has to handle me with kid gloves.

It's a huge problem I had when starting to date again.

and someone that wasn't going to run away as soon as they realized that my kid has some mental issues.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: the single most important trait - 8/1/2010 1:43:46 PM   
colosub


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/28/2005
Status: offline 		He must have a beautiful cock and saggy balls......Mmmmm

< Message edited by colosub -- 8/1/2010 1:57:37 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 40
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