Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

A submissives desires


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A submissives desires Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
A submissives desires - 7/31/2010 5:53:33 PM   
DaddyDomP


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up".

Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A submissives desires - 7/31/2010 6:07:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I just tell him.

We're in a relationship. We like to make each other happy. Not rocket science.


(in reply to DaddyDomP)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A submissives desires - 7/31/2010 6:40:23 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If she tells me that doing X would make her happy, I take that into account.  I want to use her in such a way to make me happy, and seeing her smile is one of those.

That said, as soon as she complains that I am not doing X enough to make her happy, there will be consequences.  I don't like a negative approach.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A submissives desires - 7/31/2010 6:54:42 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP

Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up".

Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship.


I get the impression that you are asking for your situation, and not just a general call to how "we" do it? Is that correct? Since you are specifying yours is not a 24/7 relationship....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DaddyDomP)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A submissives desires - 7/31/2010 6:59:04 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP

Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up".

Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship.



Ironically, "whipping the bitch and telling her to shut up" is one of my desires. When it comes to needs to make a relationship work successfully, I have found that NOT telling them is setting them up for failure, which isn't fair and makes us both miserable. When it comes to desires, I do tell them what my general turn ons are, but my expectation is really that they do as they want, when they want it and as cliche as it sounds, giving them that makes me happier than any specific other personal desire. The way I communicate my needs is, honestly. It may not always be pleasant, but I do believe it is necessary.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/31/2010 7:01:18 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DaddyDomP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A submissives desires - 7/31/2010 9:30:11 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
I will say, "Please, Daddy, <whatever it is>? Pleeeease???" and His answer is either yes, no, or not yet.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A submissives desires - 7/31/2010 9:46:09 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		A relationship is a relationship regardless of it it is "24/7" or not. It's between 2 people who both have feelings, and for that relationship to succeed, certain needs must be met. Those needs differ from person to person and relationship to relationship. In order for needs to be met by one another they need to be made known. If one person's needs are continuously being ignored or the opportunity to express them is never given, they will never be happy. It's best to leave some time to sit down and find out each others needs, wants, and fantasies.
I find the more time Master and I speak about wants, needs, fantasies, etc. the more fun we have...and the more deviant ideas we come up with! 2 heads are better than one

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 1:05:44 AM   
HisEvelyn


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline 		I make my needs and desires known. I ask respectfully. And it is always his choice to agree or deny me. Sometimes he denies me, when it is his wish or he has a plan he is not telling me about. More often, as long as I have a reasonable reason for asking, he will agree. He also knows I will only ask for something when I REALLY want/need it, because otherwise I defer to what he tells me.

(in reply to Chrisincuffs)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 4:36:01 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP

Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up".

Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship.


what you need to do first is take the capital D out of youre arse and look at youre relationship as a relationship and go from there.  that said - because i think it needed to be said) 'allowing' youre sub some pleasure is one way to think of it.  another way to think of it is that in giving youre sub pleasure in areas that she enjoys youre getting pleasure too - youre not servicing her needs, youre enjoying her enjoying herself.  does that make it easier for you?

if youre in a relationshp with someone already then you should already know what she likes, needs and craves from the early 'getting to know' phase.  its up to you to encorporate through play and sex, elements of pleasure for her that you know she needs as a sensual, sentient being.



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DaddyDomP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 5:56:00 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I expect a girl of mine to be forthcoming about her wants, needs and desires.. These are grist to the mill and the mills of Bear grind slowly and fine.. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 7:29:53 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I am involved with many other subs, and I've carefully watched how they express their wants and needs. Some don't seem to be able to tell the difference between the two and can become very whiny, will nag for what they want, and become a real nuisance. I've also seen a few cases where a slave has gone to the opposite end of the spectrum and keeps so quiet about her needs that she starts to feel that she is starving. In most of these cases it has been in a poly family when she knows that the Dom is so busy with the others that she chooses to step back and not make her own needs known in order that he has less pressure on him and can take care of the whiners to keep them quiet.

In my situation my Master and I came up with our own definitions between us for wants, needs, and dreams. A want is something a sub would like to have, a need is something that could damage the relationship if she did without it, and a dream is something that she enjoys thinking about that may or may not come true. A want can become a need at times, and I gave him the example of a hug. While I always enjoy one I rarely NEED one; but if I have been working for him for hours and know that his mind has been somewhere else to the point that I feel he is virtually unapproachable then I may NEED to have some physical touch to remind me that he really does care that I am there. Then the need status drops away and it goes back to being just a WANT.

I can go to him freely and ask for something. He may ask me if it is a want, need, or dream. If I go to him with something and say that it is a dream he will ask me what makes me think it is only a dream, and then I will explain why I believe that it may not happen. (He actually had to teach me how to have dreams about him and/or our journey - I was so cautious because of the demanding natures of others that I stopped allowing myself to dream.)

There are times when it is a very powerful tool for a Dom to grant wishes, especially when they are not necessary. Then it feels like a reward for a job well done. Balance needs to be kept because I've seen subs become very pampered and virtually top from the bottom when virtually every "want" is met. It's kind of like going to a buffet. I'm sure we've all seen people that feel that they absolutely "need" whatever looks good to them, while others take just what they need and maybe a little piece of dessert on the side. In the long run it is the latter group that is most satisfied and healthy.





_____________________________



(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 7:32:22 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I just communicate.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 7:40:49 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		i used to be really bad about over-explaining (still am sometimes). For example, if i were cold, i would say "Oh gosh, i'm freezing, and my hands are numb, and it's making me really hurt, and will you consider turning up the A/C?"

Now i just say "i'm cold" - so he can make the decision to turn up the A/C (or not).

i'll also use statements like "i'm scared." Or when asked how i feel, i'll list: "nervous, happy, excited, open."

i've found simple statements are the best - and clarity is good. Especially as a slave. He needs information to make decisions, but not necessarily my emotional tirade of justification of why i think he should take a specific action.

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 8/1/2010 7:41:43 AM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 7:50:49 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I write him a lengthy dissertation, cataloging all of my desires and needs of that moment, carefully documenting and citing appropriate references. That way, I have full control of the remote while he's reading it, which is all I really wanted anyway. Usually, I just send him out to the strip clubs. That assures me a few unviolated hours of remote control me time and a great payoff when he gets back.

WinD

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 8:01:08 AM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		I wouldn't be with someone (for long) who didn't get pleasure and happiness out of fulfilling my wants and desires, so it's really quite straightforward, as other people have said: I tell him, and then he knows. Once he knows (and is at least comfortable with it), I sort of just expect it to happen in some way, shape or form (including, perhaps, a bunch of work on my part to make it happen). I'm bewildered by Doms who react to a sub expressing his/her desires by recoiling in irritation and Domly pride. There are very few relationships that work purely on the "shut up and do what I say" principle.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 8:15:50 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i can just ask if i want something if i get it thats another thing completly but often i will when hes ready. however if i try to manipulate in anyway ie drop hints etc then i will be waiting a very very long time

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 8:22:28 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I'll arch my back a certain way, but mostly I use my mouth.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 8:23:30 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Back when we weren't living together, I would mention stuff I had read of, or send him the link via email. That eliminated the chance of me pushing for something at a time when he had something else planned. Plus personally, I don't like people springing stuff on me so I don't do it to them.

Saying "Hey, look at this. I think it sounds pretty cool. Could we try it sometime" takes the pressure off of doing it right then when he isn't prepared to. This gives him the knowledge of what I'm curious about and allows him to take his time to learn about it and decide when, or if, to do it. And sometimes I get "Not going to happen, ever". His decision.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 9:14:10 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I just tell him. We're in a relationship. We like to make each other happy. Not rocket science.
yeah, that.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A submissives desires - 8/1/2010 9:29:08 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Before I play with someone he usually knows what I enjoy, he might know what I have done, and we definitely have discussed what I do not allow.  I have never had to ask for something in particular but I think that by letting people know what you enjoy or have interest in before you play is a good way to let people have at it.

(in reply to DaddyDomP)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A submissives desires Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094