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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 1:48:53 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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And now I've got to ask, why would you let someone collar you and know you won't be able to see him for 2 years???? That just doesn't make sense to me.

As to being abstinent, that's your choice to make. You either consider this guy "master" or you don't. I lived with a so-called dom for a year then kept going out with him for another 3, not once did we have sex, nor did he touch me. I stayed abstinent because I was with him and considered him my Dom. I finally broke it off when I'd had enough of no attention and no affection. He was just a momma's boy who needed someone to take care of him in return for nothing.

So make up your mind, you keep the collar and you're his, or you go for the ex and try to make him a domly dom as you put it. Deciding to be a dom isn't something one does. You either have it or you don't. Yes, there are lessons to be learned, things to learn, the whole gamut.

OOOOO, 'Nuff said. Make up your mind and decide once and for all what YOU want.

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 1:52:08 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow
You know I love you laurel, but that is so not the point. The point of the thread is how to introduce someone into being a domly-dom.
You get them around someone you personally identify as a "domly dom" and you see if any of it sticks. Without knowing more about the exact places he wasn't domly enough (in your eyes) it'd be hard to get any more specific.

One of the places in which he is not very domly is that he can't imagine himself in an unequally balanced relationship (in terms of power). So we might have a long way to go

But last night he called and expressed some actual interest, so I figured I should help introduce him.

One thing to keep in mind........there is a HUGE difference between being interested in the kinky activities and being 'a dominant', in the context we often think of that term being used.

A lot of people, even some of those horrid vanilla sorts, get into some sort of 'kinky fun'. Far lesser in numbers are the people that actually want a power exchange relationship.

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Post #: 42

RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 1:52:08 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

Well, I might end up getting back together with him. I'm in a position where it's either all vanilla or train someone in the kink.

Are you forbidden from going out?

LadyPact did say there was a group in Bakersfield. She might know if there is a TNG munch as well, or there might be enough interest to begin one.

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 1:52:45 PM

Glasgow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear

And now I've got to ask, why would you let someone collar you and know you won't be able to see him for 2 years???? That just doesn't make sense to me.

As to being abstinent, that's your choice to make. You either consider this guy "master" or you don't. I lived with a so-called dom for a year then kept going out with him for another 3, not once did we have sex, nor did he touch me. I stayed abstinent because I was with him and considered him my Dom. I finally broke it off when I'd had enough of no attention and no affection. He was just a momma's boy who needed someone to take care of him in return for nothing.

So make up your mind, you keep the collar and you're his, or you go for the ex and try to make him a domly dom as you put it. Deciding to be a dom isn't something one does. You either have it or you don't. Yes, there are lessons to be learned, things to learn, the whole gamut.

OOOOO, 'Nuff said. Make up your mind and decide once and for all what YOU want.

Thank muchly Tigger, but a bit off topic :)

At the time, I didn't know I would be unable to see him. I highly doubt I would have consented if I knew that was the last time I could see him.

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 1:55:08 PM

Glasgow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

Well, I might end up getting back together with him. I'm in a position where it's either all vanilla or train someone in the kink.

Are you forbidden from going out?

LadyPact did say there was a group in Bakersfield. She might know if there is a TNG munch as well, or there might be enough interest to begin one.

I'm not forbidden from going out at all. But considering my parents check the mileage and occasionally follow me to places... I don't think it's such a good idea.

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 2:09:36 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

Well, I might end up getting back together with him. I'm in a position where it's either all vanilla or train someone in the kink.

Are you forbidden from going out?

LadyPact did say there was a group in Bakersfield. She might know if there is a TNG munch as well, or there might be enough interest to begin one.

I'm not forbidden from going out at all. But considering my parents check the mileage and occasionally follow me to places... I don't think it's such a good idea.

This sounds antagonistic and it isn't meant that way.

Training someone would be so that your parents would not know... and if they are forbidding you from attending BDSM activities, that means you would be sneaking around... ?

If you are allowed to socialize, a munch is usually a lunch or dinner held in a vanilla setting like a public restaurant. If your ex-Master goes, then I can see why you would want to skip it. But if the transformation of your vanilla ex into a Dom doesn't trip your parental: their house; their rules meter, I am not sure how going to dinner would.

I would however look it up on your own and leave LadyPact out of it.

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Post #: 46

RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 2:19:48 PM

Glasgow

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quote:

This sounds antagonistic and it isn't meant that way.

Training someone would be so that your parents would not know... and if they are forbidding you from attending BDSM activities, that means you would be sneaking around... ?

If you are allowed to socialize, a munch is usually a lunch or dinner held in a vanilla setting like a public restaurant. If your ex-Master goes, then I can see why you would want to skip it. But if the transformation of your vanilla ex into a Dom doesn't trip your parental: their house; their rules meter, I am not sure how going to dinner would.

I would however look it up on your own and leave LadyPact out of it.

Well, I'm pretty sure I can keep this a secret. Other things, not so much

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 3:18:19 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

quote:

ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear

<snip>

And now I've got to ask, why would you let someone collar you and know you won't be able to see him for 2 years???? That just doesn't make sense to me.

So make up your mind, you keep the collar and you're his, or you go for the ex and try to make him a domly dom as you put it. Deciding to be a dom isn't something one does. You either have it or you don't. Yes, there are lessons to be learned, things to learn, the whole gamut.

OOOOO, 'Nuff said. Make up your mind and decide once and for all what YOU want.

Thank muchly Tigger, but a bit off topic :)

At the time, I didn't know I would be unable to see him. I highly doubt I would have consented if I knew that was the last time I could see him.

Well, now you know it's going to be 2 years. Two choices, you hand back the collar and tell him to wait that time and see where you both are or you keep it and all the responsibility that goes with it. IMHO, if you're old enough to accept the collar, you're old enough to decide what's best for you and this Master.

ETA: As a btw, I belong to Tigger, so please call me poohbear. Thanks.

< Message edited by tiggerspoohbear -- 8/2/2010 3:20:41 PM >

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 3:28:10 PM

Aileen1968

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I feel so normal now...

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 4:38:56 PM

texangael

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quote:

Well, I'm pretty sure I can keep this a secret. Other things, not so much

I'm pretty sure this is not going to end well for you.

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 6:07:38 PM

Twoshoes

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First of all, you don't have to wait that long if you don't need your parents to guide your life anymore. You can go live with a roommate, cousins your age or even your grandmother (she'll enjoy the company). If you handle it maturely enough your parents might even be willing to help you financially abit, especially if you're studying. Plus parents need more alone time in the house to get reacquainted with the furniture.

Second of all, I don't know your ex-boyfriend, but as someone who's had plenty of positive female influences so far in life and who has known about bdsm since the ago of 13, I've felt bad because "I think women and men should be in equal relationships" like your ex. There's many D/s dynamics anyway. Could just be limited to sexuality/intimacy with a occasional "Go apologize for being rude to your friend, right now." attitude readjustment. Being young, he probably wouldn't want to have to manage all of your life anyway. (Neither would I, I'm 22.) Cause with control comes the annoying thing that is responsability.

If he just wants to fuck you, he'd just be like any other 20 year old guy you've met. Except those pesky physics students who want to fuck the entire universe instead.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/2/2010 6:16:08 PM >

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/3/2010 12:19:59 AM

sunshinemiss

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Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. What a train wreck. You can keep this secret. Wow. Just fricking wow.

Go have some fun. Get to the library and study. Geesh. Give him a book and then go perm your hair or something.
sunshine

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RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/3/2010 12:25:48 AM

TheRaptorJesus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow
You know I love you laurel, but that is so not the point. The point of the thread is how to introduce someone into being a domly-dom.
You get them around someone you personally identify as a "domly dom" and you see if any of it sticks. Without knowing more about the exact places he wasn't domly enough (in your eyes) it'd be hard to get any more specific.

One of the places in which he is not very domly is that he can't imagine himself in an unequally balanced relationship (in terms of power). So we might have a long way to go

But last night he called and expressed some actual interest, so I figured I should help introduce him.

Just judging from your posts, I don't think you would actually want a constantly unequally balanced relationship.

The idea may make you moist in all the right places, but it seems like if you ended up living with someone who tried to push the issue and you know... enforce the whole "you iz property" thing that causes the aforementioned moisture, the whole thing may be less desirable.

At this age, stick to being a bedroom slave. It'll be more gratifying and more realistically sustainable.

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